Q&As

My wife and I have been married for 10 years. The night before our wedding she announced to me infront of her family that she didn’t want to take my name and would rather keep her last name. I was not happy about this but it was her choice, I had no say and went though with the wedding but it has been a sore spot for me since.

She has recently indicated she wants to quit her job, be supported by my employment because she feels she deserves to be a Trad (traditional) wife. I feel that we are equal partners in this and that going down to 1 income is going to have significant implications to our lifestyle and retirement planning.

There have been several arguments/discussions about this and in our last “discussion” she said she is going to be a Trad wife. I told her that a traditional wife takes her husbands name and since she didn’t do that I’m not going to be a “trad” husband and support her by sacrificing myself and my happiness for her.

We are equal; equal in rights, responsibilities and in finances. I told her that the day she quits her job expecting to become a Trad wife is the day I leave her.

AITA?

I WORK from home. I think it is a fairly simple concept that most of us at least learned about during COVID.

My wife and kids understand that when I'm working I am to be treated like I'm not there except in case of emergency. My kids are 6, 8, and 12. They re all able to grasp the idea.

My father in law, his wife, and their kids visited us last week before back to school. They have stayed with us before and the do not understand what work from home means. His wife is a bimbo that married him for his money so I can understand her. And her kids share her DNA so there's that. My father in law owned his own business though. He seemed intelligent until my wife's mom passed away and he got remarried.

They constantly knock on my door or try to barge in. All of them. Last time they were here and the last straw for me was the emergency of their ball going over the fence and wanting me to call the neighbors to get it back.

My wife will not stand up to her dad.

So this time I just locked my office and I rented an Airbnb for their visit. Not for them. My wife wouldn't like that. Just for me to have an uninterruptible place to work.

It means I have to leave my wife with the kids and guests from when I leave until I get home but I think it is worth it.

My wife thinks I was an asshole to abandon her for the week. I think it was just logical. I was only about ten minutes away in case of emergency.

Thank you all for the advice. The one thing I got most from the comments was that my children deserved to know the truth, and to not be left in a limbo like it was for years. And that’s what I just did.

I just got off a video call with my daughter and my son. The call was pretty rough and extremely emotional but I got everything off my chest. I told them that while I had forgiven them, I could never forget it, and that for my mental health, it was better we limit our interactions. I told them to not feel guilty about anything, but that also after dedicating more than half my life to my wife and children, it was time I put myself first.

I told them my heart wasn’t in it to be a grandparent to their children. I was also honest with them and told them my heart was only it for my nephew’s and niece’s kids, and whenever I did go to their house, I felt joy, while for my own children, I felt nothing. My children probably already knew it, but I wanted them to hear it from me directly. It was really hard to get it off my chest and say it directly to my children’s faces. I told them they were still welcome to come to my house anytime, and call me anytime they needed help. 

Both my children took the call really hard, but I think my daughter took it worst. Those were really ugly tears, and I felt really bad about it. But I do feel a sense of relief, and I have pretty much told all of my feelings to my children and did not keep anything secret. I can now move forward with my life, and so can my children.

My wife was a corporate lawyer and mediator. She had some very nice work clothes. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and was gone in two years. The last six months of her life were hell.

My sister Sarah didn't do jack shit for us of us during that time. My wife never liked her. I do not like her. She is a selfish cow. At my wife’s wake, she started asking about my wife’s clothes, and I brushed her off. She wanted to pick out a few pieces to “remember my wife by,” and I ignored her.

It's been six months, and I've attended my mom’s birthday, but I’m still not in the mood to deal with people. Then Sarah comes, asking about my wife’s clothes.

I told her my wife wanted me to donate them to this women's shelter, and she often helped. It will help women in need with their own court cases, court appointments, and job interviews.

My sister Sarah said my wife was even selfish in death. I asked her what the fuck did she mean? And she started going off on how my wife always thought she was better than her, and it's not far that the clothes are going to charity and not to family.

I told my sister I would rather see my wife’s clothes lit on fire than on her back. My sister started crying, and my mom came over to see what was wrong. My mom told me to be easy on my sister because she was talking about my wife’s death hard.

The fucking insanity of that coming out of my mom’s mount made me grab my gift and leave. My mom acts like I had to ruin her birthday by being melodramatic, but I cannot believe their emotional blackmail towards me over fucking clothes that they have no right to.

