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The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children Paperback – November 1, 2010
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About the Author
Dr. Shefali has worked with a varied demographic, ranging from survivors of the Asian Tsunami to Third World women, from inner city youth to suburban families, and from the elderly and infirm to corporate leaders.
Dr. Shefali lectures extensively on mindful living and conscious parenting around the world, and is in private practice. She is author of Out of Control, published in early 2014, as well as the book It’s a Mom: What you should know about the early years of motherhood, which debuted on the Indian National Bestseller List for four weeks.
Dr Shefali was recently a guest on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday and Lifeclass television programs. In her introduction of the author and this book, Oprah stated that she has not been as excited about a book's philosophy as she is about this one since Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth.
This book hit #1 at Amazon and BN, and continues to remain in the top ten.
- Print length300 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherNamaste Publishing
- Publication dateNovember 1, 2010
- Dimensions6 x 1 x 8.75 inches
- ISBN-101897238452
- ISBN-13978-1897238455
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Product details
- Publisher : Namaste Publishing; 1st edition (November 1, 2010)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 300 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1897238452
- ISBN-13 : 978-1897238455
- Item Weight : 13.9 ounces
- Dimensions : 6 x 1 x 8.75 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #4,769 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #35 in Baby & Toddler Parenting
- Customer Reviews:
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About the author
Dr. Shefali received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Columbia University. Specializing in the integration of Western psychology and Eastern philosophy, she brings together the best of both worlds for her clients. She is an expert in family dynamics and personal development, teaching courses around the globe. She has written four books, three of which are New York Times best-sellers, including her two landmark books The Conscious Parent and The Awakened Family.
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Becoming a conscious parent is all about the becoming. It is the transformation from our unconscious habits and patterns, inherited by our families of origin and embedded from our cultural norms. Becoming is an act of awareness, an intention, and a conscious choice to mindful living and raising our children.
The greatest concept of the book is that through transforming ourselves, we empower our children. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, the real focus of conscious parenting is on the parents, not the children. When parents are able to accept their emotions and live authentically, it is natural for the children to do the same. Conscious parenting is raising ourselves so we are better able to help raise our children.
The intention of conscious parenting is to accept full responsibility for ourselves and eliminate the need to control the outcome of our children. It is a conscious choice to replace shame and blame with understanding. Through understanding, we free ourselves and our children to live authentically.
Through a combination of personal experiences, client stories, and clinical research, Dr. Shefali shares the human component and natural tendencies of parenting. The book is easy to read and relate to. The Consciousness Compass is a series of questions to guide us along the path of consciousness. This excerpt is a summary of the book and the shift in consciousness.
*It is we who teach our children how to be greedy by giving them diamonds instead of sticks and stones
*It is we who teach our children how to fear adventure by rewarding their successes and reprimanding their failures
*It is we who teach our children how to lie to us by getting angry with them when they tell us the truth
*It is we who teach our children how to be mean and violent to others by disregarding their emotions and denying them unconditional acceptance
*It is we who teach our children to lose their motivation and zeal by pressuring them to excel and "be something"
*It is we who teach our children to dishonor us by pushing them to be who they are not
*It is we who teach our children to be bullies by dominating their spirit and silencing their voice
*It is we who teach our children to be confused and overwhelmed by giving them all things external, but few tools to look internally
*It is we who teach our children to be inattentive and distracted by inundating their lives with busy activities, leaving no space for stillness
*It is we who teach our children to live their life looking outward by spending our time and energy on our own looks and acquisitions
*It is we who teach our children to disrespect us by not stopping them the first time they are disrespectful and every time after
*It is we who teach our children to be defiant by not knowing how to lay down the rules and mean business when we do
*It is we who teach our children to know shame by shaming their spirits and judging them constantly
*It is we who teach our children to become anxious by denying the celebration of our own present as we constantly focus on tomorrow
*It is we who teach our children not to like themselves by constantly categorizing their emotions as those we approve of and those we don't
*It is we who teach our children not to trust the world by betraying them every time we don't see who they are in their essence
*It is we who teach our children how to love or not love by the extent to which we love or don't love ourselves.
We are on this journey together, as parents and in relation to our children. Mindful living and conscious parenting is a means to transform ourselves and empower our children. This book is a great parenting tool to raise our awareness above that which keeps us from loving unconditionally and living whole-heartedly.
Easy to understand, not pushy and light on words. Definitely recommend!
Would recommend more to new parents or parents of toddlers/pre-schoolers than parents of teens.
Critical observations:
1.) the book is wordy with moments of off-putting smugness, and
2.) offers parents of struggling teens an oversimplified (borderline offensively simplified) message*.
•The author cites her experiences of helping parents of struggling teens, but her examples are the extremes of dysfunction and do not apply to all families who are struggling their child's teen years.
The author's broad brushstrokes regarding the teen years with primary focus of blame on parents for teen deviance and teen struggles can feel minimizing and patronizing.
[full disclosure, here's where I get wordy:]
Times have changed. When my husband and I were teenagers and something embarrassing happened to us, our parents would wisely reassure us that the entire humiliation would be forgotten in a week. That is no longer the reality for our teens. Handheld devices now record, replay, alter, and share, and share, and share exponentially with no guarantee that the content (of our teen's humiliation/bad decision) will ever be completely erased. On top of that, peers are emboldened to mob mentality while they sit comfortably veiled in their anonymity. Substances are at unprecedented levels of potency (some lethal upon first exposure, others laced with extremely addictive secondary substances). . . The ripple effect of over-prescribing for sports' injuries and necessary medical procedures; school shooters; an overwhelmed public school system. Even if "our kid" is not quote unquote struggling, they likely have classmates / peers / individuals in their social circle who are. The list goes on.
The author does not fully explore the extent of such external factors.
From our experience, it is misleading to say a child raised in a loving, supporting, conscious home will be immune to these outside influences. We see it in family therapy and family support groups: not all families have obvious traumas and dysfunction; there are also families who care and love deeply, who are and have been active participants in their children's lives, who have other children who are thriving and healthy, but have a child who is troubled despite their quote unquote healthy home life and consistent/conscious parenting.
...This is awful of me, but I found myself hoping the author might one day expand her family to more than one child, ultimately experience first hand a child among her brood profoundly struggling during their his/her years, and THEN write another book.
All this said, I did find the book's nuggets important enough that I have recommended the book to others and bought two more as gifts.
Thank you very much for sharing all the wisdom.
Sam
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Before getting the book I was already in my path of knowing my essence and the need to change in other to change my son's behaviour. After hearing Shefali talking in a interview, I decided to buy her book and since the beginning of reading it I started to suggest to some friends and even started to apply some teaching in the way I approach my son and dealing with his emotions, changes is visible in my house.
Yes, definitely is a life changing book. 😁😊
This is what happened. I purchased this a long long time ago. But it just sit there on my kindle library.
Then, I came across Dr. Shefali’s new book, The Parenting Map via her online conference. I went through 75 pages and realized, this is some seriously good stuff!
I wanted to read “The Conscious Parent “, so I did it. And what a journey it was. Enlightening with Silver Light in some places, affirming with Golden Grace in others.
Of course, there will be places where according to your parenting journey depending upon your culture and values, you would disagree with the author.
But the crux is absolutely Solid.
High time all us parents feel it. It will help beyond measure.