Q&As

I cannot believe this actually happened but here we go. For context, I (18F) just moved to Arizona in the US for college two months ago and honestly, I’ve been LOVING it here. People have been super nice and overall, I haven’t had any major culture shock moments UNTIL last week.

I was hanging out with a group of friends after class when one of my friends introduces us to his girlfriend. She seemed nice enough at first, we’re all chatting and then she suddenly turns to me and goes, “OMG, are you foreign? I hear an accent!” So I tell her “Yeah, I’m from Costa Rica.” And this girl goes “Oh yeah sure hahaha, but like where are you REALLY from?”

And I’m sitting there like… um, girl…??? So I say again “I’m from Costa Rica. Santa Ana, to be exact.” And she legit starts laughing and says “Yeah, yeah, like that place from Princess Protection Program, right? Hahaha. No, but REALLY, are you like, Puerto Rican or something?”

Now at this point, I’m fighting for my life not to just DIE laughing because girl really said Princess Protection Program 💀💀 Like of all things??? Like at least say Jurassic Park or something LMAOOOO. So I just straight up laugh and say “Girl… Costa Rica is a real country, don’t be silly.”

This girl looked at me like I just told her I’m from Wakanda. Straight confusion. So, because I guess this was my duty now, I pull out my phone and open up Google Maps and show her where Costa Rica is on the map. She looked like her whole world just imploded right there. I thought the whole thing was hilarious, honestly.

BUT THEN, later that night I get a message from my friend (the boyfriend) saying that I was “out of line” and that I “humiliated” his girlfriend by “making fun of her lack of knowledge”. And I’m sitting here like WHAT??? Dude, your girl legit didn’t believe my country existed. What was I supposed to do?? Just nod and go “Yeah, Costa Rica is a fictional kingdom from a Disney Channel movie, totally”????

…AITA???💀💀

I [24m] and my girlfriend [23f, Anne] began dating in college.

Last week, Anne invited me to her co-worker’s (Joe) party. I had heard a lot about him in the past, and he and she really seemed to have a lot in common, especially with their taste in music. Apparently he was an amateur musician with a fairly successful YouTube channel. Joe initially invited only Anne, but when she asked him if I could tag along, he said it was fine.

The party was on Saturday evening. It was a fun party with about 30 people, held at a restaurant Joe had rented out. Towards the end, though, I wandered into Anne’s little discussion group, and I immediately got the feeling that nobody really wanted me there, most of all Anne. It was her, Joe, and a few other people. Thinking that I was just imagining things, I hung around, and listened to Joe basically boast about himself the whole time. A little while later I wandered off to get myself a drink and chat with a few other people.

Eventually the time to leave came around, and I went to find Anne again. Joe approached me at that point and said that he was having an afterparty over at his house. I was going to refuse, but then he said, “Sorry man but only Anne is invited” while clapping me on the shoulder. I first told him not to touch me, and then said she’s not going. He informed me that she had already accepted the invitation.

I texted Anne immediately to ask where she was. She responded “Sorry, on the way to Joe’s place. I’ll see you tomorrow love you!” I asked if she knew I wasn’t invited, and she then left me on read. Texts after that were all ignored.

I drove home furious. I stayed up all night, and finally Anne walked in the door at 5:42am. I know because I was by the window watching. I recognized the car as Joe’s and the driver as Joe. Nobody else was in the car. Anne waved to him cutely and laughed at something he said.

Anne came inside and acted surprised to see me still up. At that point I flatly told her that we were done, and she had the rest of the day to move out. Anne was at first confused with me, and then I told her that she can just move in with Joe.

She rolled her eyes and said nothing happened. She gave me this spiel about my insecurities and imagination. I said it didn’t matter. After this back-and-forward arguing, Anne finally relented and sarcastically thanked me for wasting “the best years of [her] life.”

Anne finally moved out yesterday, and it was pretty dramatic. She said that she loved me and that I was throwing away everything over a party.

Did I do her wrong here? I feel like I'm getting gaslighted.

Okay y’all, buckle up because this is WILD. I (25F) am getting married in a few months and I've been planning this day for almost TWO years. My fiancé and I have been dreaming of this perfect outdoor ceremony with all of our closest family and friends, and honestly, I couldn’t be more excited. BUT here’s where things get insane.

So, a little backstory—my cousin (27F) is pregnant with her second child. Great, right? Except, she’s ALWAYS making everything about herself. You know the type… like at every family event, she’s got to be the center of attention. I love her, but it’s honestly exhausting.

ANYWAY, fast forward to last week when she calls me and casually drops, "Hey, I was thinking, wouldn’t it be AMAZING if we did the gender reveal at your wedding??" 😳 I’m sitting there like, girl… WHAT??? She starts going off about how perfect it would be to have a ‘big moment’ where everyone finds out the gender during my reception, and how I should "totally do a balloon release or confetti pop for her." As if this is HER day!

