'Jay Leno' is featured as a movie character in the following productions:
Bamboo Shark (2011)
Actors:
William James Kelly (actor),
Johnny Williams (actor),
Brian Anthony Wilson (actor),
Mickey Rooney (actor),
Gary Gustin (actor),
David Born (actor),
Gavin Peretti (actor),
Lionel Anthony Cook (actor),
Vincent Riviezzo (actor),
Dan Van Wert (actor),
Tommy Lafitte (actor),
Keyon Smith (actor),
Connie Lamothe (actress),
Robert Gulya (composer),
Carl Clemons (actor),
Genres:
Comedy,
Quotes:
Sylvester Stallone: You know, I played an overweight cop once.::Arnold Schwarzenegger: I played a Kindergarten cop.::Michael Jackson: Did somebody say Kindergarten?
Sean Connery: I'm Sean... double-O-7... I'm Sean!
Benjamin: Jesus! What, did you steal that off a horse?
Howard: That pig smells like old people.
Brooks: You know why I like movies? I like them because of the experience they bring. Reading is designed to stimulate the mind. Music is designed to alter emotions. But movies... movies are designed for one thing. To escape.
Francis Federman Ugli: Put the retard down!
Just About Famous (2010)
Actors:
David Born (actor),
Joe Manuella (actor),
Matt Mamula (editor),
Matt Mamula (producer),
Matt Mamula (director),
John Schaub (producer),
John Schaub (editor),
Jason Kovacsev (director),
Jason Kovacsev (producer),
Jason Kovacsev (editor),
Carol Woodle (actress),
Tim Biancalana (actor),
Bettina Williams (actress),
Gary Alan (actor),
Dale Leigh (actor),
Plot: From Elvis to Obama, Celebrity Impersonators or Tribute Artists as they are commonly known have been entertaining the masses for decades. Gathering under one roof, these men and women, professionals and beginners alike, come together annually at the Sunburst Convention. De Niro, Bush, and Oprah are names that have inspired thousands if not millions of people to dream of greater possibilities in their own lives, but some have chosen to become these very names or at least to impersonate them. When fans cannot get close to the real thing, these professionals step in and fill the void. "Just About Famous: Celebrity Impersonation" will go behind the persona and delve into the minds and hearts of the people who make a living impersonating others. How did they get started? How has this path changed their lives? Why they do what they do? From Kenny Rogers being accosted at K-Mart for an autograph to Elvis being announced every time he enters the Home Depot leaving him to ask the ultimate question, 'Can't I just buy some lumber?' Each impersonator has a story to tell. As the old adage goes, 'Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.' Take a trip into the intriguing, enlightening, and often times surreal life of the celebrity impersonator...
Genres:
Comedy,
Documentary,
Short,
Taglines: A film about famous people....well, almost. Impersonation is the sincerest form of flattery. Are you Just About Famous?
John Q (2002)
Actors:
Denzel Washington (actor),
Philip Williams (actor),
Gerry Quigley (actor),
Ethan Suplee (actor),
David Thornton (actor),
Larry King (actor),
Nas (actor),
Eddie Griffin (actor),
Jay Leno (actor),
Ray Liotta (actor),
Robert Duvall (actor),
Bill Maher (actor),
Obba Babatundé (actor),
Laura Harring (actress),
James Woods (actor),
Plot: John Quincy Archibald's son Michael collapses while playing baseball as a result of heart failure. John rushes Michael to a hospital emergency room where he is informed that Michael's only hope is a transplant. Unfortunately, John's insurance won't cover his son's transplant. Out of options, John Q. takes the emergency room staff and patients hostage until hospital doctors agree to do the transplant.
Keywords: abusive-boyfriend, air-conditioning, air-duct, ambulance, ambulance-driver, anti-republican, arrest, auto-repossession, baseball, baseball-hat
Genres:
Crime,
Drama,
Thriller,
Taglines: Give a father no options and you leave him no choice.
Quotes:
John Q. Archibald: The hospital is under new management now! Free health care for everyone!
John Q. Archibald: I AM NOT GOING TO BURY MY SON! MY SON IS GOING TO BURY ME!
Denise: They are releasing him, now you need to do something! DO YOU HEAR ME! DO SOMETHING!
John Q. Archibald: My son is dying, and I'm broke. If I don't qualify for Medicare, WHO THE HELL DOES?
Freddy B: We got sound! Boss! We got sound!::Tuck Lampley: What about picture? We need picture!::Freddy B: Hold on boss, I'm gonna make you famous!
