I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/CocoTub r/self r/relationship_advice
Thanks to my friend
Previous BORU here New Updates marked with *****
Do NOT comment on Original posts. Latest Update is 7 days old. This is a VERY LONG post.
Mood Spoiler: sad but things might be looking better
Original Post : July 27, 2024
I m24 met a girl f22 in a community college class when I was 20, we came from very different backgrounds, I was middle class trying to find a cheaper way to go to college, she was living in almost poverty going to school because she was forced to by her parents who were threatening to kick her out.
She dropped out about a year into her schooling while I continued and finished, during her first year we formed a relationship and she moved in to my apartment more or less.
Her relationship with her parents is pretty much non-existent and she has little to no outside friends besides one or two women she knew from highschool (who are deadbeats in my opinion). I make around 80k a year so we live relatively comfortably, but there's still some strain on finances.
I can't say exactly say when I started losing feelings, but the fact that she refuses to work, will not cook and wants to eat out everyday, does not want to go to school, and continuously wants to buy and spend money on clothes and other stuff just slowly started grating me more and more.
I work in a female dominated workplace, and seeing, having conversations, and interacting with coworkers who have so much going for them, have fun hobbies, and aspirations makes it all the more worse when your girlfriend is chronically online and spends 7 hours a day scrolling through Instagram or TikTok reels and thinks having sex is all she needs to do on her end.
Our relationship isn't bad, we have fights every now and then like a average couple, have an active sex life, but that's pretty much it. From her perspective if I broke up with her it would be out of nowhere, but I'm pretty much done, and know I could move on quickly and have nothing to be regretful about as shitty as it sounds.
The problem comes in her having no job, no finances, almost no friends, and no family support unit. I'm not a monster, I don't want to make someone virtually homeless, but I don't want to be stuck with someone who has nothing going for them either.
I don't know what to do.
Edit: Thank you for all the advice in this post, I don't know if this sub allows updates but I'll talk to her tomorrow about this and start the process of working this out
Update Post : July 28, 2024 (Next Day)
For starters I want to thank everyone for all the advice I was given on the last thread as it helped me formulate how I would go about doing this. When I made that post I was having an extremely bad day and didn't expect it to blow up like it did, so I don't think I was able to give her a fair defense.
Also I got dozens of messages, ranging from asking me to hand out her contact info so they could take her in as a live in sex girlfriend, to helpful advice telling me to start hiding anything valuable.
When I had said that she had come from poverty, her father is a laborer while her mother also lives a similar lifestyle to how she lives now. Their home is maybe 1100sqft and in a terrible place in town, and given her father's past ultimatum, I don't think he will take her back as she hasn't been back home in years.
YES, I have talked to her about this, since January maybe three times. Either by gently telling her it would be nice if she went out more to find a hobby at the very least to flat out saying she was wasting away on her phone and that she needs to get a job or go back to school. Each time she either changed the subject, makes it a joke, or follows through for a couple of days before going back to her usual self.
She is a kind partner, who asks me about my day, always try's to make me laugh or lighten the mood when I get annoyed, and generally shows a lot of affection.
Which makes me feel terrible when none of that works anymore, and I just see her as another person.
Now for the confrontation.
Last night when we were both getting ready for bed, I didn't take my clothes off and instead just stood there telling her we needed to talk.
At first she was just smiling and jumping up and down on the bed with her knees thinking I wasn't as serious as I was, but eventually she was able to read the mood.
I told her something wasn't feeling right anymore, that I've tried to make this work and be patient with her for the past few years, but I didn't know how much more time I was willing to spend waiting for her to get a job, go back to school, or just get a hobby if anything. I told her that it annoyed and gratted me that she just didn't seem to care about herself, and that I hated she had no goals or aspirations.
This was probably the first time in a long time she was as attentive as she's ever been during this conversation, and agreed to whatever I was saying, even also giving suggestions on where she can apply, what courses were starting to interest her, and even said I could look over her as she submitted applications online to make sure she wasn't lying.
In her head it seemed like I was still willing to make this work, and a part of me believed this would finally be the moment that she would change.
