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My husband doesn't want a fertility test. How can I convince him to see a doctor?

Couple looking upset with each other
Photo credit: Thinkstock

Men often feel more uncomfortable than women when talking about fertility. If your husband isn't ready to talk to a doctor about infertility, do your best not to be angry or upset, however frustrated you may feel. Instead, try to talk to him and address his worries. After all, this is a challenge you are both facing together.

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Infertility has historically been seen as a female problem and even today, many elders will blame the woman if the couple has not been able to conceive. But male infertility accounts for about a third of the problems experienced by couples struggling to conceive and a third are due to female fertility problems. So to know if one or both of you have fertility problems, it's important for your husband to get tested.

The good news is that once the fertility problem is diagnosed, you might be able to find a solution for it and go on to have children. Most male fertility problems can be successfully treated, but they do have to be diagnosed first. In some cases, it might just be a question of making some lifestyle changes. Knowing this might help your husband to decide to go for the fertility test.

To understand his feelings, know that just like women, men have many worries when it comes to infertility tests. The biggest might be the fear that you'll resent or blame him for not being able to have children if indeed he has a fertility problem. Reassure your husband that the problem could just as easily be with either or both of you, and that whatever happens, it's no one's "fault".

In some cases, his hesitation might come from confusing infertility with impotency. But, these two conditions are very different. If your husband can keep an erection, then he's not impotent. However, that doesn't rule out the possibility that he has a fertility problem. His fertility will depend on the health of his sperm or the ability to ejaculate.

You can prepare your husband for the check-up by going over what he can expect at the doctor visit. The doctor will need to examine your husband's testicles and penis. This is actually a routine part of male annual health check ups. Doctors advise men to do a monthly self-check for lumps. If your husband is already self-checking, this will give him confidence that he's doing it properly. If he isn't, it will remind him of how important such checks are.

Your husband will also have to give a sperm sample. The thought of this can make him very uncomfortable. If he doesn't like the idea of producing a sperm sample at the clinic, know that most clinics allow you to produce the sample at home to take in for testing. He will need to give the sample after four or five days of abstinence.

Your doctor may recommend special condoms for the collection of semen. Normal condoms cannot be used for this because they contain a spermicide that kills the sperm collected.

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You'll both need to plan ahead, as the sample will need to reach the lab for testing within 45 minutes of ejaculation. You'll need to keep the sample at body temperature too.

If you or your partner is really reluctant to get tested, it may be worth considering counselling. Fertility testing and treatment can be an emotional process for you both, and a little extra support may make your journey easier.

Reviewed by Dr Deepti Gupta, BabyCenter India's expert obstetrician and gynaecologist.


Read this article in Hindi: मेरे पति फर्टिलिटी टेस्ट नहीं करवाना चाहते। डाॅक्टर से मिलने के लिए उन्हें कैसे राज़ी करुं?

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Pooja Pasricha
Pooja Pasricha is the social media manager for BabyCenter India.
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