I tried to be nice and told her that, uh, my wedding wasn’t really the best time for that and that I kind of wanted the day to be, you know, about me and my fiancé. I thought she’d understand, but she got PISSED. She started accusing me of "stealing her joy" and "not being supportive" and said I was "selfish" for not wanting to share the spotlight on my wedding day.

Now my whole family is divided. My aunt (her mom) is telling me I’m being a bridezilla and should “just let her have this moment,” but my friends are like “uh, girl NO.” Even my fiancé is like, “Why is this even a conversation???”

So now I’m sitting here wondering, AITA for not wanting a gender reveal to hijack MY WEDDING??? 😭

We were having a minor argument over cake flavor. I forgot her favor cake flavor. Yeah. I feel really dumb and bad about it. It happens. We’ve been together 15 years and idk why but it just completely left my brain. I apologized to her many times and said tell me what so I can remember again. That’s when she said “I already told you it”. I said can you tell me again? Or give a hint? Nope. Repeated herself maybe 5 times.

That’s when I asked her what mine was. She said she forgot. What was it again? I told her it right back. “I already told you”. She got quite pissed off and stormed out of the room. Called me an asshole on the way out. Then said “only I can say that, asshole”.

So, AITAH?

I feel like I’ve slipped into the twilight zone with this whole argument, so tell me what’s up, internet folks.

Background: I (31F) and my brother Mark (35M) do not get along. When he was a teen he saw a documentary on factory farming and decided to become a vegetarian. He got very, very annoying about it quickly, but my dad shut him down when he started trying to get the rest of us to be vegetarian with him. Then he went to college, made a bunch of very strange friends, and went militantly vegan. It’s his entire personality. I stopped talking to him after he threw a fit about one of my birthday dinners being at a steakhouse and spammed my messages and SM with pictures of abused cows.

My parents have been trying to repair the situation and for a while, it did seem like Mark was getting better so I’ve been letting him back into contact gradually. Then he started dating Pam, who is some kind of vegan influencer. She is apparently moderately popular online, but I have no idea what she does exactly. I don’t know if Mark was trying to impress her or what, but last Thanksgiving he insisted that mom cook at least a vegetarian meal or they wouldn’t come on “ethical grounds”. My mom just wanted everyone to get along on her favorite holiday, so she agreed. It was not a fun meal.

This year, my parents have downsized for retirement and my mom is having health problems. I bought their house when they moved, so my mom asked me to host Thanksgiving so it would be like usual. I told everyone in the group chat so Mark and Pam could make travel arrangements and Pam immediately started gushing about all the vegan replacement recipes she could give me to replace the traditional ones. I said to send me a main dish recipe they like and I would give it a shot, but I’m making the traditional meal otherwise and there should still be plenty of things they can eat. Mark and Pam have been arguing about this with me for days and then Mark said that if I wouldn’t make a meat-free meal they wouldn’t come. This upset my mom, who asked me to just make what she made last year to keep the peace, but I told her that Mark needs to get over himself and I’m not coddling him. I’m having turkey on Thanksgiving.

My dad privately agrees with me, but Mark threatening to not come is upsetting my mom so much that he’s worried it will impact her health. There’s a not big, but also not zero chance that these might be some of the last family holidays we have with her. My mom thinks I’m putting turkey over my own family and I’m not so sure anymore.

AITA?

Throwaway for privacy.

I (28M) work in a team of 7 people. A new girl Jess (26F) joined a couple months ago who I don't really care for. I am polite to her while we work but we don't share any hobbies or overlap in any way. I think she's a bit pretentious to be honest. She's always talking about her living in London in her early twenties. It's her whole personality, talking about all the expensive things she used to do and how she's "sooooo broke" as a result. We are all paid very well for what we do and the area we live in.

Last night, we had all planned to go for dinner after work to celebrate Chris (28M) getting married. I knew Jess would be going but it wasn't my plan to dictate who went and it's a nice thing to celebrate so I decided to go anyway. Everyone at work drives apart from me so Chris offered to drive us both. I will say I am the closest with him, we started around the same time.

I was all set to go until Jess said she finds driving on her own nerve-wracking (I have no idea how she manages to commute in every day) and asked if I'd ride with her. I declined and said I wanted to travel with Chris. She insisted so I told her I want to ride with Chris so we can talk about some wedding things and got into the car. Chris did offer to also drive her but she declined.

We all got to the restaurant. Jess did not. She had a panic attack mid journey and decided to UBER home, leaving her car on a random street somewhere. Today at work, she had a go at me and accused me of purposefully excluding her from the group plan. Apparently me not riding with her was a scheme on my end to make her not go because I don't like her.

