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So yeah, the majority of you were right, they were having sex (I did think it sounded like it). They ate some hummus first, then put it away (didn't do anything at the same time like some of you freaks suggested) and then had sex. My son's boyfriend (I think they're boyfriends) saw the post and couldn't stop laughing, so told my son (thinking it could be about them) who told me because I think he felt a bit guilty about hiding it.
Other than that, nothing really exciting happened. We had a long awkward talk, I told him I don't really endorse him having sex but he should really use a condom etc.
Now onto the more important thing, hummus. I really like hummus now, I'd never had it before because it just looked kinda disgusting (yellow and sludgy) but I have learnt appearances can be deceiving. It was homemade so I'm going to have to ask for the recipe so I can make some more (I've finished all of it) Also what are some other good things to dip in it? I've tried the obvious things (carrot, cucumber, breads) and any suggestions would be appreciated. A lot of people have recommended Baba Ganoush as well? Is that similar or better than Hummus?
TLDR: My son is actually gay, but also I really like hummus
Happens to the best of us, eh? š Now that the worst of the panic is over my husband and I are able to laugh about it but, God, that was awful.
My husband and I generally don't have any trust issues. However, his ex girlfriend cheated on him several times so obviously some scars still carry over towards our marriage.
We have a (4F) daughter and (1M) son, and we recently found out that I was pregnant. I found out first, I was feeling the nausea HARD and used a pregnancy test that I still had from the box from the last time I thought I was pregnant and, boom, baby in the oven.
I found out on April 2nd and decided to wait until the 25th because that's my husband's birthday and thought it'd be the best birthday gift ever. Pregnancy brain kicked in fast, though, and I carelessly dropped the test in the trash under some toilet paper (I didn't what to touch my pee covered stick more than necessary) while forgetting my husband is the one who takes out the trash.
Come next morning after the trash is taken out, my husband doesn't say anything so I think he didn't notice it. Come the 15th, we're grocery shopping when suddenly my husband starts crying and goes to the bathroom, I didn't want to drag the kids inside the men's bathroom so I call him on the phone and he, still crying, asks if it's his baby.
This MAN-
I'm not about to have this conversation inside of a Fry's so I manage to get him out of the bathroom, we go outside, I tell him my plan and give him a hug and apologize and he's laughing so hard he can't breath and then tells me to never do that again before he apologized for running to conclusions.
And then we went to get frozen yogurt. Food for the soul.
TLDR - didn't tell my husband that I was pregnant, he thinks I'm cheating on him, breaks down in a grocery store, and then we go eat frozen yogurt.
Today while scrolling through my Twitter feed and minding my own business, I learned that there was a study recently that the 1987 Garfield mugs series from McDonald's titled "It's not a pretty life but somebody has to live it" has been tested to and now is verified to have over 99,300 PPM of Lead and 5,833 PPM of Cadmium which are both to cause brain damage and/or potential cancers.
This is my favorite mug -- I am a massive Garfield fan -- and I use it every day in the morning to make my morning tea as well as to have at my desk when I stream and record/edit videos. My favorite fat cat and a hyperfixation since I was young has been killing me, one sip at a time and ironically to add to the meat of this, my name is John.
GARFIEEEELD!
TL;DR but today I learned that Garfield, the fat orange cat, is giving me brain damage and potentially even cancer.
[Link to Lead-Testing Article]
Edit: (additional text and information) Iām not sure why this post blew up the way it did but seven hours and a million views later, I have found out there are MANY Garfield cup owners, users, and enjoyers and I want to say thank you for checking out this post ā I appreciate all of you!
When I made this post, I wasnāt expecting it to get to where it is at but if you have a Garfie cup like me, youāre probably safe as long as youāre not licking the damn paint haha ā donāt lick the paint and make sure your print it still laminated/sealed!
Use the cup at your own disposal for whatever you please and keep doing what you do, you wonderful people :)
Iām planning on making a YouTube video about this situation and the cups in a week or so thanks to you all and I really do hope you enjoy ā Iāll still be in the thread chatting but itās been an adventure!
this literally just happened. im on the plane now just cringing because it keeps replaying in my head.
the TSA agent needed the line to push together and move forward. however when yelling instructions he literally said āPLEASE PUSH IT IN AS FAR AS YOU CANā
how are you gonna say that to a large group of people and not expect someone to say something?
well, today i am someone. without even thinking, not even a momentās hesitation, i LOUDLY blurted out āTHATS WHAT SHE SAIDā back to him. i immediately regretted it.
when i tell you not a single person laughed.
when i tell you so many heads turned and looked at me utterly appalled.
man. im just so glad i never have to see these people again and can leave this moment in this state never to be thought about again smh
tldr; tsa agent set me up perfectly. i responded with a āthats what she saidā and apparently horrified the other passengers and earned not a one laugh
edit: wow my plane just landed and im having the best time reading all your comments!! i didnāt expect anything when i posted it, i was just dying inside and needed it off my chest but man this is awesome! we are all now all bffs and i love you.
