Sex after delivery

It’s up to you when to have sex after your delivery, but you should wait for your bleeding to stop first.

If you’ve had stitches because of an episiotomy or perineum tear, or had a c-section, you’ll probably need to wait at least six weeks before having sex. Read on to know more.

How long after my delivery can I have sex?

If you’ve had a vaginal delivery, you can have sex as soon as you feel ready, but not before at least two weeks after giving birth, or before your bleeding has stopped.

Immediately after your delivery, you’ll have bleeding, known as lochia. For some women, this stops as soon as two weeks after birth, while for others it takes as long as six weeks. Once the bleeding has stopped, if you’re not sore in the region and want to have sex again, it’s usually safe to do so.

You shouldn’t have sex before the bleeding has stopped completely because it puts you at risk of an infection in your uterus (womb), or haemorrhage.

If you’ve had stitches due to an episiotomy or perineal tear, or if you’ve had an assisted birth, you’ll probably be advised to wait at least six weeks after birth before having sex again. You’ll probably want to wait because you might still be sore in the region, even after the stitches have come out or dissolved.

How long after a c-section can I have sex?

If you’ve had a caesarean, your doctor will ask you to wait at least six weeks after your delivery before having sex. This will give your wound time to heal and your lochia to stop.

Even if your stitches have dissolved or come out sooner, and the outer layers of your skin have healed, it can take longer for the pain or discomfort to go fully. The internal healing will also go on long after the outer wound has healed.

Why don’t I feel like having sex after my delivery?

Some women feel like having sex soon after their lochia has stopped, but it’s also normal to not want sex for several more weeks.

There are many reasons that dampen a new mum’s interest in sex:

• Your birth experience:
  Your birth experience might play a role in how soon you’re ready for sex. If you had a difficult birth, it might take you longer to feel like having sex again, especially if your perineum is still painful. Mums who had a positive birth experience might feel in the mood to do it again sooner.
  
  
• Exhaustion:
  The exertions of managing your new role of mum might leave you so tired that you have no interest or energy for sex. You might just feel like resting when you finally get the chance to put your feet up and relax.
  
  
• Vaginal dryness:
  
  You might also notice that your vagina is more dry than usual, making sex uncomfortable or even painful. This is a very common problem among mums after birth. If this is your case, you might find that using a lubricant helps. A lubricant can remove the discomfort of your skin getting pulled or stretched because of dryness and make sex more pleasurable for you.
  
  
• Postnatal depression:
  Some mums get postnatal depression after birth. This can leave you in no mood for sex. You’ll generally feel low and completely overwhelmed. If this is how you’re feeling, speak to your doctor. Many mums get some level of post-delivery blues or postnatal depression. Speaking about it with someone who understands it can really help. Your doctor can give you advice on how to feel better.
  
  
• Body image:
  How you view your own body may have changed after giving birth. You might feel that your body is so changed by pregnancy and birth that you need time for it to recover before you feel like yourself again.
  
  Some women feel proud of the changes that pregnancy has made to their body, others find it hard to accept these changes. All of these feelings are understandable and normal.
  
  Women often worry that their husband won't find them attractive any more, but when they explain their concerns, realise that this is far from being the case. Try having an honest discussion with your husband about how you’re feeling and see where it takes you.

However you are feeling, the key is to give yourself time. Pregnancy and giving birth are a huge physical, emotional and lifestyle change in your life and it’s completely normal to take time to adapt to the change.

Speak to your doctor and husband about how you’re feeling or what the problem is so that you don’t feel pressured to have sex before you’re ready for it.

It can sometimes feel a bit awkward to talk about sexual issues with your doctor, but remember that they’ve seen it all before. Nothing you can say will shock or surprise them, and they’d far rather you said something than suffer in silence.

What if my husband wants sex before I do?

It’s common for one of you to be ready before the other and the key to working through a situation like that is communication.

Understanding each other better will help you look after each other and be there for one another. You are going through big changes and your husband is too. He might feel left out as you and your baby spend most of your day together. He might even feel rejected if you don't want sex and he does, but you shouldn't feel pressured to have sex again before you are ready. Sex shouldn’t become a chore.

Your husband may worry that sex will be painful for you, or be unsure about his own feelings. Talk about concerns that either of you have. By sharing the problem, and being honest with each other, you can work through it together.

When will I need to start using contraception?

You'll need to use contraception as soon as you start to have sex again. Even if you’re still breastfeeding and your periods haven't returned, you can get pregnant again.

When will my vagina be back to normal?

Your vagina will certainly be stretched out just after childbirth, but it will start to shrink and regain muscle tone within a few days. Whether or not your vagina returns to its original size depends on a number of factors: genetics, the size of your baby, the number of children you've had, and whether you do Kegel exercises regularly.

How will breastfeeding affect my sex life?

Breastfeeding can have an impact on your sex life because of the hormones involved in producing and releasing breastmilk. The hormone prolactin that stimulates milk production may dampen your sex desire.

You’ll have less of another hormone, oestrogen, while you breastfeed. This can make your vagina dryer than usual. Using a lubricant will help reduce discomfort you might feel from vaginal dryness.

While you are feeding, your attitude to your breasts might change as well. You might not want your husband touching them in the same way as he used to. Let him know how you feel and why so that you’re comfortable with how you get intimate with your husband.

You may worry that your breasts will leak at an inconvenient time – and they might. During climax, some women discover that they experience letdown (their breasts leak or spray milk). That's because the hormones that are present during orgasm are also present during letdown. If it bothers you, nurse your baby or empty your breasts by pumping before having sex. As time goes on and breastfeeding becomes more established, leaking during sex may not happen as frequently.

What if sex after delivery is painful?

If you’ve waited the recommended time and feel ready for sex, yet it continues to be painful, even after going about it carefully and gently, and using a lubricant, talk to your doctor. Occasionally, the way a tear or an episiotomy is stitched can cause long-term discomfort, which further surgery can put right.

If you had a caesarean, to reduce the pressure near your scar, you can try different positions such as you on top, or your husband and you side-by-side. If your scar continues to be painful, or if you notice signs of infection such as swelling, redness or heat, consult your doctor for advice.

If you have vaginal discharge that smells unpleasant, you could have a vaginal infection. This can also cause discomfort or pain during sex. See your doctor for a diagnosis and advice on treatment.

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Read more about:

• Your body after birth
• Life as a mum
• Life as a dad