I told her that she excluded herself. Chris offered her a lift and she didn't take it. She also didn't have to abandon her car and ditch, she could have called an UBER for herself to the restaurant. Then I walked off.

While I don't like her, I never make that known at work or to any of my coworkers. I ask about her weekend, I offer her a hot drink if I make one, I help her whenever she has questions. I just don't talk to her like I do with everyone else and I don't have her on my social media - I've know everyone else for 3 years+ now, of course I'm close to them.

I was talking to Chris about this post-shift and he told me that it wouldn't have hurt for me to ride with her instead of him when she insisted. AITA?

[England] In school yesterday, an 11 year old boy strangled my 5 year old daughter. She was discovered crying her eyes out and complaining of neck pain by a teacher. The boy has had a talking to by the teacher. The teacher has also spoken to his class.

The school nurse had had a look and said she ought to be OK. If she complains of a sore neck today, we shall be speaking to a doctor, of course.

I have spoken to the teacher, who was very apologetic.

Her neck is tiny. An 11 year old boy should know better. This could easily have resulted in life-changing injury or death.

I just feel that giving an 11 year old a talking to for strangling a 5 year old girl hard enough that it leaves marks, is not appropriately strong enough a response; however, the school seem to have done all they reasonably can(?).

I understand that the age of criminal responsibility in the UK is 10 years old.

Is it worth reporting it to the police?

Will they take action? I don't want to waste police time.

What else should I reasonably do?

Thank you for your time.

Hi! Hope this is allowed but you were all so wonderful and helpful and turns out I got an update sooner then I expected

so I haven’t heard from Lisa, that I expected

what I didn’t expect is a friend of Lisa to get in touch with me, let’s call her Sarah, I knew of Sarah and spoke to her a few times at events we attended together and she was one of the girls with myself went wedding dress shopping for Lisa, she was also a friend I noticed wasn’t at the bachelorette which was a surprise
 anyway and at first she was doing a “ hey how are you “ and we did polite small talk blah blah until she finally went “ so are you as pissed off and mad as I am at Lisa OP? “

Immediately I was slightly shocked as the few times I had met Sarah she was very I guess demure?

That opened the floodgates of information and she told me everything she knows, so what I didn’t put in the post is I actually waited 2 days before messaging Lisa about the lack of invite… turns out 3 of Lisa’s friends who also weren’t invited hit her up immediately after she posted on instagram asking why they weren’t invited

turns out these girls absolutely chewed Lisa alive and my “ confrontational “ was soft and finally it was revealed what actually happened and now I’m even more confused

so Lisa admitted to Sarah that her sister in law planned the bachelorette and just decided she was only going to invite the friends she knew.. so Lisa’s usual group of 8- 10 friends including me got narrowed down into 4 and Lisa decided not to correct her sister in law and just went with it, not realizing how many people she would be upsetting with not inviting people

apparently once people started attacking her she basically Lisa buried her head in sand and started making up lies to everyone on why they weren’t invited and using the same excuse of “ don’t make this a big deal “ until everyone realized the reasons were bullshit and called her out for it and the real truth came out

Sarah has informed me the girls who weren’t invited have all pulled out of the wedding, their partners included because they got the same annoyed response from Lisa before she told the truth and they all thought they didn’t deserve that… then she finally asked me what Lisa told me and I went deathly quiet on the phone before finally admitting she used my pregnancy as a excuse which then started poor Sarah on another rant of anger on how Lisa could say that to me! When I’m pregnant.. anyway we ended the call and she hoped we could get coffee sometime so I think I’ve made a friend?

so.. that’s the update.. this pregnant lady is very confused.. and I’m currently the number one buyer of ice cream at my local dairy LOL

I 27F am married to 29M recently and an incident happened today. My mother-in-law was on the way to buy my husband underwear and asked him his size. I asked my husband why is your mother why are you underwear? Isn’t it something that you would do for yourself? He said it’s convenient because his mother already knows what brand he wears and he doesn’t have to bother about it. I called him a man child. I told him I wished he would be more responsible for his personal chores, rather than relying on his mother for every small thing like buying underwear amongst other things. He said that I’m hating on him and his mother and that I should not have a problem with this. I told him it is immensely unattractive for me to see my husband being babied by his mother. AITA for saying that?

Please forgive any grammar errors. English is not my first language.

I'm ( f40) at a point in my career where I've been able to accomplish some things very fast and some took a loooong huge minute. I'm very grateful and ready for my new chapter, which includes relocation and a slower pace. I'm in the process of ending a relationship ( Jason M39), since I recently came to the conclusion that I can't be with him. I've given him lots of opportunities and I feel depleted and tired. Its come to a point where I get tense by merely hearing his voice. We are engaged, and we have also gotten over many bad moments in our relationship. I was extremely busy and now that I have the opportunity of finding myself a bit, I just don't wanna get married.

