Bert or BERT may refer to:
Plot
A family film which tells the unlikely and timeless story about almost ten year old Tony, whose father rises from being a crane driver to Secretary of State. As a result his parents get divorced and Tony does everything he can to bring them back together. He even calls in the help of the queen.
You're a loser. There's a film crew. Welcome to the 21st century.
Plot
Simple pleasures come in many shapes and forms. For Bert there is nothing more pleasurable than the almighty crisp. After years of addiction, devotion and daily consumption, he finds himself with an unprecedented problem: His entire crisp collection has been stolen. Deciding that a world without crisps is a world not worth living in, he embarks on a late night odyssey to find a packet of crisps. Little did he know that salvation would come in the form of a mischievous elderly lady and her tiny dog DeeFor.
A man with an addiction. A woman with a vengeance. How far would you go for a packet of crisps?
Plot
Army Major RUBEN MEDRANO was once a part of an elite anti-kidnapping task force. An unfortunate incident during an operation got him suspended and sent back to Manila. There he tries to renew ties with his daughter MARISSA who has been living with his dead wives sister MARIEL. Marissa refuses to recognize her father because of all his shortcomings in the past. Nevertheless, Ruben decides to remain in the area. He soon discovers the presence of drug pushers and decides to do something about them. The drug lord who controls these pushers hires a hit-man named CARLOS to hunt down Ruben for meddling in his affairs. Soon the small community turns into a war-zone a Ruben tries to defend himself and those close to him from the attacks of these gangsters.
Keywords: assassin, directed-by-star, drug-pusher, father-daughter-relationship, gangster, military-officer, murder, neglected-daughter, revenge
Plot
Jack and Caroline are a couple making a decent living when Jack suddenly loses his job. They agree that he should stay at home and look after the house while Caroline works. It's just that he's never done it before, and really doesn't have a clue.
Keywords: advertising, baby, bare-butt, bedroom, blockbuster, camera-shot-of-feet, career, chainsaw, chaos, child-nudity
When mom goes to work, dad goes berserk!
Caroline's a rising executive. Jack just lost his job. Jack's going to have to start from the bottom up.
Jack Butler: My brain is like oatmeal. I yelled at Kenny today for coloring outside the lines! Megan and I are starting to watch the same TV shows, and I'm liking them! I'm losing it.::Caroline: Honey, I know what you're talking about. I've been there myself, alright?::Jack Butler: Well, if you're so unhappy, why don't you say something about it?::Caroline: Because I wasn't unhappy! Look, maybe I was a little confused, maybe I was a little frustrated, but I knew what I was doing was important, because it means something to raise human beings. What saw me through was pride.::[Jack takes the bedspread, pillow and a pizza slice before heading out]::Caroline: I've pride in this house, I've pride with my kids, and I've pride being Mrs. Jack Butler! Where are you going?::Jack Butler: [Eating pizza before going] I'm goin' downstairs to sleep on the fat couch if I can get through the door.::[Jack leaves the room]::Caroline: Well, you should take pride with some of that FAT, Porky!::[Caroline slams the door]
Jack Butler: Honey if you call and I'm not home I'll be at the gym or the gun club.
Jack Butler: Honey, you gave me some real good advice once, so let me give you some of my own. It's real easy to forget what's important, so don't."
[Trying to get Kenny to give up his security blanket]::Jack Butler: I understand that you little guys start out with your woobies and you think they're great... and they are, they are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn't enough. You're out on the street trying to score an electric blanket, or maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, you're strung out on bedspreads Ken. That's serious.
Jack Butler: Kenny, don't paint your sister!
Doris (TV Repairwoman): Are you crazy? You don't feed a baby chili!
Caroline: Do you want to go over the list one more time?::Jack Butler: No I don't want to go over the list! OK let's go over the list.
Doris (TV Repairwoman): Butler, you got a problem with your horizontal hold?::Jack Butler: I don't know.::Doris (TV Repairwoman): Your wife says you do.::Jack Butler: Well, she ought to know... come on in...
Alex: Wow, what a house!::Jack Butler: Yeah, probably mortgaged to the eyeballs.::Caroline: Not this one, his great grandfather - Commander Richardson - built it.::Jack Butler: Eh... hand me down.
Jack Butler: Your Mom calls the vacuum cleaner "jaws"?
Plot
With a ruthless gang terrorizing London, Scotland Yard calls Hugh "Bulldog" Drummond out of retirement. With the help of detective Helen Smith, Drummond infiltrates the gang under an assumed name. He and Smith become trusted gang-members until the gang's overlord discovers their true identities, and they are taken as prisoners.
Keywords: adventurer, bulldog-drummond, character-name-in-title, colonel, crime-wave, sequel, sergeant
The Screen's Master Manhunt!
Scotland Yard Crime Crusher Battles Walkie-Talkie Gangsters!
A TENSE DRAMA OF ROMANCE AND ADVENTURE (original print ad - all caps)