In your moments of crisis, you can be inspired by the struggles of your favorite team.

Do you remember that time the Baltimore Ravens were down at the half, then came back to win? What did they say? They said "Boy, the coach sure jumpstarted that team, didn't he?" Do you remember that time the Dallas Cowboys collapsed in the last quarter? What did they say? "It looks like the team's gone flat!" Car metaphors and football are twined together in the American consciousness like hot dogs and the 4th Of July. And it's time you all accepted that.

When you pull out an NFL Roadside Emergency Kit you're fixing your car the same way the NFL fixes ga- well, okay, that metaphor isn't really working, is it? Instead let us just point out that triangular carrying case with a Reflective Hazard sign will keep you shielded like offensive linesman, while you use the 9-Piece Ratchet Set and two screwdrivers and pliers and electrical tape to QB your car back into a lean mean victory machine.

But, um, just a suggestion? Maybe keep a variety of different team's cases on hand? Because if you break down outside Lambeau Field, you won't want to pull out a Bears case. And it'll get suuuper awkward if a kind elderly Native American man pulls up to offer assistance just as you unpack your Washington Redskins kit.

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