also there were a couple people who seem to think im a manā¦ making an inappropriate jokeā¦. cmon now read my bio ppl go through my history theres pics of me there if u look. i am a 22 year old very petite girl and i promise you no one was worried about me being a threat or a pervert lol. but thereās apparently a special place in hell for me because someone inferred that im a heckler for this joke. my question to that is, then wouldnt i be going to heck instead?
edit 2: ok so a frequently asked question is who was i flying with, and this is the key to the problem of what happened. i was alone. usually my mom, dad, and/or fiancĆ© are flying with me. i dont fly much to begin with. any diehard fan of the office knows how great a well timed āthats what she saidā joke is, and my whole family is diehard office fans. (diehard lol) so usually i would turn to them and say it just to them.
but they werent there when the reflex came, and i guess my brains solution was just to say it loud enough for EVERYONE to hear it instead.
FINAL EDIT (i think): to those of you telling me to grow up- no. YOU go heal your inner child so that you can laugh at childish small things and the mistakes of others without being offended. i admit i made a FU, but no one was hurt, the joke didnt land, and that was it. you are the problem if you are offended.
and finally i am not implying females cant be perverts. i said in a comment but need to say it here too- they absolutely can be, many women are, and i detest them with every fiber of my being. i am very sensitive to this topic as again you can see in my history my experience as a crime victim, i take it very seriously. please stop messaging me or commenting asking why im defending girl pervs. i am not one, and do not like the implication that i am.
but 95% of you guys are cool af and again, i love you all
last edit: i love reddit. i had hoped i would never think about it again and its become my most popular post ever. never change, reddit
So I'm a volunteer farmer and I was helping to build an irrigation system over a series of garden beds.
As I'm working, I see a faucet coming out of the ground, and as I work, I refer to it with the word my grandpa used to call it as I grew up.
A certain four letter slur for latino people that starts with s.
And NOBODY CORRECTS ME.
It isn't until the end of the afternoon when I'm talking to the head farmer that I use that term to refer to it, and he pauses.
farmer: "....what did you just say?"
me: "and then we just hook it up to the sp** right?"
farmer: "....you mean the spigot?"
me: "... spigot? my grandpa always called it sp**"
farmer: "well I think your grandpa might have been a little racist"
And then it all clicked. And now I want to bury myself alive.
As a bonus: When we were leaving, he was handing volunteers suckers. When he got to me, he looked at the bag and said, "oh, you probably don't want the brown one do you?"
....yeah I'm gonna go hide now.
TL;DR: accidentally called a spigot a slur for latino people to a group of volunteers.
Edit: Thank you to everyone that reassured me that this has no racist origin at all! Apparently, my southern gramps just says "spicket" instead of "spigot" and shortened it. So no racist grandpa!
Also: I censored the word to avoid the post being potentially taken down, but to clarify, replace the two stars with "ic" and you have our word! While saying "spicket" isn't bad as I know now, I'm not going to shorten it anymore to avoid confusion lol
So I was driving home from a gig tonight around 11pm and saw what I thought was a dead body on the side of the highway. I pulled over and walked back down the road in the dark to discover a homeless man lying on the shoulder.
He was OK, just sore from a bung knee, cold and wet. I offered to give him a lift and he accepted.
Chatting on the 40 mile drive back to my town I learned that he has prostate cancer. He informed me that his older brother had lost a recent battle with the same disease and that his wife had recently died of Covid. He was hitching to a town another 2 hours away to see his estranged 17yo son.
We discussed his homeless life and tattoo career as well as hearing how other people had helped him out with a bed or train ticket.
When we arrived in the small town I live in, we drove around for a while trying to find a shelter where he could sleep. As the reality set in, I knew there was nowhere I could take him. It's cold, wet and he doesn't own a sleeping bag. Finally I say fuck it, you can stay at my house tonight.
Only thing is, I didn't ask my wife first. She got up when she heard me talking in the basement (spare room is down there), and I explained the story but she isn't happy.
I know in my heart I'm doing a good thing but I also know it's incredibly reckless and I'm really worried my wife won't forgive me.
So now I'm sitting upstairs trying to stay awake all night so the homeless guy in my basement doesn't sneak upstairs to murder my family.
------------------------------------------------------------------
OK here's the...
UPDATE 1:
FRONT PAGE OF REDDIT?! Oh for the want of a throwaway account.
Firstly, thank you to everyone that tore me a new asshole. Feeling thoroughly reamed.
And thank you for the awards.
To the anonymous Redditor who reached out to r/RedditCareResources , on my behalf, a heartfelt thank you to you too.
My wife got up and apologized to ME for some reason and started putting together a care package for him. Of course I told her that I'm the one that needs to apologize and that I'm a giant fucking idiot. As many of you have also stated, she can understand that my intentions were good but reckless.
