The ABCs of toilet training

Most parents eagerly anticipate toilet training as a milestone in their child's development, and the end to changing nappies. But few mums and dads are prepared for how long it may take.

Some children master it within a few days, but others take several months or longer. You and your child have a better chance of success if you understand the important elements of training before you start. Here are the basic steps:

A. Assess your child's readiness for toilet training – and your own

When children are about a year old, they can begin to recognise that they have a full bladder or rectum (NHS nd). Some are ready to start toilet training as early as 18 months, while others aren't interested until after age three. Most children are ready between 18 months and three years old (ERIC 2019). The older your child is, the easier and quicker it tends to be (Nemours 2019, NHS nd, SA DE 2015).

Because there's such a wide age range for when children develop an interest in toilet training, watch for signs that your child is ready to start, for example:

• Can he understand and follow simple instructions (ERIC 2019)?
• Can he walk and sit down (ERIC 2019)?
• Can he take off his pants and put them back on?
• Can he tell you when he's done a wee or poo?
  (Nemours 2019, NHS nd)

Try not to pressure your child. If he's not ready, it will only be counterproductive.

Don't expect your younger child to take the same amount of time to toilet train as your older child. Boys tend to train a bit more slowly than girls (AAP 2016, Nemours 2019, SA DE 2015), while second (and subsequent) children may learn more quickly than firstborns.

Also consider the other challenges your toddler is dealing with now. If he's sick or experiencing any turmoil or major change in his life, such as a new school, caregiver or sibling, the toilet-training process is likely to hit some snags. Consider holding off until things settle down (ERIC 2019, HSC 2019, Nemours 2019).

The same goes for you. If you're in the middle of renovating your house, have just taken a challenging new job, or are experiencing morning sickness with your next pregnancy, it's probably not a good time to try to toilet train your child. Wait a couple of weeks – or months – for other pressures to ease (ERIC 2019, HSC 2019).

Plan to start toilet training when you're able to devote time, patience and a bit of humour to the process (ERIC 2019, HSC 2019). And be prepared for it to take several months (Nemours 2019).

B. Buy the right toilet training equipment

Using a potty may be easier for your toddler rather than a toilet to start with. It's easy for him to get on and off, and can be moved around the house (SA DE 2015). Many potties have a lift-out pot, making emptying and cleaning simpler.

But you may want to buy a training seat to attach to your toilet as well as, or instead of, a potty. This can make your little one feel less anxious about using the grown-up toilet. Some fear falling into it, while others don't like the loud noise of the flush. Some potties come with a removable training seat that you can use on the toilet.

If you want your child to use the toilet, he'll also need a footstep so he can get on and off the loo by himself easily (ERIC 2019, Nemours 2019). It will also help him brace his feet while sitting.

Once you've decided what equipment will work best for your family, take your toddler on a special shopping trip. Let him choose a potty or training seat (AAFP 2017, ERIC 2019, SA DE 2015).

You could also pick out a fun picture book about using the potty, to get your little one interested in what's to come (ERIC 2019). Keeping a book like this, or a poster that illustrates the steps to using the potty, in the bathroom or near his potty, can help him take in all this new information and get familiar with the process.

When you get home, write your child's name on the potty or training seat and encourage him to play with it, and set up his favourite toys around it (AAFP 2017, Nemours 2019). If you opted for a training seat, check that it fits securely on the toilet and is comfortable for your little one.

C. Create a toilet training routine

Set your toddler on the potty, fully clothed (Nemours 2019), once a day for a short time. This may be soon after breakfast, an hour after he has a big drink, before his bath, or whenever he's likely to do a wee or poo (AAFP 2017, HSC 2019).

Aim to get him sitting for a few seconds to start with, building up to two or three minutes (ERIC 2019). Keep him company, let him play with some easy-to-clean toys or read him a story. Praise him for sitting on his potty.

This helps him get used to the potty and accept it as part of his routine. If there's not a bathroom nearby, bring your child's potty outside, to the playroom, or wherever he usually is.

