Property Inspectors: Committed to ruining everyone’s fun no matter the age.

Last week, I visited your property at Cameron’s Mom’s Dining Room for a COMPLAINT inspection and no one was inside the Easy Playhouse. A door hanger with information regarding the inspection was placed in your mail slot.

We of the City of Playtime Public Works Division, in association with your Playhome Owners’ Association, would like to work with you to maintain the attractive appearance of our neighborhoods and sustain property values throughout the community. I would appreciate an opportunity to discuss my recent inspection with you, as well as address the following property maintenance items:

• 3.141(p) Windows, Exterior Doors

Windows and doors have been painted in alternating colors that cause physical pain to the eyes when looked upon. Also, the words “KEEP OUT STINKY GURLS” scrawled across the door in marker must be removed as it is offensive to both females and proper spellers living in the area.

• 42.23(k-9) Yards and Landscaping

Several of the pillowcase bushes in front of the playhouse have been painted a color that does not appear to exist in nature, as opposed to a pleasant green. The pet cats dressed as bunnies hopping about the property have been given vampire fangs, which may pose a hazard to neighbors. Additionally, the fencing on the east side remains uncolored, and many markers, paints, and crayons were found scattered on the property’s grounds after the owner was instructed to put them away correctly.

• 12345.67890 Building Materials

While I applaud the use of recycled cardboard instead of molded plastic for your humble, fully color-able castle abode, I must insist that the turrets be attached securely after the home’s unfolding. It poses quite the threat to any and all imaginary pedestrians, as well as any doll or action figure passers-by.

I will be visiting your property again soon to review progress made in correcting the above items. Please call me at your earliest convenience with any questions you may have.

Signed,
Karlton Stupidhead

continue reading