She is an avid Redditor and I suspected she would see this post so I told her about it. I was hoping some of the funnier comments would help lighten the mood (Mr. Peanut did the trick! Thank you u/Asstaroth !), but the comments targeting her really stung. The takeaway from this post isn't "I did a good thing and now my wife is punishing me for it". Far from it. The Fuck Up is the damage I've done to her trust and feelings of personal safety and the emotional toll that it's taking on her.
And let me just state, my wife is the best person in the world. She never gives me crap even when it's deserved. She's super supportive of me and has tolerated a lot of my dumb shit. To everyone calling her out for being heartless, politely go fuck yourself. I appreciate that you have my back but that doesn't make her the villain in this story. Right now she's upset, scared and feeling all manner of emotions. I took a lot of your advice to heart and I'm in the process of trying to mend everything, which so far has amounted to countless apologies and promises.
Now onto morning:
The spare room has two French doors that are pretty hard to pull open. As a result, Tim got up to use the bathroom, couldn't open the doors, assumed he was locked in and had a little accident just as I was opening them. So there was some urine, put it wasn't malicious as some feared.
Got him in the shower and his clothes in the laundry. Gave him some spare clothes.Made him some coffee and breakfast (an English muffin with honey for those that asked).
Chatted about his family and V8 muscle cars for a while. Names and stories were consistent though I will admit some of you made me question the validity of his previous claims, which is clearly in conflict with my carefree, trusting nature.
Booked him a 1 way Greyhound ticket before driving him to the local DHS office to get a new Food Stamp Card. His last one was stolen and the balance wiped clean. I could've said "stolen" in quotation marks but I'm giving Tim the benefit of the doubt cos you know, saint and all.
Packed him up with non-perishable snacks (nuts, raisins etc), band-aids, vitamins, jacket, blanket and a newish backpack. It sounds generous but it was mostly stuff I got for free (promoed not pilfered) from my old job and didn't need.
Picked up some peanut butter espresso smoothies and headed to the bus stop. He had time to kill (plenty if you count the previous 10 hours) so I left him with $40 (that I would've just spent on weed, so stfu) on a covered bench nearby and returned home to track the progress of the bus. Noticing it was delayed and I must admit, to make sure he was still there, I drove back to the bus stop just as the bus was pulling in behind me. He was already waiting with his gear at the stop as I pulled up and said a final farewell.
So to the people that praised what I did, thank you but I'm not an entirely trusting person. I still stayed up all night anxious and doubting my decision (still haven't slept or eaten anything solid). I still made sure to keep valuables on me or within view. I even double checked that he got on the bus. "But where was all this suspicion and caution when you made the decision to let him stay?" I hear you ask. I had those fears and suspicions. I also had a human sitting in my car at midnight with nothing warm and no where to sleep and so I made a pained but poorly rushed decision that hopefully won't return to bite me in the ass.
As far as I can tell, nothing was stolen.
TLDR: EDIT* Picked up a homeless person and let him stay in my home without consulting my wife first or considering her safety, putting her in potential danger and irreparably harming risking my marriage in the process.
I guess I'll begin by saying I'm a 25F and I'm from texas. One of my friends lives in NJ and she recently got married. I flew up from Texas and there was over 100 people. I was the only one from Texas. So during the night I was talking to some people at the wedding and they asked me where I'm from and I mentioned that I'm from texas. Their moods changed with me almost right away. Some of the men and women both started talking to me about guns and how texas people are, mentioning the border, and rednecks, etc.Ā Acting like they should be wary of me. Just coming right at me with a bunch of stereotypes.
It was shocking for me to hear them and see how they were acting differently towards me after this. I'm a kinda big girl with a couple tattoos and one of the women asked me if I've been in a fight in a saloon before.
I feel like I fucked up by mentioning this, but on the otherhand I wasn't ready for their reactions either.
TL;DR: TIFU by mentioning to people at my friends wedding that I'm from Texas and had them coming at me with a bunch of stereotypes
So I'm a 22f and last weekend me and a friend of mine were out having a few drinks at a dive in my area. Then around 7 or so we decided to go back to my place to hangout instead. On our way home there is a biker bar. My friend dared me to yell out the window calling them pussies while they were with their bikes. I had a few drinks and was feeling good so I was like sure I'll do it. As we drove by there was about 30 or so outside men and women. I had the window down, leaned out and yelled at them. We were cracking up, but a few got pissed and followed us for a few miles on their bikes until we were finally able to cut onto another road and get away from them. I feel like I fucked up because my friend was freaking out and looking back it wasn't a smart move at all. We were lucky that we were able to get away from them.
TL;DR: TIFU by calling bikers at a biker bar pussies and being chased by them for 3 miles
Happened at 6:30 this morning. I've never gotten it stuck when I insert the first half/ tip, but my bf and I were having amazing sex a few minutes prior so I guess it had more room than when I use it at the entrance of my vagina on my own. It is small, maybe 3-4 inches, and it went too far. It even went the wrong way while I tried to get it out. I tried for over an hr to get it and knew it probably wasn't going to happen. Tried squatting, lube, keigels. Gave up mentally. Then it died. That's when I wish I had tried more while I at least had the vibrations working w me. It was then that I fully realized there was no chance in hell I was getting this out.
