I admit it, I felt sorry for Barnaby Joyce
He loves the people of the land, even as he seems to struggle with the idea that anybody who has not stepped out of a Steele Rudd novel could even be Australian.
Blunt Instrument - by John Birmingham
Even Abbott would be a better PM than Turnbull on same-sex marriage
As on pretty much everything, Tony Abbott would be wrong on same-sex marriage, but he would be wrong with sincere conviction.
Seriously, why are we giving Foxtel $30 million?
It seems odd that the story of the undocumented grant to Foxtel is going to recede into the fog of winter.
Toddies and bacon: the manflu struggle is real
By the time you read this I will have manflu.
Cry me a River (Song): Doctor Who brings out the manbabies
If giant manbabies are crying for the waaaaamblance then all is good with the world. And yesterday they cried a river.
You don't have to drink it to give a XXXX about the brew from Milton
I'm guessing the workers at the brewery no longer get a freebie six-pack at the end of a shift.
I've worked my buns off to find Brisbane's best burger joint
I've inhaled the double cheeseburger at Miss Kay's, gotta Getta Burger, breakfasted on Ben's, and been to 5 Boroughs in both boroughs.
The best man I've ever known has let go of this world
He was born to the working class in a time when that meant knowing your place and never rising above it. He rose above it.
Spirited Andrew Bolt puts his attackers to shame
So, I made a mistake. You could even say I was wr… wro… less right than usual.
Keep calm and carry that pint away for some peace
He speaks, or rather walks and carefully minds what's left of his beer, for all of us who are pretty much over this.
Black lung: The proof we have failed our coal miners
This is what failure looks like. Men coughing their lungs out in dark, viscous blots of toxic meat rot.
Twin Peaks' opening notes bring back a forgotten time
The last time I watched a new series of Twin Peaks I lived in a share house in Darlinghurst.
Why I deleted my Facebook and Twitter apps
So, I deleted all the social media apps from my phone. I think my life is better without them. Before you protest, "But JB, I just saw that photograph of a black cat dressed as Darth Vader that you shared," I didn't delete my accounts. Just the apps on my phone and, for good measure, my iPad. Having done so, I feel a lot less stressed and I'd like to talk to you about why.
Good debt and the Coalition's great budget swindle
I've renamed my mortgage "good debt" and I feel richer already.
We can do better than a parade and national day of 'Goodonyermate'
War is over yet dozens of soldiers and former soldiers continue to fall, depressed and alone.
What would science know about making tea?
You expect us to take the word of a scientist about how to drink tea? I think not.
John Clarke: Gone to the great farnarkling grommet in the sky
The veteran broadcaster was not just the voice of the national sport, but a much loved ambassador to the powerhouses of the perfect game as far away as Bad Odursburg and Middlefart.
I, for one, do not welcome our new arachnid overlords
A new poll has discovered that 49 per cent of sensible adults who answer my polls on Twitter think huntsman spiders will definitely kill us all, while 51 per cent of respondents are gullible idiots destined to die screaming as the human pudding sacks of these gigantic, horrifying arachnassassins.
Only selfish idiots stay to look a cyclone in the eye, and we're fools for watching them
We love these idiots. We, the media. You, our readers and viewers.
Teen who braved the crocs for his crush almost made me choke up my spider
Like everyone, when I first heard this story I thought him a massive idiot. But most of the coverage failed to mention that he jumped in not simply as a dare but, most crucially, to impress a girl.
Bibles, beer, two blokes in blue suits and the seven minutes I'll never get back
Maybe it was just my Twitter. Maybe this didn't break out anywhere else, but it did break out all over my timeline.
Ten years of wielding a blunt instrument
Bill Gates once said that people tend to overestimate what's possible in one year, and underestimate what's possible in 10. He was talking about technology, but think about your life 10 years ago and you'll probably agree that the super-nerd spoke the truth. I wrote my welcome column here at the Instrument 10 years ago today. I've filed just under a thousand times since then.
Don't blame Tinder, blokes are too broke for brothels
Calm down, concerned Brisbane brothel owners. You've got bigger problems than Tinder.
It may be a naff, glorified food court, but Jo-Jo's deserves its place in Brisbane's culinary history
The food is banal. The cocktails are boring. Jo-Jo's probably won't be missed but she should be remembered.
Old king coal will still be fiddling with his lump as the world burns
At least while Rome was burning Nero merely played with his stupid fiddle.
Bernardi watched Trump thump the establishment and learnt nothing
Cory Bernardi is no Donald Trump. Say what you will about Hair Gropenführer, he at least had an economic message.
Trump shuts down borders and Turnbull sits right on the fence
When heads of state around the world were condemning Trump's de facto Muslim ban, Malcolm Turnbull insisted it wasn't his job to.
Going goose-stepping? Roll with the punches
Somebody goes and punches a Nazi, conveniently standing in front of a television camera, and all of a sudden nobody knows anything any more.
Outsider Pauline out-trolls Turnbull government to gain Trump invitation
How good is Pauline Hanson's trolling game? Way better than the government's, and that's saying something.
Ley claims are small change next to Centrelink debt shambles
The money Christian Porter is chasing from former welfare recipients is the same money that Sussan Ley spent catching flights when she accidentally bought her Gold Coast apartment. Public money.