13 Month Old: Milestones and development

Physical development

Crawling, cruising, and walking

The range of ages when it's considered normal to begin walking is broader for this gross motor skill than any other. Almost all infants are able to lift their heads, for instance, between 2 and 4 months. But a child who walks as early as 9 months or as late as 15 months is right on schedule.

Don't be surprised if your child's budding mobility – whether he's crawling, cruising, or walking – means he's suddenly reluctant to be held or carried. Once your baby has had a taste of freedom, it will be hard to hold him back. (Outings to the grocery store and the like may be particularly trying for you right now!)

Don't worry about shoes because barefoot cruising and walking on uneven surfaces such as sand, grass, or wrinkled carpet will help build the muscles in your toddler's lower legs while also developing his sense of balance. Try not to get too upset when he falls, and resist the urge to rush to his aid unless he's really hurt. Falling is an inevitable part of learning to walk.

If your toddler is already walking confidently, show him some other things he can do with his body, such as squatting without holding onto a piece of furniture or your leg. To encourage this skill, take him on a treasure hunt. Before you head out for a walk in your neighborhood, loosely wrap a piece of masking tape around each of your child's wrists, sticky side out. Every time she stops to examine something on the ground – which will probably be often – show her how to squat down and pick it up. Then stick the pebble, pine cone, leaf, or flower on the tape. (But watch that she doesn't put these items in her mouth.) Eventually he'll get the hang of it and try squatting and getting back up on his own.

If your child seems frustrated by his inability to get around on his own, you could offer him a stable push toy, such as a small wagon with a bar across the back, to help him cruise. One thing you should never do is put your child in a "walker" to encourage walking; experts say they're dangerous and they don't actually help a child learn to walk.

If you haven't already, be sure to install safety gates on any staircase with more than a step or two. A hardware-mounted gate is the best choice for stairs because a determined toddler can dislodge many pressure-mounted gates.

Hand-eye coordination

Your 13-month-old is also becoming more adept at using her hands. Many children this age enjoy "putting things in" and "taking them out" – for instance, placing objects such as blocks into larger containers and then dumping them out. You may also notice her making small towers out of two or three blocks and gleefully knocking them down.

Kids this age often prefer emptying kitchen cupboards so they can play with the pots and pans rather than any toys you may have in the living room. If you're tired of picking up after your child, put childproof locks on all of your cabinets except for one that you leave open for exploration. To keep things interesting, put a different selection of unbreakable objects — such as wooden spoons, pots and pans, plastic cups, etc. — in the cabinet every few days. Your child will love investigating what's behind the door, and in the process, she'll practice her "grasp and release" skills and try to figure out the cause and effect of what she's doing.

At mealtime, watch for her to pick up small foods, like pieces of O-shaped cereal or one piece of macaroni, with just her thumb and index finger (this is called the pincer grasp) instead of raking up a handful at a time. She may even show some interest in using a spoon, though it will be the rare bite that actually makes it into her mouth.

Finally, keep in mind that kids this age can't yet understand concepts like fragility or danger. For now, putting away breakables and anything else you don't want your child to get into will make your life easier.

Language and cognitive development

Observation, awareness, and trying to talk

Just as he imitates you when you pet the dog or water the garden, your 13-month-old is listening closely to what you say to him and how you say it so he can give it a try, too. Next time you hear him babbling, listen to what he's "saying." You'll notice that his intonations sound very conversational, even though he's not speaking any words. When you ask him a question, he'll probably respond with a series of babbles and gestures, signaling that he understands what you're asking. Also observe how differently he responds to a frantic "no!" when you warn him away from a hot plate or an unfamiliar animal, and to a cajoling tone you use to get him to stop tugging on your leg. If you notice a difference in his reactions, that means he's realizing that intonation plays a role in communication.

At 13 months, children are testing their powers of observation and should understand that objects are permanent. In other words, he realizes that a toy still exists even when he can't see it. Out of sight, out of mind can no longer be a family motto!