Link to original:

TLDR/Spoiler: My brother thought I had been having an affair with Lily's mom and thought I was Lily's bio dad. He tricked SIL into believing that I was in a relationship with Lily's mom and was Lily's bio dad. SIL then saw the picture of Lily's mom and her husband, and assumed Lily was an affair child between the two of them and was being led on to believe that I was Lily's bio dad.

My SIL ended up coming to my house and apologizing, as well as telling me the full story. My brother put her up to the DNA test.

When I first adopted Lily, my brother for some reason believed that Lily was my bio daughter. He thought that me and Lily's mom were together and just weren't telling anyone. He believes that when she got pregnant, Lily's mom told me that Lily was mine and that she was going to just say that it was her husband's and I went along with it because I didn't really want kids.

SIL was under the impression I believed I was Lily's bio dad. She saw the picture of Lily's mom and I, and after asking for clarification on who she was, assumed we were together in it, and then got suspicious when she saw that the other guy in the picture (Lily's actual bio dad) looked a lot like Lily. I also want to clarify, I didn't tell her that Lily's bio dad was in the picture because she had specifically pointed to Lily's mom, and I assumed she knew that Lily was adopted. I didn't know my brother had been telling her lied for nearly 2 years.

She got the DNA test out of her own suspicions, and my brother helped her with it because he thought it would reveal that I was actually Lily's bio dad. He manipulated her into thinking that it would clear the air of suspicion, when really he was just trying to prove that I was really Lily's bio dad and lying about the reasons for adoption. Well, of course the results proved I wasn't Lily's bio dad and that my brother was wrong. My brother felt too embarrassed to confess to his fiancee that he had lied about the circumstances, which is why SIL confronted me with the results.

My SIL also apologized for showing me the results in front my daughter. She told me that her mom had an affair and cheated on her father, got pregnant with another man's kid, and had let her father believe the kid was his. Her father was devastated by this when he found out, and she grew very resentful of women who do that to their spouses. She had wanted to sit me down and talk to me about it without my daughter, but when she saw me with my daughter she got angry thinking I was being led on to believe I was raising my daughter when I was actually raising another man's kid, and she ended up exploding and immediately waved the results in my face.

My SIL does feel very guilty, and she's angry at my brother for lying to her. I'm not angry at her for doing the test, because she thought she was doing the right thing. I also forgave her for the way she told me about the results, because clearly affairs are a sensitive subject for her and I can understand why she would have exploded like that. I'm pretty sure she plans to breakup with my brother now, and I don't blame her.

When I called and asked my brother about this, he admitted it. When I asked why he would think this he said that he couldn't think of a reason why a man who had been against having kids at the time would willingly adopt a baby without having a blood connection to it. He told SIL that I was Lily's bio dad and was aware of the fact. He took it a step further, and said that me and Lily's mom were together at the time of Lily's conception

Both me and my parents are going low contact with my brother for a while now. I know I will forgive my brother eventually, but I can't do that right now. He believed I was low enough to have an affair with a married woman, get her pregnant, take no responsibility, allow her to pass off the kid as another man's, and then only take responsibility because her mom died.

I was driving around and saw a woman step out of her car, wearing business clothes. There was what appeared to be a bloody stain on her bottom, as if she was menstruating and her hygienic product might have failed. Do I let her know? If so, what’s the least traumatic for her and the best way for me not to look super creepy? Better to ignore it and let her find out on her own?

At work I have no problems with awkward conversations and breaking bad news. But that’s work and I’m in a hospital with doctor facade. On the street as a normal person without the visual trappings and cues of being a doctor, some rando walking up to you with news like that has gotta be weird.

I've been seeing posts that Trump is now Pro-Choice? Is this a campaign thing? Why is he suddenly switching, as I thought he was pro-life. Didn't he overturn Roe vs Wade?

I’ve always wondered what would happen if someone was dumb enough to hit yes, even as a joke.

So a couple months ago, I contracted COVID. My boyfriend was doing an okay job taking care of me, but when I would complain, he would tell me that "I'm sure it's not that bad" "you're fiiine" or something of the like. Kind of jokingly, so I didn't take it to heart, but I was still really sick and didn't want to hear him saying that to me. I told myself I was just lucky I could still move around and wasn't bedridden like my sister had been at the height of COVID.

Flash forward to last week. He got a fever and checked like three times with a home test to make sure it wasn't COVID, but he kept saying he felt like shit. I asked him what he was feeling, mainly just that his head was hot and stuffy and he didn't feel like moving. Just normal fever stuff. I didn't really say much and he asked me if I even cared about him later on. Like, I wasn't giving him any ice pack or checking his temperature every hour, so I told him to suck it up. If I can handle full body aches and chills for a week and a half, he can handle a stuffy head for a couple days. Well, he got really upset about that, but I figured he would get over it.