So it made the next part even harder for me and for her.
At her first I told her I didn't love her the same way, which slowly but eventually lead to me saying I didn't feel anything at all about this relationship and was jaded. I was tired and wanted a fresh start with someone who was more goal oriented, and wanted something more out of life.
When she realized what I was getting at, she started to cry and asked why I didn't mention this sooner, and I said I've always asked her to cook, to go out with me to try something out, or to just go back to school, even when I offered to pay for her classes. ANYTHING.
She said she understands that part, but was upset why I didn't say it was leading to me losing interest in her, because from her perspective it seemed as if I still loved her all the same.
She started apologizing, saying she wasn't in the right mental state and saying nothing was motivating her, and she genuinely had no interest in any hobbies, the only thing she liked was spending time with me which is all she looked forward to in the day when I came home.
None of this was really affecting my emotions besides making me feel uncomfortable, so I tried to continue by saying, I think her lifestyle would be better with another person, but she immediately cut me off and became more panicked.
She started to apologize again for what she's done and said she would be a better girlfriend, that she would go with me tomorrow to wherever I wanted to go, and would look for courses in August that she could start doing. But she did not want to lose me since she had nothing else in life, and absolutely hated that I stopped loving her.
There were so much tears and snot that I said we would have this conversation again when she calmed down, and we eventually did in an hour or so.
She pleaded to give her two months to make a change and give her another chance, and promised and promised that she would change. Again she listed off all the places she would apply to and said she would be a better partner.
I never wanted to make her homeless, so this seemed like a good settlement, even though I still had my doubts.
I then reaffirmed that I wanted to see other people, but she seemed much more adamant on this issue than the aspirations issue that she would be able to fix this. She said just give her a month to try and make the relationship work, and asked me again and again on what she could do to make her love her again, and that she didn't want me to hate her.
She said that this was the worst part of it all, in the only person that she had just being done. It seemed as if she was about to breakdown again, so I said ok we'll see how this relationship is in a month.
In my mind, If I'm allowing her two months to get back on her feet, then by a month she would already be ready to move on. I also didn't want her to suffer a complete mental breakdown while I was still living her, so giving her a month to let her "fix" the relationship would give her enough time to accept things.
I slept on the couch last night, and will probably continue doing so for a while, she came out at about 3am wanting to talk some more, but I said I was exhausted and we would do it tomorrow, she then slept on the floor beside me for the rest of the night apologizing again, when I told her to stop, she silently said ok and sobbed for a bit under her blanket.
But that's everything that's happened, so far. This was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I regret nothing and feel much better letting everything out.
I don't know how this situation will be in two months, but I was firm that it was the deadline. This post will probably get buried so I probably won't do another update since I don't think anyone will care about this in a week or a month, but I will definitely private message those of you who have been helping me through this on how it turns out or those who just want to be updated.
But yeah, thanks.
Edit: for all of you who keep asking what my workplace is I'm a RN.
Update Post 2: July 29, 2024 (Next Day)
I feel like this will be an easier place to post since it's my page and I don't have to worry about over spamming with small or inconsequential updates anywhere else, as it's only for those wanting to read.
I want everyone who has private messaged me to know I read them all, especially those of you who have gone through similar circumstances as me and have shared your stories.
I've been doing some self reflecting and think I know how I want to go about this that will help with my lack of communication skills. I know I'm not a perfect person but I still stand by my decisions I made that night 100% through and through.
I might post an update sooner in a week or so as the day after our fight im filled with a bit more hope than usual, don't know how long it will last but better make use of it.
But again just wanted to post this for everyone sharing your stories with me privately as I can't message you all, as it's been helping me make decisions on what to do about this all immensely.
Update Post 3: August 3, 2024 (1 week from OG post)
This is a long post and no I'm not going to give a TLDR.
Hey all it's been about a week since my last post and thought I'd give an update. A lot has happened, including the explosion of my first update thread. I have over 50+ DMs asking me for an update so instead of copy and pasting replies, I'll do another one.
