Keeping discipline consistent

Toddler in an orange and pink floral dress

Photo credit: Gianetti for BabyCenter

Why is it important to be consistent when I discipline my toddler?

There is one thing that all childcare experts agree on: consistency is vital. Your toddler needs to be able to predict how you will behave. For instance: Mummy expects me to brush my teeth. If I don't, I won’t be allowed a bedtime story.

Inconsistency can make your child feel unsure, insecure and confused. For example: Sometimes I have to brush my teeth, sometimes not. If I make a fuss, I can usually get out of it. But Mummy sometimes gets angry too.

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Consistency is a comfort for children. It's unfair to change the rules or apply them erratically, and it's not an effective way for your child to learn how to behave. It’s tempting to give in to whining or temper tantrums to make life easier. But in the long run, it just makes life harder.

What strategies can I use to stay consistent on discipline?

These tips will help you, and your little one, stay on track:

Choose your priorities
If you try to tackle every discipline challenge at the same time, you'll be too overwhelmed to stick with it. So choose just one or two to focus on with special diligence and attention.

It might be defiance, refusing to go to bed or demanding sweets, TV or video games. When these situations arise, be on top of them every single time. Don't give in and don't reward them.

Be prepared for the long haul
It can take time to tackle misbehaviour. Put yourself in your child's shoes: "Mummy never used to really mean that she wanted me to brush my teeth until she started shouting. Now she means it the first time she asks. I'm confused." Change can happen, but probably not as quickly as you'd like it to.

Get the timing right
It's tempting to try a crash course in manners just before a birthday or family visit. However, you'll have better success if you choose a time that's more stable and predictable.

Everyone needs time, structure and no extra stress to practise consistency — especially you. So don't jump into a new discipline strategy just before a new baby arrives, or playschool starts, or if you’re moving to a new house.

Expect resistance
Your child will challenge you no matter how consistent you are. Or she may respond well from the start, only to fall back into old habits. Don't despair – this kind of periodic testing is normal. Once you accept these temporary regressions, they'll be less frustrating, allowing you to stay on track.

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Don't try to go it alone
Once you commit to a consistency campaign, get backup. Your husband, your child’s grandparents, your child’s ayah or anyone caring for your child, and your child's teachers should all reinforce your efforts to stop behaviour problems.

Talk to them, and ensure that your child gets the same response from everyone. Often grandparents tend to be lenient with their grandchildren, so it is essential to have a chat with them so that you're all on the same page.

Bend the rules occasionally
Accidental inconsistency – when you're too busy or preoccupied to enforce a rule – sends the message that it isn't really important to you. This encourages your child to ignore it too. However, intentional inconsistency – when you let your child know in advance that you’ve chosen to make an exception can actually strengthen a rule.

For example: "Since we'll have mausi and your cousins over this week. You can go to the park in the mornings as well instead of only in the evenings."