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Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

by Ellie Newman (2019, MSt Classical Archaeology)

My pre-university education was unexceptional. I attended a state secondary school and a local sixth-form college and, although I thoroughly enjoyed my time there, it’s fair to say that attending Oxford wasn’t even a consideration for most of us (myself included). So, when I found myself with a place for postgraduate study at Oxford, I was extremely proud. I knew I had worked hard at my previous university and felt I deserved this wonderful opportunity to continue my studies. Upon arrival in Oxford, though, I felt like I was walking in a dream that I would wake up from at any moment. I was living a lie and I was going to get caught. Was my application really accepted, or was it a mistake? Am I as smart as everyone else here? Can they see that I don’t belong?

This feeling is often called Imposter Syndrome, which can manifest itself in response to many different aspects of a person’s identity, all of which are valid. For instance, I feel academic Imposter Syndrome as a result of my schooling experience, but it can be sparked in response to a person’s class, race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, physical and mental wellbeing, and more. It can be smothering, but it’s important to know that you’re not alone. The reality is that this feeling of being an outsider is so very common at Oxford. And while it can be overwhelming, there are ways to manage it. So, with hopes that they may be helpful to others, here are 5 tips that have helped my own feelings of Imposter Syndrome.

1. Try not to compare yourself to others.
This is much easier said than done. You’re bound to come across people who like to brag about themselves, which can spark feelings of inferiority. In these situations, it’s important to remember that you’ve both made it to Oxford, you both deserve to be here, and that you aren’t in competition with each other. It’s also important to remember that Oxford students come from all kinds of backgrounds, and not everyone has had the same life experiences or privileges. Yet we’ve all made it here, and that’s something to celebrate.

2. Remember that no one can know everything.
My supervisor recently asked me an unexpected question about my research. Much to my horror, I didn’t have an answer. I expected for him to tell me that I’m useless and to question why I had been accepted in the first place. Instead, his response was “I don’t know either, I was hoping you would tell me.” No one comes into the academic world knowing everything. Even the top professor in your department will have areas of expertise and areas of unfamiliarity. We come to university to learn and so there’s no shame in doing so, even if you’re starting from scratch.

3. Find a balance.
Whether in your department, in college, or in societies, get as involved as you like. All these places are great for meeting like-minded people, and you can really make friends for life in Oxford. However, don’t feel pressure to get involved if you don’t want to. It can be easy to get carried away, which can result in you neglecting your personal welfare or your studies. This can exacerbate feelings of Imposter Syndrome, and so it’s important to find a balance.

4. For every person that you don’t like, there are 10 that you will.
This may be a bit pessimistic, but in a place like Oxford it’s unlikely that you will be friends with everyone you meet. And that’s okay. Just remember that the beauty of a place so diverse is that there are going to be people who think similarly to yourself. Some of the best friendships you make might even be with people completely different to yourself. So, if you come across someone you don’t like, remember that they are just one person and for every person that you don’t like, there are 10 that you will.

5. Look after yourself.
This is the most important. If you struggle with Imposter Syndrome, reach out to someone. Your tutor/supervisor, your friends, the University/College welfare teams, all these people are here to listen and provide different forms of support. There’s no shame in speaking up and admitting that you need help. Prioritise your own wellbeing above anything else. And always remember, you aren’t alone.

Perks of being in the Somerville Choir

by Finlay Dove (2018, Music)

Being part of the College Choir may seem a bit strange to the majority of Somervillians. Whether it be gathering en masse in Terrace (dressed entirely in black), performing unusual contemporary music in the middle of formals, or running towards the chapel at 17:14 on a Thursday (to avoid the penalty for lateness; humiliation via music theory test), the people in Somerville Choir are all at least slightly eccentric. However, after three wonderful years of membership, I’d like to present three reasons as to why being in the choir is one of the best decisions a Somervillian can make during their short time at the college.

1. Choral contemplation

Being part of Somerville Choir is centred around the weekly Choral Contemplation events, which take place every Sunday evening. Our chapel is unique in having no religious affiliation, providing a welcoming space to students of all faiths and none. This enables the choir to perform a limitless variety of music, spotlighting under-recognised composers from across the world alongside more standard choral repertoire. In combining music, poetry and talks by guest speakers, Choral Contemplation always provides a thought-provoking experience.

2. The social side

The musical opportunities of being in Somerville choir are complemented by an equally enjoyable social experience. Its close-knit atmosphere has produced countless great memories over the last three years, including some wild formals, unlikely international adventures and our intensely average campaign in the Oxford Choir Football competition. There’s something about singing together that builds unique relationships. I’ve made some of my best friends through the choir, and I know the sense of community will stick with me post-graduation.