I find it easier to write then to speak in many situations so this has been a great way to help my decisions and clear my head. Writing everything down has helped tremendously and I will continue to do so until this is all over and I will nuke everything afterwards.
After the night confrontation, we didn't really speak all to much at home, with it being dry and awkward for a day or two, but I have been told I'm a workaholic by nature so it was easy for me to stay at the hospital as a distraction, but in that time she did start to cook again. (We weren't in the mood to go out to eat together.)
Eventually though, I sat down with her after she asked for a more thorough conversation on why I felt our relationship was failing, she promised not to cry or get upset but wanted me to to be 100% upfront so she had a better way of understanding, stating she wanted to try everything to fix this.
I was really apprehensive about this and I can't really explain why, but given being together for four years I wanted to at least make an effort myself out of respect even though a large part of me was angry for even doing so as I feel I've never had the same from her.
There have been many different camps in my last update, the main ones being kick her out immediately and leave her before it gets worse, try to find a way to fix our relationship, or end the relationship all together but continue living with someone who would probably become absolutely neurotic. (If I was going to let her stay for two months I would absolutely not be dealing with that.)
I took consideration in all these main advice discussions and read through almost every reply. Even the most assumptive, bizzare and downright unhinged Redditor takes.
More importantly, I took heavy influence of those who have shared with me their past stories which either led to them being stuck in loveless relationships for years or eventually being able to overcome their problems and have an even stronger connection. (Thank you again for your private messages I read through a lot of your lives.)
Now for our conversation.
She said she saw something on TikTok where couples put a phone on a table with a timer and wanted to do something similar, for each person to air what made them upset. I said that was dumb, if we were going to talk about our problems it would be better if there was no time limit. She eventually agreed and said I could go first, asking me first when was the time that I completely lost my love in her.
As I said before, it was never one action, but a grating feeling that got worse and worse until it got to this point and I told her that, so she then asked when was the time I felt the most angry.
I said it would take some time to think for me and she said that was fine. After a few minutes something came to mind.
I couldn't formulate the right words at first but it eventually just started to come out. I told her the worst time was when I was first starting at my hospital. To keep it short the tempo was brutal, it was constant work with little to no downtime as I was constantly learning new things that school would had never taught me, while being expected to be able to handle it as a professional, it was without a doubt the most stressed I've ever been and I feel like other RNs can relate here.
That year hardened the way I think now, that hard work does pay off, if you have the drive and the passion.
I told her I think that was when I started losing feelings the fastest, seeing her at home doing absolutely nothing. Coming home to no food made, to her not working a job, to her not learning anything, completely stuck to the internet with nothing to show for it.
I said it made me even more upset when I had given suggestions for jobs with pretty easy schedules, or to find a new interest in school that would pan out better than last time only to be rejected at my every attempt, I told her flat out that it disgusted me.
She asked me why I didn't make this a bigger issue at the time, that I should have communicated this to her but I said there's somethings that shouldn't have to be said, I should[n't] have to remind her to wash her ass, eat, do something other than mindlessly scrolling on her phone for hours at a day, everyday.
I also told her that after coming home from the hospital during more stressful days, the last thing I wanted was to spend my time begging my girlfriend to do something productive, so I held my tongue and settled as she was still nice and caring. I had no other reasons to end it, and so the resentment grew worse from then on.
It was around here that I became more mean to my regret now, but I will still input it as I have everything else.
I told her that when she dropped nursing, I was upset since I felt that she was more than capable of doing what I had done. But after spending more time in the relationship, and spending more time getting to know her, I knew that with the type of person she was there was no way she could have ever finished.
Which is why I suggested easier and more laid back jobs, less demanding majors for school, shit even if she just cooked or found an interesting hobby at that point I would have appreciated it. Still, she chose to do nothing for years, it's just the type of person she was and why I felt done for her romantically over time.
She asked me if I hated her, and I said I didn't know. I told her she was very loving and kind, but I hated how she handled her life to this point. That I felt no ill will towards her after airing everything out, but I also felt nothing else, I just felt done and ready to move on.
Throughout this conversation we kept eye contact, and there were times it seems like she would break, but like she said she remained as calm as she could while I said what I had to say.