Lester: [laughing in realization] I get it, you a member of the Slapaho Tribe.
Mitch: This country man, can't go anywhere without getting' mugged, or murdered or stabbed. Kids killin' their classmates, drivebys, ya know, I won't even go into a post office any more.::Steve Maguire: Shut up, Mitch.::Dr. Turner: No, you shut up. I hate the little bastard but he's right. You know how easy it is to get a gun in the country? In five minutes, boom, gun show.
Denise: [to Rebecca Payne, the hospital administrator] I would tell you what I think of you, but I am a Christian woman.
Mike Archibald: No goodbye, you know I don't like goodbyes. See you later!
John Q. Archibald: Who was driving?::Mitch: Huh?::John Q. Archibald: The car. Who was driving?::Mitch: I was. What's that got to do with anything?::John Q. Archibald: Why's your girl all banged up and you're not?::Mitch: What do you call this? [shows light scratches on arm]::Lester: [laughs]::Mitch: What are you laughing at?::Lester: Somebody get this fool a band-aid. I don't want you to bleed to death.::Mitch: Screw you man. This shit hurts.::Julie Bird: His airbag went off and mine didn't.::John Q. Archibald: What kind of car do you drive?::Mitch: Mercedes 500.::John Q. Archibald: You drive a Mercedes 500? Oh. What year?::Mitch: 1986. It's a classic.::John Q. Archibald: Mercedes didn't make passenger side air-bags til 1988.::Lester: [laughs] *Busted!*
Juwanna Mann (2002)
Actors:
Steve Oedekerk (producer),
Jenifer Lewis (actress),
Kimberly 'Lil' Kim' Jones (actress),
Vanelle (actress),
Miguel A. Núñez Jr. (actor),
Ric Reitz (actor),
Bonnie Johnson (actress),
Tommy Davidson (actor),
Vivica A. Fox (actress),
Jay Leno (actor),
Miguel A. Núñez Jr. (actor),
J. Don Ferguson (actor),
Kevin Pollak (actor),
Jay Johnson (miscellaneous crew),
James G. Robinson (producer),
Plot: Juwanna Mann follows the story of Jamal Jeffries, the reigning 'bad boy' of basketball, whose undisciplined on-court antics land him out of the league and without any prospects. Financially strapped and untrained in anything but basketball, Jamal comes up with a plan so outrageous it just might work: dress up like a woman and try out for the woman's basketball league. To his surprise, he makes it, but now the real challenge begins - to cease being Jamal and start new life as Juwanna. Matters become even more complicated when Juwanna realizes that he is falling for his teammate Michelle, who shows him that there is more to women than meets the eye.
Keywords: basketball, character-name-in-title, cross-dressing, hit-in-the-crotch, male-nudity, the-star-spangled-banner
Genres:
Comedy,
Drama,
Romance,
Sport,
Taglines: The only way he can stay pro, is to play (like) a girl.
Quotes:
Puff Smokey Smoke: [to Juwanna] You are one tall glass of water and I'm thirsty.
Juwanna Mann: I'M HERE!
Vicki Sanchez: A man who sends me flowers is my type.::Latisha Jansen: Hell, bitch, someone passes you the salt, they're your type.
Latisha Jansen: Me? I like to keep it simple. Give me a good book and a good bitch and I'm straight.
Michelle Langford: Are you all right?::Latisha Jansen: I'm straight.::Michelle Langford: [laughs] No you aren't.
Coach Rivers: You see that sign up there? It says the Charlotte Banshees, not the Charlotte Juuuu-wanna!
Lorne Daniels: This is crazy. No one is gonna believe you're a woman!::Juwanna Mann: You did!::Lorne Daniels: All right. This is blackmail.::Juwanna Mann: No, it's black... FE-male!::Lorne Daniels: That's not funny.
Lorne Daniels: Nobody wants you, not even the Clippers.
Edtv (1999)
Actors:
Jim Meskimen (actor),
Jay Leno (actor),
Martin Landau (actor),
Dennis Hopper (actor),
Bill Maher (actor),
Matthew McConaughey (actor),
Lowell Ganz (actor),
Phil Hawn (actor),
Woody Harrelson (actor),
Googy Gress (actor),
Adam Goldberg (actor),
Clint Howard (actor),
Charles Arthur Berg (actor),
Rick Overton (actor),
Michael Moore (actor),
Plot: A comedy about a video store clerk Ed whose life is thrown into chaos when he agrees to let an executive of a television studio film him for 24 hours.
