How to cope with feeding a fussy toddler

Many parents find that mealtimes become more difficult as their toddler starts to gain independence. Your little one may suddenly reject foods they’ve been enjoying for weeks, or they may decide they only want to eat one or two foods, and nothing else. Although this can be very frustrating, picky eating is a normal phase in your toddler’s development (Duryea 2022, NHS 2021). It will get better with time (ITF 2018). One of the most important things you can do is stay calm and patient during mealtimes. Forcing or pressuring your little one into eating certain foods can make the food even less appealing (ITF 2016).

Why has my toddler got fussy eating habits?

Most toddlers go through a phase of only eating a few particular foods. It’s partly because of something called food neophobia, which is a fear of new foods. Toddlers tend to develop food neophobia in their second year, and it often peaks around 18 months to two years (Duryea 2022, ITF 2016). It can be stronger in some children than others (ITF 2016). Rest assured, this is a phase, and it will pass. The vast majority of toddlers eventually learn to eat a range of foods (ITF 2018).

What is the best way to cope with my fussy eater?

First of all, try to remember that most toddlers will eat enough to keep them going, even when they're refusing food at times (NHS 2021). So don’t fret too much about what your child eats at a single meal, or in a single day. Instead, think about what they eat over the course of a week (NHS 2021). If they’re active and gaining weight and they seem healthy and well, then they’re getting enough to eat (NHS 2021).

Your toddler needs time to learn that unfamiliar foods are safe and enjoyable to eat. They’ll gain confidence by watching you and others enjoying the foods they’re unsure about (NHS 2021).

How can I help my toddler develop healthy eating habits?

Here are some tips to help encourage your toddler to eat at mealtimes:

Eat as a family when you can

Eat with your toddler as often as possible (AAP 2018, NHS 2021). This may be hard if you and your partner both work full-time, but try to make time. At family meals, offer your toddler the same foods as the rest of your family, but try to include at least one food that you know they like (AAP 2018). Toddlers learn to eat new foods by watching and copying their parents and other children (NHS 2021). Your little one may be even more inclined to join in if you're all helping yourselves from big dishes in the middle of the table. Don’t add any salt or sugar to your child’s food, though (NHS 2021).

Stay positive

Tell your toddler how much you're enjoying the food you're eating. You’re their role model, so if you're enthusiastic your toddler may be more willing to try something new. You can always put on a brave face if you're not really a fan of brussels sprouts or broccoli!

Let your toddler know how happy you are with them when they eat what you give them. They want to please you and they’ll enjoy the praise (NHS 2021). If you only give them attention when they’re not eating, they may start to refuse food just to get a reaction (ITF 2016).

If your toddler doesn’t finish their meal within about half an hour, take the uneaten food away without commenting (ITF 2018, NHS 2021). Dragging out a mealtime is unlikely to encourage your little one to eat more. Just accept that they’ve had enough for now and move on.

Make mealtimes relaxed and enjoyable

Arrange for your toddler to eat with other children as often as possible. Invite one of your toddler's nursery or preschool friends over for tea (NHS 2021). Your toddler may eat better when they see others their own age happily tucking in.

Eat away from distractions, such as the television, pets, games and toys (AAP 2018). These will make it more difficult for your toddler to concentrate on eating.

Make mealtimes a happy occasion by chatting about lots of different things. Try to talk at a level that your toddler can understand so they can join in.

Offering finger foods to your toddler allows them to touch and play with their food if they want to (ITF 2018). Even if they make a mess, they’re still learning about the textures and feelings of different foods. Your toddler will also enjoy having the control of feeding themselves. It's a very grown-up responsibility for them!

Make mealtimes consistent

Work out a daily feeding routine that fits around your toddler’s daytime sleep pattern. This should include three meals and two or three healthy snacks, spaced throughout the day (ITF 2018). Toddlers thrive on routine and enjoy knowing what to expect.

If your toddler gets too tired, they may become fed up and not want to eat (ITF 2018). Give your toddler a small snack or drink before naps and save their proper meals for afterwards.

Ask everyone in the family, and anyone else who feeds your toddler, such as nursery staff or your childminder, to follow your approach and routine.

Keep your toddler interested

At lunch and dinner, offer your toddler a savoury course followed by a nutritious dessert, such as fruit or yoghurt (ITF 2018). After one course, they may be bored with one taste and want to try something new.

Two courses also offer your toddler two chances to take in the calories and nutrients they need (ITF 2018). Plus, they’ll experience a wider variety of foods at each meal.

However, never bribe your toddler to eat the savoury course with the promise of the sweet one (AAP 2018, ITF 2018). This will only make the savoury foods less appealing to your little one.

Give small portions. Toddlers can be overwhelmed by big platefuls and lose their appetite (ITF 2018). If your toddler finishes their small portion, praise them and offer more.

For a little extra variety, you could have a picnic outside when the weather’s nice. It will be fun for you both, your toddler will see others enjoying their food, and there'll be less mess to clear up at the end (ITF 2018)! If you’re taking your toddler to a cafe or restaurant, pack a nutritious snack that you know they like, just in case they don’t want to eat anything on offer.

Involve your toddler

Once your toddler's old enough, you can get them involved with planning a meal. Ask them to choose between something they enjoy eating, such as shepherd's pie or meatballs. You can then ask them to choose the vegetable, such as green beans or broccoli. Because they’ve taken ownership they may be more inclined to eat what they’ve chosen. You can do this as a family so everyone gets a turn.

