It's too late for me, my child. But you still have time to learn how to do things that are actually useful.

No, don't worry about me. It's my own fault. Instead of acquiring skills that would make me an asset to my family and community, I've wasted decades on... what? I can rank the Black Sabbath lead singers in great detail (Ozzy is #1, of course, but my #2 may surprise you!). I can create a killer ChuChu Rocket level. I can recite every line of dialog in Red Dawn right along with the Wolverines. But I can't keep my house from falling apart around my children.

I've tried to pick it up, believe me. But let's face it, I'm decades beyond the point where "tips 'n' tricks" are going to help. I never developed the slightest facility for manual labor while my synapses were fresh and nimble. There's no way it'll take know.

That's why you have to play with this Bosch Mini Junior Workbench. Get used to the feeling of a saw in your hands. Get comfortable with pliers and screwdrivers. Get to know the difference between a vice and a hole in the ground. Because if you don't start now, you'll wind up like me, a pathetic cross between an Eloi, a Pakled, and a Laputa.

I know you don't know what those words mean. I hope you never do.

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