Keywords: audition, betrayal, box-office-flop, broadcast, brother-brother-relationship, character-name-in-title, commercialism, dysfunctional-family, escape, family-relationships
Genres:
Comedy,
Taglines: Fame. Be careful. It's out there. Good morning! You're live on EDtv The story of a nobody everybody is watching
Quotes:
Whitaker: Cynthia, another word, and you may consider yourself fired.::Cynthia: Uh-oh. Can you gimme a hint? What word? Uh, *asshole*? *Shithead*? Is that - I bet that - is that one word or two though? I never can remember that. Shithead.
Al: Don't blame your mother, I was irresistible!
Al: How about sex?::Ed: I'm sorry, Al, but I'm gonna have to pass. And it's not an age thing, 'cause you are still a handsome man.
Cynthia: We don't even have money in our budget for coffee filters. We're using a yarmulke!
Ken: Of course I stopped payment on the plugs, you gave me DOLL'S hair!
Whitaker: One more word out of you, Cynthia, and you're fired.::Cynthia: Oh, and which word would that be? Asshole? Shithead?
John: Look, Ed, you put *anybody* on television sixteen hours a day, and sooner or later they're going to fall off a table and land on a cat.
Panel member: A joyous celebration of boobery, that's what it is.
[talking about Ed's dad]::Ed: He cheated on you?::Ed's mother: Well, he had medical problems, he said the woman he was with was a nurse.::Ed: And you believed him!::Ed's mother: Well, she had white shoes.::Ed: So does Grandma! So does Sahquille O-Neil!
Al: I'm gonna go take a piss. Wish me luck.
Contact (1997)
Actors:
Rob Lowe (actor),
Martin Luther King (actor),
Larry King (actor),
Ming Lo (actor),
Bryant Gumbel (actor),
Jake Busey (actor),
John Hurt (actor),
Adolf Hitler (actor),
Bill Clinton (actor),
Jay Leno (actor),
Neil Armstrong (actor),
William Fichtner (actor),
Robin Gammell (actor),
Marc Macaulay (actor),
Douglas MacArthur (actor),
Plot: Astronomer Dr. Ellie Arroway has long been interested in contact to faraway lands, a love fostered in her childhood by her father, Ted Arroway, who passed away when she was nine years old leaving her then orphaned. Her current work in monitoring for extraterrestrial life is based on that love and is in part an homage to her father. Ever since funding from the National Science Foundation (NSF) was pulled on her work, which is referred to some, including her NSF superior David Drumlin, as more science fiction than science, Ellie, with a few of her rogue scientist colleagues, have looked for funding from where ever they could get it to continue their work. When Ellie and her colleagues hear chatter originating from the vicinity of the star Vega, Ellie feels vindicated. But that vindication is short lived when others, including politicians, the military, religious leaders and other scientists such as Drumlin, try to take over her work. When the messages received from space are decoded, the project takes on a whole new dimension, which strengthens for Ellie the quest for the truth. Thrown into the mix are the unknown person who has up until now funded most of Ellie's work and what his motivations are, and Palmer Joss, a renowned author and theologian, who despite their fundamental differences in outlook, is mutually attracted to Ellie, that attraction based in part on intellect and their common goal of wanting to know the truth.
Keywords: airwaves, alien, alien-contact, alien-intelligence, alien-technology, altered-version-of-studio-logo, amateur-radio, astronomer, astronomy, atheist
Genres:
Drama,
Mystery,
Sci-Fi,
Thriller,
Taglines: Get ready to take a chance on something that just might end up being the most profoundly impactful moment for humanity, for the history... of history. From the Academy Award-winning director of "Forrest Gump" and Pulitzer Prize-winning author of "Contact" take you on a journey to the heart of the universe A message from deep space. Who will be the first to go? A journey to the heart of the universe. If it's just us, it seems like an awful waste of space. Get ready for human's biggest discovery ever!
Quotes:
Dr. Kent Clark: [Kent is blind] Nice to smell you again, Mr. Kitz.::Michael Kitz: You too.::Dr. Kent Clark: [aside] Wouldn't have pegged him as a Polo man.
David Drumlin: I know you must think this is all very unfair. Maybe that's an understatement. What you don't know is I agree. I wish the world was a place where fair was the bottom line, where the kind of idealism you showed at the hearing was rewarded, not taken advantage of. Unfortunately, we don't live in that world.::Ellie Arroway: Funny, I've always believed that the world is what we make of it.
