Valley Forge (1975)

Actors

• Richard Basehart (actor)
• Ted Beattie (actor)
• Jeff Braunstein (actor)
• William Carden (actor)
• Alan Cauldwell (actor)
• David Dukes (actor)
• Victor Garber (actor)
• John Heard (actor)
• Edward Herrmann (actor)
• Michael McGuire (actor)
• Robert Metcalf (actor)
• Woodrow Parfrey (actor)
• Leo Phillips (actor)
• Lane Smith (actor)
• Harry Andrews (actor)

Genres

• Drama
• War

Quotes:

Gen. Washington: I'll tell you what you're fighting for - -something that has never been on this green earth since man first worked it with his hands, and which does not exist and never will exist unless we put it there - the right of each man to govern himself in his own way.

Gen. Washington: Conway's a snake, and you'll see him squirming on the griddle before we're through.

• Lyrics: play full screen play karaoke
• Sacred Attention - Sebadoh
• My Own Religion - Sebadoh
• Wonderful! Wonderful! - Sebadoh
• Smoke a Bowl - Sebadoh
• Perfect Power - Sebadoh
• Mystery Man - Sebadoh
• New Worship - Sebadoh
• Yellow Submarine - Sebadoh
• Three Times a Day - Sebadoh
• So Long - Sebadoh
• Punch in the Nose - Sebadoh
• Perverted World - Sebadoh
• Nothing Like You - Sebadoh
• Give Up - Sebadoh
• Whitey Peach - Sebadoh
• Take My Hand - Sebadoh
• Gate to Hell - Sebadoh
• Temporary Dream - Sebadoh
• Truly Great Thing - Sebadoh
• Too Pure - Sebadoh
• Stop the Wheel - Sebadoh
• Sorry - Sebadoh
• Sickles and Hammers - Sebadoh
• Sforzando! - Sebadoh
• Pound My Skinny Head - Sebadoh
• Pink Moon - Sebadoh
• Not a Friend - Sebadoh
• Notsur Dnuora Selcric - Sebadoh
• Not Too Amused - Sebadoh
• No Way Out - Sebadoh
• Mind Meld - Sebadoh
• I Can't See - Sebadoh
• Skull - Sebadoh
• Telecosmic Alchemy - Sebadoh
• Little Man - Sebadoh
• Limb by Limb - Sebadoh
• Weed Against - Sebadoh
• Wall of Doubt - Sebadoh
• Willing to Wait - Sebadoh
• Two Years Two Days - Sebadoh
• True Hardcore - Sebadoh
• Total Peace - Sebadoh
• The Freed Pig - Sebadoh
• Temptation Tide - Sebadoh
• Spoiled - Sebadoh
• Soul and Fire - Sebadoh
• Ride the Darker Wave - Sebadoh
• God Told Me - Sebadoh
• More Simple - Sebadoh
• Mr. Genius Eyes - Sebadoh

With my head so low, the way I think could scrape the ground
I will give them all control, I will crumble all around
There's no need to say a word as logic burns right trough my head
I could almost laugh out loud, the way this silence leaves me dead
Feel afraid to speak, and I feel afraid to smile
As I crave sacred attention, you could hit me all the while
And you might be the weaker one, and I may stand and stare

Hey, I'm startin' to feel OK
I think I could make it through
I'm feelin' much smarter today
I think I'll be friends with you
Friend, I'm sorry if I don't talk
It seemed like there's nothing to say
Is it enough just to share some time
Before it all falls away?
I'm no one to stand and fall
Not satisfied with your respect
I'm digging you under today
And I'm laughing at your pact
Just scream if I cut too close

Sometimes we walk hand-in-hand by the sea
And we breathe in the cool salty air
You turn to me with a kiss in your eyes
And my heart feels a thrill beyond compare
Then your lips cling to mine
It's wonderful, wonderful
Oh, so wonderful, My Love
Sometimes we stand on the top of a hill
And we gaze at the earth and the sky
I turn to you and you melt in my arms
Here we are darling, only you and I
For a moment to share
It's wonderful, wonderful
Oh, so wonderful, My Love
The world is full of wondrous things, its true
But they wouldn't have much meaning without you
Some quiet evening I sit by your side
And we're lost in a world of our own
I feel the glow of your arms holding love
I'm aware of the treasure that I own
And I say to myself,
"It's wonderful, wonderful"