Well he didn't. He's better now and is still upset about how unfairly I treated him when he was sick. When I reiterated that he had basically told me the same thing when I was sick, he got upset over that too, saying it was different and that I was being mean. So I just ignoring him until he chills out. Now I'm wondering if I'm just being petty? Am I the asshole?

I (F39) am married to (M40).

One of his co-workers Rachel (F34) has some very obvious feelings for my husband. Always getting him gifts, acting/talking in a flirtatious way to him, stuff like that. He only caught on not too long ago, which means it's as obvious as I say, since men are really fucking dumb when it comes to that type of thing.

See, the thing is that Rachel knows he's married, but still does her gestures. Husband only plays along because he gets stuff from her. I've asked him to shut it down, but he's kind of a sucker for candy.

He invited her to his birthday celebration last weekend. He doesn't really celebrate birthdays too often, so it was mostly just family and friends. She got him a gift basket, and that kind of offended me because I felt she was one upping my gift. The jealous side of me threw the thing in the trash after everyone left. The gift basket was just way too intimate for me.

When my husband saw me, he threw a damn fit over it, saying that it wasn't my place to do that, that I was stupid for doing that, etc. I told him if he had just shut it down, she wouldn't feel comfortable giving a very personal gift.

AITA? Husband is still mad at me.

BACKSTORY FOR CONTEXT, but you can skip.

I (33M) met my wife (33F) in college. It was a long term physical relationship that turned serious at the end of our senior year. After graduation I didn’t have plans so I decided to move to her hometown ( major southern city). I didn’t know anybody so we were together 24/7 and moved in together within a year.

During this time I met her family a few times. She had a huge extended family where her mom (Sharon) was the matriarch. Her dad died in a work place accident and her mom got a lot of money. She was smart and invested and is doing well. All of Sharon’s sibling and nieces/nephews looked to her for advice on all major life decisions. She’s paid for school, weddings, and helped start businesses. My wife has two brothers who I always got along with, we would hang out independent of my wife a few times a year.

We got married after 3 years and when my son was born Sharon bought us a house 3 blocks from hers. We had lived in a downtown loft style apartment and this was honestly a relief. But with the house came Sharon constantly being in my life. Coming in the house unannounced, unsolicited advice, and snide remarks at my expense.

Eventually (18 months later) we had a blow up fight and I moved my family across town to an apartment. My wife was pissed and our relationship has deteriorated. Sharon hates me and has turned most of their family against me.

I didn’t see or go to any of her family events for over a year. My wife still saw her family but because I wasn’t invited and they were over 30 minutes away, it was much less. Sharon went from seeing her grandson almost every day to once a month. So her hate for me went thru the roof.

THE INCIDENT.

My wife had to work and I was asked to take my son to his cousins birthday party. The party was at Sharon’s house and if it wasn’t my son’s first cousin (6 months apart) I would have said no.

It was tense the moment I walked in the house. Father of birthday boy (brother in law) greeted me but no one else spoke to me. I didn’t mind and sat in the corner on my phone. This apparently pissed of Sharon because I was being rude. An argument ensues and I announce I’m leaving with my son. Sharon said “ You can go but my grand baby is staying”. At this point I lost my cool and started cursing her out.

I woke up on the front lawn. Apparently my two brother In laws beat the shit out of me in front of my kid. Two of her cousins were helping me up and told me just to leave. I immediately called the police and said I was assaulted and my child was kidnapped.

Police came and both brothers were arrested. Sharon lost her shit on the police and my wife drove up as her mother was being arrested for refusing to release my son. Her mom was eventually released but her brothers were arraigned on assault charges. The father of the birthday had an assault charge from college, so he is facing some serious consequences. My wife is mad at everyone but asked me drop charges. I not only refused but got retraining orders for all 3 of them. Her mother isn’t allowed to be near our kid and her brother’s have court dates early next year.

Last month she moved out the house we are now headed for divorce. Yesterday she came with one last offer, for us to move cities and start over. But only if I drop the charges on her brothers and removed the restraining order on her mom.

I told her I would think about it, but I think I would rather get divorced. I honestly want to keep my family but I don’t believe she’ll ever abandon her family for me. If I drop charges now, I doubt I can bring them back later. AITAH for not trying to save my family?