Fundamenalist Letter
The following "letter" is a classic that has been around for a while in various forms. This is presented here in an Australian format. It is for both your amusement and your interest. Please use it if you wish.
Reverend Teacher,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your ministry, and try to share that knowledge with
as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to
be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.
1) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours.
They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
2) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would
be a fair price for her?
3) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual cleanliness - Lev.15:19-24.
The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.
4) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations.
A friend of mine claims that this applies to Queenslanders, but not Victorians. Can you clarify why I can't own Victorians?
5) I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself or should I get someone else to do it?
6) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree. Can you settle this?
7) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.
Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
8) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden
by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
made of two different kinds of thread (cotton / polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary
that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death
at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted disciple,
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