He comes from a family with trauma. His parents had a very bad and long dragging divorce and their children got pulled into it. Maybe I shouldn't talk like this but all of their kids are losers, including my fiancé. I've tried to ignore this, but I'm ashamed of him. His sister has a cosmetology certificate but she refuses to get a job because she “needs” to be a SAHM, yet is always angry at her ex because his child support isn't enough. His two brothers are musicians. One works at a hotel and sent his baby mama home to her parents as soon as she got pregnant and the other one lives a man child life. Both BILs spend long nights playing with bands but never get paid,so they frequently have problems at their real jobs for tardiness. Jason and I had issues early on because he kept switching jobs and complaining.

We reached a stable stage in our relationship until we got engaged. I don't feel like I'm his priority. Everything always needs to go to his family. Every plan, every potential progress, is always about giving to his family. When I got an opportunity to develop a food truck park, he immediately tried to bring his mother into it so that she could get a food stand “ to help her”. If I get a hospitality client, he immediately asks if his brothers can get hired. Not only this, but tries to create opportunities so that they can get plugged on to whatever I'm doing and start a business sucking the life out of my clients. Of course I never allow it.

PHe doesn't understand that this has cost me lots of blood, sweat and tears to get and that I'm not okay just handing it down. For background, I have access to both medium sized and small companies and I got my first global client last year.

At the time when my career began to really pick up, Jason and I had gotten engaged and I felt comfortable sharing my progress. By Holiday season last year, I had a very complicated situation. I needed to complete a deadline but had already bought tickets for my kids to fly to see my parents. Jason confirmed that he would go with me whenever I was ready, so I didn't book a flight as he would drive us. I flew my kids, came back, worked my ass off and was both anxious and worried. I kept open communication with the client, delivered by the 22nd but needed to wait for their approval, which included a visit to their location. They are manufacturers, so I was basically on call. It was approved, but Jason went MIA. It was too late to get a flight, but when he replied to give him a couple of hours I was relieved thinking that we would leave soon. He stalled and made me wait until I started crying due to anxiety. I ended up driving myself while exhausted on Xmas Eve, which is exactly what I didn't want. I had to stop at a motel to sleep a few hours and then get on and spent Xmas forcing myself to stay awake to be present for my family. I nearly broke up with him over this, especially when he said he didn't leave early because his mother got emotional.

So fast forward and I have gotten good contracts. Clients have been referring other clients and I finally stabilized my schedule and have been hiring more people. I was super excited to share my progress with him. I got a very good opportunity to move closer to my family and to work for a very large company for very good money. The minute that I told him, he started with the family business subject. He wanted me to hire a company that he would create. I am firmly opposed to this. That's a company only on name. He wanted to “tap into anything that can be done” ( his words). He has been very insistent, but dropped it because we had a huge fight.

He's been very enthusiastic about moving. He has a job prospect and he would earn a better salary. Last month, we found a rental property and were discussing our plans. I need a home office and bedrooms for my kids. He mentioned that he needed a spare room for guests. I immediately had a bad feeling and he said he wanted his family to stay over until they found their own jobs. He said the family room could be converted into another extra bedroom. I could picture myself having to deal with his family and being unable to evict them. I tried to talk to him but he said it's what he wants and he has a right to bring his family and said “period” which sounded so one sided that it has made me rethink the whole matter. I mean, who's gonna pay for all this? I asked if he planned on doing all this on my dime and he started throwing things.

I sat him down for a serious conversation and his reasoning is that family helps family ( true in my case because we are very close, but they don't use me as their personal raft). I was very blunt and as honest as I could. I dont want his family living with us, and he knows that. I will not agree to financially support anyone especially after he's made plans to spend my new money but hasn't asked me if I agree or even if I plan on helping my own family. He has never asked if my family needs anything, it's all about him. He has made plans to get his family inside our new home,without offering a potential deadline, and has dropped hints about wanting a new car. I was sincere about slowly losing my respect for him because his ways have made me feel like he has no respect for my sacrifices and everything I went through to get to this point. It wasn't him getting sleep deprived and being constantly on the line to get things done. The conversation went nowhere because he grabbed his backpack and went out. A few days later, he told me that he got fired and sent me the memo that he got and it clearly said it was because of insubordination.

There is so much to unpack about this, from being a possible poor example to my kids to being a weak man who won't be able to answer for our family should I be unable to support us. Fuck that shit. I can't. I told him that I wanted to break up and he said things that are embarrassing. He said he thought he'd finally found the love of his life but said he is dissatisfied with me because I'm taking away all of his dreams. The entire situation was cringe because he held onto the car wheel and started rocking back and forth. He accused me of being a snob now that “I'm rich” ( I'm not rich, but I hope my opportunities keep opening up so that I can build my wealth). I told him the problem was right there. He's asking to stay together, but won't work on himself.