Once he's fine with this routine, get your little one to sit on the potty bare-bottomed (Nemours 2019). Again, let him get used to how this feels. Let him know that pulling down your pants before going to the loo is the grown-up thing to do, and that this is what Mummy, Daddy and any older siblings do.

If sitting on the potty with or without clothes is upsetting to your child, don't push it (Nemours 2019). Never restrain him or physically force him to sit there (AAFP 2017), especially if he seems scared. It's better to put the potty aside for a few weeks before trying again (SA DE 2015). Then if he's willing to sit there, you know he's comfortable enough to proceed.

Once your child is happy sitting on the potty, encourage him to sit on it when he's doing a wee or poo, even if he's still wearing his nappy. Try to identify the signs he's about to go. For example, he may pull at his nappy, crouch down, scrunch up his face or grunt. Ask him if he's doing a wee or a poo (Nemours 2019), and if he wants to sit on his potty.

Always use the same words for body parts, wee and poo, and ask everyone who looks after your child to use these words as well (ERIC 2019, HSC 2019, Nemours 2019).

D. Demonstrate for your child how to use the toilet

Children learn by copying, and watching you use the bathroom will help your toddler understand what using the toilet is all about (ERIC 2019, HSC 2019).

If you have a son, it's simpler to teach him to wee sitting down at first (AAFP 2017, ERIC 2019, Nemours 2019). When he's mastered that, he can watch his dad, older brother or friend wee standing up – he's bound to get the hang of it quickly with just a little encouragement.

When you demonstrate for your child, it's helpful to talk about how you know it's time to go to the toilet. Then explain what's going on as you're using the toilet and let him look in the toilet afterwards (AAFP 2017). Also show him how you wipe with toilet paper, pull up your undies, flush the toilet and wash your hands.

Even though you'll be helping your toddler with these activities for some time, especially wiping after a poo, seeing you do it, and hearing you talk through it will help him get used to the whole process. If your child is a girl, teach her to wipe from front to back, especially after doing a poo, to reduce the risk of urinary tract infections (UTIs).

If your little one has older siblings (ERIC 2019, HSC 2019) or friends who are toilet-trained (AAP 2009), consider having them demonstrate, too. It can be helpful for him to see others close to his age exhibiting the skills he's trying to learn.

E. Explain the toilet process

Show your child the connection between pooing and the toilet. The next time he poos in his nappy, take him to the bathroom and empty the nappy into the bowl (ERIC 2019, HSC 2019, Nemours 2019). Let him flush it so he can watch the poo disappear (HSC 2019). (Don't force him if he's scared.)

Then encourage your toddler to dress himself and wash his hands when he's done (HSC 2019).

F. Foster the toilet habit

Encourage your child to sit on his potty whenever he feels the urge to go. If he needs help getting there and taking off his pants and nappy, make sure he knows it's okay to ask you any time.

If you can, let him run around bare-bottomed sometimes, with the potty nearby. The more time he spends out of nappies, the faster he's likely to learn (although you'll probably have to clean up a few more puddles). Tell him he can use the potty whenever he wants to, and remind him occasionally that it's there if he needs it.

Some toddlers won't sit on the potty long enough to relax and let anything come out. Calmly encourage your child to stay put for at least a minute or two. You may have better luck if you keep him company and talk to him or read him a story (AAFP 2017, ERIC 2019).

When your little one uses the potty successfully, praise him to give him positive reinforcement as he masters toilet training (HSC 2019). Chances are that he'll continue to have accidents, but will start to grasp that getting something in the potty is an accomplishment.

Avoid making a big deal out of every trip to the potty, though, or your child may start to feel nervous or self-conscious.

G. Grab some toilet training pants

Once training is under way, consider adding training pants to your routine. Training pants are disposable or cloth nappies that pull on and off like underwear. They allow your child to undress for the potty on his own, which is an important step towards becoming completely toilet trained.

