There's a lot of unnecessary argument and division happening at the moment over what would, on the face of it, appear to be a remarkably simple question: when should we celebrate Australia Day?
After all, the debate isn't over Australia Day itself; it's over it being celebrated on January 26, the date when Arthur Phillip didn't first set foot on Australian soil.
That day happened to be January 18, when the first fleet landed at Botany Bay to find it rather inconveniently already occupied by a large number of unimpressed Eora people as well as 100-odd French seaman under Jean-Francois de Galaup, Comte de La Perouse.
No, January 26 was when a somewhat irritated Phillip upped stumps and moved his base of operations to Sydney Cove. So rather than a day when Australia shone as a nation, it's the day when a British naval officer found a good spot to dump his country's unwanted humans, away from any snickering Frenchmen.
Understandably there is a large contingent of people who aren't entirely down with the national celebrations being held on the day when a foreign interloper decided he'd build a penal colony on what was an important Gadigal fishing ground ahead of what was to be a brutal couple of centuries of racial murder and dispossession.
Calls to change the date have only grown louder (and catchier!) over recent years, to the point where Fremantle Council recently announced it'd like to sidestep the matter by holding its Australia Day festivities on January 28 instead.
This predictably incurred the wrath of Alex Hawke, Assistant Minister for Immigration and Border Protection, former national president of the Young Liberals and right-wing firebrand, who got very stern with these WA upstarts and their politically correct refusal to endorse genocide.
"The government takes a dim view of Fremantle Council's decision to cancel their Australia Day events on political grounds," he hectored the Fremantle Herald. "The government's firm position is that citizenship ceremonies are non-commercial, apolitical, partisan and secular and must not be used as forums for political, partisan or religious expression."
The fact that Fremantle Council's decision would not appear to be in breach of the code and was even advised as such by Hawke's own department in no way tempered his ire, bless.
But he's right: the celebration of Australia shouldn't be divisive and fraught, wracked with the sort of "black armband" history (or, to put it another way "history") over which conservative types get their patriotic knickers all a-twist. We should agree to respect tradition and celebrate Australia Day as it was intended.
On July 30.
See, that January 26 date? It wasn't originally Australia Day. It was Foundation Day, and it was only celebrated in NSW.
All the colonies have their own dates: for example, South Australia does a similar thing on December 28, although Proclamation Day might have a bit more traction if everyone wasn't already on their Xmas break and thinking about New Years.
The history of the first Australia Day is actually pretty great. It was the brainchild of the wonderfully named Ellen Warton-Kirke and was held on July 30, 1915. It was a fundraising day for the war effort at a time when Australian troops were neck deep in the Gallipoli campaign.
According to the Australian War Memorial's website, "Ribbons, badges, handkerchiefs, buttons and other items… were sold to raise funds, with phrases such as 'For Australia's Heroes', 'Help Our Wounded Heroes' and 'The Turks Struck their Match in the Australians' which appealed to people's sense of pride and patriotism. From a population of just under 5 million people, the day raised over £311,500 in Victoria and more than £839,500 in NSW. In today's figures that would be close to $623,000 and $1.7 million respectively."
Thus the original Australia Day had a practical element which we would do well to emulate - and it's not hard to think of a way that we could use a national day to buy commemorative trinkets to, just for example, protect the Great Barrier Reef, or provide support for our homeless, or any number of other urgent issues that would make our great nation even greater.
What's more, Australia Day wasn't celebrated nationally on the one day until 1994. In other words, as far as national January 26-related legacies go, Australia Day runs second to the venerable tradition that is the Triple J Hottest 100 countdown.
So, let's review the case for July 30, shall we?
Does it have historical precedence over the date we currently use? Check!
Is it a date of explicit, conscious Australian patriotism? Check!
Does it celebrate a spirit of mateship and united struggle while not marking the beginning of any concerted program of local racial-motivated murder sprees? Check!
Would it be a much-needed bonus public holiday in the middle of the year? Check and check!
Would it also be a nice date to plonk the eventual founding of our future Australian Republic? Oh, checkity-check-check-check!
So let's all agree to preserve our oh-so-important heritage and rich, patriotic legacy with the national celebration of Australia Day for all Australians, on the date for which it was intended.
Which is in July.
Be like George Brandis and grab copies of Andrew P Street's The Short and Excruciatingly Embarrassing Reign of Captain Abbott and The Curious Story of Malcolm Turnbull: the Incredible Shrinking Man in the Top Hat, just in time for Xmas! #buygeorge
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