I drove myself to the hospital. The admissions nurse was too sweet and said, "That's fine. That's no big deal. Let me ask you, "Was it good?" I said it was, laughing. Then she gave me a fist bump. Mortified, but it made me smile lmao
The doctor said she may need forceps and I said "Yeah, I think so.Forceps would have been my dream tool." She responded, "And here you thought the vibrator was your dream tool." They were are so great and made me feel better.
Lmfao. I'm an idiot. Never thought it would happen to me. $150 and 2 hours later and wish I didn't make this expensive mistake. I'm just glad I didn't have a real emergency!
Edit: Reddit, you're the only one I told, and I made the right choice. It is just under 3 inches and no amount of body shaming is ok. The "entrance" was closed and the rounded tip couldn't be worked back through it bc I had no grip on it. I could feel it, but I clamped onto it too hard. Every body is different. My bf has been giving me the most satisfying sex I've ever had. He doesn't see the bullet as a competition bc it brings me pleasure and he's not that insecure. We were in the middle of it and taking a break. Thanks for making my day. I said the same thing to the doctor and she said thanks for making hers. Also, live near NYC and employed by the city.
TL:DR Spent $150 and 2 hrs getting a bullet vibrator removed from my vagina in the ER bc I'm an idiot
This literally happened this morning and Iām cringing. So, itās my bfs birthday today and his family always visit for his birthday. I stayed up late last night prepping for his birthday ya know balloons, banners and presents. Anyway, his family arrived in the morning and so I woke up early to clean. Im running on two hours of sleep and donāt have time to chill. His family arrived and I offer them a cup of tea or coffee and everyone says yes. While making the tea I think I better make myself a cup of coffee because Iām so tired. I grab a random mug not even thinking about it because itās just a mug. ANYWAY, fast forward to a couple of minutes later when im standing in front of everyone in the living room with my cup of coffee in hand. As im talking I notice everyone is super quiet and just staring and not saying anything. I thought maybe Iād said something but I couldnāt think of what I may have said that offended them. It wasnāt until my fiancĆ© was doing some weird eye contact with me and then to the cup that I only then realised that Iād been standing talking to my partners whole family with a mug in my hand that says āNOBODY KNOWS I LOVE ANAL šā.
https://imgur.com/a/61rSzEz (The Mug)
I was mortified. I just stood there and in a panic said that I didnāt realise what mug I was holding and that itās just a mug I like to drink coffee from because my partner bought it for me. At this point everyoneās awkwardly looking at the ground and the walls. My MIL is just staring at my fiancĆ©. I went into the kitchen, ditched the mug and stood there for a good five minutes asking why me?
TLDR: I was super tired and made myself a coffee in a super inappropriate mug and drank it in front of my fiancƩs family.
When I (22m) was 11 I had never bought my own pair of shoes. I had grown up with my mum taking me every time and getting my feet measured. At this time I started living most of the time with my dad.
From this point on whenever I went to buy new school shoes I just told them the last measurement I had taken, size 5 (UK) . I specifically remember at one point people questioning it which annoyed my teen self. So I started just picking up size 5s and buying them without speaking to staff. I also remember a lot of tiny feet jokes from other guys at school, and tiny dick jokes alongside it.
Fast forward to age 18, I get an inheritance and travel a bit around Europe. In Spain I decide to buy shoes and need to get tested for my European size. Turns out I'm a size 9 (UK) and have been forcing my feet in to shoes inches too small for years. I buy my first correct pair in 7 years and they felt AMAZING. I guess as a teen I just thought shoes were supposed to fit tightly?
When I'm back in England I go to the doctor and speak to them about it, apparently squeezing your toes isn't a great idea because they have grown incorrectly through years of distress. As a result of my idiocy I am estimated 3 shoe sizes lower than my body was supposed to grow too and my balance has been affected also. I'm assuming it's also the major reason between years of ingrown toenails pain.
TL;DR Wore shoes the wrong size my entire teenage life and ruined my feet permanently.
I'm a server at a restaurant. Had a party of six today. I asked if they were celebrating and they said, "Yes! We're celebrating Evie's anniversary!" I asked what kind of anniversary and she replied "A big graduation!". She didn't elaborate and I had shit to do.
It's our custom to bring a surprise dessert to such guests at the end. So I did. I told her what it was, but not the ingredients. Now I know what you're thinking, "Aren't you supposed to list all the ingredients at your fancy pants spot?" Sure... if we're not currently swamped, or they reported allergies when asked at the beginning, or we actually know all the ingredients (this was a new special and I was unable to attend the information meeting that day due to established obligations, and when i asked a coworker about the dessert they gave me a flavor profile but were too busy for the details).
I came back to a half eaten dessert a few minutes later and she asked... "is there alcohol in this?"
"Yes" I replied. "It's one of the main ingredients, but not in any worrisome quantity. It's mostly just for flavoring."