3. New musical experiences

 The choir performs in a wide variety of contexts beyond our weekly rehearsals and contemplation events. Particular favourites of mine include a joint concert with the Basin Street Brawlers (a 1920s/30s hot jazz group), a magical carol concert in the Savoy Chapel of Westminster and our tour to India in December 2018. Going to India was a truly fantastic experience, as we explored Mumbai and Goa whilst performing to large and appreciative audiences. Even during the pandemic, we’ve held music appreciation sessions on Zoom, which have included a quiz on ‘90s hip hop, a presentation from an expert voice doctor, and a conversation with a Kenyan traditional musician.

4. Daddy Dawes

Will Dawes (our director) does an incredible job in fashioning a musical experience that is both top-quality and enjoyable for all members. For me, this was epitomised in our 2020 performance of Bach’s St. John Passion. Despite the length and demanding nature of the piece, Will broke it down and used masterclasses to make learning it an enjoyable experience. His ability to successfully balance serious musical performance with the pressures of an Oxford degree is incredibly valuable, in addition to his careful selection of music from composers of a range of nationalities and gender/sexual identities. 

5. More than just singing

In sum, being part of Somerville Choir is not your typical Oxford choral experience. I would encourage anyone to have a go and audition – who knows where it might take you!

In Defence of Downtime

by Katie Bastiman (2016, French and Italian, MSt Modern Languages)

When I arrived in Somerville as a fresher in 2016, I realised quickly that I was going to have to handle my work-life balance very carefully.

I knew from the start that Oxford would be stressful and would push me further as a student than I had been pushed before, and so I decided from day one that my priority was to remain happy and healthy during my time here. I worked hard, but my number one focus was always to keep my life as balanced as possible. Five years later, I am very pleased that I made that call so early on. 

Oxford is always going to throw challenges at you, be they academic, emotional, or otherwise. And it sounds obvious, but the more energy you can put in to keeping things balanced, the better equipped you will be to handle those challenges. Everyone works differently, but for me at least, I really need to be in a good headspace to do my best work.

Taking some time out to relax is just as productive as writing that essay or learning that vocab. If I let myself get too tired, or don’t take enough breaks, suddenly every little hurdle in my work feels insurmountable. Taking a more balanced approach isn’t just helpful for my overall productivity, but (more importantly) it helps me to enjoy my degree more and feel happy in what I’m doing. 

It can be very easy to get swept up in the ‘Oxford bubble’ and to forget that it isn’t actually normal to be studying all day every day. It is really valuable to take little breaks to get some fresh air or see your friends, and it’s also important to know and respect your own limits. Studying from home for most of this year, I found that without all of the socials and the fun of normal university life, I worked best when I took weekends off.

That is never something I would have considered implementing in my undergrad days – at that point, I found I worked best when I could spread my work over all seven days of the week rather than condensing into five and then taking two off. When I was working from home, though, I needed that time off to look forward to during the week and to let me unwind and think about other things for a day or two. It’s not a strict rule – sometimes I get an hour or two of work done on a Sunday, or more if I have a deadline looming – but it has helped me to maintain a feeling of control and balance.  

The period of time in which I relied most on downtime in my time at Oxford so far has been my finals. I finished my undergrad degree in the summer of 2020, so I was at home living with my family at the time. My dad and I got into a routine of playing video games together (Breath of the Wild, mostly) for a few hours every evening. I would do enough work during the day to feel like I’d accomplished something, and then switch off and just relax into the escapism.

Being taken out of Oxford for my finals is never something I would have wanted, but being back home made it easier to resist falling into the mindset so common among Oxford students – that there aren’t enough hours in the day, that work comes before everything else, that you have to make sacrifices to get the results you want.

There are enough hours in the day, for work and for relaxation, too. Work does not come before your health and happiness. And you are more likely to get the results you want by taking care of yourself and investing in your own wellbeing.

Katie Bastiman

20 Things I learned from 2020

by Pippa Gleave (2018, DPhil Pharmacology)

2020 was no ordinary year. In between finding out during the holidays that it might be a long time before we got to come back to Somerville – twice – and having to get used to all-new ways of doing even the most basic academic and social tasks, there was plenty to get to grips with.

But amongst all the challenges, I also learned a lot more than I expected. Here’s 20 things I took away from last year:

1. How to dance in a tiny space

Lockdown led to dance teachers all over transferring their classes to Zoom and modifying their classes for participants who were short on space. Ever since I returned to Somerville in July as the first lockdown drew to a close, I had to battle with my room’s very wonky carpeted floor. However, I still managed (despite falling out of even simple steps) and my dance classes were a saving grace throughout the year that brought me a lot of joy. 

