When it comes to parents and children, money stress can be contagious.
That’s what Amy Weimer, director of the School of Family and Consumer Sciences at Texas State University, found when she and a colleague studied 60 children last year. They were more likely to report feeling worried if their parents were experiencing long-term financial stress.
“As a parent, if I know I’m in deep debt, I would want to do something to address that issue so it doesn’t trickle down and have an impact on my child’s mental well-being,” Weimer says. Parents may want to seek financial counseling to help with debt management, for example, if they are experiencing financial strain, she adds.
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According to researchers and financial professionals, there are also other steps parents can take to help teach their children about money without sharing their financial worries with them.
Talk about money early
Talking about money with children during neutral moments can help establish a comfort level with financial discussions, says Justin Rush, a certified financial planner and founder of JGR Financial Solutions in Canton, Ohio.
On a recent drive with his son, a seventh grader, and father, the trio started talking about the price of a McDonald’s Big Mac, which led to a conversation about inflation. Those kinds of chats can lead to discussions about budgeting and other financial lessons, Rush says, which sets a baseline for speaking about money with ease.
“Some parents think they are doing kids a service by not talking about adulting stuff early on,” says Kimberly Watkins, assistant professor in financial planning at the University of Georgia, who adds that you can start talking about money with children as young as age 3. But the reality is, she says, avoiding the topic can create a “generational cycle” of financial unawareness, which can ultimately lead to more money stress.
![When parents are stressed about finances, they can unintentionally pass on that concern to their children. To prevent that kind of worry, parents can talk about money early with their children to set a baseline for financial discussions.](https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/e/c3/ec3cb34d-b681-5d17-985a-31717890aa35/65f6e284c466e.image.jpg?resize=150%2C100 150w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/e/c3/ec3cb34d-b681-5d17-985a-31717890aa35/65f6e284c466e.image.jpg?resize=200%2C133 200w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/e/c3/ec3cb34d-b681-5d17-985a-31717890aa35/65f6e284c466e.image.jpg?resize=225%2C150 225w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/e/c3/ec3cb34d-b681-5d17-985a-31717890aa35/65f6e284c466e.image.jpg?resize=300%2C200 300w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/e/c3/ec3cb34d-b681-5d17-985a-31717890aa35/65f6e284c466e.image.jpg?resize=400%2C266 400w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/e/c3/ec3cb34d-b681-5d17-985a-31717890aa35/65f6e284c466e.image.jpg?resize=540%2C359 540w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/e/c3/ec3cb34d-b681-5d17-985a-31717890aa35/65f6e284c466e.image.jpg?resize=640%2C426 640w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/e/c3/ec3cb34d-b681-5d17-985a-31717890aa35/65f6e284c466e.image.jpg?resize=750%2C499 750w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/e/c3/ec3cb34d-b681-5d17-985a-31717890aa35/65f6e284c466e.image.jpg?resize=990%2C659 990w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/e/c3/ec3cb34d-b681-5d17-985a-31717890aa35/65f6e284c466e.image.jpg?resize=1035%2C688 1035w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/e/c3/ec3cb34d-b681-5d17-985a-31717890aa35/65f6e284c466e.image.jpg?resize=1200%2C798 1200w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/e/c3/ec3cb34d-b681-5d17-985a-31717890aa35/65f6e284c466e.image.jpg?resize=1333%2C887 1333w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/e/c3/ec3cb34d-b681-5d17-985a-31717890aa35/65f6e284c466e.image.jpg?resize=1476%2C982 1476w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/e/c3/ec3cb34d-b681-5d17-985a-31717890aa35/65f6e284c466e.image.jpg?resize=1765%2C1174 2008w)
When parents are stressed about finances, they can unintentionally pass on that concern to their children. To prevent that kind of worry, parents can talk about money early with their children to set a baseline for financial discussions.
Learn together
Sometimes, Watkins says, learning about finances can be a family project that benefits both parents and children. “Be comfortable with letting kids know you don’t know everything,” she says. If your child asks you a question about money you can’t answer, then you can find out together.
Watkins suggests using the “Money as You Grow” website from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau for ideas on topics to explore together, such as the financial ramifications of buying a pet or moving to a new house. Your bank or credit union might offer additional online resources to help your family, she adds.
Consider language choices carefully
Because children often interpret words so literally, using phrases like, “we don’t have the money for that” in response to requests can be confusing, says Pam Horack, a CFP at Pathfinder Planning in Lake Wylie, South Carolina. Instead, she suggests saying something like, “That’s not in our budget right now.”
That small language shift helps a child understand that parents are constantly making choices and trade-offs when it comes to money, she adds, which can ultimately be an empowering realization.
Megan McCoy, an assistant professor in the personal financial planning department at Kansas State, suggests also being mindful of how you might talk to sons and daughters differently about money, even if it’s by accident.