If you just wanna smoke a bowl of the finest homegrown
No matter where you're coming from
You can find my man there on the street
You can find a man that'll peddle and you meet
Weed makes you feel happy when you're feeling down
Oh, yeah
Weed even makes you smile when there's no one around
Oh, yeah
It's the weed that makes you sing when you're…
Half-asleep, you can sing…
Bored and nothing to do
We sit
In a
Beat up old Chevy
He'll tell ya; he'll tell
He'll tell ya
Yeah, he'll tell ya
Yeah, I guess he'll tell ya

You can walk on fire
You can talk to the dead
You can wait 'til tomorrow
You can't lose
Ain't it nice to find some wasted time wasn't wasted blind?
You only need to believe it
Don't you worry, right away under
You possess the perfect power
All above, others under
Hopeless, selfish, stupid power
Superstar, super just like me
Beauty is just a state of mind
It don't matter how I waste my time
Truth's just changin' every day today
I think I like it that way
I think I like it this way
Almost weak enough to get me off
No one's strong enough to make me stop

Earnest little lover, little mystery man
Nothing thrills you like denial
There's nothing wrong with the need to please
And children know no shame
Baby on your bended knees and she'd love to play your game
She's a curious girl easily swayed by your force of will
Empty to be filled with the hunger for more
What if time denies you, the key to your fulfillment fails?
Around the world again on a boat that sinks as it sails
Stand shoulders above her
Pick her up when you love her
Rub it right when you use her
Need it so bad you abuse her
But don't leave her alone ''cause soon she'll be tasting
The sweet unknown
If it feeds her candy she'll follow it home
Make your claim, she's legally yours
When she shares your name
But don't lose control ''cause you'll scare her away

There's a lie we've been living through
Think you're all alone, it's not quite true
No one cares, ''cause no one should
Everything you see was meant to be misunderstood
Safe & sound, so safe & sound
Move your body back and forth and round & round
And all my friends are killing me, all my friends are killing me

In the town where I was born
Lived a man who sailed the sea
[Incomprehensible]
In the land of submarines
We all live in a yellow submarine
A yellow submarine, a yellow submarine
We all live in a yellow submarine
A yellow submarine, a yellow submarine
In the town where I was born
Lived a man who sailed the sea
[Incomprehensible]
In the land of submarines
We all live in a yellow submarine
A yellow submarine, a yellow submarine
We all live in a yellow submarine
A yellow submarine, a yellow submarine
In the town where I was born
Lived a man who sailed the sea
[Incomprehensible]
In the yellow submarine
We all live in a yellow submarine
A yellow submarine, a yellow submarine
We all live in a yellow submarine

It's a joke I play 3 times a day to sticky magazines
Tired wrist and greasy fist, erotic sister scenes
Bitter, unreal; too worn out to feel
Resisting, grasping and never lasting
And nulling out my pleasure
So I never know what's real
3 times a day, 3 times I see
Just how pathetic my need can be
3 times a day, 3 times I see
Just how pathetic my need can be
3 times a day, 3 times I see
Just how pathetic my need can be

If I'd had any sense, would it come to grips?
If I go on home, would I have stayed around so long? So
I don't know, I don't know
Pressing it to your lips
Threaten me with your fist
We're swimming out to sea
I think, I know how it will be
Oh, what I wanted
All I can have
Oh, what you wanted
All you can have
So you keep the change
You stay the same

Well I'm acting like a guy who just knows
''cause I'm lookin' for a punch in the nose
I'm just lookin' for a punch in the nose
You can be my best friend
Or at least you can pretend
I'm not lookin' for a punch in the nose
If I say everything stinks
It's ''cause I'm bobbling for my own link
Pray not lookin' for a punch in the nose (?)