I told her I was done and she could say her peace now, but she asked if we could continue the conversation later and locked herself in our room for the rest of the day.
The next day we sat down again and finished the conversation. She told me that she thinks she's depressed, saying that she didn't feel sad before that night, just had no motivation of doing anything. I had a couple of messages telling me to ask her to get tested for ADHD, but when I started bringing it up she was very adamant that is not something she felt comfortable with.
I knew she didn't like needles or going to the hospital in general, but her flat out refusing to get tested for disorders when I told her it was not at all like a regular hospital visit surprised me. She asked me if she was able to change in her behaviors, would I give her another chance. I said I didn't know, as I felt nothing right now and didn't know if her doing it would bring any feeling back. Especially since it took my breaking point to do so.
She asked if there was any compromise, and I told her again, if in a month I felt like there was enough reason to stay together I would, but that there was no guarantee that my feelings would return. But I would match any effort she also put out.
She was frustrated by my answer but I said that's how it would be. She gave me a piece of paper to look at that she was working on last night that had a list of hobbies and interests she wanted to look into, the two major ones being photography and cooking again.
She told me that she was looking into these while also showing me her phone giving proof that she was putting in applications on Indeed and Glassdoor for some entry level positions that she might get hired in.
I told her if she was able to show enough passion or interest in these hobbies that she showed, I would not care about her working, just anything to improve herself. But if she didn't do anything at all, then it would be best to look for a new job to help her if she moves out.
I've also been asked in Private messages if I have any personal friends to talk to. There's two female coworkers I confide some information in given how many hours we work together at our hospital, and who I completely trust as in my opinion they are extremely grounded. They both said I would eventually get love bombed and this would all go back to how it once was, and that I needed to stand firm with moving on.
They've very helpful friends who have even offered to let me stay over for a few nights giving the reason that I would fall for her manipulation if I continued being anywhere near her in their own words. But it didn't feel right since I'm still technically in a relationship, but I said I would consider it if the situation worsened. But again I find them grounded, so I always try to take their advice to heart.
Despite numerous messages from you all privately or openly telling me that this will be a mistake, I want to make the attempt to give this one last try. Though I feel heavily closed and guarded and still feel indifferent with our current situation. But a lot of you have told me this can eventually change with enough work from both parties.
I have also taken the advice of those saying to cut off sex (which was my intention from the start anyway) by continuing to sleep in the living room. But each day she has been sleeping on the floor right below me even when I tell her I'd rather be alone with my thoughts, telling me this is something she would not accept.
But that's everything so far, next update will probably be at the month mark as there's nothing else I feel like I need to say for now, just waiting to see if things can get better now that we're working on this somewhat.
New Updates
*****Update Post 4: August 19, 2024 (16 days later, 3 weeks from OG post)*****
Title: First Week
Hello, a lot has happened in the past two weeks, it's actually felt more like a month with how much has gone down.
To those I have DMed with on Reddit about my situation, sorry I have not been replying, at some point a week ago my messages blew up again with another 100+, so I took a break and haven't logged in for awhile while I work on my situation.
I won't be posting in subreddits anymore relating to my problems, and will instead chronicle everything that comes to mind here on my page, as I feel more comfortable just updating those who worry for me at this point.
My girlfriend was very proactive last week, it was a manic influx of energy as she tried to get interested in many different things that she thought she could enjoy. I kept my promise in meeting her halfway and tried my best at helping her in whatever way I could. The only real interest that she's been mainly sticking with is photography.
I've said before that she has a stockpile of clothes that she's had over the years, and she sold a few of them on depop in order to get enough money to get a Canon 250d camera that she says is good for starting out (she's looked a lot more into this than me).
I strongly assume she stuck with this hobby as it gave her a chance to spend more time with me, as she continued asking me to go out into the city to take pictures and test out her camera, given that I had promised to match her energy and didn't want to be a hypocrite, I did so even when I came home from longer shifts at the hospital.
There was a major change in her behavior however. While she usually was a very loving and affection partner, it had been turned up to its max during the first week. She asked me maybe 8 times a day how I was doing, if I was upset, what I wanted to do for the rest of the day etc, just trying to gauge my mood.
