Edinburgh (i/ˈɛdɪnbʌrə/ ED-in-burr-ə; Scottish Gaelic: Dùn Èideann) is the capital city of Scotland and the seat of the Scottish Parliament. It is the second largest city in Scotland and the seventh most populous in the United Kingdom. The City of Edinburgh Council governs one of Scotland's 32 local government council areas. The council area includes urban Edinburgh and a 30 square miles (78 km2) rural area. Located in the south-east of Scotland, Edinburgh lies on the east coast of the Central Belt, along the Firth of Forth, near the North Sea.
The city was one of the historical major centres of the Enlightenment, led by the University of Edinburgh, helping to earn it the nickname Athens of the North. The Old Town and New Town districts of Edinburgh were listed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 1995 in recognition of the unique character of the Medieval Old Town and the planned Georgian New Town. It covers both the Old and New Towns together with the Dean Village and the Calton Hill areas. There are over 4,500 listed buildings within the city. In May 2010, it had a total of 40 conservation areas covering 23% of the building stock and 23% of the population, the highest such ratios of any major city in the UK. In the 2011 mid-year population estimates, Edinburgh had a total resident population of 495,360.
Douglas Gene "Doug" Stanhope (born March 25, 1967) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and author known for his on-stage drinking and abrasive comedy routines.
Stanhope quit high school after his freshman year. His comedy career began in 1990 in Las Vegas.
Stanhope has made appearances at several major comedy festivals, including the Montreal Just For Laughs, US Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen, Colorado, the Chicago Comedy Festival and the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in Scotland, where he won the Strathmore Press Award in 2002.
Stanhope was the winner of the 1995 San Francisco International Comedy Competition where he edged out notable comedic actor Dane Cook in a three-week contest. He's appeared in dozens of national and international standup comedy television specials. He claims that his appearance on the BBC television show, Live Floor Show, (broadcast March 20, 2003) was fueled by "ecstasy". According to Stanhope, "TV is just for the money; live performance is where it’s at."
In 2003 and 2004, Stanhope co-hosted the fifth and sixth seasons of The Man Show with Joe Rogan.
Plot
This swash-buckling tale follows the quest of Captain Jack Sparrow, a savvy pirate, and Will Turner, a resourceful blacksmith, as they search for Elizabeth Swann. Elizabeth, the daughter of the governor and the love of Will's life, has been kidnapped by the feared Captain Barbossa. Little do they know, but the fierce and clever Barbossa has been cursed. He, along with his large crew, are under an ancient curse, doomed for eternity to neither live, nor die. That is, unless a blood sacrifice is made.
Keywords: 1700s, 18th-century, anchor, anti-hero, apple, army, arrest, attack, backhand-slap, bar-brawl
Prepare to be blown out of the water.
Over 3000 Islands of Paradise -- For Some it's A Blessing -- For Others... It's A Curse.
Elizabeth: Captain Barbossa , I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against Port Royal .::Barbossa: There are a lot of long words in there, Miss; we're naught but humble pirates. What is it that you want?::Elizabeth: I want you to leave and never come back.::Barbossa: I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means "no".::Elizabeth: Very well. I'll drop it. [dangles medallion over the sea]::Barbossa: Me holds are burstin' with swag. That bit of shine matters to us? Why?::Elizabeth: It's what you've been searching for. I recognized the ship. I saw it eight years ago on the crossing from England .::Barbossa: Did ya, now?::Elizabeth: Fine. Well, I suppose if it is worthless then there's no point in me keeping it. [it drops a bit, the pirates lunge forward]::Barbossa: No! Ah. [chuckles] You have a name, Missy?::Elizabeth: Elizabeth... Turner. I'm a maid in the Governor's household.::Barbossa: Miss Turner...? [turns to face the pirates]::Pintel: Bootstrap.::Barbossa: And how does a maid come to own a trinket such as that? Family heirloom, perhaps?::Elizabeth: I didn't steal it, if that's what you mean.::Barbossa: Very well, you hand it over and we'll put your town to our rudder and ne'er return.::Elizabeth: [she hands it over] Our bargain? [Barbossa walks away from her]::Bo'sun: Still the guns and stow 'em, Signal the men, set the flags and make good to clear port.::Elizabeth: Wait! You have to take me to shore. According to the Code of the Order of the Brethren...::Barbossa: First, your return to shore was not part of our negotiations nor our agreement so I must do nothing. And secondly, you must be a pirate for the pirate's code to apply and you're not. And thirdly, the code is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules. Welcome aboard the Black Pearl, Miss Turner .
