Today's Woot Write-up
A well-manicured man in a powder-blue suit jogs on stage to blaring synthesizer music.
The audience goes wild.
"Are you pumped? I'm pumped and ready to ... "
He points to the audience who shout in unison.
"GET! PROCESSED!"
The man pumps his fist. "Yesssss! With my new system, you'll feel stronger, more confident and more in control of your life. With this system, you will become a ninja. A nutrient ninja. In the kitchen!!"
Wild cheering.
"Is self doubt keeping you from getting what you deserve?!"
"GET! PROCESSED!"
"Is your life filled with ego-goblins who try to drag you down to their level?"
"GET PROCESSED!"
"Are you tired of your bananas and strawberries being two different foods?"
"GET! PROCESSED!"
"Maybe with a little yogurt?"
"GET! PROCESSED!"
"All riiiiight! Let's do it! Join me in ... the SYSTEM!"
Uncontrollable excitement as the crowd files into a giant blender, which then turns on.