“One old study talked about how daughters were more likely to get messages around saving, and sons more likely to get messages around earning,” she says. “That could contribute to risk tolerance or picking a job with the right earning potential. It could make a big impact.”
Be straightforward about financial hardships
For parents going through a particularly stressful time such as a job loss, Weimer suggests sharing the news in an age-appropriate way rather than trying to mask it. For example, to a young child, you could explain that you lost your job but are working hard to find a new one while a teenager could understand the nuances of layoffs and job searching on LinkedIn.
“It might seem counterintuitive, but by sharing more about money, your children will feel less anxious,” says Gregg Murset, a CFP and CEO of BusyKid, a debit card and chore app for kids. He suggests reassuring them that some things won’t change, such as your ability to feed and house them, while explaining that other expenditures, like going out to dinner, may have to stop, at least for now.
Invite kids to contribute
In some cases, children can contribute to the household more during a financial hardship such as a job loss, and that can help them regain a sense of control. A teenager, for example, can reduce the emotional stress of a parent juggling multiple jobs or working long hours by picking up additional chores around the house, Weimer says.
“It helps them recognize they contribute to the overall family well-being, too, whether that’s cutting back on expenses or just reducing parental anxiety in other ways,” she says.
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Is discussing finances with your date a mood killer? Here's the tea on dating and credit
Is discussing finances with your date a mood killer? Here's the tea on dating and credit
![Is discussing finances with your date a mood killer? Here's the tea on dating and credit](https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/a/0f/a0fb7e01-d84f-538e-a8e2-c44405ad6161/65f6e28557e5d.image.jpg?resize=150%2C107 150w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/a/0f/a0fb7e01-d84f-538e-a8e2-c44405ad6161/65f6e28557e5d.image.jpg?resize=200%2C143 200w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/a/0f/a0fb7e01-d84f-538e-a8e2-c44405ad6161/65f6e28557e5d.image.jpg?resize=225%2C160 225w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/a/0f/a0fb7e01-d84f-538e-a8e2-c44405ad6161/65f6e28557e5d.image.jpg?resize=300%2C214 300w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/a/0f/a0fb7e01-d84f-538e-a8e2-c44405ad6161/65f6e28557e5d.image.jpg?resize=400%2C285 400w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/a/0f/a0fb7e01-d84f-538e-a8e2-c44405ad6161/65f6e28557e5d.image.jpg?resize=540%2C385 540w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/a/0f/a0fb7e01-d84f-538e-a8e2-c44405ad6161/65f6e28557e5d.image.jpg?resize=640%2C456 640w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/a/0f/a0fb7e01-d84f-538e-a8e2-c44405ad6161/65f6e28557e5d.image.jpg?resize=750%2C535 750w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/a/0f/a0fb7e01-d84f-538e-a8e2-c44405ad6161/65f6e28557e5d.image.jpg?resize=990%2C706 990w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/a/0f/a0fb7e01-d84f-538e-a8e2-c44405ad6161/65f6e28557e5d.image.jpg?resize=1010%2C720 1035w)
Whether young people are single, in a committed relationship, or married, the romantically inclined are as concerned with their potential (or actual) partner's credit, perhaps even as much as their personality and other assets, according to a 2024 Experian survey.
To set the demographic stage, Experian asked 1,000 millennials (ages 28 to 43) and adult Generation Zers (ages 18 to 27) if they were in a committed relationship. Among those under 25, about half of survey respondents said they were in a committed relationship, as did about two-thirds of older millennials. We then asked both the singles and the committed their thoughts about romance and credit, past and present. The survey was conducted on January 26, 2024 and responses were collected using a third-party company and were not from Experian's consumer credit database.
For many, discussing finances is TBD
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Discussing finances is admittedly not much of an ice-breaker. However, according to our survey, many may be putting off money questions indefinitely. Indeed, more than half of those in the dating pool (56%) say they're going to wait until they commit to someone before either prying or opening up their own financial books.
At the other end of the spectrum, only 4% of singles would like to either ask some financial questions or receive some financial answers before that first meetup. The rest, about 39%, bring up finances at some point between the first coffee and deleting the dating app.
In addition, most singles don't think a person's finances will sway their decision in either direction. Only 13% say that knowing someone's credit score would sway their decision about that person.
By the way, financial shyness may noy just be a singles-only issue. When posed the same question, those already part of a relationship or marriage suggested they would be about as curious or incurious about their current partner's finances as singles are about their date.
How couples see their credit scores
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A recent Experian study found that couples today are co-mingling their finances less than in prior years. There are fewer couples with joint accounts than in previous years, and more married couples are choosing to file taxes separately.
So it's not surprising that sometimes a couple's credit scores aren't similar either. Among committed respondents, only a third of respondents said they had about the same credit score as their partner. Another third said their credit score was better and another third said their partner's score was better.