I gathered all of his belongings and asked him to come pick them up and he refused. So I had to drive to MIL's house and once there, she confronted me. She said that I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing by playing a “goody two shoes” ( moron/stupid in their family slang) and secretly working to rip the family apart. She mentioned very personal things that I know I didn't share with her and it made me so mad that I called her and all of her children losers.

He keeps sending me info on couples therapy but I just don't want it. He won't remove his car from my garage and he won't take his gym equipment which is too heavy. He says he would have done it, but because I called him a loser, he's not removing anything because I disrespected his mom. AITA for confronting her?

16 years ago, my daughter and my nephew were both 9 and were being looked after by sister his mom. My nephew decided to let her cat out just to see her reaction and only confessed to it a day later. He found it very humorous even while she was devastated after we weren’t able to find the cat after days of searching. My sister was really apologetic and did her best to discipline him for it but for reasons understandable to everyone, my immediate family never saw my nephew again. He was forced to apologize by his parents which he made very effort to do as sarcastically as possible and even after growing up, never realized that what he did was anything other than a funny prank. From what I know of him, he’s barely changed as an adult.

In spite of it, we didn’t really blame my sister. She never defended his actions and tried to get him mental treatment as an adolescent too. I don’t think she was a bad mother, because her other two kids turned out fine. My daughter especially grew close to her when she moved to the same city where my daughter was in college. Both of them and my nephew all live and work there now.

Just last week, my sister asked my daughter if she could move in with her for a few weeks or possibly months. My daughter agreed but rescinded it when she realized why: my nephew, his girlfriend and their two kids needed a place to stay after being evicted because of his girlfriend’s illegal drug use. My sister offered to let them stay but my nephew’s girlfriend hates her so they asked her to move out and let them stay there on their own which she agreed to because the alternative is everyone including the kids ending up homeless. My daughter told my sister that’s an insane thing to agree to and tried to convince her to reconsider but my sister was adamant that it was the only choice and she can’t let the kids suffer for their parents’ choices. Well my daughter said if she wants to be taken advantage of, she can, but she (my daughter) is not going to be a party to it and has no intention to indirectly help out my nephew after what he did to her cat all those years ago.

Both of them called me after that, my sister to ask me to tell my daughter to give up her really old grudge and think of the children, and my daughter asking if she’s making the right choice. I sided with my daughter and told my sister it would be best for everyone if she joined the rest of us in going NC from my nephew because he’s always going to use his kids to manipulate her like this but she thinks we’re all wrong for letting his kids suffer due to who he is.

I'm (30M) a stay at home dad. My wife (29F) and I have two kids together. Our oldest is 4 and our youngest is 18 months. I became the stay at home parent when our oldest was born. My brother (36M) is married to SIL (39F) and they have five kids together between the ages of 4 and 10. SIL was "stunned" when I became the stay at home parent vs my wife. She has a more "traditional" view of marriage and family and believes the mom is more important in the home than the dad and that the dad is more important as the provider. Stunned and traditional are her choice of words, just so you're aware.

So I always felt like she was more critical of me as a parent. Maybe not in clear ways before now but her attitude made me feel like she was watching closely to see if I was good enough.

The way my wife and I feed our kids is different to how my SIL and my brother feed their kids. SIL believes in 3 meals a day no matter what the age and nothing more or less. She believes that is the way it has been done for centuries and it works. My wife and I approach it differently. We feed the kids smaller, more frequent meals and snacks. Because of this I carry around lunch boxes for both my kids that have foods they eat throughout the day if we go anywhere. And at home my wife or I have stuff pre-made and ready to go. This means my kids eat little meals or snacks every three-ish hours. Not large quantities but smaller and more frequently than my nieces and nephews.

SIL thinks it's "insanity" and she has told me I make more work for myself and claims I'm trying to "be different because I'm a dad doing the primary caregiving". She told me I should practice doing things differently because in the real world this stuff won't work and preschool and school won't allow for this, which isn't true with the where we have chosen to send our kids to school. But she doesn't want to hear that. I spoke to my brother about his wife's comments on the choices my wife and I made to feed our kids and how it's not helpful or needed. He said he knows but that it's just how she is. I told him if she keeps it up she will be told to shut up, maybe or maybe not in a nicer way. He just shrugged.