When we went out, her PDA was also maxed, she wanted to kiss, hold hands, and spend the night out as long as possible, even when I said I had to go in early to work the next day.
It's hard to describe in words what she was doing, I don't know if it was exactly love bombing, but with the energy she putting out, I was fully expecting a crash to come, and it did during the second week. (I'll talk about that in another post.)
There was only so much I could handle before I needed a break, especially with how I was still feeling after everything that had happened prior. My friends at work are the only other people I have been engaging with and I've told them everything that has been happening.
They warned me again that I was getting love bombed like they predicted and it would only get worse, they asked me what I would do if I was stuck with her longer than two months, and I said my lease would be ending soon so it was helping ease my mind, as I wouldn't mind moving if this all turned out for the worse, while still giving her enough time of a heads up.
They stated their concerns that I was coming to work more tired that usual and it was getting noticeable, but I told them that I felt fine. During the weekend they had insisted that I go out with them to help my mood, stating that too much time at in my apartment was not good for my health in my current situation.
I declined when first offered, but after being asked again the day of, I agreed and for most of the day I was with them having a really good time, in fact it helped to regain my mood considerably.
Naturally my girlfriend was wondering where I had been the entire day, but I told her I had been with friends and even though she was disappointed we couldn't go out for the day, I promised her we would spend all day tommorow together.
I get continued messages that I should immediately drop my friends and that they are manipulating me in my decisions, and think what you may, I know they are good people who look out for me. They played a large part in me quitting smoking this year, which although has made me more anxious at times, has helped with my health considerably.
There's a different type of bond you form with people in our work environment and I trust my coworkers with my life for lack of a better term.
Anyway that's most of what happened the first week, putting everything for the second week would triple this post and it's hard looking back on it as it happened so recently and I still feel heavily raw (large part of me posting this update to help as writing everything out has always been a therapy for me.)
But yeah thanks for your messages, and I'll try to reply to those of you I promised to keep updated for more relevant details.
Update Post 5: September 26, 2024 (5 weeks later, 2 months from OG post)
This is a very long post just as forewarning.
I've been holding back posting this for a while, as whenever I begin to write, I cannot continue without having to stop.
But now that over a month have passed, I think now is the best time to reflect.
There might be parts in this post that don't make to much sense chronologically, but given that I've been writing and taking breaks over multiple attempts, some past tense might be off as to where I began and left off.
When I said the crash of emotions would come, I was right, it was ugly, loud, and could have been easily prevented in parts. When I posted my last update, I was not in the right mental state, so reflecting on the week before and writing helped to calm my nerves.
I'm also a bit embarrassed to admit that I started to smoke a bit again, but it also helped tremendously in my mental which was getting close to crash as of recent and without the help of my friends I didn't have much else to turn to, this breakdown was something I could not tell them since I didn't want them stepping in.
There had been a point where my girlfriend was in a not so well mood during one of our outings to the city. After returning home, she had said I was being dismissive, and if I felt angry or upset with her.
Trying to be better with communicating, I said that I was getting uncomfortable with her constant need of affirmation and affection, as it was continually constant. Given that she was still sleeping in the living room at night, I was getting no time alone to myself at all while at home, and after so many outings, I was starting to get physically and emotionally drained.
Truthfully I felt physically tired more than anything, and given what my my coworkers and my girlfriend say, it tends to show on my face more worse then it is.
My girlfriend seemed to take this heavily, and didn't attempt to talk with me for the remainder of the day, along with the next, but was in a much more brooding mood during the second.
Maybe it would have been better to apologize or communicate better during that point, as it might have been the point that a lot of this could have been avoided if I said something, but I instead took the time to nap and spend time alone, which I had rarely the chance to for over a week.
Then came the third day.
A lot happened over the course of this day, and a lot was said, and this was where the breaking point occurred which caused further problems throughout the following week.
I will try to be as thorough as I can remembering everything that happened, from the start of the day to the end.