It's no drama or a hurting kind of love that never gives
I've got a sister with an open mind
And the sweetest urge
Whisper, fight it; a bed for me (?)
Warmth rising to share with me
Not damaged; a restless love or just wasting time?
The wait has been satisfied
I'm not jerkin' to lose my mind again
I'm not smart enough to fake it
No fool could fake a feeling this good
C'mon girl, let's walk through this perverted world
A few times; it's too insane
A "no-trust monster" stomping in my brain
Broken solid; solid shattered
Forgot it forever and ever and ever…
Slow down to a loving pace
To the place I'd rather be

If I'm right, sometimes I forget I might
Shallow as the brook out back
Bedtime stories that you can't take back
Figure how to be a friend to you
God knows I want to
There's a lot of girls in the world
That are nothing like you
There's no need to condescend
Not knowing, careful to pretend
Give away your fucked-up friends
Tired news and damaged trends
Figure how to be a friend to you
God knows I want to
There's a lot of girls in the world
That are nothing like you
If we play your games
Won't have time to play my games
Forget how to be myself
But now I've got it figured out
They're nothing like you
They're nothing like you
They're nothing like you

Burn out, man
Typically bitter
Find me locked into the vicious cycle
Find me trapped and scared simple
Money, money, money
Money, more money
The helpless slob in his dead-end day job
Helpless slob in his dead-end day job
I'm reaching every goal
Maybe a girlfriend under control
An easy target and drag-down anchor
The co-dependent self-styled nightmare
And it's a shame ''cause I really don't care

Hey girl, do you see the thing I see?
I'm linking to a line looking your eyes at me
Dumpy young thing, just reach in for something to reach for
Baby, you're beautiful, baby, you sweet whitey peach whore
There's a man
Finger, fist; shaft to tip, mat to rug 'til you scream
Horny young ape walking with not a stall as I sing
No, I'm not the one
I know that you're trippin' my way
Bland and quite usual; swear it's a beautiful day

Come on girl, tell me something
Tell me something I don't know
Little girl, should I be scared the way I am?
Does it feel OK to stand so close to me?
Take my hand, try to walk in time together
I'm doubting it could ever be that real
Can't be sure, cannot rest inside worlds
Either one could change tomorrow
Then they'd see that none bear hurt
It isn't fair; it can't be worth the pain
Last time together

Eyes never close; little head never stops
Naked little no-man with a whisper in his walk and hand
Wait, I'm afraid to ask your name
I'd kill myself just to prove it to you
A narrow little girl who looks a lot like you at the scene
I'm afraid to break this shadow
Pretty girl, you crack the gate that leads to hell

On my way to temporary dream
On my way to temporary dream
Temporary dream
On my way to temporary dream
On my way to temporary dream

Make it easy and I'll hold it against you
I'm on a string dangled right in front of you
Make it hard and I'll run away
Keep tomorrow as I kill today
Trying to figure just what I deserve
Slashing lines all across the earth
Patience only makes the dream come true
Everything I see I hold to you
Tell me, this is it—
The Truly Great Thing
The love you've hoped to find
Any doubt will simply wipe itself out
As we're rising deeper the first and last time
Lift me up and drop me down again
Every day I feel confusion, pain
Love is what we've all been waiting for
Something powerful to smash it all apart
Can't love if you're locked up tight
The dream of perfection, nothing ever seems right
All the world will tell you, "You're all wrong"
Big big deal if you're wrong
This is it—
The Truly Great Thing
The love you've hoped to find
Any doubt will simply wipe itself out

Is something missing in my touch, a tension tugging at my smile?
If there's a right thing to say, I'm sure I missed it by a mile
Swallowed in some detail, heavy in my blood
I wanna hold you close, but I can't lift my arms up
Is there a reason for this distance?
More than the drug that floats my days
A nervous bug in my system, it keeps me edgy and ashamed
I've got a saint, never ever will forgive
That never understood me but still tells me how to live
It fits when I stretch and I stretch because I can
I stretch until I'm sore and then I open up for more
I do it out of habit, not addiction
And if I give it up, clean out my blood
Will I still feel bored and disconnected?
If I do it all for love, will I ever give enough?
''cause you can never be too pure or too connected
You can never be too pure or too connected

Can't think twice about the way I feel
No one on Earth can stop the wheel
There's an awful sound when you push me down
Pin my shoulders to the ground
You're so insane to close the door on me
When you know everyone is going to see
Things are all strewn about, can't figure out
Wanna tear me apart, make a new start

