Your 5 3/4-year-old: Starting school

Your 5-year-old now

Even children who parted easily at preschool sometimes turn into wailing "cling-ons" come the first days of kindergarten. Anxiety over the unknown is at the root of it. Will I make friends? Is learning to read going to be hard? Will I find the bus on time? Do I have to talk in class?

Most schools offer a time to tour the classroom and meet the teacher before the first day. Do a dry run. Show your child where he'll be dropped off and how to get to his classroom.

As fears surface, talk them out. The more specific he can be about what's bothering him, the better you'll be able to strategize solutions.

Most important, don't minimize your child's fears. "You'll meet new friends" isn't reassuring to a scared 5-year-old. Talk instead about how to approach new playmates. Role-play what he might say to start up a game.

In times of upheaval, it's also important for kids to have structure. Keep things as sane as possible at home with before- and after-school schedules.

Your life now

Many parents grapple with the question of whether to let their children play with toy guns or engage in other violent play. It's an individual choice. But it can help to know that at age 5, your child's interest is less a reflection of our violent culture than a common, healthy developmental phase.

Gunplay is a form of imaginative play that allows your child to feel he's exerting control over his world (vanquishing "bad guys," for example). There's no evidence linking toy guns to future acts of violence. The phase usually passes within a few years as your child moves on to other interests.

Many parents ban toy guns only to find their kids creating weaponry out of a sandwich, a stick, or the state of Florida in a 50-state puzzle. You can avoid buying realistic weaponry, but stopping the play altogether is more challenging.

Rather than shaming your child about it, ask open-ended questions about why he likes such games. Play along and find subtle ways to talk about your values and nonviolence.

Banning guns may also give them the power of being more attractive. The less of a big deal you make about gunplay — while being sure your child has lots of other playthings, too — the more quickly this stage tends to blow over.