Barbossa: You're supposed to be dead!::Jack Sparrow: Am I not?
Murtogg: This dock is off-limits to civilians.::Jack Sparrow: I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know. If I see one, I shall inform you immediately.::[Jack makes to continue but is blocked by Murtogg and Mullroy]::Jack Sparrow: Apparently there's some sort of high-toned and fancy to-do up at the fort, eh? How could it be that two upstanding gentlemen, such as yourselves, did not merit an invitation?::Murtogg: Someone's got to make sure that this dock stays off-limits to civilians.::Jack Sparrow: It's a fine goal, to be sure. But it seems to me... that a ship like that one, makes this one here seem a bit superfluous, really.::Murtogg: Oh, the Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough. But there's no ship as can match the Interceptor for speed.::Jack Sparrow: I've heard of one, supposed to be very fast, nigh uncatchable: The Black Pearl.::Mullroy: Well, there's no real ship as can match the Interceptor.::Murtogg: The Black Pearl is a real ship.::Mullroy: No, it's not.::Murtogg: Yes it is, I've seen it.::Mullroy: You've seen it?::Murtogg: Yes.::Mullroy: You haven't seen it.::Murtogg: Yes, I have.::Mullroy: You've seen a ship with black sails that's crewed by the damned, and captained by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out?::Murtogg: No.::Mullroy: No.::Murtogg: But I have seen a ship with black sails.::[Jack quietly slips passed them unnoticed]::Mullroy: Oh, and no ship that's not crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out could possibly have black sails, therefore couldn't possibly be any other ship than the Black Pearl. Is that what you're telling me?::Murtogg: [nods] No.::Mullroy: Like I said, there's no real ship as can match the Interceptor.
[the other prisoners are whistling and calling for the dog with the keys in his mouth]::Jack Sparrow: You can keep doing that forever, the dog is NEVER going to move.::Seedy Looking Prisoner: Well excuse me if we haven't resorted ourselves to the gallows just yet.
Murtogg: What we doin' 'ere?::Mullroy: The pirates come out, unprepared and unawares. We catch 'em in a crossfire... send 'em down to see Old Hob.::Murtogg: I know *why* we're here. I mean, why aren't we doin' what - what Mr. Sparrow said? With the cannons and all?::Norrington: Because it was Mr. Sparrow who said it.::Murtogg: [short pause; he turns to Mullroy] You don't think 'e was tellin' the truth?
Pintel: [Pintel and Ragetti burst into the room] We know you're here, Poppet.::Ragetti: Poppet.::Pintel: Come out... and we promise we won't hurt you.::Ragetti: Eh?::Pintel: [smiles at Ragetti] We will find you, Poppet. You've got something of ours, and it calls to us. The gold calls to us.::Ragetti: Gold calls...::Pintel: [opens door of the closet] 'Ello, Poppet.::Elizabeth: Parlay!::Ragetti: What?::Elizabeth: Parlay. I invoke the right of parlay. According to the Code of the brethren, set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew , you have to take me to your Captain.::Pintel: I know the code.::Elizabeth: If an adversary demands parlay you can do them no harm until the parlay is complete.::Ragetti: To blazes with the code.::Pintel: She wants to be taken to the Captain. And she'll go without a fuss. We must honor the Code.