Men were more likely than women to claim they were the partner with a better credit score: 41% of men claimed they were the one with the better credit score, while only 31% of women asked said they were the partner with the better credit score.
"Claim," however, is the key term here. With far more men claiming their credit score is better than their partner's, this survey result may be a byproduct of male ego. Previous Experian data shows men and women in fact have similar credit scores.
Who pays? The answers you've been waiting for
![Who pays? The answers you've been waiting for](https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/d/be/dbe796b4-856b-50b0-8f08-048235c9103f/65f6e286348bd.image.png?resize=150%2C70 150w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/d/be/dbe796b4-856b-50b0-8f08-048235c9103f/65f6e286348bd.image.png?resize=200%2C94 200w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/d/be/dbe796b4-856b-50b0-8f08-048235c9103f/65f6e286348bd.image.png?resize=225%2C105 225w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/d/be/dbe796b4-856b-50b0-8f08-048235c9103f/65f6e286348bd.image.png?resize=300%2C140 300w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/d/be/dbe796b4-856b-50b0-8f08-048235c9103f/65f6e286348bd.image.png?resize=400%2C187 400w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/d/be/dbe796b4-856b-50b0-8f08-048235c9103f/65f6e286348bd.image.png?resize=540%2C253 540w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/d/be/dbe796b4-856b-50b0-8f08-048235c9103f/65f6e286348bd.image.png?resize=640%2C299 640w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/d/be/dbe796b4-856b-50b0-8f08-048235c9103f/65f6e286348bd.image.png?resize=750%2C351 750w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/d/be/dbe796b4-856b-50b0-8f08-048235c9103f/65f6e286348bd.image.png?resize=990%2C463 990w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/d/be/dbe796b4-856b-50b0-8f08-048235c9103f/65f6e286348bd.image.png?resize=1035%2C484 1035w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/d/be/dbe796b4-856b-50b0-8f08-048235c9103f/65f6e286348bd.image.png?resize=1080%2C505 1200w)
The check arrives. You're asked to take your time. Your mind may be more concerned with other things than who picks up the tab, but most still have a preference over who should pay on the first date. Let's drill down.
Among all 1,000 respondents, replies are evenly distributed among four possible replies to the matter of who picks up the check.
By far the greatest differentiator among respondents is gender
![By far the greatest differentiator among respondents is gender](https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/c/33/c33fac72-94a9-5780-81c6-505862485713/65f6e2867b42a.image.png?resize=150%2C70 150w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/c/33/c33fac72-94a9-5780-81c6-505862485713/65f6e2867b42a.image.png?resize=200%2C94 200w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/c/33/c33fac72-94a9-5780-81c6-505862485713/65f6e2867b42a.image.png?resize=225%2C105 225w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/c/33/c33fac72-94a9-5780-81c6-505862485713/65f6e2867b42a.image.png?resize=300%2C140 300w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/c/33/c33fac72-94a9-5780-81c6-505862485713/65f6e2867b42a.image.png?resize=400%2C187 400w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/c/33/c33fac72-94a9-5780-81c6-505862485713/65f6e2867b42a.image.png?resize=540%2C253 540w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/c/33/c33fac72-94a9-5780-81c6-505862485713/65f6e2867b42a.image.png?resize=640%2C299 640w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/c/33/c33fac72-94a9-5780-81c6-505862485713/65f6e2867b42a.image.png?resize=750%2C351 750w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/c/33/c33fac72-94a9-5780-81c6-505862485713/65f6e2867b42a.image.png?resize=990%2C463 990w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/c/33/c33fac72-94a9-5780-81c6-505862485713/65f6e2867b42a.image.png?resize=1035%2C484 1035w, https://web.archive.org./web/20240317150748im_/https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/napavalleyregister.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/c/33/c33fac72-94a9-5780-81c6-505862485713/65f6e2867b42a.image.png?resize=1080%2C505 1200w)
The data overwhelmingly suggests that men are the group most likely to identify themselves as the one who should pay for the first date. It's more of a differentiator than region, age, income status, and employment status.
If you've perhaps gotten your first grown-up job or have above-average income, you're somewhat more likely to pick up the check, according to the Experian survey. But the preference is lukewarm at best. Region and age show almost no difference in who buys.
Can good credit be cute?
Finally, we asked a simple yes or no question that most appear to agree with: Is good credit attractive? Four out of five singles say yes, according to this year's survey. While we're not suggesting including your credit score in your dating profile, it's a pretty short walk from good credit to higher confidence, one of the most tried and true approaches to relationships we have.
Methodology: The analysis results provided are based on an Experian-created statistically relevant aggregate sampling of our consumer credit database that may include use of the FICO Score 8 version. Different sampling parameters may generate different findings compared with other similar analysis. Analyzed credit data did not contain personal identification information. Metro areas group counties and cities into specific geographic areas for population censuses and compilations of related statistical data.
This story was produced by Experian and reviewed and distributed by Stacker Media.