ABC of potty training

Potty training is one milestone that you're probably eagerly awaiting. Though some toddlers adjust in a few days, it may take several months to get into the potty habit. On average it takes three to six months from when you first introduce potty training to when your toddler has learned the skill (CPS 2012). Night time potty training can take longer. And there will be setbacks along the way.

Assess your child's readiness for potty training

There's no right age to start potty training, as every child is different (Wu 2010). Your child will likely be ready physically well before he is ready psychologically. By 18 months your toddler has the muscles to control his bladder and his bowel movements.

Parents usually think about training when their child is between 18 months and three years old. Most children are between two years and two and-a-half years (Wu 2010) when they start (AAFP 2008, Choby and George 2008, ERIC 2010b). The older your child is the easier and quicker it tends to be.

Don't feel pushed into potty training your child too soon because of pressure from other parents or your family. Watch for the signs that your child is ready to start training, and don't start before then. Also wait for times that you are ready to undertake the training – a move or a new baby is not usually the best time to start. (CPS 2012)

Make potty-training preparations

Talk to your toddler about what you are going to do, and decide what you're going to call pee and poo! If he shows an interest, start explaining that this is what Mommy and Daddy, and any older siblings, do every day. Say that undressing before you sit down to go to the toilet is the grown up thing to do.

A potty is probably easiest to start with, rather than a toilet. It's easy to get on and off, and can be moved around the house (ERIC 2010a). A potty also helps toddlers squat making passing bowel movements easier. However, you can also skip the potty altogether and buy a training seat to attach to your toilet.

If your child uses a toilet seat, you'll also need a stool so your child can stabilize himself with his feet and push when he's having a poo. It will also allow him to get on and off the toilet independently. You could show your toddler a fun picture book or a video about using the potty, to get him interested in what's to come.

You could try using training pants for your toddler instead of, or as well as, proper underwear. Cloth training pants are similar to regular pants, but have an absorbent pad inside to cope with small accidents.

Absorbent disposable pull-up trainer pants are especially easy to pull up and down. Some parents find these convenient, but some don't find them helpful, as they don't feel very different from a diaper.

Be consistent in your approach to potty training

Take things slowly to begin with. Try seating your toddler on the potty fully dressed. Next seat your toddler on the potty once a dirty diaper has been taken off. You can even empty the contents of the dirty diaper into the potty or toilet.

If he doesn't want to sit on it, that's fine. Never restrain him or force him to sit there. And don't push the issue if he seems scared. If he's not interested, just put a diaper back on him and put the potty aside for a few weeks before trying again (DH 2009). At this stage, you just want him to get used to the potty.

After this step, encourage your toddler to sit on the potty once a day. This may be after breakfast, before his bath, or whenever he's likely to have a poo (DH 2009). Sit your child on the potty after he has just had a wet or dirty diaper. This reinforces where the pee and poo is meant to go and encourages him to get used to the potty and accept it as part of his routine.

If he gets the idea and manages to poo, that's great. But don't push him to perform. Wait until he's ready and demonstrates a clear interest in using the toilet on his own. If you persist when your child is not ready, he'll get upset and you'll become increasingly frustrated, turning toilet training into a battle-ground.

Finally, develop a routine. Start putting your child on the potty at specific times of day. For example, put him on the potty as soon as he wakes up, after snacks and lunch, before naps and bedtime.

You may find that it's easier to potty train in the summer, when there are fewer clothes to take off, and wet clothes dry faster. Make sure the potty is always in a convenient place. Being portable, the potty can be used in the yard, or whichever room you're in.

Let everyone who looks after your child know that you're going to start potty training. Grandparents, daycare staff or babysitters all need to use the same, consistent approach (ERIC 2010a).

Demonstrate how it's done

Children learn by copying. Seeing you use the toilet will help your toddler to understand the purpose of a toilet (DH 2009, Rogers 2002). If you have a son, try teaching him to pee sitting down to begin with.

Talk about how you can tell it's time for you to go to the toilet. Then explain what's going on as you go yourself. Show him how you wipe with toilet paper, pull up your underwear, flush the toilet, and then wash your hands.

You'll be helping your toddler with these activities for some time, especially with wiping after a poop. But seeing you do it, and talking him through it step-by-step, will get him used to the whole process.

If your toddler has older siblings, or friends who are potty-trained, your younger child may see them using the toilet. He'll then see the skills he's trying to learn being demonstrated (DH 2009).

Persevere with the potty, if he's ready

Encourage your child to use his potty whenever he feels the urge to go. Give him plenty to drink and encourage him to sit on the potty every few hours (DH 2009, ERIC 2010a). But make sure he knows that he can also tell you if he needs to go, and that you'll accompany him whenever he wants you to.

He'll need to be told to go to the toilet at first, though. Chances are, if you ask if he wants to pee, he'll reply with a "no". Try saying: "Go and pee, then we can go outside and play," so he has more direction from you.

If you can, let him run around sometimes without a diaper, or without any clothing below the waist, with the potty nearby. Tell him he can use it whenever he wants to and remind him occasionally that it's there if he needs it.

Some toddlers won't sit on the potty long enough to relax and let anything come out. Calmly encourage him to sit there for at least a minute or so. Stay with him and talk calmly, or read him a story (ERIC 2010b).

When your toddler uses the potty successfully, give him lots of praise, though don't go too overboard, as he may find too much fuss overwhelming. Even if he continues to have accidents, he'll then start to grasp that getting something in the potty is an accomplishment.

Cope calmly with potty-training accidents

Your child will have several accidents before being completely trained, in the day and night. It can be frustrating, but don't get angry or punish him (DH 2009). Mastering the process will take time. When he has an accident, calmly clean it up without any fuss and suggest that next time he tries to use his potty instead. Sit him on the potty afterwards, to show him where the pee or poop should have gone.

Accidents are part of the potty training process. But if there are lots of accidents and very little progress, go back to diapers and shelve potty training for a while. Your toddler may not be ready yet (ERIC 2010b). It doesn't mean that you've failed, and it's the best thing to do if you want potty training to work in the long-run.

Once your child is in the routine of using the potty, go on a special trip with him to buy some new pants. Wearing real underwear may encourage your toddler to use his potty. You could let him choose some pants which have his favourite cartoon character on them.
Night-time potty training

Even when your child is consistently clean and dry all day, it may take him several more months or years to master being dry at night. So don't throw away his diapers just yet. His body is still too immature to reliably wake him up in the middle of the night just to go to the toilet.

Most parents start to night train when their child is between three years and four years, and has woken up with a dry diapers a few mornings in a row (ERIC 2010a, b). You could try before then, but make sure you put an absorbent sheet or pad over the bed sheet.

Help cut down on wet nights by not letting him drink too much before bedtime. Though make sure you give him about six or seven cups of drink during the day, or whenever he asks. Tell him that if he does wake up in the middle of the night he can call to you to help him get to the potty.

You could also try leaving a nightlight on in his room and leaving his potty near the bed in case he wants to use it (ERIC 2010b).

Believe it or not, when your child is ready to learn this new skill, he will. And if you wait until he's really ready to start, the process shouldn't be too painful for either of you.

Find out the difference between potty training for boys and potty training for girls.

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