Q&As

So this happened last weekend at my 30th birthday. Just for context, I (F) have been sober for the past 8 months. I used to struggle with drinking, it got bad for a while but I’ve worked really hard to get sober and stay that way. It hasn’t been easy at all but I'm proud of how far I’ve come. Pretty much everyone in my close circle knows about my sobriety, and for the most part, they’ve been supportive. Everyone except my cousin “Emily”.

Emily has always been kind of a wild card in the family. She’s one of those people who think that everyone else is too uptight and always insists people “relax” and have fun. She’s made comments before about how I’m “no fun” anymore since I stopped drinking and how I’m being “dramatic” about it, but I always just tried to brush it off.

Anyway, fast forward to my birthday party. I had some friends over, nothing huge, and I specifically made mocktails for myself and a few other friends who don’t drink. The night was going great, I was feeling good and everyone seemed to be having a nice time.

That’s when things started feeling off. At first, I couldn’t figure it out, but I started feeling this familiar light-headedness, and the room got that kind of hazy warmth. I hadn’t felt like that since I stopped drinking and it freaked me out. My heart sank. I was like, no way...but then I tasted my drink and realized something was wrong.

I confronted Emily, and at first, she acted all innocent. But then she laughed and said, “Come on, it’s your birthday! Live a little. I only put a bit in, what’s the harm?” I couldn’t believe it. I was furious. She knew I was recovering and she put alcohol in my drinks anyway, without telling me!

I completely lost my temper and yelled at her to get out. She kept laughing, like it was some big joke, but when I wouldn’t back down, she got annoyed and said I was “ruining the party.” She stormed off, and I felt this mix of anger and betrayal like, how could she do that to me? After she left, a couple of people told me maybe I overreacted, that she was just trying to have fun, and I should’ve let it go, but I just couldn’t. I’ve worked so hard to stay sober and she could’ve completely derailed that.

Now I’m sitting here wondering if I was too harsh or if I should’ve handled it better. Some people are saying I took it too far but I honestly feel like she crossed a huge line. AITA?

Throwaway account.

I (M, 30) lost my younger brother when I was 22. He had cancer and fought very hard. Ever since, I’ve been donating blood on the anniversary of his death every year. I take the day off from work, visit his grave, donate blood, and then come home, relax, and watch his favorite movie. I know it’s a simple, personal tradition, but it means a lot to me.

My girlfriend of 9 months, Anna (F, 31), asked if I could meet her and her mom( I have met her many times before and it wasn’t the meet the parents for the first time situation) for lunch yesterday. I told her no and explained again about what I do on my brother’s death anniversary. She got upset and said, “Well, it’s my tradition to have lunch with my mom every time she’s in town, and she really wanted to see you! You can do your stupid blood donation tradition any day.”

I explained to her that it’s not just about the blood donation. Later in the evening, while I was resting and watching my brother’s favorite movie, she texted me again, asking me to join them. I reiterated that I really didn’t want to and would hang out with her mom next time. She replied that I had embarrassed her in front of her mom with my selfishness and laziness.

Since then, she’s been distant. Do I owe her an apology? AITAH?

One decade ago I (64F) bought a large, 7 bedroom house for my daughter and her husband (35M), after they found out they were expecting a baby.

My darling daughter and granddaughter tragically passed away eight years ago in an accident. The loss of the two most important people in our lives was the most devastating time my son in law and I had ever experienced.

In these past few years, I have gotten closer with my son in law, and I consider him the closest thing I have left to a child. I allowed him to keep living the house I’d bought.

Four and a half years ago, he met his current girlfriend (34F) at a grief support group, and they began dating She had four children (17F, 14F, 12M, 5F) from three previous relationships. She’d also adopted her stepchildren (11F, 9M) she had from her late husband. Since they started dating, she has also become the guardian of her younger siblings (10F, 7M), and her eldest daughter had a son, who is now 4 months old.

My son in law is seen as a father figure to his girlfriend’s kids. He looks after them while she works, sometimes drives them to/from school, helps take care of the baby, and does the things a father would typically do. Honestly, I never thought it would last this far.

His girlfriend has been going through a lot of financial problems. She lives in a small 3 bedroom apartment and relies heavily on my son in law for money. In the past year, she has quit her second and third job due to the money she gets from him.

His girlfriend recently found out she was pregnant. He decided that this was a sign to take their relationship further and move his girlfriend and soon to be 10 kids into the home.