Will Turner: Barbossa, you lying bastard! You swore she'd go free!::Barbossa: Don't dare impugn me honor, boy! I agreed she go free, but it was you who failed to specify when or where. Though it does seem a shame to lose somethin' so fine, don't it, lads?::The Crew: Aye.::Barbossa: So I'll be havin' that dress back before ye go.::Jack Sparrow: I always liked you.::Bo'sun: Grr...::Elizabeth: Goes with your black heart.::Barbossa: Ooh, it's still warm.::The Crew: Off you go! Come on! Get on with it!::Bo'sun: Too long!::Jack Sparrow: I really rather hoped we were past all this.::Barbossa: Jack... Jack! Did you not notice? That be the same island we made you the governor of on our last little trip.::Jack Sparrow: I did notice.::Barbossa: Perhaps you'll conjure up another miraculous escape, but I doubt it. Off you go.::Jack Sparrow: The last time you left me a pistol with one shot.::Barbossa: By the powers, you're right. Where be Jack's pistol? Bring it forward.::Jack Sparrow: Seeing as there's two of us, a gentleman would give us a pair of pistols.::Barbossa: It'll be one pistol as before, and you can be the gentleman and shoot the lady; and starve to death yourself.
Barbossa: For too long I've been parched of thirst and unable to quench it. Too long I've been starving to death and haven't died. I feel nothing. Not the wind on my face nor the spray of the sea. Nor the warmth of a woman's flesh.::[steps into moonlight becoming a skeleton]::Barbossa: You best start believing in ghost stories, Miss Turner... you're in one!
Grapple: Say goodbye.::[a sign swings down and hits Grapple through a shop window]::Will Turner: Goodbye.
Town Clerk: Jack Sparrow.::Jack Sparrow: Captain... Captain Jack Sparrow.::Town Clerk: ...for your willful commission of crime against the crown. Those crimes being numerous in quantity and sinister in nature...::Elizabeth: This is wrong...::Governor Swann: Commodore Norrington is bound by the law, as are we all.::Town Clerk: ...impersonating an officer of the Royal Navy; impersonating a clergy of the Church of England...::Jack Sparrow: Oh yeah, heh heh::Town Clerk: ...arson; kidnapping; perjury; piracy; pilfering; deprivation of a Federal Loyalist. For these crimes you will be hung by the neck until dead. May God have mercy on your soul.
Edna Burgoo wore a shoe size No 10
When the roll was called that fall and class was ready to begin
She was five feet nine and showin' signs of growin' still some more
Every time she'd sit down she bump her knees and knock her pencils on the floor
There was one old gripy teacher in the bunch
Picked on Edna for everything from books to the baloney in her lunch
And Edna's temper every day was growin' mighty thin
So to avoid the clash she changed her class took up gym when basketball begin
Now the forward on our team was Mabel Earl
She refused to let her couch replace her with this big new girl
So Edna won the bench while we moaned and groaned as Mabel failed to score
Now I can't say who done it but at the half someone helped Mabel break her toe
Now the action sure got fast that second half
With Mabel out Edna came on strong to bring the hometeam back
There was no way that ball could miss when Edna raised her feet
And when a mighty throw put it through the hook
The crowd came screaming off their seats
Our strappy little guard was Emma Jean
No sooner the ball would miss the hook then she'd steal it for our team
Edna threw the goal so fast the lights couldn't keep up with the score
And a halftime 80:17 climbed all the way to read 90:84
Two minutes left showed on the scoreboard clock
Edna and Emma Jean were sweatin' like cotton hands on the dock
With seconds left a faster playin' just about splattered our minds
For Edna had two free shots coming and the score was 90:89
When Edna Burgoo put her tootsies on the mark
Everybody in that place got so quiet it hurt my heart
She bounced the ball on her fingertips and then she hit the spot
It was 90:90 but nobody moved and she steadied her knees for that second shot
Made no difference if her shoe was No 10
We were pullin' for her to make the mark and let our hometeam win
Then the hats flew high and the crowd went wild when Edna's shot was done