Always turn your headphones down before encasing yourself in a high-power military exo-skeleton.

Alright, looks like all systems are go. I’m ready to ROCK! This thing is nuts! I can’t believe it takes five technicians and two hours just to bolt this combat exo-skeleton together around me! But now it’s almost time to-

Man, that music is loud. How do I turn that down? Is it a button somewhere? Maybe a voice control? Ah, crap. I left my Denon Music Maniac In-Ear Headphones in! They’re plugged into the mp3 player in the pocket of my shorts! Great. How am I supposed to get them out of my ears? I can’t just pop this helmet off, and even if I could my hands are a foot and a half wide and made of titanium at the moment. Not exactly delicate instruments.

Well, at least they’re comfortable. The dual balanced armature drivers are making this experience as pleasant as possible, with the full-range balanced sound and all. But the silicone ear tips are doing TOO good a job of shutting out external noise! I can’t even hear what the Major is saying. No big deal, just salute and nod, I guess. Okay. He seems pacified.

Oh, crap. They’re all looking at me; I’m probably supposed to do something. Okay, let’s see, if I was testing a prototype mechanical combat exo-skeleton, what would I want to see demonstrated first? Hmmm. Probably the shoulder-mounted missile launchers, right?

Yeah. Let’s try that first.

continue reading