I said absolutely no chance. I bought this home for my daughter and granddaughter. He argued that I’d previously promised to allow his future family live in the house. While I knew that he would have to move on eventually, I said that assuming he wouldn’t date a single mother of TEN kids. I said she was using him as a way of providing for her litter of kids, and he was disrespecting my daughter by moving a woman like her into my daughter’s home.

He said his girlfriend was having his baby, and he had a duty to take responsibility. He said she’s a hardworking woman who overcame a troubled upbringing and cares about children, even if they’re not biologically hers. I told him that the house was legally still mine, and I refuse to let her move in. He claimed that they were in a long, committed relationship, and moving in together was long overdue. I said they could do what they want, as long as she stays out of my daughter’s house. He accused me of being judgemental and elitist. AITA?

So I 19F have an aunt 33F, that was pregnant and was a bitch already (openly insulting and mocking me for years now), she wanted to use my 1 bedroom apartment for her baby shower, since her house was AND IS constantly dirty with ants and other bugs on every concieveable surface. I already said no TWICE and she still pulled up with her friends and family in front of the door, When I opened the door and told them they are not welcome, she had a temper tantrum saying she told me 2 weeks in advance, to which I already said no. Now a week later im still getting missed calls from family members and messages where they show their displeasment with my decision. I could really use some advice reply or dm whichever is better for you

My (28M) girlfriend Emma (27F) and I have been together for six years. For most of that time, we’ve been happy—like, really happy. The kind of relationship people say “just works,” you know? We were always on the same page, rarely fought, and genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. But over the past year, things started to feel… different. Small arguments here and there, more miscommunication, and just this weird sense that we weren’t as in sync as we used to be.

It wasn’t anything major, just the usual “wear and tear” stuff, or so I thought. Emma, however, seemed to be more concerned. She started pointing out issues I wasn’t even aware of, like how I supposedly wasn’t listening enough or wasn’t as emotionally available as I used to be. I admit I’ve been busy with work, but I thought we were doing okay. Still, I didn’t want to dismiss her feelings.

Then about six months ago, she suggested we go to couples therapy. Now, I’ve always been a bit skeptical about therapy unless things are really bad, but I agreed because I figured it couldn’t hurt. She said she found a great therapist through a friend, and we should give it a try. I wasn’t familiar with this “Lily,” but Emma was excited about it, so we booked our first session.

At first, the sessions seemed… fine. Lily asked good questions, got us to open up, and gave us some tools to communicate better. I felt like I was doing my best to listen and improve, but something about it felt a little off. Every time we talked about any issue, it seemed like Lily was always subtly siding with Emma. If I mentioned being stressed from work, she’d steer the conversation towards how I wasn’t giving enough attention to Emma. If I brought up a disagreement, somehow it became about my “communication issues.”

After a few weeks, Emma started using phrases like “Lily thinks you should try this” or “Lily says you need to work on that.” It felt like everything I did was being scrutinized and dissected by this woman I barely knew. I didn’t want to be paranoid, but it seemed like Lily was slowly convincing Emma that I was the problem in the relationship. And every time I tried to voice my own concerns, they were brushed aside.

I tried to push through it, thinking maybe I was just being defensive. But it didn’t stop. Every session, the same dynamic. It was like Lily was planting seeds of doubt in Emma’s head, and Emma was running with them. I even started to wonder if maybe I was the problem—was I actually this bad of a partner?

Things reached a boiling point a couple of weeks ago. During a session, Lily started suggesting that maybe we should consider a “break” so I could work on myself more. That felt like a slap in the face. I’d been trying so hard to be better, and now she was suggesting we split up? I looked at Emma, waiting for her to disagree or defend me, but she just sat there… quietly nodding along.

After that session, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I blew up at Emma when we got home. I told her I didn’t trust Lily’s judgment, that it felt like she was just feeding Emma reasons to blame me for everything wrong in the relationship. Emma got defensive, saying I was overreacting, that Lily was just trying to help us work through our issues.

We didn’t talk for a few days, and I started feeling guilty for snapping. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe therapy really was exposing some flaws I needed to work on. But then… something happened that blew everything wide open.

Last week, we went to a mutual friend’s party. While there, I overheard Emma and her friend Sarah talking in the corner, giggling about something. I caught just a bit of their conversation: “I can’t believe you pulled it off for this long! Poor guy still thinks she’s an actual therapist!”

I immediately confronted them, and that’s when Emma’s face turned pale. Sarah quickly tried to backtrack, but the truth spilled out.