2. How to be on my own

Being alone doesn’t mean loneliness. After getting very ill when I started my Master’s degree at a new university 4 hours from home, knowing no one, I found being on my own difficult. I finally made peace with myself in lockdown and found lots of things I enjoyed doing in my own time, like painting. 

(Side note – I really could have done with Oxford’s collegiate system when I did my Master’s. It is excellent for graduate students who may otherwise only get to know their supervisor/research group.)

3. I am an extrovert

I always thought I was introverted, but it turns out that I am a highly sensitive person and an extrovert. I get energy from socialising, but only when I feel comfortable; and I am easily overstimulated. When I mentioned this revelation to some of my friends at Somerville they looked at me incredulously. Apparently, I come across as very extroverted.

4. Ditching fast fashion

My 2020 resolution was to not buy any “new” clothes, only second-hand clothes, unless I really needed something and was unable to find it elsewhere. I stuck to it, gaining a new wardrobe of pre-loved clothes. 

5. Making my own clothes

I caught the sewing bug in April, got my mom’s old sewing machine fixed and have been learning dressmaking ever since. It’s been great for my mental health and work/life separation when working from home. I also got a wellbeing grant from Somerville’s MCR towards my sewing efforts. 

6. My need for nature

Nature helps me feel peaceful and relaxed, gives me a change of scene and somewhere to go. I really notice how I feel when I haven’t left the house all day. Being so close to Port Meadow and University Parks at Somerville, as well as having the college green spaces, is very helpful. 

7. Having outdoor space is a privilege

When we all were told to stay at home I was already back at my parents’ house. They are fortunate to have a lovely garden, but sadly far too many people have no outdoor space at all. Access to green space is often linked to income and the pandemic has made this clear what a privilege this is. 

8. Quizzes make group zooms more fun

Zooms require a lot of energy and there is no natural flow of conversation. Quizzes really helped make my family Zooms less painful! 

9. Learning a new (sign) language

My mom has suffered from glue ear her entire life thanks to dodgy eustacian tubes. When lockdown hit, she decided my family would all learn BSL to make her deaf periods more bearable for her. I can’t claim any fluency yet, but I think it is a skill we all should lean. 

10. How to say goodbye

My beloved neighbour, Bob Hill, passed away on the 31st of March 2020 from covid-19. I met him when I was 3 by singing to him across the road when he was working in his garden, and was a regular visitor until I went to university. 

11. Getting through when my illness flares up

I entered 2020 during a flare up of my autoimmune disease/chronic illness. This took months to bring back under control with medication. I was well versed with pacing, but pacing is hard when you have no idea how much physical and mental energy you’ll have on any given day. I gradually got my capacity back and found that the next point is key:

12. I need food, specifically enough protein 

Ever heard of hanger? I had more than that. If I didn’t eat enough or regularly I would sometimes collapse, a lovely shade of grey. Chicken broth (Jewish penicillin, as my mom says) was a lifesaver. 

13. Baking treats I can eat 

I’ve found that various foods trigger my autoimmune flares and I went on an elimination diet to identify said triggers. Finding and making recipes that suited me was a lot of fun and reduced my feelings of missing out. 

14. How to express my emotions in a healthy way

I was dealing with a lot of pain and anger from the beginning of 2020. I wasn’t letting myself express it and so it was coming out in unhealthy ways. Thankfully, with help, I identified triggers, did a lot of processing and work on expression, and grew to understand myself and how my emotions worked. 

15. My value is not determined by my productivity 

I struggled a lot with feeling like I had to use my free time well. I had to learn to ignore my over-ambitious ideas and perfectionism to acknowledge that downtime is essential to wellbeing. 

16. Routine keeps you sane

With the blurring of home and work, it became difficult to know which day was which. Routines helped to define the day, helped with productivity and my expectations. 

17. Flexible working is almost always possible 

Being chronically ill myself, I’m aware of many chronically ill/disabled people who have been denied flexible working for years, making the workplace inaccessible for some. I’m hopeful that from now on accessibility will be at the forefront of workplaces. 

18. I cherish my independence 

Being stuck for an undetermined time at my parents’ house after not having lived with them full time for 5+ years was … interesting. It was nice to be looked after when I was unwell, but I felt like I had no space of my own and no independence and it was stifling. 

19. People communicate in different ways 

To my slight frustration, I found that some of my good friends were difficult to converse with using messaging, and never wanted to video chat. It didn’t mean anything about our friendship, they just didn’t communicate well that way. Once I saw them again in person it was like we’d never been apart. 

20. You cannot control others 

From frustration at people flagrantly disobeying rules to stop the spread of covid-19, to anxiety at others walking too close to me, I learned that I can’t control them, only how I allow them to affect my feelings.