[INSERT COINS]

The Water Viper gang has kidnapped your girl!
Navigate the treacherous river to save her!
Press any key to continue ...

Inflate your paddle board and take to the water.

[Poppy synth music]

Use forward, back, left and right keys to move.

[Vwoop Vwoop Vwoop!]

Get power ups to extend your telescoping aluminum paddle.

[Bada-bada-bada-bada]

Look out! The Water Viper Gang on their jet skis! Knock them out with your durable plastic blade!

[Bamp! Bamp!]

Watch out for rocks and inner tubers!

[Bewwwwwwp! Fffffffffffffffffffffff–]

Oh no! You're losing air! Re-inflate with your high-pressure hand pump with built-in pressure gauge!

[Fwoof fwoof fwoof]

Congratulations, adventurer! You've reached the tower!

[Victory music]

"Sorry, adventurer, your girlfriend is in another tower."

[Sad trombone]

continue reading