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I know a lot of people wanted an update to my last post, I can’t post a link so you can go to my profile to see it.

The trip happened and I did not end up taking her like I said I wasn’t. From the time that I posted that up until the time that I left, the household was very tense and awkward. I was not speaking to any of them. The only person I had to confide in and talk to my aunt and I’m so grateful for her.

My dad still thought that I was going to bring her on the trip and I kept telling him that I am not watching her and she is not coming with me. The morning of the trip we left at like six in the morning when he called me I was already about five hours out so he couldn’t do anything. When I got back it was a lot of yelling and crying from me and my dad and his wife. She said that I left them in a tough position and they had to stay home because they couldn’t get anyone to watch Lily. My dad and I had a serious talk for hours and he agreed that maybe we need to separate so we can work on our relationship. Which hurt me because I would have liked for him to tell me I can stay in my own home… while we do it. But I did end up going to my aunts house with no issues. My dad and I started family therapy with Just the two of us. His wife was pretty upset he was actually listening to me and was seeing where I was coming from.

Right when we were getting good and building a better relationship, I came over for dinner and he asked if we could integrate his wife and Lily into therapy and I told him that I had no interest in having a relationship with them. She called me a selfish c*** and that I need to be grateful that she let me stay with them after she moved in. I waited for my dad to correct her and he was silent pretty much so I left and I haven’t talked to him in almost a month. He keeps showing me that he will not be on my side.

So… to wrap things up, the cabin trip was so much fun. I have never felt so free from a burden. The trip was in June and we were there for almost a month. We extended it.

When I was packing for school, my dad came to visit and I guess his wife called and he had to lie about where he was because I guess she doesn’t want him to see me. So I told him, we don’t need to have contact right now or continue therapy because it’s clear which part of his family he cares more about. I don’t know what’s going to become of my dad and right now I don’t care, I’m focused on school and studying to become a nurse, I don’t want any negativity to ruin this experience but I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t hurt that I don’t have a parent to experience this with but my aunt says she is my surrogate mom and to share all my worries and success with her.

I am currently in my first week of college and the amount of freedom I feel here is also so… new. I am a little overwhelmed but I am in a honors club, I also am in a creative writing/book club and the friends I have made are so amazing. I am currently living on campus and I have never been better mentally. I am getting separate therapy to deal with my mom’s death because that was never offered to me by my dad. My aunt has truly become a mother figure to me. Being 2 states away from her is really hard but I can’t wait for weekend visits and holiday visits.

Also, another thing is that I’m going to be a godmother. My aunt was told at 22 that she would never be able to have kids and she is currently 4 months pregnant and I’m so excited because if anybody is going to be a good mother, I know it’s going be her. When she came to visit and tell me I think she saw I was a little worried. I told her I am so excited and happy for her and nothing will change that but she’s the only family I have right now and don’t want to get left behind like I did at home and we cried and she promised me that she was filling in for my mom and she will be there for the rest of my life, whether I like it or not. I am planning the baby shower and I can’t wait for the baby to be here.

But yeah… that’s it. Thank all for checking up on me and giving me encouraging words.

A few months ago, my husband (31 m) and I (31 f) moved from being 2 hours away from my parents, to now 15 minutes down the street. My brothers (29 m & 27 m) also live close by. My family has always been really close, we talk almost every day. My parents are SO proud of us for buying houses, and so happy we all decided to move close to them. When they have a friend visit them, they tell them how close we live and ask if they want to see our house. Of course everyone says yes. They also do this to my brothers. When it’s a close family member we don’t mind giving a tour of our house, because we want to show them our house anyway - aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. However, they also offer tours of our house to friends of theirs that we barely know. People that I’ve only seen a handful of times in my life, and my husband has never met at all. I’m a very private person, and on top of that, 34 weeks pregnant. I don’t want to give tours of our house to their friends anymore. How do I tell them, without offending them, to stop offering tours of our house?

Edit to add info: A few weeks ago, I was in the car with my mom and told her we don’t want to give house tours anymore. She said she would tell my dad. Today, my dad reached out wanting to give a tour of our house again. So unfortunately, short and to the point didn’t work. Probably should have mentioned that in the original post. Appreciate all your advice. My husband and I decided on a text to send to them. Will check in with my mom later today.

Another edit with more info: Yes, my husband is amazing! He loves me and my family. Neither of us want to destroy our relationship with them over this. These tours are not an every day thing, just when people visit them. Also, my parents are not showing up to give tours when we are not home. When they arrive, we give the tour. Except a few weeks ago, I did refuse to give a tour, my dad tried to invite them up the stairs and I told him to come back down. It was awkward, but their friends left only having seen the family room and kitchen. Afterwards, I said we don’t want to give house tours anymore. But setting the boundary in that way didn’t work. I just talked to my mom and think the tours should finally be done now, but time will tell! Thank you all so much for your advice!