To test whether your child understands object permanence, roll a toy under the couch and see if your toddler looks for it in the right spot. Or hide a stuffed animal under a blanket for him to find.

A word of caution: Your toddler is honing his problem-solving skills and doing things like trying to fit objects inside others, turning on switches, and twisting stove knobs. Because he can't recognize danger, be sure your house is adequately childproofed.

Vocabulary and understanding

At around 13 months, many toddlers have vocabularies that consist of three or four words. Yours can probably say "mama" or "dada," and something like "ta ta," for thank you, "ba" for bottle or ball, and "bye-bye." But don't be upset if she can't. She's still in what experts call the passive phase of language acquisition. That means she's soaking up all the words and speech around her, and filing the information away for later use. Even if she doesn't say any words clearly, she can probably communicate her needs with gestures (holding her arms out so you'll pick her up), sounds, and body language, such as turning her head away from something she doesn't want. (Research suggests that children are capable of assigning gestures to dozens of words. If you're interested in expanding your toddler's range of meaningful gestures, you can learn how to teach her to sign.)

If you've already got a little talker on your hands, encourage her to keep trying new words by labeling as many actions and objects as you can. Talk about where you're going as you strap her into her car seat. While you're at the grocery store, tell her what you're looking at ("Let's get some bananas," or "Here's the milk"). Use clear, simple speech and "parentese" — real words with exaggerated pitch and intonation, which helps babies pay attention to your voice and learn language. (Using baby talk or nonsense words like "doggy-woggy" interferes with learning language.) Talking to your child, even if she can't fully respond, makes her feel like she's a part of what's going on around her and makes her want to participate in the conversation.

Singing songs, especially ones with gestures such as "Itsy-Bitsy Spider," and "Wheels on the Bus," make speech fun and interesting, too — plus they introduce your child to music.

The other side of talking is listening. If you want to encourage your child to talk, listen to her as she "converses" with you, just as you would if you could understand every word perfectly. Keep eye contact and respond with smiles and nods, and she'll want to tell you more and more — and she'll be learning valuable lessons about listening carefully while another person is talking.

Behavioral health and development

Unpredictability and destructive behavior

Your 13-month-old probably thinks it's fun to push, throw, and knock everything down. He's not being deliberately destructive. Rather, he views the whole world as one big science experiment: What happens if I do this? And this? And that? It's exciting to be able to make things happen, whether it's screaming for no reason, unrolling all the toilet paper, or yanking books off a shelf – again and again.

Even people are simply objects to explore, which means it wouldn't be surprising if your toddler gave a sibling or friend a hug before suddenly biting or hitting him the next moment.

Though this may be a trying time for you, remember that your toddler isn't deliberately disobeying you — he's just exploring her surroundings and figuring out how much power she has over you, her environment, and herself. Many of these "destructive" practices will actually help her develop a sense of independence and figure out which types of behavior are acceptable to you and which aren't.

At 13 months your toddler still has very little impulse control, so even though he is starting to learn the rules, he may not be able to help himself from repeating a behavior you just said "no" to. Offering alternatives, distractions, and choices can help teach limits, avoid meltdowns, and keep your little one playing and exploring in ways that keep you both happy.

Having a safe area where toddler can play without any "no's" is the first step to healthy limits and boundaries. You can help her channel her potentially destructive exuberance in safe ways, including these activities and games:

Fun with containers: Games that involve putting objects in containers and dumping them out again are likely to appeal to him. Bring on the blocks in buckets and the pots and plastic containers that fit inside one another – and can be banged together. He'll thrill to the loud sounds. Stacking, nesting, and pop-up toys will fascinate him for months to come.

Pillow fights: Whether outside or in a room where she can't break anything, pillow fights are bound to tire out your toddler.

Clay creations. Playing with modeling clay — pulling, kneading, and rolling the squishy stuff — is another good outlet.

Splish splash. On the next rainy day, put on your rain boots and go jump in puddles together. If you're constantly admonishing your child to "keep the water in the tub," she'll love the freedom to splash around and make a big mess.