No, I mean it, I'm really sorry; here I'll say it again
I want you to know it, but the more I say it
The less it means in the end
Working for respect's like climbing a mountain
And I think I'm losing my grip
Once I'm fallin' and I think I'm fallin'
There's no gettin' back on pace
But my face makes that sorry shape
I know who I am, but I lost my grace
I'm gettin' a stick and I march for more
Now I was wrong, everybody knows
My mouth is moving but nothing's changing
I just can't leave it alone
Nervous defense that's doubled to senseless
Milked it dry like a bone
I milked it dry like a bone
I just can't leave it alone
I milked it dry like a bone
I just can't leave it alone
But my face makes that sorry shape
I know who I am, but I lost my grace
I'm gettin' a stick and I march for more
Now I was wrong, everybody knows
Everybody knows
No, I mean it, I'm really sorry; here I'll say it again

(instrumental)

(Instrumental)

Don't wanna show you a smile
I wanna shut up 'til I die
I cherish all that's pure
So I lock my sound inside
Don't hold these sweaty hands
To view nothing fit
Please realize that I've got nothing
'Cept the one, it's you that's it
You can see the way I run
It's no secret where I hide
Masturbating Jesus creep, I jerk off 'til I die
You should pound my skinny head
To bleed me dry and true
Then we'd sing together ''cause there's nothing else to do

Suddenly, it?s all the same
The pink moon is on its way
No use to stand so tall
The pink moon is gonna get you all
It?s a pink moon
Pink, pink, pink, pink, pink, pink
Pink, pink, pink, pink, pink, pink moon
Suddenly, it?s all the same
The pink moon is on its way
No use to stand so tall
The pink moon is gonna get you all
It?s a pink moon, pink moon
Pink, pink, pink, pink, pink, pink

I'm not a good friend, I'm not a friend at all
It's never resolved, I'm nervous when you call
My words are limp, and my mind is dry
I try to be polite, but I feel like I'm stuck for life
I follow my heart, it leads me far from you
No matter how close we are, I'm far, far away
I have too much now to fill my day today
I'm not a good friend, I'm not a friend at all
I don't need obligations to our crippled conversations
I'd never tell you, it's something you should know
I'm not a friend at all, oh, please let me go
Somehow I don't trust you
I don't trust myself
And I may never forgive you
''cause I can't forgive myself
Somehow I don't trust you
I don't trust myself
And I may never forgive you
''cause I can't forgive myself
Don't break my stride
Don't break my stride
Don't break my stride

Drifting herrings in your bed
Here comes a nowhere man on quick southern feet
You're on the quickest ways to lonely
And you cry too much to sleep
Guns aren't hard to get
And he's in love with you
Love's a funny feeling
And triggers can change the truth
Under her eyes
She's got circles
Under her eyes
She's got circles
Under her eyes
She's got circles

What was that you just said?
That didn't make any sense to me
It's not the way I see it, man
I'm almost tired of listening to you
Why do you tie me up with words?
The way your eye shifts makes me wanna go
Black-jawed living room, couch professor
When will you be through with me? I'd like to know
Everywhere I go, I feel it
But I won't talk, I won't get stuck with you
Everyone's so lonely, I dig it
But I'm afraid I can't share this with you
So don't make me your captive
I don't feel like talking your shit
I nod my broken head

Lookin' at a new routine is the way to be
Ain't no way out and the wheels are lazy
Give a livin' when you're that again
Hoard in sunshine, medicine
Fell apart as humans will, they walked away from everything
Carry a lantern, ''cause I may live away
Where I can relax when I leave this place
Defined by age, I'm a monkey in rage
Store it in rhythm ''cause they cover more space (?)
The Garden of Eden is a garbage dump
Wild with daisies, I'm a hardcore punk

Leaving is a test that I've never had to take
When your mind dissolves, you don't know me anymore
Try to make you see what you meant to me before
When you told me off, the other door
The house won't be close without you to see
Leaving is a test that I've never had to take
(repeat verse)

I didn't really want to hold your hand
I didn't wanna wait around to understand you
You were just a test who cut into my head
It's nothing real around I cried to you instead
I wanted you to think you'd stuck another boy
I fell in love as if I had no other choice
A little nothing-child who'd just misunderstood
Took a little friendship for something true and good
I'm into things I can't see I'm into things I can't see

There is history in this place
There are dragons to be chased
And though I don't know who you are
An easy flow and a strong, a strong heart
And the charm in the way you hide
Gently take my skull for a ride
And I don't know who you are
But I know what I would like you to be
A one-night stand under stoned persuasion
But a joy that I can't hide
Gently take my skull for a ride
We can never ever go too far
The pain we can't escape at least will wait
So let's go quickly, no we go slow
Let's go chasing dragons through the snow
Kindly take my all
And give me all you have
Gently take my skull for a ride
Take and shake your soul
But never lose control