Include them in food shopping by letting them help you find things in the supermarket. They can also give you a hand with setting the table before meals. Little activities like this will help to promote positive eating habits (ITF 2018).

Your toddler may be able to help with simple cooking and food preparation. Letting them investigate new foods away from the dinner table may mean they’re more likely to try them when they end up on the plate at mealtimes (ITF 2018).

Try messy play

Sometimes toddlers can be put off by wet foods or foods that get stuck to their fingers and face. You can help to counteract this by encouraging your toddler to explore different textures with lots of messy play outside mealtimes (ITF 2018).

Finger painting, play dough, sand play and making mud pies will encourage your little one to get stuck in and may help to make them less fearful or suspicious of sticky foods at mealtimes (ITF 2018).

How do I know when my toddler is full?

Signs that your toddler's had enough of a particular food, course or meal include:

• keeping their mouth shut when offered food
• saying "no" or turning their head away from the food being offered
• pushing away a spoon, bowl or plate containing food
• refusing to swallow food or spitting it out
• leaning out of their highchair or trying to climb out
• crying or screaming
• retching
  (ITF 2018)

If your toddler is showing signs of being full, simply take their plate away, even if they haven't had very much. They’ll probably fill up at the next meal or snack time if they’re not interested now.

I’m desperate for my toddler to eat, but is there anything I shouldn’t do?

It’s easy to fall into traps that can rack up the tension at mealtimes. Here are some tips to help you keep mealtimes positive and stress-free:

Don’t coax, bribe or plead with your toddler

A little gentle encouragement is fine, but never insist that they finish everything on their plate (ITF 2018). Once your toddler has had enough to eat, don’t start to spoon-feed them, or force food into their mouth. This can make them anxious and frightened about food. It may also encourage them to eat more than they need. Remember that it’s a good habit for your toddler to listen to their body and only eat to their appetite (AAP 2018).

Don’t offer a different food instead

Your toddler will soon take advantage if you give them their favourite foods every time they refuse something new. In the long run, it's better to offer them a portion of whatever you're eating and accept that they’ll prefer some foods to others (ITF 2018). Always try to include one food that you know they’ll eat in each meal. Resist the temptation to offer an alternative meal if they refuse what you serve (AAP 2018).

Don't forget about drinks

Your toddler needs around 350ml (two thirds of a pint) of milk a day (NHS 2019). Any more than this and they may lose their appetite at mealtimes. The World Health Organization recommends that you continue to offer breastmilk until your toddler's at least two (WHO 2021), but you can also offer full-fat cows' milk. There's no need to give your toddler follow-on milk though, as they should be getting plenty of nutrients from their food (NHS 2018).

Try to avoid giving your toddler a lot of milk in the hour before a meal as it will fill them up. If they’re thirsty, give them a drink of water instead (ITF 2018).

Keep fruit juices to mealtimes only, and dilute them with water (10 parts water to one part juice) before giving them to your toddler (NHS 2018). This is because fruit juices are acidic and contain quite a lot of natural sugar. Diluting them and drinking them with meals can help to minimise the damage they can do to your toddler's teeth (NHS 2018).

Fruit squashes, even low-sugar and sugar-free varieties, can encourage a sweet tooth (NHS 2018). You’ll keep your toddler healthier and save yourself trouble if you keep squashes off your shopping list.

Try to phase out bottles so that all your toddler’s drinks, including milk, are given in cups or beakers (NHS 2018).

Don’t offer snacks just before or after a meal

Try not to offer snacks too close to mealtimes, as your toddler may be too full to eat their lunch or dinner. If they haven’t eaten well at their main meal, don’t offer them a snack straight afterwards. Although it's tempting to make sure they eat something, it's best to stick to a set meal pattern. Wait until the next snack or meal before offering food again (ITF 2018).

Don’t assume that a refusal is forever

Tastes change with time. Even if your toddler's refused a particular food before, they may come to like it in the future. Some toddlers need to be offered a new food more than 10 times before they feel confident enough to try it (ITF 2018).

Don’t worry if a mealtime doesn't go as planned

Don't be too hard on yourself or your toddler. Just put it behind you and approach the next meal positively (ITF 2018). You’re both on a learning curve. Your toddler is learning to try new flavours and textures, and you're discovering how to cope with tricky mealtimes. Give it time and patience. They’ll grow out of this fussy phase.

What should I do if I'm still worried about my toddler’s eating habits?

If you're really concerned, keep a diary of all the food and drink your toddler has over a week (ITF 2018). Check that they’ve had something from each of the four main food groups. These are:

• starchy foods, such as potatoes, rice and bread
• protein, such as meat, fish, eggs or pulses
• dairy products, such as milk, yoghurts, cheese or dairy alternatives
• fresh fruit and vegetables (NHS 2021)

If you know your toddler has eaten foods from each group, you probably don’t need to worry (NHS 2021).

Talk to your health visitor or GP if you need advice or support (ITF 2018). They can check your toddler’s weight and height, and are likely to reassure you that there's no problem. If there are any issues, they will give you plenty of support to help you get your toddler’s eating back on track.

More on toddler eating behaviour

• From fresh fruit to crunchy veggies, be inspired by these healthy snacks.
• Get more tips on feeding your toddler well.
• Check out these quick and easy family food ideas.
• Find out how much your toddler should really be eating with our guide to portion sizes.