When I had woken up, I had left without saying goodbye or speaking to my girlfriend as I was almost running late, normally I at least check on her to see what she's doing before I leave. (She had been sleeping in our room for the last few days since her mood dropped.)
My mood was higher than usual during work, as I was rested, had my alone time, and was just genuinely having a nice time at the hospital which didn't happen too often.
There were a few times when my coworkers would go out to eat after work, and for the past few weeks I had been declining, but on this given day I had joined them, which led to me arriving home around 9 or later, it was pretty late and I had a few drinks.
This is where I begin to have trouble writing. And where I usually stop.
Arriving home, I see my girlfriend siting down in the living room, looking at me directly as I walked in, not saying a word.
It startled me, and I asked what she had been doing, as she wasn't on her phone nor was she watching TV, just sitting as if she was staring at a wall before I had entered.
She asked me where I had been, and I said I was out with friends. She immediately asked were they my friends from work?
My girlfriend is aware that I work alongside mostly women, and I have brought up my friends in the past before our relationship broke down to this point.
I said yes, I was with them and we had gone out to eat. She asked me if I had been drinking as well, I don't know if it was noticeable or not or just a random question but I said that I had.
There was a period of uncomfortable silence that felt a lot longer in memory.
She eventually brought up my month deadline on wether my feelings would change, and she asked if they have. It took me a minute to reply as that question had taken me off guard and I said I appreciated her efforts in what she was doing, but I was still unsure of our future together and couldn't give her a direct answer.
She told me again that during our outings together, that I was being dismissive, and that she felt I wasn't putting in the same effort to make this relationship work.
I asked what she meant, as I was going out with her whenever she asked and matching her effort in finding hobbies whenever she thought of something she enjoyed, to me it just seemed like something she was just saying out of neediness.
I think it was at this point she started to lose her composure, as her voice couldn't remain constant. She told me if I was aware that I wasn't smiling when we were outside, that I was quiet and rarely talked when we were spending time together. I told her she already knew how I felt, so for some of it, my mixed feelings shouldn't come as surprise.
But I also explained again my lack of talking was just from being tired from work, but I don't think she believed me. She told me she's constantly overthinking how I feel now that she knows I've lost feelings, and doesn't know what she can do to make them come back. I told her again to just find a passion for something anything, to get out of bed and be active with anything in her life.
She says it's been two weeks and she's been as active as she can possibly be, to the point that it was causing her mental stress, but my mood wasn't improving, and she's wondering if anything will actually change now that it's closer to a month.
And then came the full breakdown.
Through tears and a broken voice, she tells me how much she loves me, how much affection and love she has given me throughout this relationship, just for me to throw it away over something as stupid as my conditions, as if it was just an excuse to end things, if I ever really loved her at all while we were together.
She goes on to say that even with how upset she is at me, and how hurt and betrayed she has felt by the one person she has, that she still loves me and wants to continue our relationship. She tells me there will be nothing for her if I leave, no one, no place, no future, her will to live will be gone and she won't know what to do with herself.
Now there's a lot I could have said during this, but I don't think I can accurately convey just how hard she was breaking down emotionally during this exchange. There were points as to where she was almost screaming, completely bawling, and it all just made me freeze, as this was the first time I've ever witnessed her fall apart at this level.
She goes on again to say there's no reason to live if this is the end, it won't matter what job she gets, another month will not be a enough, and she knows I still won't want to be with her, and that she will have nothing.
After everything was said, she locked herself again in our room, and stayed there for a few more days, whenever I tried to knock to initiate conversation, she screamed for me to go away, and I did.
A few days later, she had finally calmed down enough to where we could speak to each other, and she changed her attitude 180. She still was still upset, but extremely apologetic in what she did and said, telling me that a lot of it was just in the moment and she didn't meant it.
The days that I was finally able to spend alone, without her or my friends gave me the mental to finally do what I should have a month ago.
I told her as gently and as calmly as I could that it was over, that there was no chance that we could be together at this point and I no longer wanted to be in a relationship. I told her I would let her stay for an additional two months until she could find a job and help her get on her feet.
I also said that if she was unable to do anything by that time, then I would be gone and moved out.
