BLACK DOG: May's hotline is right on pew

Published: 20:17 EST, 13 August 2016 | Updated: 20:39 EST, 13 August 2016

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As the daughter of a vicar, Theresa May was torn when her phone rang in the middle of a church service in her Maidenhead constituency recently. What if it was a national emergency? Ever the pragmatist, Mrs May bent double with her head below pew-line and discreetly took the call, whispering: ‘Not now – the vicar is in the middle of his sermon.’

As the daughter of a vicar, Theresa May was torn when her phone rang in the middle of a church service in her Maidenhead constituency recently

The new Prime Minister’s controlling hand is detected by Eurosceptic Tories in Friday’s hasty withdrawal of an announcement from Liam Fox’s International Trade department which dared to speculate on life outside the European Single Market (and therefore overreached his brief). An ally of Mrs May says darkly of Fox: ‘We expect everyone involved in the decision on Brexit to be a team player.’ Sinister...

Labour newcomers anxiously sniffing the air for the first sign of a Corbyn-induced split in the party should listen to grizzled old-timers who witnessed the party’s previous rupture in the early 1980s. ‘Back then, the first real confirmation came when we spotted a new parking bay in the Commons underground car park – marked “SDP Whip”,’ said a party veteran. ‘It’s still there to this day.’

Jeremy Corbyn, an endless source of irritation to his own party, even sparked mutiny among Labour MPs on a Channel ferry trip heading for the D-Day battlefields of France

Jeremy Corbyn, an endless source of irritation to his own party, even sparked mutiny among Labour MPs on a Channel ferry trip heading for the D-Day battlefields of France. Corbyn critic Ruth Smeeth was all set to share a cabin with fellow leadership rebel Sarah Champion until the revelation that Sarah had ‘unresigned’ and rejoined Jeremy’s frontbench. ‘Words were exchanged and Champion slunk off to find an alternative hammock,’ says Dog’s mole.

Corbyn aide and ex-brickie Steve Rotheram’s expected transfer next year from Westminster to the new post of elected Liverpool mayor is only the latest setback for the Commons football team. With the Labour MP a shoo-in for the job, they will lose their warrior-like centre-back only 12 months since the General Election robbed the team of striker Ed Balls. The final blow? Centre forward Andy Burnham is off to run for Manchester mayor. ‘We’ve gone from Barcelona to Norwich FC in the space of a year,’ sighs one fan.

Moderate Labour MPs are trying to uncover the secret codename reputedly used by Shadow Chancellor John McDonnell during his long career as a hard-Left agitprop

Moderate Labour MPs are trying to uncover the secret codename reputedly used by Shadow Chancellor John McDonnell during his long career as a hard-Left agitprop. Members of the Labour Representation Committee, chaired by McDonnell, adopted nomenclatures such as Grey Squirrel and Silver Fox to keep the establishment off their tails. Come on John – which one are you?

Desperate times at Europe House as the London outpost of the European Parliament prepares to mothball its operation in the wake of the Brexit vote. Staff are trying to drum up interest in the venue by promising that players of the global gaming sensation Pokemon Go can ‘fill up on pokeballs and potions’ if they visit with their mobile phones.