Valhalla Rising (2009)

Hurly Burley

This should have been my football quote of the day (or even yesterday:

"I don't think what he wanted to do got across to some players and also I think some of them are too thick to take it on board – and not good enough to take it on board, anyway, to be perfectly honest with you . . . " [Craig Burley commenting on the sacking of his uncle, George Burley, as manager of Scotland.]

Nice to see that even after retirement, Craig is still tenacious in the tackle.

Wales 3 Scotland 0

What a thing to wake up to on a wet Saturday morning.

It gets worse:

"Scotland have not beaten Wales since 1984 and that did not look like altering here as the Scots suffered their fourth successive away defeat - and their fourth road trip on the trot where they have not scored." [BBC Report]

25 years since beating Wales? Frankie were number 1 in the charts with Relax, for christ sake.

What makes it even more depressing is that when you dig out the stats for that Scotland win way back in February 1984, the scorers that day were Davie Cooper and Mo Johnston in a 2-1 win. To have that sort of quality in the team today.

I'm away out to drown my sorrows in a Chinese.

Anyone? . . .

. . . anyone? . . . .Anyone?

Archie Macpherson's Day Off

Colin Stein was the last bloke to do it over forty years ago.

"Anyone? Anyone?

Confused

McFadden, you're an enigma. You should be playing for a top four team. Not for the diddies at St Andrews. I can't help feeling that Moyes did to you what Strachan did to Riordan.

Explanation for the post? I guess the goal is the obvious link, but there were four or five pieces of magic from McFadden in the game against Macedonia. Maybe he's best off back at Fir Park? I'll never understand football.

Spamalot

Via the San Francisco Chronicle comes news of the 'Spam Valley' phenomenon reaching Stateside:

"Sales of Spam - that much maligned meat - are rising as consumers are turning more to lunch meats and other lower-cost foods to extend their already stretched food budgets . . .

"Spam's maker, Hormel Foods Corp., reported last week that it saw strong sales of Spam in the second quarter, helping push up its profits 14 percent. According to sales information coming from Hormel, provided by the Nielsen Co., Spam sales were up 10.6 percent in the 12-week period ending May 3, compared with last year. In the last 24 weeks, sales were up nearly 9 percent."

Where did I first hear about 'Spam Valley' again? That's right; I read about it in Gordon Legge's 1989 novel, 'The Shoe'?

"They lived in what Kelly called 'Spam Valley'; where people were so tied to their mortgages they never went out, had holidays or ate decent meals."

It took a while but Grangemouth's finally went global.

Full Time Sour Lemon Slice

Whistle blown on the telly on a game that, in reality, finished a few hours ago.

Fair play to Scotland on a respectable result. The Croats were a class act despite the bad weather conditions and don't let the matter of them turning over the 'Trevors' home and away in the Euro qualifying campaign detract from the fact that they are an excellent team. (Even the Arsenals and Man Utds of this world have to dispense with the Derby Countys if they are to win the championship.)

Scotland acquitted themselves well - though I'm not sure why Gordon's getting the plaudits from the journos reporting on the game in various papers - and I liked the fact that there was a bit of a bite to the game. One minor gripe, though, and its less to do with the performance and more to do with tonight's team selection.

There were four Celtic players - Caldwell, McManus, Hartley and Brown - in Scotland's starting line up as opposed to one R*ngers player, Kris Boyd, who came on as a substitute in the 72nd minute. Of the Celtic players, only Brown got substituted and that was in the 66th minute. What's the big deal with that? Well, only that Celtic are playing R*ngers this Saturday at Ibrox in a must win game in the SPL . If they lose, that's bye bye to the title. Doesn't that seem a bit one-sided?

I don't buy into conspiracy theories, whether it be politics or footie, but it seems a bit off when Derby County and Sunderland provide more players on the night than R*ngers. It's not even as if they can use the old excuse of not having any Scottish players at Ibrox. Throw an Irn Bru bottle into their dressing room - please, do it now as a scientific experiment - and you're guaranteed two things: 1) Allan McGregor won't catch it; & 2) It'll hit someone with a Scottish accent and unsightly tattoos. I bet if Hutton was still at R*ngers, he wouldn't have been playing last night.

Has former Scotland manager Smith has played it cute? Or is Strachan just a straight guy with a patriotic streak? Who knows, but I do know that it's the first time I've thought well of McGeady for being a plastic paddy. Five Celtic players in the starting line up would have been taking the piss.