Although cloth training pants are less convenient than disposable pull-ups, many parents say they work better because your child can really feel when he wees or poos in them. Whichever option you choose, introduce them gradually – probably for just a few hours at a time – and stick with nappies at night for the time being.

When your child consistently looks for the potty or toilet whenever he has to go, it's time to move on to "big-kid" underwear (Nemours 2019). Many parents find that letting their toddlers choose undies featuring a favourite character encourages them to stay dry.

H. Handle toilet-training setbacks gracefully

Toilet training can be difficult for parents and children. Keep in mind that temporary setbacks are completely normal (HSC 2019, Nemours 2019), and virtually every child will have several accidents before being able to stay dry all day long.

A few accidents don't mean that you've failed. When it happens, don't get angry or punish your child (HSC 2019, Nemours 2019). After all, it's only recently that his muscle development has allowed him to hold his bladder and rectum closed at all, and he's still learning why it's important to use the potty. Mastering the process will take time.

Reduce the chances of accidents by dressing your child in clothes that are easy to remove quickly (ERIC 2019, Nemours 2019). When he does have an accident, be positive and loving and calmly clean it up (HSC 2019). Suggest kindly that next time he try to use his potty instead.

Plan for accidents by packing spare clothes, wipes and plastic or wet bags with you when you go out (HSC 2019).

I. Introduce night-time toilet training

Don't give away that stash of nappies just yet. Even when your child is consistently clean and dry all day, it may take several more months, or even years, for him to stay dry all night (HSC 2019). At this age, his body is still too immature to reliably wake him up in the middle of the night just to go to the loo. It's common for children to continue wetting the bed well into primary school (HSC 2019, SA DE 2015).

Before embarking on night training, keep your child in a nappy or pull-up at bedtime, but encourage him to use the potty if he has to wee or poo during the night. Tell him that if he wakes up in the middle of the night needing to go, he can call you for help. You could also turn on a night-light in his room (ERIC 2019, HSC 2019) and leaving his potty near the bed if the toilet isn't near his room.

Help cut down on wet nights by not letting him drink or eat in the hour before bedtime (AAP 2013, ERIC 2019, HSC 2019). (But make sure you give him plenty of water during the day (ERIC 2019, HSC 2019).)

If your child wakes up with a dry nappy several mornings in a row, it may be a good time to start night-time training (ERIC 2019, HSC 2019). Place a waterproof sheet under or over his bed sheet, or an absorbent pad over the top of it, to protect the mattress (AAP 2013, ERIC 2019, HSC 2019).

Put your little one in underwear (or nothing) and have him use the toilet before you tuck him in (AAP 2013, ERIC 2019, HSC 2019). Then see how it goes. When he wakes up, get him in the habit of using the bathroom before he begins his day.

Just remember that many children aren't able to stay dry at night until they're school-age (AAP 2013). Bed-wetting is involuntary, and children have no control over it (AAP 2013, HSC 2019). Have spare pyjamas and bedding nearby so you can smoothly deal with any accidents (ERIC 2019).

If your child is unable to stay dry overnight, put him back in night-time nappies (AAP 2013), reassure him that the bed-wetting is not his fault (HSC 2019), and try again in a few months when he's a little older.

J. Jump for joy – you're done!

Believe it or not, when your child is mentally and physically ready to learn this new skill, he will. And if you wait until he's really ready to start, the process shouldn't be too painful for either of you.

When it's over, reinforce his pride in his achievement by letting him give his leftover nappies to a family with younger kids, or donate them to an organisation such as The Nappy CollectiveOpens a new window or your local mum-and-bubs charity.

And don't forget to pat yourself on the back. Now you won't have to think about nappies ever again – for this child, anyway!

More toilet training information

• Discover other BabyCenter parents' top tips for toilet training.
• Find out what works and what doesn't when it comes to toilet training.
• Read what our expert says about whether you should bribe your toddler to use the potty.
• Get tips on how to handle pressure to toilet train your child.