Ray Carr

My Story

My story starts some twenty years ago. I can always remember that my father and mother were always willing to help others, so I think I inherited this gene from my parents.

My volunteering role began quite by accident.

I remember it was Mother's Day I was on my way to visit my now late mother when I went past a retirement home. Sitting out the front looking very lonely was a lady similar in appearance to my mother, and I thought that no one should be alone on Mother’s Day. So I turned my car around and went back.

I got out of the car and approached the lady in question. I asked her if she was waiting for her family and she replied ‘my family never visits me’. I then asked for her name and, strangely, it was Mary, the same as my Mother. I then explained to Mary that I would be back in about fifteen minutes. I went to the local shop and bought her a big bunch of flowers and took it back and wished her a Happy Mother’s Day. Mary cried with thanks. We sat for an hour and talked about our families, shared stories of joy and sadness. I suddenly realised I needed to head off on my original journey, to visit my own mother. I arrived at my mother’s house and apologised for being late and explained why. My mother also cried, and was proud of me as she thought that was a lovely thing to do on such a special day.

I continued to visit Mary at the home every Sunday for the next two years. I arrived one Sunday to visit only to be informed she had passed away the night before.

Over the next few years I continued to volunteer for various organisations.

In 1991 I suffered an illness which led me to hospital for 8 weeks, only to find out I had MS. As the years went on I learnt to cope with my own disability while still volunteering. 1996 I suffered a heart attack. In 1991, I suffered the first of a series of minor and major strokes. In Easter of 2000 I had a major stroke. I was informed that walking and talking was something of the past and I would never do these properly again. But, with perseverance and alot of help from Sunshine hospital and my family I set a goal for myself, and that was to walk my daughter down the aisle and give the fatherly speech at her wedding. So we worked hard and in a matter of months I was able to walk and talk again!

Over the next years I declined rapidly, more so after my doctor told me that I only had two years to live, so with that I gave up on everything, even my volunteering. At the lowest of lows my doctor’s advice was go and have the best quality of life for the time I had left.

Getting involved with VAC/GMHC

I was looking through the local paper and found an advertisement for the Victorian AIDS Council / Gay Men's Health Centre and thought, this is stupid - I’m sitting in this chair dying, not doing anything. I looked deep inside and asked myself if I only had two years left, how would I be most proud of myself spending them? I thought, I have always helped people, so why should I stop now? I’m not dead yet. The very next day I made an appointment at VAC/GMHC and was interviewed by a chap named Shane. He took all my details and told me he would be in contact. A week later I was off to the PLC and interviewed by a chap named Campbell, we spoke for half an hour and he then welcomed me aboard as a Volunteer Driver for the Community Support Team.

Little did they know how low I had been. I can only say that the 2 years that I have been with VAC/GMHC have been the only thing that has stopped me from sitting in that chair and letting go.

Staff at the PLC have told me that I have helped so many people, but it’s amazing how those people I have helped have done so much for me in return, just by letting me be there.

My biggest thanks goes to those at the PLC - staff and clients - as they saved me from myself. My life is amazing now, I have a great network of people around me. I jump out of bed every day with excitement about what the day may bring.

To all the people I have helped, I would also like to say thank you as you have helped me too.

I therefore think that if we give ourselves a couple of hours a fortnight to help someone else, the world would be a less lonely place.

So do what I did and get out of that chair! Or if you can, get someone else out of their chair and give them something to look forward to every day.

I have now become the ‘little ray of sunshine’ at the PLC.

Ray Carr