Sorely tempted to make my way through to Manhattan on Saturday morning to Jack Demseys bar so I can witness first hand via Setanta the misery of witnessing Celtic getting gubbed. At least I'll be able to shout and holler my disapproval of Barry Ferguson, Lee McCulloch, Christian Dailly and Allan McGregor for pulling out of Burley's squad.

No Hiding Place

The Scotland-Croatia game is currently being shown on the Fox Soccer Channel. Yep, the entire game. Don't believe me? Just spotted Bilic on the touchline. From the neck down, he looks like a suave and debonair Euro-chic man about town. From the neck up, with that daft hat on his head, he looks like me when I nip out in the morning for a carton of milk and some dog food.

Fuck sake, Gordon's just this second made an arse of himself with the Kranjcar goal. The tv director must be a close family friend of the Gordon family 'cos he's decided to show at least 10 different camera angles of the goal to try and manufacture the illusion that there was some sort of deflection that caused Gordon to be wrong-footed. He'll be showing Zapruder footage in a second to suggest that the ball caught a divot on the grassy knoll. Truth is that Gordon has brought his current form north of the border with him from the Stadium of Light.

When I discovered that they were going to show the entire game on the telly, I was sorely tempted to do a 'Likely Lads' and avoid finding out the result and then sit down and watch the game tonight as if I was watching it live. Maybe even do a bit of pseudo live blogging. But I'm glad I didn't now. Watching Scotland is always a pain rather than a pleasure, and that goal that was just scored would have resulted in the dog getting a swift kick to the vitals.

And, anyway, live blogging footie is a myth anyway. Last time I tried it, the actual writing of the post took about three days to write.

Oh, Miller's just scored. Now that's what I call a deflected goal. And Miller will have a cheek to claim it.

Back to the game. No more goals coming so I don't have to have a panic attack anytime Croatia crosses the halfway line. Just as I like it when watching Scotland . . . and Celtic.

Solidarity at Christmas

Via the Socialist Unity Blog, comes the news that The Scottish Steering Committee of the Socialist Workers Party have decided to do a rewrite of 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. New proposed title for the caledonian version of the 1930s classic self-help book? 'Chib Them Before They Chib You'

Via the Glasgow Herald - and the left blogosphere - comes the news that Solidarity only elected representative, Glasgow City Council member, Ruth Black, has defected from Solidarity to join the Labour Party. Being a person of the deepest political integrity, Councillor Black will be resigning her seat, and fighting the subsequent by-election as the Labour Party candidate (but only after first putting herself forward for selection as the Labour Party candidate, of course*).

But it's not all bad news for the Solidarity camp, George Lucas has directed a YouTube video defending Tommy Sheridan against Darth Murdoch and the recent perjury charges.

*I'm lying.

Two Words: Graeme Souness

Looks like Big Eck is being a little man by doing a Walter Smith.

So much for Scottish football being on the up. At least with Smith - and Docherty before him - they left the Scottish manager's position for sizeable jobs, but Birmingham City? If he says the words 'sleeping giant', feel free to scream with hysterical laughter. Bet the swine goes and signs Derek Riordan.

Next manager for Scotland? My fear is stated above. Especially fearful 'cos who in their right mind will head hunt Souness at a later date? Chris Hutchings has got a better chance of being head-hunted.

Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables

Spotted this funny joke over in the comments box of Hak Mao yesterday:

"I remember I saw a comedian in Edinburgh a couple of years back who noted that during the Afghan war American planes dropped food aid packages that contained peanut butter and "jelly" sandwiches. He thought that this lacked cultural sensitivity saying it would be like dropping fresh fruit over Scotland." [Hat tip to 'Duct']

Kailyard Kommentary

Pay no heed to the title of this post. I'm just trying to be clever, and failing miserably. Some links with a Scottish angle for your delectation:

In the aftermath of Scotland performing a smash and grab raid in Paris last Wednesday - cheers lads for buggering up my intended 'Domenech Bliss' post - came the debate at the Guardian's football blog about whether or not this was Scotland's greatest ever result.
Granted, there isn't much competition but the obvious counter-candidate is Scotland beating England 3-2 at Wembley in '67. Kev at the The Scottish Patient is nicely on cue by posting the nine and half minute YouTube clip of the game.

Sadly, being YouTube, the footage is grainier than a cheap snow globe and there's no sign of Jim Baxter playing keepie-uppie or sitting on the ball, but you have to check out six minutes into the clip. Denis Law tries the most audacious of chips and Gordon Banks has to pull off a brilliant save to deny him. Trust me, if Law had scored that goal nobody but Danny Baker and Chris Evans would have given a flying fuck about Gazza's lucky punt against Scotland in '96.