Turns out, “Lily” isn’t a licensed therapist at all. She’s one of Emma’s close friends from college, who thought it’d be “fun” to help Emma “fix” me by posing as a therapist. Emma had set this whole thing up because she thought I wouldn’t agree to therapy otherwise. They figured that with Lily playing the part, they could guide me into becoming a “better boyfriend” without me knowing.

I felt completely betrayed. For months, I had been spilling my heart out to someone who wasn’t even qualified to help, and Emma had been in on it the whole time. All those sessions where I felt attacked and manipulated suddenly made sense—because I was being manipulated.

When I confronted Emma about how messed up this was, she broke down, saying she never meant to hurt me and that she just wanted to help us grow as a couple. But honestly? I don’t know how to move past this. I haven’t been able to look at her the same since.

Now, Emma and her friends are saying I overreacted, that it was just a “white lie” meant to help our relationship. But I feel like I’ve been gaslit and lied to for months.

So… AITA for blowing up at my girlfriend when I found out our “therapist” was a total fraud?

My best friend and I (20F) recently went on a trip to the UK. I actually have a UK passport since my dad is British, but my friend had to get a UK visa. We were supposed to take two flights, one that would arrive in France, and a connecting flight that would fly to the UK.

However, the second flight ended up being cancelled. The next available flight wasn’t until 2 pm the next day, so we would have to wait around 17 hours. The passengers were allowed to stay in nearby hotels for free. However, this didn’t apply to people like my friend, who wasn’t legally allowed to leave the airport because she didn’t have a visa for Europe.

Instead, she had to stay within a specific area of the airport that had these bright ceiling lights that would stay on 24/7. There was construction nearby, so there was this extremely loud drilling noise every so often. All the available seats were taken by other passengers, so my friend had to sleep on the floor. Plus, earlier that day, water got spilled on our phone chargers, and her phone was only on 40%.

I had the option to stay with her, but I chose to go to the hotel instead. She was furious with me, accusing me of being a fake friend. She told me she was scared of being alone in a creepy unknown place and wanted me there to comfort her, and I assured her that I’ll be back by the morning. She said I was acting selfish for not even spending one night with her, but I hadn’t gotten any sleep in over 24 hours, and I didn’t see why both of us had to suffer. AITA?

AITA Our neighbors well dried up and we cut them off from using our water.

We live in a suburban country neighborhood (USA). All the homes are on well / septic. There are original 1960's ranchers with a few newer larger 90's homes sprinkled throughout. We're in a newer 90's house and the neighbors are in one of the original homes. We each have two low yield wells and one of theirs has been dried up since before they bought the home.

Last week their good well stopped working and they asked my Wife if they could fill up buckets for their animals (more on this later) and garden. In the vein of being a good neighbor she naturally said yes. They've had a well company out and have been messing with both their wells on their own. But these past few days there's been no work being done and they've provided no update. My wife asked what was up the other day and they said that they have basically been getting the run around by various well companies and they don't have time to pursue this harder. Everyday it's multiple 5 gallon buckets in the morning and evening that they're filling with our hose. Probably 20-30 gallons each fill up.

It's 2 adults and 8 kids in their home, a large garden and a large (illegal) number of chickens and turkeys. They've clearly brought this on themselves with heavy irresponsible water use.

They have a bunch of roosters that are not legal and are driving the neighborhood crazy. So I've been kind of irritated that we're supporting the obnoxious rooster operation. Also obviously worried the increase use on our aquifer will mess our water flow up. But it's pretty cold to say "Hey you can't fill up your buckets any more, your on your own" so we've been wrestling with what to do.

Yesterday they had an older lady walking around their yard yelling and praying for the wells to open up. This was the last straw for us. In my opinion this is a serious problem that requires a serious, timely solution and they've got a lady basically doing a rain dance.

Last night my Wife told the Mom next door that we can't provide water any more and that we could give them another 24hrs of water use to figure it out and the Mom got upset and walked away from my Wife while she was speaking to her. Which makes us feel better about our choice, basically F them, they're rude and ungrateful but again still obviously we feel bad about cutting off a house full of kids from water use. Also none of the other neighbors are going to help because they're upset about the roosters so they're on their own now. AITAH?

My wife demands that I shower at night or says I am not allowed in the bed, and I am disgusting and its unattractive. I sometimes like to shower in the morning when I am already tired at bedtime. I work in a clean office setting, and all of my dirty articles of clothing are obviously off before I try to go to bed. If I was covered in dirt or something I would shower, but im not. AITA or is she being controlling?

