Glennon Melton

Bestselling Author, Carry On, Warrior and Founder of Momastery

I am a Freedom Fighter and I have fought long and hard for my OWN FREEDOM and it is here. Now is the time I raise my mommy arms in the air and breathe deeply and eat cookies alone. My hand is on the child's doorknob. I can see I can feel I can hear I can TASTE those couch cushions.

Jessica Hagy

Artist, writer, author of 'How to Be Interesting'

Gluten is the clear top seed, but Warm Champagne and Spotty Wi-Fi are ready to make deeps runs in the tournament.

Jenny Collier

We still hear people ask 'Are women funny?' as if this is somehow a valid debate. It's not a question ever applied to male comedians.

Lewis Krell

Body double, Magic Mike

If you are anti-Uber, you are basically admitting that you hate the environment, you want to see more drunk drivers on the roads, and, most importantly, you hate ice cream, puppies and America. Are you sure this is the position you want to be taking?

Dana King

Blogger

Yup, that's my Brew Brew. Always by my side, showing me nothing but love. I think all this big goof actually knows is to love. And you know what's probably the most annoying thing about him? How he makes me love him back.

Katie Schwartz

Comedy writer

Though friends speculated about the true nature of our relationship, I don't recall a moment when sexual tension or chemistry crept between us. From the day we met, it never occurred to either of us to be more than friends.

Olivia Pepper

Student, NYU

Oral Fixation

A Live Storytelling Series in Dallas, Texas Featuring True, Personal Stories

You know how they say that in the moments before death, your life flashes before your eyes? It doesn't. Mainly it's just images of a Latvian amusement park ride rushing past.

James Napoli

Satirist, author of The Official Dictionary of Sarcasm

I was only kidding myself. I mean, what did I expect my innocent answers to the survey questions would yield?

Sarah Beauchamp

Writer, editor, drag queen enthusiast

Here are 6 not-so-fun facts about the reality behind the von Trapp family.

Reductress

Reductress.com, the one and only fake women's news magazine

Galanty Miller

Contributing Writer, Onion News Network

We're nearing that time of year again, when the snow melts away, the sun comes out from hiding and millions of children around the country think, "Shit, am I gonna have to play Little League?"

DJ Louie XIV

DJ

Whatever the reason, whether it's the DJ's personal decision or because he's simply forbidden, realize that you are not the one cutting his check, and therefore he is under no obligation to accept your suggestion.

Rob Hiaasen

Columnist, Editor

Rob Reinalda

Writer/editor; 28 years in newspapers

People love to write about writing. All too often, these pieces are titled "10 essential grammar tips" or the like, and the author proceeds to talk about common errors in writing that aren't actually grammatical in nature, or he or she compares anvils and oranges.

Jennifer Glass

Writer

SAN MATEO, Calif. -- Jennifer L. Glass Corp. (Ticker: JLG) today announced a third consecutive quarter of positive CT results, meeting expectations.

Mr. Fish

Writer and cartoonist

Mr. Fish

Writer and cartoonist