F.I.S sticks a well-deserved boot into the Andrew Carnegie myth over at the Scottish Co-operative Wholesale Republic blog.

Found via google alert is a not so recent - but don't let that stop you from reading it - interview with Denise Mina over at Powells.Com.
Kara will especially like this quote from the interview:

Really what I'm doing is writing feminist stories in a really accessible medium. That is what I'm really interested in, just getting those sort of feminist stories out there, because I don't see representations of women in a lot of literature that I recognize as the real experience of women.

On matters relating to Denise Mina and Kara; did I ever mention that Kara and I attended an excellent event back in April, where Denise Mina, Ian Rankin and Allan Guthrie spoke on the subject of 'Tartan Noir'? It was part of the Tartan Week events that takes place in New York every Spring. The only real crime in evidence that night was when Kara grabbed my copy of the 'Dead Hour', and got Denise Mina to inscribe 'To Kara - from Denise Mina' in the inside front cover.

And, finally, back to Kev at the Scottish Patient. I've never been one for the Welsh; I'm more of a Legge man, but I did like Kev's latest post, where he reviews Irvine Welsh's latest novel - and Welsh's entire back catalogue - via a trip down Easter Road.
But what's with the front cover of Welsh's latest book? If I'm not mistaken that wee subbeto guy's wearing Motherwell colours. And what's with the cigarette in hand, empty beer cans, handcuffs and novelty boxer shorts? Did they get Andy Goram's permission before they were allowed to use his image as a subbuteo figure for their front cover? That's the only guy I can think of off-hand who played for both Hibs and Motherwell. It can't be Chic Charnley; he never played for Motherwell, and they'd have needed a bigger base to support the weight of his subbeteo figure.

The Sound of Young (MySpace) Scotland

Since I stumbled across them accidently on MySpace about 12 months ago, I've been banging a lonely drum for the Low Miffs, but it's good to see that finally someone from the inkies, the Scotland on Sunday, has also cottoned onto their excellence as well.

I'm cut and pasting the review from the Scotland on Sunday, 'cos the mini review is buried half way down the page:

"In previous years, unsigned bands such as My Latest Novel and Popup have played this event and gone on to bigger things. Thursday's big promise was the camp, electrifying rock 'n' roll outfit the Low Miffs, who have been going since 2003 and thankfully sound completely different to anything else coming out of Glasgow at the moment. Part shambolic, part super-slick German cabaret show, the lead singer, Leo Condie, makes for a perfect master of ceremonies, like Scotland's own Scott Walker with some Jarvis, Jacques Brel and sleazy sax thrown in. In seconds, Oran Mor is transformed into a seedy underground speakeasy as the foppish Condie launches into songs with names such as 'Cressida', 'Earl Grey' and 'Also Sprach Shareholder'. There is even an ode to Kirsty Wark and a moment when Condie leaps from the stage and performs lying on his back on the dancefloor. It's all high drama and good, dirty fun.

Check out their tunes on their MySpace page. Everyone - bar the Grateful Dead fan in West Lothian - will recognise their promise.

Hat tip to Matt C for the picture. Apologies that it took 8 months for me to find an excuse to use it.

Football Daft

1). Courtesy of from Alan J. at Mailstrom blog, news reaches me of Sharlene Lyons decision to name her new born baby Emily Lisbon Lyons, in commemoration of this little incident that happened in a green field in Portugal 40 years ago.

I'm sure Alan J. passed me on the link in an ironic 'Isn't she bloody daft?' sort of way, but as self-denying Jam Tart he would, wouldn't he?

A couple of years ago a die hard Hearts fan, Shona McGluffer, tried to do something similar to commemorate the Jam Tarts great 1985 cup-winning triumph, but the registrar on the day refused to allow her to name her daughter Tennents' Sixes Cup McGluffer. True story. Google it.

It's just sour grapes on Alan's part.

2). Cracking article on the German footie team, Schalke 04, in today's Guardian Sportblog by Anna Kessel.

For some reason when I hear Schalke 04, I immediately think of Uli Stielike. No idea why, as he didn't even play for Schalke 04 at any point in his career.

In amongst the news of how it looks like Schalke have blown the chance of winning the Bundesliga for the first time since the late fifties, cos they've choked in their last few matches, is the story of how they are seen by many as the German equivalent of Newcastle Utd - does their choking have echoes of Newcastle in 95/96? - 'cos of their passionate long suffering support in an area rooted in heavy industry and now beset by economic hard times.

