My daughter Casey (17f) worked and saved up money for around a year to be able to afford a better car than we could buy her with our family budget. My other daughter Alana (16f, has ADHD) recently got her driver’s license, and asked to drive Casey’s car. Casey allowed it, but Alana ended up having a bad accident around 6 months ago which basically rendered the car unusable.

The insurance payout wasn’t nearly enough to cover the replacement, and with Alana’s medical bills from the accident (thankfully there was no permanent damage, just a broken arm and leg), there was no way we could afford to replace Casey’s car immediately.

Alana was very apologetic to Casey, and so were we since we couldn’t afford to replace her car. Casey didn’t accept our apology, and has been basically avoiding us, skipping family dinners, and pretty much pretending that her mom, Alana, and I don’t exist and only talks to us if she needs a form signed for her school.

I begged her to come to a family therapy session, and she eventually relented but with the condition that Alana wouldn’t be present. In the therapy session, she told us that she won’t be resuming a relationship with us until we replace her car, which realistically won’t be until next year. When the therapist asked how she expected us to do that, Casey said we could just make Alana work to earn the money.

The issue is that Alana has severe ADHD, and already has trouble managing her school work. I’m worried that making her work to earn the money will harm her grades and have significant ramifications for her future. Casey said “well she should have thought about that before destroying my car, I don’t care, I’m not gonna speak to any of you unless I have my car replaced”. I responded that she was free to avoid speaking to me for as long as she wanted to, but I’m not going to permanently harm her sister’s future to get her a car earlier.

My wife agrees with me that we need to stand firm on our position, but is also genuinely afraid of Casey never speaking to her ever again. I understand that her car was ruined, but I as a parent I need to look out for all my children, not just one. I also don’t want to set the precedent that emotional blackmail will work even if what you’re asking for is unreasonable.

AITAH?

Hello, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to make a separate post for an update or not? Sorry this is my first time actually posting on reddit (I have an account for stalking but my name is linked to it), please let me know if I'm not supposed to. I asked for advice and y'all gave so much, thank you I felt very supported! Also a lot of y'all clocked it, I do work for a religious private school.

Anyway, I arrived for my meeting at 7:00, I know a lot of you thought it was early but school starts at 7:45 so it was a normal time for me. I did record the meeting, and even though I am in a one party consent state, I asked to be safe. The meeting started with Jan (my principal) saying that it had recently some to their attention that my bf had been "publicly participating in lewd acts." I asked what she meant since as far as I knew my bf had never had charges filed against him for something like that.

That's when the HR lady (Pam) said that somebody (they couldn't name names, just said it was a staff member) found his OF account. Like many of you said, I asked what that was since I had never heard of it. They explained although they did not look as uncomfortable as I had hoped. Then they asked if I had ever participated in, or intended to participate in one of his videos. I said no. Jan said that I couldn't bring any unvetted guests into the building, so I pulled up the email thread I had asking for permission and reminded her that he had his ID scanned in order to get a temp badge.

Pam said that it was due to the nature of his online activity, that he would no longer be allowed in the school. I said okay and asked if when I brought my dad to help with things in the future, would I need to disclose his online activity as well. Pam said that wasn't necessary, but that they couldn't have any teacher or staff member affiliated with a sex worker. I asked what that meant and she said that I could not bring him onto school grounds, to school functions, or anything relating to the school. Additionally, since the school represented the church, the staff could only have relationships with people who upheld a dignified image. Apparently my bf doesn't do that. She also said that if they receive one report from a parent, student, or staff member of my affiliation with him after this meeting, that would be grounds for immediate termination.

I asked if that also applied to the staff member who reported it in the first place, since they went onto a corn site. Jan said that was irrelevant, that the meeting was about me, not the other staff member. The meeting ended shortly after, they asked me to sign an acknowledgement of the meeting. I told them I wanted to review it first and brought it home with me. My bf is furious and at the same time keeps apologizing saying that it's his fault, but it's not. The standards for teachers are crazy. We're going to have a little Indeed/LinkedIn date so hopefully I can get out of there asap. Lesson learned though, never take a job at a religious school.