Then she says... "I'm celebrating my one year anniversary of being clean and sober."
The following 4 seconds of awkward silent staring between that entire table and myself felt like 4 years of staring at my grandmother's vagina.
Goddamnit.
TL;DR Accidentally Served Booze To An Alcoholic At Her Clean And Sober Celebration
So for the past few days, Iāve been hearing a beeping sound every now and then, and last night and the night before I was hearing it very often, to the point where I was getting a headache. This morning I go into the basement and find that my carbon monoxide alarm is beeping and so I Google whatās wrong with it. I discover that itās beeping every 60 seconds which means that itās low on battery. I also watch some videos on YouTube just to make sure.
So no big deal I take the batteries out until I get some new ones later on in the day. However, once I go back upstairs I keep hearing the beeping. I go back and put my ear to the alarm and nothing is coming from it but I can still hear a beep. I live in an apartment so I thought maybe it was my upstairs neighbor so I walk up into the attic to see if I can hear it. Itās just as loud as it was in the basement, the same thing when Iām in my apartment. So I think itās coming from their apartment but how do they not hear it? So I walk around for 30 mins because everywhere I go itās just as loud as before and itās starting to make me mad.
I grab my phone and see that a YouTube video is playing. What happened was that I got Youtube Premium last week to test out the free trial and I'm not used to videos playing when you shut off your phone or go to another app. The video explaining the alarm problem ended and it autoplayed an hour-long video of a smoke alarm beeping. So because it was in my pocket everywhere I went it sounded the same and beeped every 60 seconds. I was relieved it was over and was laughing at my own stupidity.
TLDR: My carbon monoxide machine was beeping every 60 seconds. I took the batteries out but still heard the beep. Youtube Premium autoplayed an hour-long video of an alarm beep and I walked around for 30 minutes trying to find out what was beeping as it was in my pocket. Felt stupid and laughed.
Edit: hereās the video
I was eating some leftover sushi while my husband lay naked next to me taking a nap. I gently pried open his cheeks and nestled a single slice of philly roll softly against his anus. He woke up several hours later and found the sushi. He smeared it all over me in revenge and we had a great laugh about it. I posted about it on Reddit.
The post went somewhat viral, ended up on r/copypasta, and now I've received dozens and dozens of death threats, messages and comments telling me to kill myself, people telling me I raped/sexually assaulted my husband, people are going through my post history and reaming me, calling me a bitch, and telling me I'm a "red flag" and that my husband should divorce me.
I took a picture of the sushi lodged in his ass cheeks and sent it to some people who didn't believe me. My husband was aware and cracked up about that too. Now I have probably easily three hundred messages and comments begging me to see "the sushi anus". And a solid number of folks who think that I'm equivalent to John Wayne Gacy for sending the picture of his unidentifiable sushi stuffed asscrack.
Reddit is wild, y'all.
TL;DR Put sushi in husband's butt, posted about it on Reddit and now people want me dead.
Today I was finishing up my workout at the gym when a nice older lady walked past me and said, āYouāre massively strong!ā she smiled as she made her way to her workout station. āMe?ā I asked her. I literally looked behind me on my bench press like an idiot as if no, she must be talking about someone else, I donāt matter enough to have accomplished something, even as trivial as working on your physique, that would earn you someoneās attention. I tried laughing appreciatively and saying thank you but then something very unexpected happenedā I just started crying. Just fucking bawling, dude. I have a history of really bad self-talk and self abuse in the form of over-exercise and being in shape gives me a sense of value, a sense of control when life gets tough and it feels like a lot of it is out of control. All of this hit at once. Why is it so easy to think so negatively about myself and SO FUCKING DIFFICULT to believe family, friends, even strangers when they say something nice about me? Like my brain is wired that I donāt deserve to feel good.
āItās been a rough year already and that was nice and unexpected, Iām sorryā I told her. Then she made that heartbroken mom frown parents make that made me apologize and cry more because I was making her feel sad.
My gym is like therapy for me. I put my head down, donāt talk, donāt be a dick, do my thing and get out and now Iām really embarrassed to go back tomorrow.
TL;DR A lotta people saw a grown-ass man cry at the gym.
Edit: It took some time to muster up the courage to look back on this post, like that brief moment of panic logging into your bank account hoping for the best but preparing for the worst lol. Iām just really overwhelmed with how supportive this community is. Thank you all for the comments and messages. Seriously. Youāve made it a bit easier on my social anxiety as Iām gearing up go back to the gym today.
I thought y'all might want to hear about a funny thing that happened in my life recently!! (Not exactly "today") but close enough!
Okay, so I (20f) was diagnosed with cancer. It's operable, "Stage 0" Breast Cancer. I'm going to survive pretty much guaranteed (hooray!). I of course told my friends all of this when I found out.
Here's where I effed up.
See, I didn't really mention all that much about the treatment since I told them all over text in a group chat when I found out it wasn't super serious. I just told them hey, guess what, I'm not gonna die! My boobies won't kill me! What I didn't tell them was I won't be needing chemo. I didn't really think to talk about treatment with them, just the good news.