In blase and dream away
Nothin' grew, so mark it bland (?)
I'm sad, fuck sad, I'm teary-eyed
Want a lovey-dovey honey, that's what I like
I'm the finest drifter you'll ever meet
I'm the kindest drifter you'll ever meet
Don't think nothin' cards condemn
I'm sure we both cut and shuffle them
I cry ''cause I'm drunk, plead ''cause I'm down
Gravity immune, yeah, I didn't leave town
Learn to talk, teach me alchemy
Now the witch can't spell what my future might be
Want a lovey-dovey honey that will learn to talk
I bought the gin and tonic, if you care to walk
Carry on I will, my soul melting down
Rotten beans, stumbling, now it's nothing but the town
I'm the finest drifter you'll ever hate

Your time is up little man…
There's a man running up your streets
From his belt hangs dead parakeets
He holds that big old club real tight
He holds a wrench and a very sharp knife
Your time is up little man
Down, down, down with the club
Drown, drown, drown in your blood
Can't take a piss he's here
Can't watch TV he's here
He'll fucking bash your precious little head, Little Man
He's beating you with his club

I'm moving on; plowing through
A violent landscape
Candlelight, oh, Devil Bride
Crisp until you break
Well I give so the ranks in fear (?)
You could not mystify
Limb by limb I'll feed you in
I, the Serpent in the Tide
From haunted dreams her bloke did speak,
"To expand is to slay!"
A tunnel to infinity, dazzling all the way
Radiant matter's bouncing out; thunder purified
Truer than sides, sees the lie
Laughter in the sky
There's a cry ringing out o'er land and sea
Star-crossed our weary hearts
Absorbed for light, he set us free
WALK SO WEAK, TOO STONED TO SPEAK
I KEEP IT TO MYSELF
DON'T FUCK WITH ME, I'M HOVERING

(Instrumental)

Coming 'round to drain me more
Numbs me down to the core
And I hide behind a wall of doubt
Wanna know what you're all about
Twisting, everything is fine

When you see him again, tell him everything that you told me
tell him that I'm still your friend
and maybe you would like to see me again
I'm willing to wait my turn to be with you
but I still have a lot to learn about me
and no one's sure if we should be together
but oh, when I saw you again
a beautiful friend, she opened up her heart and let me in
no, I cannot lie to you
I'm still in love with you and I only wanna be with you
so when you see him again, tell him everything that you told me
we're more than friends
and maybe we should start again
maybe you could love me again
cause oh, when I saw you again
a beautiful friend, she opened up her heart and let me in
no, I cannot lie to you
I'm still in love with you and i only wanna be with you

Now that you have your doubts
Will you always be looking for a way out?
And if I convinced you to stay
Two years or two days from now
I'd live in fear of losing you
Holding on and trapping you inside
Now I understand
I can't always have what I'm wanting
And now I'm wanting you
But if you don't want me
I'll have to set you free
I'll have to learn to live without you
Guilt is a stupid thing
Don't let it make you stay
Leave me if you're wanting someone else; I'll be OK
Two years or two days from now

True hardcore is hard to find
Takes the peaceful selfish kind
To realize where the power lies in music
The beauty may be hard to take
Pray it's not the evil fake
There's always time to change your mind
And still be very true
Always will be true
Like evergreens in wintertime
Or elks around are sleeping, dying
True hardcore is forever young
True hardcore is left undone
Someone who has always known it
Someone who has never lost it
And as the others act so strange
You've had the strength to never change

All I need is one true friend
I want total peace of mind
To leave the hurting world behind
I'm not scared; I swear I'm free
It may collapse the fear
That burns to bring the worst from me
Much too smart to sound uptight
Not to cheat what I deserve
Nothing hidden and nothing wasted
So far from dead, frustrated
Too smart to ask for more
This is all I've waited for
Nothing hidden and nothing wasted
Nothing past the love I've tasted
It's wrong but right; magic change
I finally hurt to live on up to this name
Not right; it never changes