Social and emotional development

Assertiveness and separation anxiety

Do you feel as if your whole world still revolves around your little one? So does he! In fact, for much of his second year, your toddler will be self-absorbed. Sharing toys, snacks, and especially your attention may be very difficult. Watch him playing alongside another child, and you'll probably notice that he isn't very interested in actually interacting with him.

You're still the most important person in your 13-month-old's life, and he's likely to demand a lot of your attention. But you'll start to see glimpses of his growing independence and confidence. As long as he can keep an eye on you, he may entertain himself in the family room for several minutes while you prepare dinner, interrupt you for a quick reassuring cuddle, and then venture out on his own again.

At 13 months, children start to recognize that they have power, and they're learning how to use it. Your toddler may demand that you read to him, push him on a swing, take him for a walk. Even if he doesn't use words, by tugging on you and pointing, he can make it clear exactly what he wants.

On the flip side of feeling like they control all, many toddlers at this point have full-blown separation anxiety. Yours may become upset when you leave him – even with friends or family members he sees relatively often. The intensity of his attachment to you is hard to resist – and he'll probably never be as unquestioningly devoted to you again.

On the other hand, kids this age can be very, very clingy, and you may find yourself wishing your child was a little less focused on you. There's nothing more guilt-producing than leaving your crying child with someone else when he wants only you. Five minutes after you leave, though, your little one's likely to have dried his tears and be perfectly happy.

Be as patient as you can during this tender time. Like all normal phases, it will pass. Separation anxiety typically peaks between 10 and 18 months and then gradually fades away.

Stranger anxiety and other fears

Another fear that may arise around the same time as your toddler's separation anxiety is stranger anxiety. While separation anxiety is the fear of being alone and away or separated from you, stranger anxiety may see your toddler become upset when you leave him with others, even with friends or family members he sees often. A toddler who cries, whimpers, trembles, hides, or tries to run away from "strangers" is simply demonstrating that he can distinguish between people he knows well – his parents and caregivers – and those he doesn't.

Even toddlers who are at ease with unfamiliar people will encounter situations that overwhelm them. A 13-month-old has a budding imagination, and things that never seemed to bother him before, such as the vacuum cleaner's noise, bath time, or a neighbor's pet, may suddenly be very scary. Handling your toddler's discomfort starts with accepting your toddler's emotions. Trust can't be forced, so if your child is especially anxious around new faces, be patient and let him keep his distance until he's ready to interact. He'll look to you for guidance, so if you seem at ease around a new babysitter, for instance, he'll take that cue. It may help him become more comfortable around new people if you include him on excursions to the grocery store, or other places where he can watch how you behave around people you don't know.

Here are a few ways to soothe him when he's frightened of other things:

Loud noises. If the sound of the vacuum cleaner or lawn mower sends your child into a frenzy, let him touch the object (when it's not plugged in or turned on, of course). If sirens bother him, take a walk past your local firehouse so he can see the trucks and ambulances parked quietly. If he's curious about certain objects, let him explore them (if it's safe) and that will help calm his fears. Never force him into an encounter, though, because that will only feed his uneasiness.

The bathtub. Going down the drain, soap in her eyes, slipping – there's plenty for a toddler to fear at bath time. If your toddler starts to resist getting into the tub, even if he used to enjoy the ritual, try giving him a sponge bath in the tub for a few days. Allow him to sit in the tub with no water, and use a washcloth rather than a cup of water to rinse his hair. After a few days, you can leave the water running and the drain open so the water doesn't accumulate much, and then gradually ease up to a full-fledged bath again. If he fears the drain, demonstrate that his bath toys can't fit down the drain and so neither can he.

Animals. Even children who have pets at home are often frightened by other animals. Imagine how you'd feel if you came face-to-face with a 7-foot-tall bear; the neighbor's golden retriever seems just as menacing to your 13-month-old. Never force your child to pet an animal. Instead, do some role-playing with stuffed animals, or read books that feature animals like the ones he's afraid of. And it's very important to teach children never to pet any animal unless they ask the pet's owner first. Even the friendliest dog or cat can bite or scratch when provoked.