Unfortunately, my friends are all wonderful, wonderful souls who love me very much and want to support me. They are also stupid sometimes. Very very stupid. And their knowledge about cancer basically comes from movies or books or whatever so they just imagined a bald, hairless, boobless version of me. A weekish later they ask to FaceTime me.
Lo and behold--all five of them are bald. Two of them have even shaved their eyebrows "in solidarity" so that people won't stare at me. I am in shock and then howling with laughter. And then I break the news that I basically will not be getting chemo, and that even if I was I wouldn't look like that for a while. And after laughing I started crying because it made me realize just how far my friends were willing to go for me.
We all laughed about it for a while. It's a bit funny seeing eyebrows grow back in, but overall it was really heartwarming and funny to be around them and be like "guess which of us has cancer" haha.
TL;DR: got cancer, told friends. they shaved their heads (and some eyebrows) in solidarity...I won't be needing chemo, they did it for nothing
Edit: IM GETTING THE BIG CHOP!!! Iāve actually wanted short hair for a while so I will be joining my fellow comrades-in-baldness. Now we will be like the blue man group except with skin colors. The Flesh Man Group I suppose LOL! Thanks for all the wonderful messages, you guys are the sweetest <3
This happened a few hours ago. Just to clarify I never book things (for now obvious reasons) but itās my fiancĆ©ās birthday so I said I would really try and go all out. Booked flights, transfers in a nice car, the hotel and a surprise of rose petals and Prosecco in the room upon arrival.
We land in Rome after having a great day so far and get dropped off at our hotel to check in before we go for dinner. The receptionist couldnāt find our booking but we just kind of laughed it off assuming she just couldnāt see my name on the booking list or something.
Hereās comes the TIFU. The receptionist informs me that I do have a booking with themā¦ā¦. for 2023!
I had to book a room in a panic for tonight and paid way too much for it because it was 9pm and we needed somewhere to stay. Now we have no accommodation for the next week, prices are too crazy for me to afford and we will more than likely have to fly home early. Worst birthday present ever.
TL;DR I booked a trip for my fiancĆ©ās birthday to Rome but when we arrived today they informed me that I booked for this time next year.
Update: I booked a room on Booking.com for last night, it was very stressful but we got there eventually and passed out, I really donāt handle stress well but on the other hand my fiancĆ© couldnāt stop laughing and said this is going in her wedding speech. Itās 8am here now so I am going through your suggestions and will make a plan. Feeling a lot better about it now after reading some of your comments, thank you so much to all of the kind people taking the time to give advice and wish us well.
Last update: I found accommodation for the week in 4 different places with some of your suggestions, thank you. Some really kind people have reached out to my so thank you very much. We absolutely love Rome so far and are having a great time, my fiancĆ© says itās the best birthday present ever but said itās definitely going in her wedding speech.
Iāve had a crush on this guy (16m) for a few months and me and my other sister (13) like to have conversations about this and other things and so obviously my younger sister wants to be included. Being the good oldest sister I am I included her, yes, I can see now this was not the smartest decision.
I told her not to tell him but sheās all into the romance, she loves Disney princes and she thinks this is all a game. Telling a six year old girl not to say something was probably the nail in the coffin.
Anyway, he came over to our house and while me, him, and our siblings were all hanging out on the trampoline this child gets the most wicked grin on her face and says;
āHey, (his name,) I have a secret to tell you!ā
While looking right at me, I think my soul left my body in that moment. I said her name sternly but to no avail she goes and whispers the truth and he tried to act like he didnāt hear and joke about it the first few times, but finally after the millionth time she whispered in his ear he asked who? And she pointed at me and that was that.
We locked eyes and it was an act of god I didnāt get up run into the house at that moment.
Now why would this be a TIFU you might be thinking? Because he likes and is probably dating another girl. And now everything is awkward between us and I donāt think we can be just friends.
TL;DR: My youngest sister told my crush, who is probably in a relationship, that I like him and now itās awkward.
Update, sorta: Iām going to tell him straight up that I do like him! Pray for me yāall!
Update: you keep asking for one so here you go. I sent him this;
hey I just wanted to clear the air. Sorry about it being so awkward, I never really meant for my sister to tell you that. That said, I'm not really going to try and take it back. I do have a crush on you, but I also value our friendship. If these feelings aren't mutual, it is what it is, I can be mature about it and things wont be weird. If you are interested, well... you know where to reach me :)
He hasnāt responded yet!
Update 2: He responded with this;
Hey Iām sorry, I know how awkward that is having your sibling blurt out something that was personal and private. Although I do value our friendship, I do have my eyes on someone as of the moment. But I have no intention in not tarnishing this friendship over one incident. Again, Iām sorry that had to be awkward, not only for you but also for me. But I can 100% agree that we donāt need to end a friendship over the situation. Thank you for reaching out to me about the situation. It really clears the air for my sake so thank you
And then he sent me information about a game heās having tonight. Iām a little confused but much more at peace.