You were right
I was battling you, trying to prove myself
I tried to bury you with guilt; I wanted to prove you wrong
I've got nothing better to do than pay too much attention to you
It's sad, but it's not your fault
Self-righteous and rude
I guess I lost that cool
Tapping 'til I drive you insane
I'm self-righteous, but never right
So laid back, but so uptight
Destroying your patience to tolerate me
With all the negative spirit I bring
Right, I was obsessed to bring you down
Watching your every move
Playing a little-boy game
Always with something to prove
Waiting to cut you down, making it hard to live
With only one thing to do
Cut me first, make it easy
Now you will be free
Now that nothing depends on me
Tapping 'til I drive you insane
Now you will be free
With no sick people tugging on your sleeve
Your big head has that "more room to grow"
A glory I will never know

Close my eyes
Feel the fire
Overwhelming fear and desire
(so hard for you to stem the tide)
Wavering heart, the flames growing higher
(grab your bottle get your coat and hide)
Lose what I have
To test new water
My mind is awash 'round the thoughts of her
(so hard for you to fill my eyes)
So much at stake, can't stay awake
(temptation for me and for you)
Drifting off
(out with the tide)
Dreams come so easily
Filled with wasted fantasy
We're together until the tide
(so hard for you to stem the tide)
Time enough to quell the day
(test the water, there's the place, fill your heart)
Tide's going out, here I am to stay

Spoiled children soon to fall
Freedom is the lie we live
We will wait for tragedy
And scatter helpless to the fire
Sorry for ourselves
Sorry for the things we've seen
No one cries for help
Waiting for the fire
When all our toys are burning
All these empty urges must be satisfied
Acted outside
Precious strength to turn the game to history
Giving up, I'm blown away
He said all I had to say
The final days have come and gone
Safe inside; there's nothing wrong
Nothing in these words
Sorry force of habit
Could it be way over my head?
Helpless to describe it
Could it be way over my head?
Helpless to describe it
Could it be way over my head?
Helpless to describe it
Dumb & cruel
Cut before it's grown
Lies so forced in bored control

"Soul and Fire" by Sebadoh
Written by Lou Barlow
from _Bubble and Scrape_
It's all a matter
of soul and fire.
Infatuation
or true desire.
The thrill of discovery,
divine intervention;
cruel, cruel change,
pain of rejection.
As you walk away
think of all the joy we shared.
If you decide you need me,
I'll be wondering if I care...
Not there to soothe your soul,
friend to tender friend.
I think our love is coming to an end.
King persuader,
congratulations.
You share her heart,
you bought her soul
Princess confusion
come to me again.
Saying goodbye
was so much fun.
When you walk away
feel the freedom in your heart.
There's a joy in letting go,
free to find a love apart.
When I lose control
I need a kind, forgiving friend,
but I think our love is coming to an end.

You make your words so nice
I'm waiting you to name a price
One will walk along
Praying as you sing your song
Way and winters upon the season
You baby to me so right, would it be out of reason?
You're me and my mouth; you know to my size of treason (?)
The breezes went in their way to May
Ride the darker wave
Hello tomorrow today
Ride the darker wave

This land is very small
A bum scrawl with people crawl (?)
America's the greatest way
I'm counting thoughts; I'm counting days
Well I know it's true, ''cause God told me to tell it to you
I know it's true; a God told me to tell it to you
This metal cuts my skin
America has eaten my cousin
Green boots and a hard green helmet
I feel so bad ''cause I'm left and spent
I know it's true, ''cause God told me to tell it to you (X2)

They're quite more simple than you
They don't see half that you do
You're walkin' on clouds way up high
Life has been cuddled in your mind
They're guessing suspicious, not true
But we're not to care like you do
You skip leaves over bows
God makes you sound like you do
They're quite more simple than you
They're quite more simple than you

Rest now Mr. Genius Eyes, your work has all been done
Speak in special riddles, standing pointing at the sun behind you
There is no way around you
(I wish I never found you)
A bitter gifted girl, look at what she's done
Making fun of boys on the other side of the sun
I'm here to be used
Try to be confused with someone
It's no one; the special boy is only no one
I should be free to be what I am
As you should have what you need
But if you see what you need in me
Then you can't have what you need
It's not fair to expect that from me
''cause that's not what I am
You think I reject you, but I never wanted to hurt you
Now you want to hurt me ''cause I won't set you free
That's what you see, but that's not what I am