Ellie Arroway: Occam's razor. You ever heard of it?::Palmer Joss: Hack-em's Razor. Sounds like some slasher movie.
Executive: We must confess that your proposal seems less like science and more like science fiction.::Ellie Arroway: Science fiction. Well you're right, it's crazy. In fact, it's even worse than that, nuts. [angrily slams down her briefcase and marches up to the desk] You wanna hear something really nutty? I heard of a couple guys who wanna build something called an "airplane," you know you get people to go in, and fly around like birds, it's ridiculous, right? And what about breaking the sound barrier, or rockets to the moon, or atomic energy, or a mission to Mars? Science fiction, right? Look, all I'm asking, is for you to just have the tiniest bit of vision. You know, to just sit back for one minute and look at the big picture. To take a chance on something that just might end up being the most profoundly impactful moment for humanity, for the history... of history.
Ellie Arroway: I'm okay to go! I'm okay to go! I'm okay to go...
Young Ellie: [after the funeral] CQ, this is W9GFO, do you copy? [sniff] Dad, this is Ellie, come back?... This is Eleanor Arroway, transmitting on 14.2 megahertz. [pleading] Dad, are you there? Come back? Dad, are you there? Dad, this is Ellie...
Michael Kitz: Your having sent this announcement all over the world may well constitute a breach of national security.::Ellie Arroway: This isn't a person-to-person call. You can't possibly think that a civilization sending this kind of message would intend it just for Americans.::Michael Kitz: I'm saying you might have consulted us; obviously, the contents of this message could be extremely sensitive.::Ellie Arroway: You want to classify prime numbers now?
Palmer Joss: What are you studying up there?::Ellie Arroway: Oh, the usual. Nebulae, quasars, pulsars, stuff like that. What are you writing?::Palmer Joss: The usual. Nouns, adverbs, adjective here and there.
Palmer Joss: [Ellie challenges Palmer to prove the existence of God] Did you love your father?::Ellie Arroway: What?::Palmer Joss: Your dad. Did you love him?::Ellie Arroway: Yes, very much.::Palmer Joss: Prove it.
Young Ellie: Dad, do you think there's people on other planets?::Ted Arroway: I don't know, Sparks. But I guess I'd say if it is just us... seems like an awful waste of space.
In & Out (1997)
Actors:
Glenn Close (actress),
Alice Drummond (actress),
Geoffrey Gould (actor),
Tom Selleck (actor),
Joan Cusack (actress),
Selma Blair (actress),
Kevin Kline (actor),
Adam LeFevre (actor),
Wilford Brimley (actor),
Bob Newhart (actor),
Matt Dillon (actor),
Dan Hedaya (actor),
Jay Leno (actor),
Debbie Reynolds (actress),
Whoopi Goldberg (actress),
Plot: A high school English teacher is outed as a gay man by a former student while accepting an Academy Award. Comedy ensues in the teacher's private life and small town where he teaches. Story rumored to be loosely based upon Tom Hanks acceptance speech when receiving his Academy Award for "Philadelphia".
Keywords: academy-award, academy-awards-ceremony, ampersand-in-title, audio-cassette, awards-show, bachelor-party, bar, bicycle, bigotry, blackboard
Genres:
Comedy,
Taglines: An out-and-out comedy.
Quotes:
Howard Brackett: I just came out! At my wedding!
Sonja: I don't have time. I promised to do that photo shot this afternoon. I have to shower and vomit!
[at confession]::Father Tim: Are you Catholic?::Howard: I have a friend who is... and he's very busy.
Cameron: Eat something. You look like a swizzle stick!::Sonja: You mean, food?
Aunt Becky: Gretchen, what do you have for best documentary?::Cousin Gretchen: Something 'bout Polish mine workers and their struggle to be free
[at the Academy Awards]::Glenn Close: This is Cameron's first nomination and he's in extremely good company. Tonight he joins fellow best actor nominee Paul Newman for "Coot", Clint Eastwood for "Codger", Michael Douglas for "Primary Urges" [blows him a kiss] and Steven Seagal for "Snowball in Hell".
Peter: What was Barbra Streisand's eighth album?::Howard: Color Me Barbra.::Peter: Stud!::Howard: Everybody knows that!::Peter: Everybody where? The little gay bar on the prairie?
Emily: Does anybody here know how many times I had to watch Funny Lady?::Howard: It was a sequel. She was under contract.::Emily: Fuck Barbra Streisand, and you!
