Sex during pregnancy

Can I have sex while I'm pregnant?

Many people ask if sex during pregnancy is safe, especially during the first and third trimesters, and they often worry about harming the baby. But if you have a healthy pregnancy, it’s perfectly safe to have sex right up until your waters break (NCCWCH 2008, NHS 2018). This is true even if you’re having more than one baby.

If you're in the right mood, having satisfying sex is good for your relationship and your sense of wellbeing (Rogers and Gotter 2016), both now and after your baby has arrived.

Don’t feel pressured though. Many women find that their sex drive changes during pregnancy (NHS 2018). This can happen because of changing emotions, pregnancy side-effects such as nausea, or simply being really tired – sometimes you might find yourself yearning more for a good night’s sleep.

The key is to keep communicating with your partner, and find a balanced way to stay close and feel happy as a couple. Talk to your partner if your sex drive is low to help them understand how you’re feeling.

Will sex harm my baby?

You won't hurt your baby by making love, even with your partner on top. And your little one won't know what you're doing, either (NHS 2018). The amniotic sac and the strong muscles of your uterus (womb) will protect your baby, while the thick mucus plug that seals your cervix helps guard against infection (APA 2015, NCT 2018).

Other types of sex are generally safe during pregnancy, too – though you may need to take some special precautions. Find out more about oral sex, anal sex and using sex toys when you’re pregnant.

If you have an orgasm in late pregnancy, you may feel some mild contractions in your uterus (known as Braxton Hicks contractions) (NHS 2018). This is common, especially towards the end of your third trimester. They should pass if you rest for a few minutes.

If the contractions continue, or if you’re leaking fluid or bleeding after sex, call your midwife or doctor to be on the safe side (March of Dimes 2015).

Are there times when I shouldn’t have sex?

Your midwife or doctor may advise you not to have sex if:

• you’ve experienced bleeding during your pregnancy (APA 2015, March of Dimes 2015, Mayo Clinic 2018, NCT 2018, NHS 2018)
• you have an increased risk of miscarriage (March of Dimes 2015, NHS 2018)
• you have a history of cervical weakness or giving birth prematurely (March of Dimes 2015, Mayo Clinic 2018, NCT 2018)
• your placenta is low-lying (placenta praevia) (March of Dimes 2015, Mayo Clinic 2018)
• your waters have broken (NCT 2018, NHS 2018)

You may also be advised to avoid sex if your partner has an active sexually transmitted infection (STI) (March of Dimes 2015, Mayo Clinic 2018). If your partner has an STI, or if you think they might, talk to your doctor or midwife for specific advice on managing this.

You should also use a condom to protect against STIs if you or your partner are having sex with other people. If you have sex with a new partner while you’re pregnant, have an honest conversation about possible STIs and use a condom (Mayo Clinic 2018).

STIs such as syphilis, gonorrhoea and chlamydia can cause serious problems for your baby (March of Dimes 2015, Mayo Clinic 2018). But they can be easily tested for and treated during pregnancy to lower the risk of passing the infection to your baby (March of Dimes 2018). So if you’re concerned that you may have contracted an STI, see your midwife or doctor as soon as possible.

Will sex feel as good during pregnancy?

It depends. It's better for some women, and not as good for others (Babazadeh et al 2013, Staruch et al 2016).

Increased blood flow to your pelvic area during pregnancy can heighten sexual sensation – or feel uncomfortable (APA 2015). Some women say they can’t get turned on or reach orgasm as easily while they're carrying a baby (Gałązka et al 2015, Vannier and Rosen 2017).

If you find your usual positions uncomfortable, there are other ways to enjoy sex. During pregnancy many couples get more pleasure from foreplay, oral sex, sex toys or masturbation (Jawed-Wessel et al 2014) than intercourse. Think of it as a chance to spice up your sex life and try something creative.

I've gone off sex since I got pregnant. Is this normal?

Yes! The big changes in your body and your life are bound to alter your sex life. Some women are just too tired or feel too nauseous to have sex, especially in the first trimester.

Mood changes, backache and sore breasts are some of the other reasons for less interest in sex. Hormonal changes can also cause a loss of libido (APA 2015).

Not surprisingly, your state of mind is important, too. If you feel positive about your pregnancy and the changes to your body, you're likely to feel more sexual. But if you're not particularly happy about the pregnancy or if you feel insecure, this can put you off sex (APA 2015, Staruch et al 2016, Vannier and Rosen 2017).

It’s also a time when you may feel like your identity as a sexual woman doesn’t match your role or feelings as a mother (Vannier and Rosen 2017).

Even if you enjoyed sex during the first part of your pregnancy, your sex drive can start dropping off as the birth gets closer. This is a common experience for many couples (Corbacioglu Esmer et al 2013, Gałązka et al 2015, Jawed-Wessel and Sevick 2017, Staruch et al 2016).

Ultimately, everyone’s different, and couples who are expecting don’t all have the same feelings about sex. What's normal for someone else won't necessarily be the same for you.

Will my partner's sex drive change now that I'm pregnant?

It may. Some partners feel less interested in sex, especially in the third trimester (Corbacioglu Esmer et al 2013).

This doesn't mean that your partner doesn't find you attractive any more – far from it. For example, many men say they want sex with their partner as much as ever, and they’re happy with the relationship during pregnancy (Nakić Radoš et al 2015).

When it does happen, the reasons for a partner’s lower desire may include:

• fears that sex can hurt the baby (Corbacioglu Esmer et al 2013)
• worries about the health of you and your baby
• concerns about becoming a parent

Talking to your partner openly about any fears either of you may have. See if it helps to explain that sex isn’t harmful during pregnancy, and encourage them to learn more about it.

Which sex positions are the most comfortable during pregnancy?

As your pregnancy progresses, you may find that the missionary position (partner on top) isn't comfortable any more for penetrative sex (NHS 2018). Try the following sex positions instead:

• Get on top. This keeps the weight off your belly and lets you control the depth of penetration.
• Lie with your bottom on the edge of the bed, with your partner kneeling or standing in front of you.
• Lie side-by-side in the spoons position.
• Try getting on your hands or knees in the doggy position.
• Straddle your partner while they sit on a chair. This is another position that puts no weight on your belly.
• Sit on a table or counter.
• Have sex standing up.

You can have satisfying sex when you’re pregnant, and where there's a will, there's a way! Communication and openness are always the keys to a good sex life, and this is still true while you’re pregnant.

You may also like:

• See what the top sex positions for pregnancy look like in our illustrated slideshow.
• If you’re overdue, can sex kickstart labour? Find out!
• No interest in sex? Find other ways to stay close.