Dealing with late-night visits from your child

Your child has been sleeping through for some time but suddenly they’ve started waking in the night and coming into your room. This might not be a problem if they’re happy to just climb into your bed and don’t disturb you too much. But, if neither of you can get back to sleep, your toddler’s night-time waking can cause problems for both of you, especially if there’s something else going on that’s causing it. Here’s why your child might be coming into your room at night-time and how to cope with it.

Why is my child waking up at night ?

It's a question many bleary-eyed parents ask themselves, especially if their toddler or preschooler has been sleeping well before a period of waking at night. However, it’s quite common. In fact, around one in four parents say their under-fives wake during the night (NCT 2022). Here are just a few things that can prompt a late night, or early morning, visit from your child:

• nightmares (NCT 2022)
• being hungry or thirsty (NCT 2022)
• being afraid of the dark
• being too cold, or too hot
• feeling poorly (NCT 2022)
• needing a nappy change or a visit to the loo (NCT 2022)
• being over-tired (NCT 2022)
• teething (NCT 2022)
• changes to their daily routine
• separation anxiety

How can I help my child sleep through the night?

Not all parents mind having a late-night visitor. If your bed is big enough, and your child sleeps soundly once they’re in bed with you, it may simply be a case of lifting the duvet and letting them climb in. However, if your child’s visits are regularly disturbing sleep for all of you, then it may be time to nip it in the bud. The following tips should help get you back on track.

Go back to basics with a consistent bedtime routine

As your child gets older, it may be tempting to lose the bedtime bath, story, or lullaby. However, a consistent bedtime routine every night, with a set start and end time, has been shown to improve sleep quality (NCT 2022).

Doing the same predictable things, at the same predictable time, every night, helps to settle and comfort your little one (NHS 2020). And it’s a wonderful opportunity for some snuggles too.

The light from laptops, mobile phones and tablet screens can interfere with your child’s sleep (NHS 2020). That’s why experts suggest children avoid screens for an hour before bedtime (RCPCH 2019). Quiet activities that don’t involve a screen, such as relaxing puzzles, reading, or a massage can help your little one wind down for the night.

Anticipate the things that may wake your child

It may seem obvious, but if your child wakes every night saying "I’m thirsty", why not leave a cup of water by their bed? Or if they’re often hungry in the middle of the night, you could try giving them a bowl of cereal and milk before they brush their teeth (NHS 2020).

If your little one is afraid of the dark, think about installing a night-light, or leaving the landing light on and their door open (NHS 2020). If they complain their new toddler bed is too big, why not let them go back to their cot for a while (NCT 2022)?

Think about your child’s daily routine, including naps

Is your little one still enjoying a nap or two during the day? It may be time to cut back a nap, or shorten how long they nap for. All children are different when it comes to nap times so only you and your child can judge this. Most children tend to drop naps when they’re ready. But if you think your little one simply isn’t tired enough at bedtime, it may be worth looking at their daytime sleeping schedule (NHS 2020). And make sure they don’t nap past 3pm either.

It may also help to know how much overall sleep your child needs by age, with our sleep and naps timeline. It shows how much sleep children typically need during the day and night, up until the age of three. We also have information on how much sleep preschoolers and older children need.

Giving your little one a full and active day with plenty of physical exercise can also help them to fall asleep faster, and stay asleep for longer during the night (Sleep Foundation 2022). So where you can, let them use up plenty of energy during the day. You’ll reap the rewards later on.

Keep your nighttime routine low key

Have a think about how much you interact with your child when they pop in for a visit. Do you chat to them, hold eye contact, give them a kiss and a cuddle, or even turn the light on? You could be inadvertently giving them a reason to pop in for another visit the next night, and the next, and the next.

Try to make their late-night routine as dull as possible. Keep lights low, or ideally off. Avoid eye contact, and don’t talk to them more than you have to. Simply guide them back to bed, tuck them in, and leave them to it. The more you do this, the sooner they’ll get the message that it’s simply not worth waking you up.

Reassure your little one

If your child has a nightmare, it’s important to reassure them that there’s nothing to be afraid of. You can do this by giving them a cuddle and letting them know it was just a bad dream and dreams aren’t real, although younger children may find this harder to understand.

Some parents comfort their child by making a great show of checking in the wardrobe, under the bed, and behind the door. However, you could inadvertently be signalling to your little one that their fears are real enough for you to take seriously.

Other tactics may include giving them a special soft toy ‘sleep partner’. You can either tell your little one that their new friend will protect them through the night, or that their sleep partner is a little scared and needs extra cuddles. Many children respond to both these approaches (Sleep Foundation 2022).

If your child has suddenly started having nightmares, find a relaxing time to talk to them about it. They could be upset about something a friend said to them at nursery, or about a change in their usual routine. Finding out what’s worrying them could help to address any nighttime fears (NHS 2018). A relaxing bedtime routine may also help (NHS 2018).

When you go to them at night, reassure them until they’re calm, comforted and no longer worried then try going back to bed, without waiting until they’re asleep. This may feel harsh, but staying with them until they fall asleep may mean that you need to do it every time they have a bad dream. This can even contribute to an increase in your little one waking up (Sleep Foundation 2022).

Offer incentives to stay in bed

Rewards can be a great way to encourage a resistant child to comply with the night time drill. Some parents frown on this method because they feel they're bribing their children. But learning to stay in your own bed is hard work, and it's OK to reward them for their efforts.

Or you could try giving them a sticker for each night they sleep in their own bed. When they collect four or five stickers, let them choose a special treat, such as a new colouring book or a trip to the park.

Use a sleep training clock

If your child is more of an early riser than a late-night visitor, why not invest in a sleep training clock? These clever devices use lights, happy faces, or sounds, to let your little one know when it’s OK to get up, and more importantly, when they need to stay in bed. They won’t work for every child, but some parents swear by them.

Compromise

If all else fails, and nothing you do seems to stop your little one’s midnight flits from their bed, maybe it’s time to compromise. If your bed isn’t big enough, think about putting a toddler bed, sleeping bag, or nap mat on the floor beside your bed. After a few nights or weeks on the floor, your child's own soft mattress may seem more appealing to them!

More sleep advice for preschoolers:

• Dealing with nightmares
• How to end bed-wetting
• How much sleep is enough?