yeah i watched this episode in my office. i had to shut the door because i had tears running down my face while i let what she said sink in.

i have gone through tremendous personal growth over the last 4 years. i was raised conservative, my parents weren't necessarily, explicitly racist, but had the typical fear of "rough neighborhoods" that your average middle-class white people in the South have. For years i was under the impression that liberals and Democrats were trying to dominate and control Americans, that being against military retribution somehow made you "less patriotic," and that the flag and the military are to be respected at all times.

So when Trump came along in 2015-2016, i was all-in. I thought it was awesome that someone who "didnt care about what people thought about him" was running for president. I loved the Drain The Swamp narrative. I even posted in the_Donald some. But even before he was inaugurated, it became clear that he was already backing out of campaign promises. He was filling his cabinet with people that were unqualified, or worse, people who were easily bought.

then the antics only picked up. when he was running, so many Conservatives who were rubbed the wrong way by his tweets and comments were assured that it was only a charade to get himself in, and then it would calm down. it only increased. over the next year, watching this institution that i was told to respect, no matter what, turn into a global laughing stock started getting me to question my actual fundamental beliefs. I have adopted an approach of putting myself into people's shoes, and thinking about "what if it was me? my wife? my kids? how would i react? how would i vote if this issue directly impacted my family?"

This year in particular has really opened my eyes about what the priorities of the Republican party are, between COVID and the economy, and now this. During this, we have a President actively emulating the worst war criminal in history with his rhetoric, and the GOP and conservatives are completely ok with it.

My father literally said to me the other day that he would be voting for Trump again because the economy will be better. I asked how many people in Germany wished they wouldve listened to the rest of Hitler's ideologies instead of voting for just the parts where he promised the most prosperous version of Germany in history.

and that brings me back to this woman in the video. that absolutely broke my heart. I've tried (at least i thought i was trying) for the last few years, to really tried to put myself in the shoes of folks affected by police brutality, but this is what finally broke me. ive been angry for the last 2 weeks, but now im just sitting here, trying to not cry again as i try to finish this comment, wondering how we got here. how have we let this go on for so long? i was taught the Civil Rights Movement was the end of it, but here we sit in 2020 with the only change being that Jim Crow laws and segregation laws don't "officially" exist anymore. Im sitting here broken hearted over the clear and obvious fact that the America i was raised to believe in, not only doesnt exist, but never did.

I would ask for patience with white people who still don't get it, but i don't understand how anyone with eyes and compassion could get to where we are now, the absolute climax of racial protesting in this country, and not see it. at this point, if you can't listen to these people, and hear their stories, and hear their anger, and hear their pleas, then you are making a conscious choice to ignore it. You will be on the wrong side of history if you don't make a conscious effort to be compassionate and open your heart to a group of people who have suffered for 400 years.