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Highlights Of Melania Trump’s 2016 RNC Speech

America’s Finest News Source presents the key moments from the address of Melania Trump, wife of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, delivered on the first night of the 2016 Republican National Convention.
The Onion Reviews ‘Ghostbusters’

The Onion’s movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews ‘Ghostbusters’ in this week’s Film Standard.

Cleveland Indians Worried Team Cursed After Building Franchise On Old Native American Stereotype

CLEVELAND—Having watched in horror as their team crumbled after a 3-1 World Series lead, members of the Cleveland Indians expressed concern Thursday that the organization has been cursed for building their franchise on an incredibly old Native American stereotype.

Millions Of Drunk Cubs Fans Rioting In Heaven Following World Series Win

THE HEAVENS—Following a 8-7 victory over the Cleveland Indians that clinched the team’s first World Series title since 1908, sources confirmed Wednesday that millions of intoxicated Chicago Cubs fans are currently rioting across Heaven.

Cleveland Indians Rattled By Deafening Sound Of Wrigley Field Crowd’s Indigestion

CHICAGO—Barely able to communicate through the din of thunderous noise during Game 3 of the World Series, members of the Cleveland Indians admitted Friday to being completely rattled by the deafening sound of the Wrigley Field crowd’s indigestion.

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

NBA Heads To Northeast Farms For Annual Basketball Picking

SOMERS, CT—Taking part in the popular autumn tradition, players, coaches, and owners from across the NBA reportedly traveled to several Connecticut farms Friday to pick basketballs.

Cleveland Changes Lights On Abandoned Manufacturing Plants To Red In Support Of Indians

Cubs Fan Ready To Get Completely Drunk Again On Only 2 Days’ Rest

CHICAGO—Explaining that he is breaking from his normal routine for Game 1 of the World Series, 32-year-old Chicago Cubs fan Frank Sanford confirmed Tuesday that he feels ready to get completely drunk again on only two days’ rest.

5 Things To Know About The Chicago Cubs

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

The Longest Championship Droughts In Sports History

As the Chicago Cubs enter the NLCS seeking their first World Series title since 1908, Onion Sports examines the most notable championship droughts in history.

Retired David Ortiz Excited To Finally Eat Whatever He Wants

BOSTON—Having officially entered retirement after 20 seasons in Major League Baseball, former Red Sox designated hitter David Ortiz told reporters Thursday that he is excited to finally be able to eat whatever he wants.

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Highlights Of Melania Trump’s 2016 RNC Speech

The Onion Reviews ‘Ghostbusters’