Do you suspect your ageing parent, partner or other loved one might need professional care? Have you tried to broach the subject only to find they flat-out refuse to talk about it? Many people will find themselves in this precarious situation as their loved ones grow older, and while it can often seem impossible to find a solution, there are ways to go about it.
We spoke to Peter Scutt, Founder and CEO of Better Caring, a website where people who are ageing can find and directly hire care and support workers directly, about what to look out for and what to do if a loved one’s behaviour indicates they need assistance.
1. What indicators are there that an elderly loved one requires professional care?
While your loved one may be unwilling to admit that they need professional care, the following indicators can help you to identify when help at home might be needed. Look around the home for signs that help is required; mail that has gone unopened, food that has gone off but not been thrown away, and laundry piling up are all signs that it might be time to engage a care worker to provide domestic assistance.
Have you observed that they have difficulty walking, issues with balance and mobility, or unexplained bruises or wounds that may indicate they’ve had a fall? Are they taking care of themselves generally? A decline in their appearance, indicators that they may be losing weight or are unable to bathe regularly can all be warning signs that they need some help to take care of their daily needs.
Uncertainty or confusion in performing tasks that were once familiar, general forgetfulness or missed appointments are also important indicators of their mental wellbeing. If a Webster pack is no longer helping them to keep track of medication that they should be taking, you might want to consider more immediate assistance. Most importantly, keep an eye on their mood. If your loved one suddenly seems different or is showing signs that they may have lost interest in normal activities, they may be experiencing feelings of loneliness or helplessness that could be assisted by some company or social assistance.
2. How do you approach the person without them feeling attacked?
As their care needs increase, there can be a tendency to underestimate our elderly population – it’s important to remember that people who are ageing still have strengths, wisdom and abilities that they can bring to the table. While unconsciously, we all have a tendency to want to ‘fix’ things, make sure you remember to make your loved one feel involved and in charge of any decision about their personal care or wellbeing. Take the time to listen to what they want – and acknowledge that they may be a little slower to respond to situations than you or I. Giving them an opportunity to acknowledge where there may be a problem and find their own solutions to deal with it will help them to feel they still have a voice.
3. What if they deny they need help?
These days, the desire for older people is to age well, and to remain active in their own homes and communities. Recognise that ageing well means different things to different people. To some, it might be about maintaining contact with friends, or engaging in a cultural activity like a visit to the movies or an art gallery. For others, it might be about getting out into nature, or regular trips to the library to ensure they exercise their mind with a new book.
If your loved one doesn’t want to admit that they are vulnerable, or need help with day to day tasks, try and speak to them about getting help to continue to do the things that they love. Home care isn’t just about help with the housework, or showering and dressing; try and get them excited about the activities they enjoy which they can revisit with the help of a care worker, or help them to see it as an opportunity to learn something new. We have workers on our platform who help elderly clients with computer skills, visit them at for some pampering like a haircut or manicure, or help them to re-engage their love of music. Once you’ve opened the door to the idea of care and support, it’s easier to suggest higher level care if it’s needed.
Tell us in the comments below, have you been in this position before? How did you deal with it?
Related links:
This could be the first sign of Alzheimer’s disease
Sundowning and how it affects carers
The best way to involve children in the care of a grandparent