Social skills

Even though your toddler may be completely self-absorbed right now, it's a good time to work on your little one's understanding of the give and take of being around others. Whether your child's a social butterfly or more reserved, you can help her develop social skills with these fun activities:

Hide-and-seek: Chasing you and hiding from you may be some of your 13-month-old's favorite activities. Hiding behind a chair, a book, or even a dish towel, giggling endlessly as you pretend you can't find her, could be the best game on Earth. Or you might be the one who hides.

Fetch: Throwing stuff out of her crib or play yard and watching you retrieve and return it is great fun for a 13-month-old – if you agree to participate. She may also enjoy handing you toys, books, and other objects, expecting you to hand them back. This kind of give, take, and give again is actually a social game – a way of interacting with you and learning how to interact with others.

"Watch me, Mom": Your child may love an audience and repeat any "performance" that elicits a positive response, especially applause. Take care to reinforce behaviors you want to encourage, and correct negative ones like throwing food.

Mirror me: Have your toddler sit across from you. (This is a great game for the highchair.) Do something simple but eye-catching, like waving, clapping your hands, reaching up high, flapping your arms, or covering your face. Applaud and cheer for her if she does the same thing, but don't worry if she just laughs.

Feeding and nutrition

Small appetite and picky eating

Don't be surprised if your hearty eater's appetite has shrunk. It's typical for kids this age to eat a bit less and suddenly become picky. This change may seem strange, considering how active your child is now. But because she's growing more slowly, she really doesn't need as much food. Try not to pressure your toddler to eat more. Instead, let her appetite determine how much food she consumes.

Of course, even though you can't control how much she eats, you are definitely in charge of what she has to choose from. Keep offering a variety of healthy foods at every meal. Resist the temptation to let her snack on sweets and other not-so-healthful items because you're worried she's not eating enough.

Experts say it's a mistake to turn mealtimes into battles. The harder you push your child to eat, the less likely he is to do it. Offer him a choice of two or three nutritious foods at each sitting and let him eat what and how much he wants. (Be sure to offer him healthful snacks between mealtimes, too.) When he starts to throw food off his tray or otherwise play with it, take it as a sign that he's finished and remove the food. If he refuses to eat anything you put in front of him, wrap it up, put it in the refrigerator, and save it for later (but don't force him to eat the leftovers if he doesn't want to).

Bottom line: Picky eating is totally normal and as long as she appears to be thriving, she's probably fine. As always, if you have doubts, talk to your doctor.

Sleep

Dreaming begins (and nights can get busy again)

Even if your child has been sleeping soundly for months, she may now start waking up at night again. Of course, this can happen at any stage during the baby and toddler years for one reason or another. But one new potential sleep disturbance at this age is vivid dreaming.

Toddlers may start actively dreaming, and a dream can actually startle your child awake. Sticking to routines and creating a beloved bedtime ritual are a huge help in keeping your toddler's sleep on track.

Play

Introducing solo play

It'll probably be quite a while before your child learns to entertain himself for an extended period (although some kids can do so now). You can start the learning process by encouraging him to play without your direct involvement occasionally.

Try showing your toddler how to play with a particular toy, then turning away for the few minutes that he may be absorbed with it. This helps teach him that he doesn't need your interaction or direction every second.

When he becomes restless or asks for your help, turn back to him and reengage him or introduce a new activity. Small increments of solo play help build confidence, too.

Your life

Getting out of the house

The secret to leaving your home with a 1-year-old can best be summed up in two words: Be prepared. Whether you're going a short distance or far away, bring a large diaper bag stocked for every eventuality.

That means lots of easy-to-handle snacks (like dry cereal, fig bars, or crackers), milk, water, plenty of diapers and wipes, a sweater in cool weather, two changes of clothes (in case of diaper blowouts, carsickness, or spills), extra clothes for you (you never know when you'll become part of the mess), comfort objects (bear, blankie), and multiple diversions (such as board books, small toys, and finger puppets).

Look ahead to 14 months