This happened today. Well thanks to Reddit, I donāt hesitate to talk about my wages with fellow employees, when asked, since that kind of transparency is important and helps people get paid what they are worth. Any who, my co-worker recently applied for and received a professional license, which comes with a nice pay bump. Since I had received the same license and pay bump back in December, I had already told him what I was making (we have the exact same job).
Well this morning he sends me an email asking for a reminder on how much I make, and it turns out his recent pay increase was almost two dollars lower than mine. Feeling happy I was able to watch out for my co-worker, I continued on with my day. Fast forward a few hours and my co-worker calls to tell me he confronted HR, and they informed him his pay increase was accurate, and that I was actually being overpaid (our HR department has been a hot mess lately), due to accidentally being put on a grade 29 (supervisor position) versus a grade 28.
I just got an email from HR letting me know about this error, and how they need me to repay the difference, which is over $800. Needless to say, today has been pretty crappy. FML.
Tl:dr: told my co-worker how much I make, which led to him confronting HR, who found out I was being overpaid, and now I make less and they want me to pay back the difference.
Edit: Just spoke to someone at the state labor commission, and after fully explaining the situation, they told me my employer is completely within their legal rights to do what they are doing. So it looks like Iāll be making less and owe them what they are asking.
Iāve been talking to this girl recently. She's cute & we get along really well. Sheās a little on the heavier side (maybe 30lbs overweight), but by no means obese or anything. Cue earlier, weāre discussing a mutual acquaintance and I say āshe looks just like you, but a little less chubbyā. I totally forgot who I was talking to & felt terrible saying that to her face. In my head I was saying this to another friend, something along the lines of āx looks like y, if she were thinā, and I forgot I was talking to her directly. I apologized profusely and assured her that she was beautiful, but I just felt awful. I know sheās insecure about her weight (itās just a few extra lbs & she looks great regardless, but Ik sheās self-conscious about it) & I really hope she doesnāt hate me now.
TL;DR In conversation with this girl Iāve been flirting with, I accidentally called her chubby/fat.
Edit: getting 2 types of responses here.
1: youāre a fucking idiot. Way ahead of yāall on that one. This sub isnāt called Today I made a smart and rational decision
2: Itās wrong to reference someoneās weight, even if you are not talking to them directly. Iām sorry, but I fail to understand this. Making fun of somebody is not right, but how can you describe someoneās appearance without referencing physical traits? If Joe has a big nose, and someone asks āwhich one is Joe?ā, should I respond with āthe average height one with brown hairā? No, Iām gonna say āthe guy with the unusually big noseā, because itās a more distinctive featureā¦ But, Iām not gonna sit there with my buddy laughing at poor Joe and calling him Snuffaluffagus. I also did not mean it in a bad way & see nothing wrong with a little thiccness, but I recognize that itās something women may be self conscious about and how thoughtless it was to say that to her face.
So me and my BFF have been super close for years, and Iām a very sexually open person and I always tell her about the guys I get with, we giggle and talk about them and idk itās always been pretty normal for us. Until today I told her I had sex with a woman last night.
I was at her house a couple hours ago. When I first walked in I said guess what I did last night, and she was like hmmm who was it, weāre both laughing and when I told her it was a chick, her face immediately dropped, but I kept talking anyways. While I was talking about it, she just straight up said stop talking. I was super confused because whenever I talk about the men Iām with, itās fine, but when itās a woman, she is all of the sudden some sexual prude.
So being the idiot I am and for some dumb fucking reason I just assumed she was being homophobic even though I literally know she isnāt and after she told me to stop talking about it, I say, and I quote, āA little bit of scissoring never hurt anyone.ā
She immediately starts bawling and freaking out, I try to hug her and she swats me away and starts calling her bf, her bf comes within 10 mins and hugs her and calms her down. After she calms down, he told her to take the Gatorade from the fridge and take a shower, she says nothing, goes to the fridge and then to the bathroom.
I talk to her bf and apparently she was SA by a woman when she was younger and seeing women kiss and hearing about women having sex with other women triggers her like very badly (as I saw) She never told me about it bc she didnāt want to offend me because she knew I was pansexual
I have been crying all day. I wish I wouldāve stopped talking after she told me to. Literally what kind of ābest friendā am I????
TLDR; triggered my bffās PTSD by telling her about sex I had with a woman even after she told me to stop talking about it
EDIT- I just got off the phone with her, she said wlw relationships donāt bother her. She is in therapy and itās just been a lot of talking about and sheās used to balling it up it and she wasnāt ready to hear about my sexual encounter right after a rough therapy session so she froze. Especially after her saying stop and me not stopping she didnāt know how to respond. She said for the next couple weeks, maybe months, she would rather not talk about sex with any gender. And please stop calling my friend homophobic
Actually happened today.
Got married a few weeks ago. A small affair, just us and 2 witnesses followed by a 3 day honeymoon to the coast.