I hit this limit on Friday when SIL saw me out with the kids and my dad and FIL (the three of us grocery shop together some Fridays). She brought it up out of nowhere because she saw the bag I keep the lunch boxes in. She didn't even see them eat anything but needed to say something. She told me I should practice better eating habits and I told her she should practice keeping her opinions to herself because she doesn't get a say in how my kids eat and she doesn't get to open her big mouth about it every time she sees me now. She stormed off outraged and there have been multiple texts from her and my brother since. He's mostly just telling me what she's saying but she is big mad.

AITA?

Okay so I am just curious about different opinions on this. Here is how I came about this question: I (20F) was eating lunch today and then I realized I got my period. Of course it came early so I was unprepared and didnt have a pad/tampon on me. I went up to a group of women roughly my age and asked if one had a tampon/pad. All of them except one said no. That one girl said „I have one, but you can‘t have it, sorry“. I assumed she was on her period aswell, so I just thanked them anyways and walked away. As I was like two steps away that same girl said „I mean I am not on my period, but why would I give a stranger a tampon?“ to her friends. I just kept walking, but my brain won‘t let it go… Is it okay to do that? Am I just being silly? Fellow menstruating folks help me out so my brain can rest.

Edit: Okay so thanks for every single reply. I see that I have sparked some feelings. Let me clarify a few things:

• I had no expectation that anyone would have supplies for me (just hopeful thinking)

• I have not nor will I ever demand someone share with me if they are not comfortable

• I would personally give every person supplies if they needed them and I had them on me

• I usually always have something with me but today (silly me) I took my little purse, yk the one that doesnt even fit your phone but its too cute not to have

• It came 9 days early, so it wasnt even a „oh 2 days too soon haha“ its more of a „WTF I was promised more than a week of peace“

• I am not offended by anyone stating they would not share, everyone has the right to deal with this as they see fits

• I understand its hers and she doesnt have to give it too me, but I cannot understand the why? does anyone get what I mean? If you dont need it and if the roles were reversed would it still be the same?

AFTERMATCH: As I walked away from that comment I was seriously thrown off guard. I asked some other table and got 4 tampons nqa. My pants got stained and I had to walk around with my hoodie around my waist until I could get home.

Children involved are 3 and 4. Born in Canada, so far raised without any religious influence but neither parent is apposed to it. The father, lets call him Dave, and I have been separated since January 2021. Co-Parenting has been rocky at best. The relationship was riddled with emotional abuse, IMO Dave is a text book narcissist. Having finally settled in court, this is the first year that a custody agreement will dictate the division of holidays (alternating each year). This year, I am entitled to Halloween with our children. Please keep in mind, I have no knowledge of what a Diwali celebration entails and am going only on what Dave has informed me will take place. Forgive my ignorance or incorrect terms! (Additional info on Diwali celebrations are welcome!)

Dave approached me this morning to ask if I would trade years for Halloween - He would take the children this year and I would have them next. Dave explained that Diwali falls on Halloween this year and that his girlfriend celebrates. He stated that the children have been invited by her family to join in the celebrations. Dave stated that the children would be picked up from school, travel 20 minutes to their home where they will have dinner, do Puja #1 at 5:10pm, travel 1 hour to gf's families home, do Puja #2, have a snack, trick-or-treat and go to bed. They would then stay over night at the gf's families home to continue the Diwali celebration the following day.

Both October 31st and November 1st are my parenting days. Dave has not directly asked to have the children for Friday but in stating that they will sleep over and the celebration continues, it is presumed.

I am of the opinion that it is great for the children to experience other cultures and religions and welcome their participation in Diwali. However, the children loved Halloween last year and haven't stopped talking about it since! They picked out their costumes in august and tell anyone who will listen what they will be! I feel that with the travel and additional celebrations, it may make for a very rushed and tiring Halloween. I don't know how long Puja lasts but the time line does not appear to allow for much time to trick-or-treat. I do not want their Halloween experience compromised when they will ask again for another full year.

I have offered a solution to Dave that the kids would trick-or-treat as per usual but could spend Friday with the gf's family to celebrate Diwali. I also offered to drive the children the 1 hour to their family home, knowing that they will already be there and celebrating. This way, the children could experience both Halloween and Diwali.

Dave seems to think that I am trying to control his parenting and it should be a simple trade for Halloween this year for next. I feel that it is not simply a trade for this year and next because the children may miss out on the Halloween experience as a result of the switch.

AITA????

Edit to add the same trigger warnings as before sorry for forgetting - my brain is chaotic - TW: abuse, self harm, substance abuse, death, violence

I kept my promise to my wife to wait before reacting. She knows me best and knew I was prepared to go nuclear. Turns out, I needn't have bothered.

Let me clear up a couple of small details and misconceptions I've read.

1. I am the eldest of the siblings. Mom and Dad have been sick for years on and off. So to those who think I've just started taken over as some weird power trip or something, no. I've managed their finances, maintained their properties, and taken care of all their affairs before either of them passed. Dad simply wasn't mentally able after a while and mom never had a head for that sort of thing.