EDIT: I usually shower at night, in order to appease her wishes. This is only when I am extremely tired and just want to sleep. She also lets our dirty dog sleep in the bed.

I'm a single mom with a 4 year old daughter, Anna. Anna and I live with my mom. We both work and Anna goes to daycare full time. Daycare would be about half my income so I get a subsidy that covers $1400 out of her $2000 tuition. The only condition of the subsidy is that she actually has to show up. If she misses too many days I lose the subsidy. I go to work at 7:30 and daycare opens at 8 so my mom would be the one to take Anna to daycare.

Anna's main teacher is a 20/21 year old girl. When I've talked to her she's always been very animated and energetic. She's great with the kids. Anna always comes home saying this teacher brought stickers, she brought juice, she brought bubbles, she did face painting, etc. and always has fun crafts that she did with her teacher. This teacher is her favorite person in the world right now and Anna often runs away from my mom to jump on this teacher in the mornings and hides when my mom picks her up because she doesn't want to leave this teacher.

My mom started to get jealous that Anna likes the teacher better than her so she started keeping her home from daycare on her days off/when she only has 1-2 easy clients (she cleans houses).

I found out Anna missed 5 days over the past 3 weeks. I asked my mom about it and she told me she wanted Anna to spend more time with family instead of with teachers I told my mom Anna needs to be in daycare unless she's sick or I would lose the subsidy. She was arguing that if Anna needs to be in daycare, she should be in one with more family values and not some "rich white girl trying to save the poor kids" (the teacher is a girl from a well off family marrying into a well off family and the daycare isn't in the most well off neighborhood.) She has bins full of clothes for the kids, gave everyone a water bottle with their name on it, has a much nicer classroom than the other teachers, and drives a car worth more than my mom and I combined could make in a year. She's setting up a field trip to the local airport so her fiance can talk to the kids about flying planes and so they can look at his jet. I told her I wouldn't. This is the best daycare that takes this subsidy and I won't be moving her just because she's jealous.

She was still insisting on Anna either being with family or being in a more family based daycare so I got her a babysitter. I drop her off to my neighbor at 7:30 when I leave for work and she drops Anna off at 8:15 on her way to take her kids to school. She only charges me $10 a day. I don't love the breakfasts that she gives Anna but I know she's going to daycare and I won't lose the subsidy.

Now my mom is pissed that I'm keeping Anna away from her. AITA for sending Anna to a babysitter in the mornings because my mom wasn't taking Anna to daycare?

I (29f) gave birth to my daughter, Sloane, 14 weeks ago. My husband (30m) and I didn't announce her name until she was born. The reason for this is because I knew my family didn't like the name Sloane and would spend their time trying to talk us out of the name. I know this because I started loving the name Sloane when I was a kid. There was a girl in my class from 1st to 3rd grade and I told my family at the time I thought her name was really cool and they told me it wasn't and my parents said it wasn't even a real name. I brought it up a few times. But I remember the negativity. I even remember my mom pitying her because of it. When I was 14 she even brought her up and told me she bet Sloane was going by her middle name or a nickname by then (she moved schools after 3rd grade so I didn't see her). When I was 16 one of my friends transferred schools after a move and mentioned Sloane was in her class and still used Sloane. I rubbed it into my mom's face so hard. But she told me it was still an ugly name and she felt bad for the girl who had to have it as her name.

My parents prefer names like Anna, James, Elizabeth, William and Hannah, which are my siblings and my names. They think those are sophisticated and classic and easy to use through life. They don't think Sloane's a kids name. Just not a real name and so ugly.

I was lucky that my husband loved the name and when we talked baby names he said we could name a daughter Sloane. He also knew how my family felt so he was on board with keeping the name to us until our daughter was here.

You might think that the name being official and on the birth certificate would deter any negativity on the name. But since my daughter's name was announced my family have wanted to "sit and discuss" the name. They said they never believed I would seriously carry on and name my daughter Sloane. I shut them down and told them I did and that was that.

I have refused to discuss it more. I ignore them via text if I have to or end calls. I left my sisters house just a week ago because they tried to bring it up. They told me it's childish to run away from a serious discussion. I said we have nothing to discuss. That my husband and I had our discussion on the name and that was the only one that needed to happen.

They told me a part of being a family is hearing each other out and I'm being childish by refusing their requests.

AITA?