She started to cry again, but in a much more defeated manner that almost made me break myself, but she agreed to the terms, and it was finally done.
She was able to get a job at a supermarket about a week afterwards, but only part time at first as that was all they were offering. After our final confrontation, our speaking terms were more or less dead, whenever she was off work she would be in her room alone for the remainder of the day and night, I had stayed on the couch as at this point I was pretty much used to it and didn't really mind it.
It feels really wrong and selfish to say but I felt extremely free and happy for a bit, I didn't inform my coworkers about my breakup when it happened, and just continued to vaguely say that we were working on it, but during that time I frequently started going out a lot more with them after work, as staying in our apartment felt more like a chore and depressing.
I had hit a high that I had not felt in a long while, and then everything came crashing on me the following week.
I had contracted Pneumonia, and was off work for about two weeks to recover. At first I thought I had caught a cold, but one day it hit like a brick and my lungs felt at 50% capacity, I couldn't take a deep breath without going into a fit of coughing and I constantly felt fatigued, even now as I write this update with my most of my symptoms gone I still have to use an inhaler to help myself breath at times.
For most of the days that I had been sick I was sleeping, most days between 12-14 hours, and the time that I was awake I was lying down. When I told her what I had contracted and she saw how sick I was she offered to let me have the bedroom again but I refused and said that I was fine. Since she was working part time there was still a lot of time that she was spending at home, and for the first few days she left me alone.
But towards the middle of the first week I was sick she started to occasionally check on me to see if I was ok and if I wanted anything to eat. Honestly I hated that me being sick forced us to interact, not because I was mad or anything, but because it felt incredibly weird and awkward, and that I had to depend on her now for a few things not even a week after we had broken up.
I didn't feel well enough to get groceries like I normally did, and since she already worked at a supermarket she insisted that she buy food instead, and when I gave her my card she refused it and said she would buy it herself.
For the most part I was snacking on fruit and cookies, but she said if I was going to get better that I eat actual meals, so she began to cook for me even when I said I didn't want anything. Even with this, we didn't eat together for the first week as she went back to her a room after checking on me.
But during the start of the second week of me being home, she started to sit down with me while I was awake and talk with me. She told me about her day at work and her coworkers, and a bunch of other stuff, It felt like a lot of it were things she wanted to tell me earlier but couldn't because everything was still raw. But when she started to talk she didn't stop and honestly I enjoyed listening to her talk about her day because it felt different.
It went from talking to us watching TV together during nights that I couldn't fall asleep to us just talking about our issues that we've been holding to ourselves for a while. It was extremely cathartic and there was no yelling or arguing, just listening, it felt a way that we hadn't talked in a long time, not since from before we got together years ago when were friends and classmates.
Sometime during the second week I had hit a point where I felt extremely ill and I didn't want to talk or do anything, but I couldn't sleep either because I kept on coughing. She didn't go to work that day and stayed beside me for a long while, we didn't talk at all but she made sure I was still eating and drinking water.
There's a lot than can be said on how those two weeks made me feel about my situation with her and everything that had happened, but I can't convey them in words much less writing, but I'll just say it was a lot of time to think.
Since I've recovered, I had been trying to make a bigger effort to talk with her, but at the same time not trying to make it feel forced as it may have felt a month ago.
Just random conversations about random things, about how her photos were going, how work was doing, if she liked her a boss, just whatever.
She spent less time in her room and more time in the living room with me when I had gotten home just talking about her day and work, customers and coworkers, and in turn I told her about my day.
Gradually within these weeks it feels as if the transition of being in relationship to being friends is a lot more apparent, and it feels better and more organic this way as it's become easier to communicate.
Even still though, there's a barrier between us, something that formed from our final argument, and it's hard to describe exactly what it is, but it's there.
The deadline that I had formed for me moving out is at the end of October, as that's when my lease ends, I'll post another update around that time, this post has turned a lot longer than i thought, but it's nice looking back on everything and seeing how our situation has been changing for the better. If you're still around reading this, thanks for the continued messages regarding my situation, sorry if I couldn't reply in the meantime.