2. Yes, I was mostly left in charge of my siblings growing up. Both my parents had businesses and worked often 7 day weeks. I cooked dinner and helped with homework and whatnot. I'm aware that's not very normal, and I already know some of you will call my parents terrible for this but they simply didn't know better. I won't hate them for any of it and as much as it caused me some negative effects, it also made my siblings feel safe. I'm proud of being able to protect them and be there for them when they were young so they didn't feel how I felt. And yes, I am also in therapy.

3. I was the sole caretaker of my parents when they passed. The reasons are complicated but the short of it is, Dad got verbally abusive towards the end and mom got severely depressed and blunt. They were a challenge to deal with on the best of days. I hold no ill will towards them, but there it is. My siblings didn't want to be around them. Dad was hurt and changed his will. Mom followed suit.

4. For those telling me I am "rewarding" Clara by paying for literally this month, and that I'm not a real mom or a bad mom by loving my daughter's tormentor, I'm envious your world is so black and white. Rent is literally due today and the money was already in transfer to her via auto-banking. And Clara isn't getting rewarded, she is remaining housed. But from now on, she's on her own.

5. Clara and I used to be pretty close but she did get distant around the time Decker was adopted. I didn't know exactly why, just that the new dynamic was a challenge for her. I know she hates Charlie and considers him evil and irredeemable. She had a really hard time losing our cousin-in-law, Decker's biological mother, as they were very close so I assume her issues stem from this.

6. I inherited the majority of everything though my siblings got sizable sums, 3 got all but one of the businesses my parents owned, and everyone got trusts. Clara spiraled after mom passed and had a mental health crisis. Before we got her help, she traveled, drank, and gambled away her entire inheritance. Long story for another time.

I didn't have a moment to cool down and wait until today to give myself a chance to make a level-headed decision regarding my sister. Clara has spun the tale that I am jealous she found a loving man and am withholding mom and dad's money from her. She gave the perception that I was the one abusing Decker, putting her down, and telling her she isn't my real daughter. That shut down when I sent my text a couple days ago.

Yesterday, Clara was on my doorstep. She was crying and begging for me to let her in but my wife and her friends were inside and I made it clear I don't want her near my family as she emotionally abused my daughter and physically harmed my wife. I told her to leave or I would call the police to have her removed. I was going to call the police anyway because I told her never to come to our home again and there she was. There's a reason I said this in text, so I could -in an event like this- show them clear as day that she would know she is welcome.

Clara started to beg saying she will apologize to Decker and she was drunk and upset and made mistakes. I could tell she was drunk. Or high. Or somethkng. I told her it's not a simple "mistake" to bully a traumatized teen girl and make her feel unloved and unwanted by her own family and to text her that she is worthless and expendable. What the fuck!?

I got angry and just started to raise my voice. I dont know when I started to yell but I did. I just...lost it.

She's a cold-hearted, awful, self-serving brat. Spoiled beyond belief to being so delusional that this all would just go away - that's she's entitled to the money my wife and I make, that our parents gave us after all she did. She needs fucking help and I am done being the giving tree here. You don't ever hurt my child. She's lucky I have a head to keep my hands to myself and luckier still Honey isn't out here because she certainly would not so go the fuck home.

Clara slapped me across the face and called me a bitch and a traitor that I choose that "demon spawn" of a child over her. That I love Decker more than my own real family and turn my back on her this way.

Honey must have been right by the door because before I could make a very bad choice she had yanked me inside, told my sister that she had 60 seconds to fuck off and slammed the door closed.

Clara left quickly but we still called the police and handed over the footage from our property cameras of what happened, as well as the texts from our phones. Clara went ballistic over text telling me awful things ending with her hoping I take my own life and she would celebrate. Absolutely unhinged awful shit like that. I blocked her, sent every piece of footage In a google drive and dropped the link in the sibling group chat and sent it to "Kevin" her fiance.

I then sat down and cried myself into a fit before Decker came home from practice. I put on my "mom" face for her and made sure she did her homework then I went to the den and called my aunt - Decker's biological grandmother - and told her what happened.

My aunt told me that Clara is renewing her conspiracy that I harming Decker and that I need to be careful because she suspects Clara is having some sort of mental break and might do something crazy.

Honey and I have spent this whole day working on a request for a protective order from her. Making sure Decker's school knows no one is to pick her up but us. And get a lawyer because I think legal action is needed here. I told my eldest of the brothers that Clara needs help and asked if he could check on her because she might be as much a danger to herself as she is now presenting to be to me and my family. He got quiet and said "Can't you handle this?" And said this drama was too much and he's busy.