Cameron: Eat something, I'm begging you! You look like a swizzle stick.::Sonja: Food?
Emily: I need a heterosexual male, CODE RED!
Mad City (1997)
Actors:
Ted Levine (actor),
Jay Leno (actor),
John Landis (actor),
David Clennon (actor),
Dustin Hoffman (actor),
Shawn Flanagan (actor),
Larry King (actor),
Alan Alda (actor),
Randall Batinkoff (actor),
Raymond J. Barry (actor),
William Atherton (actor),
Tim Halpin (actor),
Kevin Cooney (actor),
Bill Nunn (actor),
Julio Oscar Mechoso (actor),
Plot: Sam Baily, upset over losing his job, takes a natural history museum hostage. Max Brackett, journalist, is in the museum when this occurs, and gets the scoop. The story spreads nation wide, and soon it is all anyone talks about. The story itself is the news, not the reason why or the real people behind it.
Keywords: accidental-shooting, anchorman, box-office-flop, bullhorn, desperation, duffel-bag, dynamite, dynamite-explosion, female-reporter, fired-from-the-job
Genres:
Drama,
Thriller,
Taglines: One man will make a mistake. The other will make it a spectacle.
Quotes:
Max Brackett: Mrs. Banks, go make sure the buffalo are grazing properly.
Kevin Hollander: I'm who Americans trust for their news.::Max Brackett: You really shouldn't let a marketing slogan go your head.
Kevin Hollander: This guy's a poster child for the disenfranchised.
Max Brackett: A man has been shot; a line has been crossed.
Max Brackett: You've got to ask for a fast car, a Learjet or a Greyhound bus.
Lou Potts: Jeez, I sent you to cover a piece of fluff, and you come back with a hostage situation.
Lemke: I don't want him understood. I want him out here and arrested.
[Sam finally decide's to let the hostages go]::Kevin Hollander: [on megaphone] Sam Baily! You have 5 minutes to let the hostages go!::Sam Baily: Damn. I wanted it to be my idea.
Sam: Don't negotiate my emotions!
[last lines]::Max Brackett: We killed him.
Major League II (1994)
Actors:
Jesse Ventura (actor),
Bill McAdams Jr. (actor),
Richard Schiff (actor),
Jay Leno (actor),
Randy Quaid (actor),
Charlie Sheen (actor),
David Keith (actor),
Dennis Haysbert (actor),
Tom Berenger (actor),
Corbin Bernsen (actor),
Aaron Michael Lacey (actor),
Bill McAdams Jr. (actor),
James Gammon (actor),
James G. Robinson (producer),
Gary Barber (producer),
Plot: Those Cleveland Indians are at it again! After losing in the ALCS the year before, the Indians are determined to make it into the World Series this time! First, though, they have to contend with Rachel Phelps again when she buys back the team. Also, has Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn lost his edge? Are Jake's knees strong enough to make it as a catcher another year? These and other questions are answered as the Indians recapture the magic and win the championship "their way".
Keywords: baseball, baseball-movie, mirror, professional-sports, returning-character-with-different-actor, second-part, sequel, sports-league, sports-team
Genres:
Comedy,
Sport,
Taglines: The dream team is back!
Quotes:
Harry Doyle: So a tough loss for the Indians as Pedro Cerrano doubles off a pigeon and is tagged out while administering CPR before the tying run could score. Funny game ain't it Monty?::Monte: Well at least the bird survived.::Harry Doyle: Who cares? It's a rat with wings.
Rube Baker: Mr. Parkman, your a great ballplayer and I just like to say, your standing on the tracks and the train's coming through butthead.
[Harry is drunk when he introduces the game]::Harry Doyle: Hello, Tribe fans, welcome to Major League Baseball... sort of. The attendance today is 14 hundred and 12. Most of them left after that 10 run inning the Red Sox put up. Take over Monty, I'm in the bag.::[head hits desk]::Monte: [as the outfielder catches the ball, the crowd is disappointed] Fly ball... Caught!
Harry Doyle: He'll need a rocket up his ass to catch that one; that baby's out of here.
[Rick Vaughn is pitching to Jack Parkman during practice]::Jack Parkman: What do you call that garbage?::Rick Vaughn: It's my eliminator. I've got another pitch. You get a piece of it, I'll let you name it.::[Vaughn pitches and Parman hits the ball out of the park]::Jack Parkman: I'd, uh, call it the masturbator.
