Deal Cafeteria: Fill Your Tray with Back-to-School Deals

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• news
• school

by Jason Toon a year ago

"No shoving, you little monsters! I'm Doris Sue, HLIC (Head Lunchlady In Charge) at the Kids.Woot Deal Cafeteria, and I run an orderly lunchroom! We're warming enough back-to-school deals under these red lights for everyone. Nobody goes hungry if Doris Sue has anything to say about it. But this buffet doesn't have any brussels sprouts, 60% beef burgers, or chocolate milk that expires tomorrow. This Deal Cafeteria is all about the back-to-school specials!

"All week long, our stainless steel pans will be heaped with everything you need to start the school year satisfied. We're talking daily main dish deals, some Woot Plus event sides - and we're serving up one steaming scoop after another, Monday through Saturday, on the Kids.Woot front page. So grab a tray, get in line, and pile up the mouth-watering school-supply bargains at the Deal Cafeteria!

"No horseplay from you, no horsemeat from us - just all the back-to-school deals you can eat or my name's not Doris Sue! But first, let me see those hands. I run a clean Deal Cafeteria here."

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Goo-Goo-Ga-Ga-A-Go-Go: Welcome to Kids.Woot

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• news

by Jason Toon 5 years ago

Guess what? You don’t have to quit wooting just because your loins have borne fruit. As of today, Kids.Woot is here to take that money you used to waste on brown Zunes and LeakFrogs and waste it on infrared thermometers and LeapFrogs instead. For the whole story, check out the Kids.Woot FAQ – it’s like a baby book without the footprints.

First things first: this is not a site for your kids to play on, OK? Kids.Woot is here to sell high-quality, useful child-oriented products. And maybe some low-quality, useless ones, too. Like Woot, Shirt.Woot, and Sellout.Woot, Kids.Woot will offer a new deal every day at midnight, seven days a week. The prices will be low, the quantities will be limited, the products will not be revealed in advance – you know how this works by now. And like the old commercial used to say, “It’s just no experience for no kids, my age or anyone younger.”

Best of all, if you’re a parent, you will no longer have to share your Wootspace with the frivolous, petty concerns of those who have never struggled beneath the awesome responsibilities of parenthood. Maybe when those jerks get older, we’ll start DyingAloneAndUnmourned.Woot. One day, they’ll understand.

Ask any baby and they’ll tell you: they need structure, discipline, a firm hand to guide them through these tender years. So tell us what we’ve done right on day one, what we’re doing wrong, and what we can do better. Let us know exactly what you’d like to see on Kids.Woot. Make sure you've taken a careful look at our new site Terms & Conditions - if you're using this or any other Woot site, you're agreeing to them by default, so you might want to know what they say. And be patient with the site when it goes astray, as it inevitably will in its first days. It’s just a baby.

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