I was so stunned I just blurted out "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Before I just hung up. My other sister is now over, helping me deal with this. My other brother has gone to see after Clara, but says he will only make sure she hasn't hurt herself but beyond that she can get wrecked for what she's done.

Kevin called me and said he went through the Google drive and begged me not to call the police on Clara. He said that she has been having a really bad time, and has struggled with drinking and has been stealing his medications and he's trying to get her help. But if she gets arrested, he doesn't have the funds for bail pr any legal help. I told him it's too late. The police have been called and he needs to get her into some sort of rehab or something. He asked for our help to pay for a facility he was thinking of and I told him to keep her away from me and my family.

He started to cry and told me I'm am awful sister. That i don't care about Clara and her struggles and that she's just lost and he's underwater trying to keep her from going off a deep end. I didn't reply after that and have just been sitting around the house waiting for the police to call back, trying to get my crying out fo the way before Decker comes home from school.

I feel wretched and terrible because not matter what I do now, it will just never feel right. I was to look after them all and now my sister is this lunatic hellbent on burning my life down and my brother is alarmingly just indifferent to it all. I am used to being the one that holds the family together and handle things. But I don't feel like I can handle anything anymore. Wtf is my life?

Okay, I just wanted to start by saying English is not my first language so forgive me if I make some grammar mistakes.

I (22 F) will graduate from college in 2 weeks. Three days ago I received the news from the coordinator of my faculty that I'll be giving a speech during the ceremony due to my good grades (I'm Summa Cum Laude which is awarded to candidates whose grade point average is 3.900 or higher). I told my family and everyone went over the moon congratulating me, but I told everyone I didn't want to attend and I would say no to the speech.

For a little bit of context, my mom passed away when I was 13 y/o and the idea of her not being present in something so important to me is heart-wrenching. I expressed this to my family and after so much convincing from my aunt and grandma I decided to attend and inform the coordinator I'd do the speech. I specifically told my dad that I just wanted my two brothers, my aunt, my grandma and he to attend the ceremony, no one else. I told him how I just wanted my close relatives with me that day as they were the only ones I considered my family. He agreed to this.

The problem began when yesterday while I was looking for dresses on the internet, my dad informed me he invited his fiancee and stepdaughters to my graduation ceremony. I stopped immediately what I was doing looking at him confused and asking why did he do that. He just answered by saying that his fiancee wanted to be included as part of the family as much as possible. I didn't know what to say so I just reminded silence. I was mad after that because all I wanted was to celebrate that day with my loved ones. I wanted to tell my dad right away that I didn't want them at my graduation but I was looking for the best way to tell him without hurting anyone's feelings. I know how horrible would be for his fiancee to be told she would not be attending my graduation because my dad didn't have the minimum amount of common sense and asked me before he invited her.

To clarify things, I have nothing against her. She is a good woman who respects me and my brothers and for that I'm grateful. The thing is that I don't want to establish any type of relationship with her or her daughters and I was very clear with my dad since day 1.

I'm a very close and private person and takes a lot for me to open up to people. My dad knows this, but he always used to force me to hang out with his stepdaughters and fiancee. One day, I had a serious conversation with him, in which I was completely honest by telling him he deserved to be happy with someone after my mom passed I was genuinely happy for him but he could not force me to have a relationship with someone I don't want to which he agreed to or that was what I thought.

I talked with my aunt about the situation and she told me that I have the right to invite whoever I want since is my day and that I should talk to my dad and not feel guilty at all.

I decided to take her advice and talk to my dad this morning. I told him that I specifically mentioned that I just wanted him, my brothers and my aunt along with my grandma there, no one else, and that he should've asked me before telling his fiancee anything.

He was mad at me and said that I should be more understanding of his fiancee's feelings to be included since I never go out with her or her daughters and she sometimes feels like I hate her. He also said that she was excited to attend when he mentioned that he couldn't tell her no. Then he said that it was just a simple graduation ceremony and I shouldn't make a big deal about it.

Not gonna lie, that hurt me since he more than anyone knows how hard was for me to even enter college, he knows how I used to work and study for 4 years so he could pay for my brothers' and his stepdaughters' education, and how devastated I was for not having my mom with me in that special moment.

I answered by telling him that I didn't hate his fiancee or her daughters, I just wanted to celebrate with my family but since it was just a simple ceremony he could just not go.

He then said that I was exaggerating things and that indeed just family was going to attend. I corrected him by saying that we don't have the same definition of family then, because I don't consider his fiancee and stepdaughters my family. He looked at me angrily and said that whether I liked it or not they were my family and I should accept it.

I'm so confused right now, I'm not sure if I'm wrong here. I don't know if I'm making a big deal about something that is actually not that deep or if my reaction was exaggerated and I should apologize with my dad.

I'll accept every advice you can give me and I'll appreciate them.