ceilingfan5:

congratulations to my 500 followers giveaway winner @terezis, who asked for “alien taako accidentally kidnaps kravitz”

and thanks to everyone who participated!!! 

“Where the hell are you going at this hour?” Kravitz’s roommate Sloane asks, looking up from the egregious snuggling she’s got going on with her girlfriend. On Kravitz’s couch, no less. 

“Didn’t you see that light? I have to go investigate! It could be- It could be any number of things! A meteor, a spatial anomaly, maybe even a-”

“Helicopter?” Sloane’s voice is dryer than the toast he had for dinner. Kravitz doesn’t let it dampen his mood. 

“It could be something truly mysterious, and I can’t abide letting well enough alone.”

“You never can,” she sighs. “Well, be safe out there. Don’t forget your keys.”

“Mhm,” Kravitz says, jamming his feet into mismatched shoes. “Don’t wait up for me.”

“Super won’t, so don’t die or get kidnapped or whatever.”

“I’ll be perfectly fine!” 

And Kravitz, who has no sense of predilection or self-preservation, thunders down the stairs and out into the streets with his fifty dollar flashlight and a passionately misplaced sense of adventure. 

He startles a few street cats, coos at a racoon, trips over trash, and just past the apartment complex, he spots it again. That powerful blue glow. It’s in the wrong direction for some kind of event or party–it’s closer to the farms at the edge of town than it is anything that ought to be blue in the middle of the night. And then, as Kravitz gets closer, he hears a hum, a soft, thrumming, nearly musical hum, and he sees it, he fucking sees it-

A spaceship. 

He cackles in unbridled validated glee and then slaps his hands over his mouth, dropping his fancy flashlight with all the lumens money can buy, reflecting on its way to the ground in three pairs of glowing gold eyes and a mouthful of sharp, sharp teeth. 

Something like a cross between static electricity and cement-hard water from doing a belly flop hits him, and he doesn’t see it anymore. 

He wakes up in a space so white that it’s blue, searing his eyes with the brightness. His whole body is sore, but in a heavy way that almost feels nice. He blinks slowly, his eyelids sticking like windshield wipers on an old car during the first snow of the season, and something–someone? humanoid appears in his hazy vision. They have four arms and a long, golden brown tail, gilded with a smattering of freckles that reflect in the light like the bottom of a river untouched for centuries, and then, those six frightening, beautiful eyes, staring right into Kravitz’s soul, blinking asymmetrically, and twice. A nictitating membrane. Bafflingly cool. Kravitz tries to sit up and his head protests dramatically, and the figure swears–in English. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, what am I going to- how am I going to explain this- shit, shit, shit- Don’t do that, lay down, stupid adorable creature…” Two of those four hands gently press on his chest and he lays back down, mouth hanging open. 

“Who are you?” he asks, even though he could have opened with any number of questions, perhaps namely what do you want with me? 

“Oh, fuck, is my translator working? That’s a bonus. Oh, ancient skies, what a fucking mess…I can’t believe I- I’m going to be in so much trouble-”

“Because I saw you?”

“Well- yes, and also because I stunned you, and brought you aboard, which, believe it or not, has exacerbated- that’s a weird word, why is your language like this?–It’s made shit so much worse, because I’m dumb as hell and twice as fired. If not executed.” 

“Can I look around?”

“Babe, your listening comprehension isn’t great, is it? I’m gonna be in so much trouble for you even catching a glimpse of this- motherfucker, I should have stuck to cows, cows are classic, can’t go wrong with cows-” The alien, because, that’s- this person has to be an alien, there’s no other way, the set is too expensive and complete, the technology glittering at the edge of his vision is too complex, the makeup team would have to be intense?? The alien wrings two of their hands, and then the other two, fidgeting nervously. They pick grass off of Kravitz in a way that’s almost affectionate, and Kravitz has a hard time compiling all the facts, here.

“What’s your name?”  

“Taako,” Taako says, absolutely miserable. “But you shouldn’t know that. I should put you back–or kill you–but I don’t know if I can, I mean, look at you! Four little limbs and two little eyes! And you’re so curious and…cute.”

“You’re not so bad yourself.” Kravitz can’t help it. He’s always wanted to kiss an alien, and, presented with the road to that opportunity, he finds himself taking it with no hesitation. “What can I do to get you to not kill me today?”

“I could wipe your memory, I guess…”

“Not ideal.”

“Not ideal, no, it does sort of tangle all your business up there a little.” Taako frowns, which is a very strange thing to see a person with six eyes do. His lips are purple and they look…incredibly kissable, even drawn up in a frustrated little bow. Kravitz had probably better focused on not getting lobotomized, but he’s as gay as he is a nerd, so he always would have been fucked in a situation like this. 

“Maybe, uh, maybe,” he says, casting about for a solution, any solution. “Um, what, why are you here? What’s going on with the, the cows?“ 

"Well, we’re studying your planet, obviously?” Taako walks away from Kravitz, pacing anxiously, and Kravitz takes the chance to sit up. It makes his mouth go dry and his head even more cottony, but he blinks blearily at Taako and smiles a little. “We’re trying to learn how things work, how your society works, you know, see if you guys can handle the real shit, see if- You’ve got these incredible bonds, and I mean, my home sort of has those, but it’s not the same, and- it would be real powerful if we could bring that kind of thing home.”

“Guess you’re not finding those bonds in cows, huh?” Kravitz has his out, and it’s a good one. He can’t stop grinning. He hopes Taako doesn’t think it’s a threat display. “Well, if I promise not to tell anyone about you, and you promise not to tell anyone about me, I could tell you some hot Earth facts, anything you want to know?" 

Taako bites his lip, folding both pairs of arms and pausing his pacing, and he looks at Kravitz, incredibly tempted.

"Anything?" 

"Anything. And if I don’t know it, I’ll look it up.” Kravitz holds up his phone, and the reflection of it glints in Taako’s huge, hungry eyes. He grabs it and turns it on. 

“Oh this is good, this is very, very good. But-" 

"But you wanted to know about bonds, right?" 

"Right. And I promise I’m not trying to pry, but you keep thinking about kissing? And I want to know what that is." 

Kravitz swallow hard, knocked on his ass twofold. Taako can read his thoughts? Taako wants to kiss him???

"I can show you how, if you want,” Kravitz says, embarrassed but also thrilled beyond all recognition. “Unless you think you’re, you know, poisonous to me, or something-”

“It’s probably fine?”

“It’s probably fine!!" 

Taako walks over to him, tail flicking anxiously behind him. He’s beautiful. Kravitz has finally met an alien, and he’s beautiful. 

"We just- with our mouths?" 

"Exactly, just. Do what feels right." 

"Okay, I can, I can do that. And nobody is going to know, nobody will find out, it’s fine-" 

Kravitz kisses him and Taako kisses back, sloppy and awkward and wonderful and Kravitz grabs the lapels of his uniform and pulls him closer and Taako makes a happy little trill and all six of his eyes flutter closed. 

They pull back to breathe, Taako panting a little, and he looks at Kravitz and nods. 

"I’m not going to kill you. Or. Scramble you, or whatever." 

"Nice,” Kravitz says, grinning like an absolute idiot. “Can I tell you all the cool things I know about Earth?" 

"Maybe one more kiss. Or five. Can I have ten? Ten seems like a good number. Fuck, this is way better than cows!”

“I should hope so!” Kravitz laughs.