Rube Baker: Women: you can't live with them, and they can't pee standing up.
Rube Baker: Hey, Cerrano. I'm on the rooster.
Jake Taylor: Rube, you look at Playboy all the time, don't you?::Rube Baker: I don't just look at it. I read the articles.::Jake Taylor: Sure you do.::Rube Baker: I do. I especially like it when they mention the girls' interests, like Betsy loves surfing.::Jake Taylor: You even memorize them?::Rube Baker: Yep. I guess I do.::Jake Taylor: Bingo.
Jack Parkman: I'm the only winner on this team. The rest of 'em, they're losers. Either by choice, or by birth.
Rube Baker: Wow, Willie's really got some power.::Lou Brown: Off a guy who'll be bagging groceries in a couple of weeks!
Dave (1993)
Actors:
Charles Grodin (actor),
Jay Leno (actor),
Kevin Kline (actor),
Ben Kingsley (actor),
Parley Baer (actor),
Frank Langella (actor),
Kevin Kline (actor),
Charles Hallahan (actor),
Larry King (actor),
Kevin Dunn (actor),
Robin Gammell (actor),
Bob Bergen (actor),
Aaron Michael Lacey (actor),
Ving Rhames (actor),
Jason Reitman (actor),
Plot: Bill Mitchell is the philandering and distant President of the United States. Dave Kovic is a sweet-natured and caring Temp Agency operator, who by a staggering coincidence looks exactly like the President. As such, when Mitchell wants to escape an official luncheon, the Secret Service hires Dave to stand in for him. Unfortunately, Mitchell suffers a severe stroke whilst having sex with one of his aides, and Dave finds himself stuck in the role indefinitely. The corrupt and manipulative Chief of Staff, Bob Alexander, plans to use Dave to elevate himself to the White House - but unfortunately, he doesn't count on Dave enjoying himself in office, using his luck to make the country a better place, and falling in love with the beautiful First Lady...
Keywords: affair, airforce-one, barber, bicycle, body-double, bodyguard, boss-secretary-romance, budget, cabinet-meeting, campaign-headquarters
Genres:
Comedy,
Romance,
Taglines: In a country where anybody can become President, anybody just did Dave Kovic was an ordinary guy who was asked to impersonate the President. When they gave him a chance to make the country better...he did.
Quotes:
[singing in the shower]::Dave: Hail to the chief / He's the one we all say "Hail" to. / We all say "Hail" / 'Cause he keeps himself so clean! / He's got the power, / That's why he's in the shower...
Bob Alexander: I'm going to kill him.::Alan Reed: You can't kill a President.::Bob Alexander: He's not a President. He's an ordinary person. I can kill an ordinary person.::Alan Reed: Bob!::Bob Alexander: I can kill a hundred ordinary people!
Ellen Mitchell: Why couldn't you die from a stroke like everyone else?
Dave Kovic: She's great. She's really exotic! She's a princess! She's Polynesian - well, half Polynesian, and half American. She's... Amnesian.
Dave: I don't want to tell some eight-year-old kid he's gotta sleep in the street because we want people to feel better about their *car*. Do *you* want to tell them that?::Secretary of Commerce: [quietly] No sir. [sits back in his seat and reflects] No I sure don't.
White House Tour Guide: And we're walking, and we're walking, and we're stopping.
Dave: According to the OMB, we have seventeen defense contractors who are delinquent in their contracts. Is this true, Frank?::Director of OMB: Uh, I believe so, yes.::Dave: So, even though they're late, we keep paying them on time?::Director of OMB: Well, in a sense... yeah.
Dave: The president and the first lady... what is that? How long has that been going on?::Duane: I can't say.::Dave: You mean, you don't know, or "you can't say"?::Duane: I can't say.
Dave: You know, I've always wondered about you guys. You know, about how you're trained to take a bullet for the president?::Duane: What about it?::Dave: Is that really true? I mean, would you let yourself be killed to save his life?::Duane: Certainly.::Dave: So, now that means you'd get killed for me too.
Alan Reed: Bob, at some point we're gonna have to call the Vice President.::Bob Alexander: Don't call the Vice President.::Alan Reed: What?::Bob Alexander: Just don't call him, Al.::Alan Reed: The guy's in a coma, Bob!::Bob Alexander: I don't give a shit.::Alan Reed: Bob!::Bob Alexander: This is mine, Alan. All mine. I made him, I built him. And no Boy Scout is going to come in here and take it away from me, just because he happens to be Vice President of the United States.