I especially loved this story from early on in the season:

"Such is the power of the supporters they even make it into the dressing room. Last November, fans penned an open letter to the team calling for more passion on the pitch. With Schalke, it does not matter if you win or lose, you just have to try. Coach Mirko Slomka read the letter to his players. At the next home game, against Bayern Munich, as if to underline their point, the fans refused to cheer for the first 19 minutes and four seconds of the game (1904, the year Schalke started). Peter Lovenkrands put Schalke ahead and was met by silence. As the clock crept towards 19 minutes a slow clap began. Around the stadium it grew in volume. Just as the protest neared its end a roar began and Leban Kobiashvili took possession of the ball and lashed it into the top corner for a second goal. The stadium erupted. Schalke fans say they still get goosebumps thinking about it. At the players' request, the team appeared on the pitch holding a message for the fans. It read: 'We are Schalke, we are passion.' But there is fan culture and then there is cold hard cash. And this year Schalke came into an unprecedented amount of money."

I can totally identify with that creative form of protest as the SPGB was also formed in 1904, and I would indicate my contempt for Party democracy by sometimes turning up twenty minutes late for branch meetings. It had the desired effect: I missed the call for nominatons for chairing the meeting.

3). I always had a soft spot for the Hammers. It goes back 25 years when they had great players like Alan Devonshire, Phil Parkes, Trevor Brooking and Ray Stewart. Christ I even liked Geoff Pike and David Cross.

Tevez has been a revelation in recent weeks, and it's good that local boys such as Bobby Zamora and Mark Noble have come good. I'm a sentimentalist like that. However, for all that, and though I know in all probability it won't happen, I still hope they get relegated from the Premiership today.

It was an absolute disgrace that they escaped with only a fine over the dodgy transfers of Tevez and Mascherano earlier this season. I totally understand that the other clubs in and around the bottom of the Premiership feel that they have been shafted, and whatever bile I reserve for that prick, Dave Whelan, Paul Jewell and Wigan deserve better.

Fingers crossed that Fergie and United have long memories, and give West Ham a spanking for that deciding game at Upton Park back in '95, and that Wigan get a result at Bramhall Lane against Sheffield Utd.

4). Fool that I am, I still scan the sports section of the New York Times for stories about football . . . any football . . . I'd even read a 2000 word essay on the wit and wisdom of Mo Johnson if that was the only thing on offer, but it turns out that after all this time that I was looking in the wrong section of the New York Times. The Travel Section of the NYT has a piece by Henry Fountain about him and his son taking in a couple of 'soccer' games in recent weeks in England.

From Roots Hall to the Emirates in twenty paragraphs: Do not not pass go, do not pick up a battered sausage and a pickled onion at a fish and chip 'joint' on the way.

Scottish Socialist Youth's Latest Poetry Slam

Edinburgh May Day 2007

SPGB Youth Section

Fear and Loathing in Capitalism - Redux

Socialist Party Day School

Fear & Loathing in Capitalism

When: Saturday May 12, 2007 at 1:00pm

Where: Community Central Halls 304 Maryhill Road, Glasgow, G207YE

Day School organised by Glasgow and Edinburgh branches of the SPGB

Asbos, terrorists and immigrants.

1pm - 2.15pm Asbos, Chavs and Hoodies: crime under capitalism.

The newspapers and television constantly set out to frighten us with tales of hooliganism, anti-social behaviour and crime in general. In this session we attempt to evaluate the various claims and counter claims about the cause and cure of crime in modern society. Brian Gardner (Glasgow branch) puts forward the unique socialist analysis and contrast it with the "hang 'em, flog 'em" school of thought.

2.15- 3.30pm Seeking Asylum: should we be concerned about immigration?

In France Le Pen puts forward a repressive "solution", in this country Cameron and Brown have voiced their views, but capitalism needs immigration and Paul Bennett (Manchester branch) looks at the problem from a socialist viewpoint. Inside a socialist society there would be no "them and us" attitude. The whole world would be owned by the whole world population, in such a society concepts such as "asylum" would be impossible.

3.45 - 5pm Panic on the streets of London: how real is the terrorist threat?

The explosions on the London Underground were real enough, as were some recent failed attempts at bombing there, but has recent government reaction been justified? Gwynn Thomas (South London) look at current attitudes to this problem and contrast the socialist view with those of our political opponents. Capitalism is a society based on threats and counter-threats. Only world-wide socialism can solve the problem.

Each session will have a 30 minute talk, the rest of the time will be taken up with your questions and points of view. Admission is free and tea, coffee and light refreshments will be made available free of charge throughout the afternoon.

Community Central Halls, 304 Maryhill Road, Glasgow.

For more information about the Socialist Party Branches organizing this Day School, please visit their websites: Glasgow Branch Edinburgh Branch