Sleep training
Medically reviewed by Dr Saroja Balan, Paediatrician and Neonatologist
Written by Joanne Lewsley
What is sleep training?
Sleep training describes any approach you take to help your baby learn to settle herself to sleep. Once she can do this, she’s more likely to sleep through the night.Some babies learn this easily. But others need a little more help when it comes to mastering the art of drifting off.
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- controlled crying
- a “no-tears” approach
Whichever one you choose is up to you. Don’t start sleep training if your baby is unwell, as it’s unlikely to work for either of you. If your baby has special needs, talk to your doctor before trying sleep training.
Do I need to follow a sleep training method?
No, you don’t have to. Many parents and grandparents are horrified at the idea of sleep training or find it too traumatic to continue.The question you need to ask yourself is: are you, your husband or other family members in your home getting enough sleep to be able to look after your baby during the day, without feeling teary, resentful or sleep-deprived? If the answer is no, then sleep training may be needed to help your baby to settle.
No single sleep-training method works for everyone. A technique that works perfectly for one child may be completely ineffective with another. Also, if you share your bed with your baby, which is often the norm in most Indian families, you might have to work around the sleep training methods to suit your situation. So don’t worry if one particular method doesn’t work for your baby.
When can I start sleep training?
Most parents start sleep training when they feel they can no longer cope with the lack of sleep. Sleep deprivation can be gruelling, especially if you have a toddler too. If a lack of sleep is affecting you or your baby’s wellbeing, then it may be time to help your baby learn to fall asleep on her own.Studies show that by the time your baby is around three months old, she is capable of settling herself back to sleep. Although this doesn’t mean that she will, it’s a good indicator of when she might be ready for sleep training.
Some experts suggest waiting to start sleep training until your baby is six months old. However, all babies (and parents) are different. You may think your baby is ready to learn to settle herself earlier than six months. Or you may feel able to put up with sleepless nights for a little while longer. The choice is up to you.
Which sleep training approach will suit my baby?
The American Academy of Sleep Medicine reviewed different sleep training strategies, including controlled crying. The conclusion was that there’s no single, best approach for helping your baby sleep. All the methods work, provided you follow one simple rule: consistency.Advertisement | page continues below
This means that, if a family member or an ayah cares for your child, they too should follow the same approach. So choose a method that everyone is comfortable with.
Most sleep training methods are based on one of two approaches: controlled crying or the no-tears approach.
Controlled crying
Parents often think controlled crying (sometimes called “crying it out”) involves leaving your baby alone to cry for as long it takes before she falls asleep. This isn’t the case.
Instead, sleep training experts, suggest letting your baby cry for a specified, usually short, period of time before going to her and offering comfort and reassurance.
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If your baby cries for you, experts suggest that you let her cry for a short interval of between two minutes and 10 minutes, before going to comfort her. You can gently pat and reassure her while she’s still in the bed, or pick her up and put her down again. It’s completely up to you, but do keep it short and quiet, with the lights off.
Don’t talk if you can help it and try to avoid eye contact. This will help her understand that night-time is for sleeping. Say goodnight and move away or leave the room again.
Gradually extend the time between each visit, so that you’re giving your baby a chance to settle herself back to sleep after you leave her.
Controlled crying, and crying it out are often seen as controversial. Some people assume that leaving your baby to cry may impact her emotionally and even physically.
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Be reassured that, although you shouldn’t leave your baby to cry for long periods of time, the latest research shows that letting your baby cry for a short, predictable spell will not do her any harm at all. So, if you have others in the family or an ayah caring for your baby, make sure to talk to them and make them understand the benefits of such an approach.
That said, this approach isn’t for all parents, or babies. If your baby is still very resistant after several nights of trying, wait a few weeks and then try again. However, if you find the thought of leaving your child to cry unbearable, then the no-tears approach may be the one for you.
The no-tears method
Instead of leaving your baby to cry, you can go straight to her and comfort her as many times as you wish, until she dozes off. Or you can stay with her near the bed or cot until she falls asleep.
One small study found that parents who went to comfort their babies at a time of their choosing rather than at set intervals, reported improved sleep for babies and parents alike.
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Many sleep experts suggest “gradual retreat” as a no-tears method of sleep training. Put your baby down to sleep while she’s drowsy but awake. Instead of leaving your baby in the room, stay by her cot or the family bed until she falls asleep.
Try patting and stroking her whenever she needs reassurance. Over the course of a few nights, gradually move further away from her cot until you find that your baby can fall asleep without you being in the room with her.
Another approach worth trying is the pick-up, put-down method. If your baby wakes and calls for you, go to her and pick her up, comfort her and soothe her until she calms down. Then place your baby back in her cot or the family bed.
Lastly, another no-tears method is to find a soothing phrase, sound or word, such as “Ssh” or “It’s sleepy time”. Repeat this to your baby as she gently drifts off, so she begins to associate it with bedtime, and feelings of drowsiness.
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However, you may find that your baby comes to depend on you to help her sleep, rather than learning to soothe herself back to sleep.
Are there any practical tips for trying sleep training?
Set the stage for successBefore you try any sleep training, develop a comforting, nightly bedtime routine and stick to it. Your baby will find the predictability reassuring. It also helps to have a consistent daytime routine that includes naps.
When you set a bedtime routine, ensure that other family members or the ayah caring for your child too follows the same method.
Time it right
Try to plan sleep training for a time when none of you have a lot on, as you may find that you lose a little sleep in the first few days. Make sure you, your husband or anyone caring for your child agree on what to do and when, so your baby can rely on a consistent approach.
Once you launch your plan, stick to it
Parents who’ve been through sleep training agree that consistency is the key. When your baby wakes you up in the early hours you may be tempted to give in and hold or rock her at first.
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Prepare yourself for a few difficult nights
If you’re using controlled crying as a sleep training method, hearing your baby cry can be very hard. Make sure you, your husband or your family members are emotionally prepared before you begin, so you can support each other on difficult nights.
Adapt the method to fit your family
It may be that leaving your baby to cry for a short period of time is upsetting to you, your husband or her grandparents. Or you may find that it’s disrupting the sleep of your older child. Find the method that works best for all of your family, as well as your baby.
Expect relapses
It’s perfectly normal for your child to regress occasionally, particularly when she’s unwell, teething or learning a new skill, such as walking. If this happens, you can go back to the sleep training method you used before, to help her soothe herself back to sleep again.
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Joanne Lewsley is a freelance copywriter and editor, and specialises in creating evidence-based parenting, health and lifestyle web content.