Decided to get some photos printed for a personalised frame we'd received as a gift from a relative. Measured the frame and selected some cheap prints to have delivered by a website.
Had the email confirmation etc, all good. This morning I get an email saying the photos are with Royal Mail to be delivered to XXX XXX. I realise they've been mailed to an ex who I'd sent a photo to through the same website a few years prior. Her details had filled automatically.
I've messaged her to tell her not to open them and just bin them - they were like Ā£4, it doesn't matter. She's left me on read.
Told my wife - she's loving the mix up. Friends think it's a power move. I'm just mortified.
TLDR: ordered wedding photo prints, had them mailed to my ex by default.
My husband married at 18 because the girl was pregnant, right after the baby was born she confessed the baby may not be his. He left her and took care of them financially until he met me. He said she had to sign divorce papers and DNA test if she wanted to keep receiving money from him.
She made sure my husband didn't have any contact with the kid, every time he requested DNA test she disappeared with the kid so he never made efforts to have a relationship with him.
I know it's none of my business but I still decided I should look him up, he turns 18 this month and I am really curious. I did find his social media but the last post was 4 years ago.
Looking up his family social media, I found out there's no mention of him since 2018. No pictures, no tags, no mentions at all of him after 2018. His grandfather currently has cancer and there's a lot of activity about that from the whole family but the kid's no were around.
Husband's ex changed her profile picture that year to one of those black ribbons you put when someone dies which makes me believe he may be dead. I told husband about this and he decided to hire a lawyer to investigate , he clearly looks affected by this.
Worst thing is, the kid looks exactly like my husband, there's really no denying it's his child. Every time I touched the subject in the past he would be very defensive always telling me it's none of my business. Now husband is angry at me and really affected by the whole situation.
TL;DR I looked up my husband's estranged son and turned out he may be dead. Husband is angry because he says it's none of my business (he's right but I was really curious)
Edit: Yes I understand completely IFU there's no question about it. Just to clarify some things I've seen in the comments: we have been together 14 years. She provided divorce but no DNA test so he did give her some money over the years but not a set amount like child support, she stopped asking for money years ago. I had to tell him because I couldn't keep this from him, I don't like lying. It was only the search, I didn't ask for documents or hired someone to look him up, but my husband will.
Edit 2: I don't have new information on his son, but husband is no longer angry and wants me to be the one who takes care of contacting the lawyer and getting all the information, I will do this next week and post update when I get full info.
Obligatory that this did not happen today but about 5 years ago.
I was driving through my city centre and stopped at a set of traffic lights. While I was absent mindedly waiting for the lights to turn green I heard the door directly behind me open and someone getting into the car and taking a seat.
Freaking out I turn around and see that I am face to face with Nobel Prize winning John Hume. I had studied his role in the Northern Irish peace process (this also occurred in Northern Ireland). However if I hadn't met and spoke to him a few years prior when he visited my school I probably never would have recognized who he was and would have asked him to leave the car.
At this point I remembered that their had been a few reports that he was suffering from an advanced form of alzheimer's, so I asked him if everything was all right. He told me that he had got lost on his way home and if I could take him to his address.
It was only about 10 mins away so I drop him off at his home and his wife comes running out thanking me for bringing him back as he had been missing for quite a few hours on what should have been a short trip.
TL;DR Nobel Peace Prize winner commandeered my vehicle which has resulted in me having a fantastic record at two truths and one lie.
Today I was working from home and my wife was away with the kids at an easter event at the local library. She sent me a picture of a large jar of jellybeans, and asked me how many I thought there were in the jar. I did some simple math and came up with an estimate.
Here is what I learned from my wife when she returned home...
This was a game to guess the correct number of jellybeans in the jar. Everybody gathered to see who won. My son had submitted my guess which was the closest and and the winner. My son went and picked up the prize which was the jar of jellybeans. As he was excitedly walking away he accidently dropped the jar on the floor sending glass shards and jellybeans flying everywhere in a crowd full of kids. Chaos ensued... Children were trying to pick up and eat jellybeans out of a mix of glass on the library floor as parents were yelling at (and physically restraining) kids so that they would stop.
In the end this was probably a game in which my son should have made a guess, and not relied on his parent to provide an estimate. I don't think anybody was hurt.
I am writing this now, as I have just returned home from apologizing, and making a donation, to the local library.
TL;DR: I guessed the number of jellybeans in a jar which resulted in kids trying to search for and eat jellybeans mixed with glass as their parents scrambled to stop them.
Edit 1: Removed.. See Edit 2.
Edit 2: Thanks to the community for helping me figure this out. here is the link to the photo. In 24 hours I will post my guess and the true number of jellybeans. https://imgur.com/a/t0wxhoG
Yes, please do make your guess!
Edit 3: https://imgur.com/a/TMi2dL9 Click the link to see... 1: The correct number. 2: The name of the person who guessed the correct number. 3: How I made my guess. 4: The distribution of all the guesses from reddit.