We have seen the future! And it's you holding this Hitachi Rotary Hammer.

Oh, are you not sure if you want this Hitachi Rotary Hammer? Don't know if it's the right way for you? Well, that's fair. Why don't we consult the mystic powers of the majestic cards from which Lady Fortune doth speak? That's right, Hammer-questioners. We're going straight to the source. We're randomly pulling from our personal deck of tarot cards and thusly will we reveal your fortune! REVEAL IT, WE SAY!

Okay, so, let's see what we get...

THE FOUR OF SWORDS

Oh! The Four Of Swords! That means that nearly every part of your life has been taken care of, except for one tiny little thing. That thing? Your complete lack of Rotary Hammers! The cards don't lie, dear readers. With a Hitachi Rotary Hammer in your hand, generating a no-load speed of up to 1,500 RPM will be as easy as one-two-three. Which, by the way, is the exact number of the swords you've metaphorically put behind you. Can you think of three events you've metaphorically put behind you? Of course you can! See? THE CARDS DO NOT LIE

KING OF VINYL, REVERSED

Oh, you take things to an extreme, don't you. When you like a musician, you've got to have all their albums. Why, there's probably a big ol' wall of vinyl in your music room. And if there isn't, we don't mean it literally. We mean the music room in your heart. Yeah, see? Now you get it! Anyway, His Majesty here is a sign that you need to focus more on what you are rather than what you have. Which is a great reason to buy a Hitachi Rotary Hammer and start a-smashin' everything you aren't sure you want to keep. Travel light! Love the now! Let your freak flag fly! All that stuff! The powerful 5.4-amp, 620-watt motor will help you start anew. Metaphorically, of course. Don't really smash your vinyl. That's worth something, you know.

THE MOVIE PROTAGONIST

You have the power! That's what this card is telling you. Much like the hero in a Hollywood film, you have passed through acts one and two and are now beginning the third act. You will get the girl back. You will find a nice car. You will get to wave as your buddy who is too cool to be a main character pushes up his sunglasses and goes home with three different waitresses while the radio-friendly power ballad plays. This is your time to shine. And it's also your time to buy a Hitachi Rotary Hammer. But you'd better hurry! You've got to wrap everything up before the credits start!

As you can see, the cards all point to one unavoidable fact: you need to buy a Hitachi Rotary Hammer. DO IT. DO NOT ANGER THE CARDS.

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