Hardest Decision Of My Life
Written by Sarah Ayton | 17 February 2011
It’s been one of the hardest decisions of my life but last week I decided to call time on my sailing career after an amazing 12 years.
At the start of this campaign I know what needed to be done and I know it would be hard but achievable with a new class of boat, team and coach, however what I had no idea about was Motherhood and how hard that would be and how much it would affect me mentally and physically which at the end of the day meant I couldn't give enough time and energy to my sailing.
Despite all the incredible support, help and understanding I have received over the past year, as Saskia and I put together our 2012 campaign, it got to the point where, if we were going to improve further, I needed to ramp everything up another gear and it wasn’t a gear I had. I felt I was hindering Saskia, who is an exceptional talent, and I desperately didn’t want to do that.
Since coming back to sailing I’ve always been working to my maximum to do two things; be a mother and focus on my sailing. After a slightly disappointing result in Miami I sat down and looked at our program and what needed to be done in the time we had left to the trials. At the end of the day it's the trials that really matter.
As it was we would be heavily relying on everything coming together for the trials simply because of my short time in the boat and the amount of time we've been sailing together. Unfortunately, there is no magic gold dust you can drop over your campaign to make it a success it is just a case of hard graft.
Don't get me wrong I absolutely love working hard and the reward you get from that but, for me there came a point when I was doing everything I could do and not spending time with my son but yet still needing to be fitter, stronger and generally better at sailing and racing a 470……something had to give!
It’s not a decision I could make overnight, sailing’s been my whole life. Nick (Dempsey, Sarah’s husband) and I discussed it at length and he’s been amazing but also completely honest with me. He’s seen me going through a pretty dreadful time trying to be a mum and run a campaign and we both decided that now was the right time to move on.
In some ways I feel I need to rebuild my relationship with Thomas. Having continuity with a child is really important and because of the sheer nature Olympic sailing I didn’t always have that. I don’t regret the time I had with Saskia because both she and Joe (Glanfield, the girls’ coach and double Olympic 470 silver medallist) have been incredible to work with and I thoroughly enjoyed sailing again.
But when it came to crunch time I couldn’t make the sacrifices required to give us the best shot of 2012 success and for that reason it was best that Saskia can move forward with her goal of winning in Weymouth without me. I couldn’t have been sailing with a more focused and dedicated sailor and I hope she gets the glory in 2012 because she deserves it.
It’s been a very emotional week because once I’d made the decision to retire there were a lot of people, like sponsors and long-term supporters, I needed to tell and thank. I felt I was letting them down and it was a priority I spoke to them personally.
People who have supported us this year including Volvo Car UK, QuIC Financial Technologies, Paynes Hicks Beach and Three60 Sports Management and Mirabaud, Highland Heritage and Lynx, who were with me in my Yngling days. Also Paul Brotherton, who has been a constant source of advice and guidance for many years.
I really would still love to be involved in 2012 in some way; it’s a massive thing for this country to have the Olympics and if I can use my experience to help other sailors going into the Games in any way that would be great.
But now I’m looking forward to just switching off and spending some time with my boys, Nick and Thomas, in Brazil where Nick is training at the moment. Supporting him in his campaign to win 2012 gold, and raising our son, is now where my all energies will be going.
Sarah