My (35F) younger siblings (34F, 31M, 31F, 30M) were practically raised by our oldest sister (40F). Neither of our parents were there for us, so she had to act like a mother to us despite being a child herself. She never had time for studying, socialising, or hobbies, and both her grades and her mental health were greatly affected. She started working at age 13 and dropped out of school at 16 to work full time to support us. Due to her childhood, she can’t handle being around children at all. They trigger her trauma, and she starts crying, panicking, and having anxiety attacks. We’ve all tried to be supportive of her.

The thing is, between the five of us, we have 16 children aged between 7 months and 12 years. We all live in the same town, and we try to spend time with our sister, but we have to look after our kids too. Anytime we invite her to family gatherings, she refuses to come if our kids are around. The thing is, we can’t just leave our kids every time she wants to hang out and we can’t ban our own children from family events. She would complain every time we refused to have a child free event and say we need to include her more. Eventually, we stopped inviting her to events.

My sister was furious with us for excluding her. She called us ungrateful for sacrificing her childhood to raise us. She accused us of abandoning her just like our parents did, and said it wasn’t fair for her to be ostracised from such a close knit family after all that she’d down for us. Of course I’m grateful for what she did, but I can’t ignore my own kids. AITA?

Hi.

Back in 2008 when I started University, I rented a 2 bedroom apartment with my (exex)girlfriend at the time and my friend & his girlfriend.
We got a great deal for it, as the owner of the place lost his job because of everything that happened back then and decided to try her luck abroad where she still lives.

Years went by and after University my friend and his GF decided to find a place of their own, as we had full-time jobs, renting this apartment together did not seem expensive anymore, and also did not seem expensive to rent alone after we broke up some time later.

So there I was, alone in a 2-bedroom apartment in the central part of the city.
The owner decided that she was too lazy to mess with bills and stuff every month and made arrangements for me to pay everything directly, as I earned her trust, I still pay her monthly rent which is very cheap for today and deal with everything else having her authorization.

Because of the perfect location, my second bedroom was basically "free BNB" for my friends who did not live in the city and I did not mind, it is good to have company if you live alone.

In 2020 I met a girl who was in a rush to get married and as I was madly in love we did in 2021.
For some reason, I never told her the story of how I rented the place or that it was a rental at all, it just never came up! I have been so used to the fact that I am an authorized representative with building cooperative things etc, that I refer to it as my place.

Our relationship started to cool down and we found out that we were not perfect for each other after all, so divorce it is.

So we did the paperwork for divorce and she is moving out.
A few days ago I received an email from her with a real estate valuation document as an attachment - while I was not at home she wasted 500€ for someone to evaluate an apartment that does not belong to us... and wrote that I probably have to take a loan to pay her the 50% of that.
I replied to her, didn't I ever tell her that this place is a rental? Why does she even assume that I can afford a 2-bedroom apartment in the city centre? She knows where I work and how much I earn.

She called and screamed at me, that I had lied to her for years and hid the fact that the apartment was rental! Then she tells me that well, she will take the car as we got that together!
And I was quiet for a moment and then told her: "You do know that is a lease right? The owner of the car is the bank!"
Then she demanded that I pay for the valuation and I replied "I did not ask you to do it!"
She called me an asshole and ended the call.

Of course, she told our whole friends group how I "lied to her during the whole marriage" and there was a discussion in a messenger group with friends that if is it a lie or not, whether was it an asshole thing to do, some agree with me and some with her.

My best friend told me, that this is a perfect topic for a Reddit thread!
Now I ask you Reddit, AITA?

Hi ! I (26-f) am dating a man (28-m). We’ve been dating for 8 months. He had said multiple times that he sees a future with me and wants to marry me. Today we were just chatting and he told me that his parents want his sister to get married who is 20. I said 20 is too young to get married to which he said “No, its not. Ideally 18-20 is the perfect age to be married”. and then he went on to say stuff about eggs and whatnot. and mind you, I’m a doctor. I said “I know and all eggs are absolutely fine til 35”. Also science is advancing everyday. Anyway he then started talking about the changes in woman’s body with age, and said “Imagine walking with your 35 year old wife and then you see a 18 year old beautiful lady, you’d be like “DAMN ! I could’ve had that for 18 more years”” When i said that Im offended and i want to be with someone who wants to be with me forever. He said “good luck finding someone who doesn’t think this way because all man are the same, some just wouldn’t admit it because they’re afraid that their wives/girlfriends will leave them”. It broke my heart. I really wanted to marry him.

Is this true?? I want a man’s honest perspective on this.