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My sister-in-law, Sarah (39F), has always picked some shady characters to be in relationship with. I think she has this “I am going to fix them” complex. A few months ago, she met a man, Kyle (49M), at her local church. My husband and I went out of town the following weekend for a work trip, and she decided to come into town for the family to meet Kyle. Sarah has always been very active in our children’s lives, and they love her dearly, so they were excited to meet her new boyfriend. My kids are both extremely social and kind and can carry on a conversation with almost anyone.

Once I was back, my daughter told me that Kyle told her she was his favorite of everyone there. I thought that was strange for a 49-year-old male to say that to a 11-year-old, but just let it go. Fast forward a week, my husband finally met Kyle who at the time was now Sarah’s love of her life. Kyle tells my husband how much he enjoyed our daughter and that she has a “crush on him” GROSS! Excuse me?! This didn’t sit well with my husband or myself once I heard the news.

The following day I had the opportunity to meet Kyle and instantly had chill down my spine when I looked into his eyes. Something felt off on that quick encounter. Fast forward to two weeks later and our phones all DING from a group text with my husband’s parents and siblings. Sarah was letting everyone know her and Kyle were getting married in just a few days and she wanted to let us know. Immediately red flags go up and my husband and I knew we needed to address our concerns to her. She blew them off and laughed and said he didn’t mean them “like that”. We agreed to disagree and just got off the phone. She then proceeded to email us a story book email about judgment and how he is the love of her life. She told us she will always be on his side no matter what.

The next day we find out that he had been in jail for an apparent DUI charge. The following day, we received a call from an unknown number at the time, which turned out to be one of Sarah’s best friends, that Kyle was a register Sex Offender. JAW DROPS! We knew it. We knew something was off about the guy. How come Sarah did not tell us this information? He had gone to jail for 9 years for sexually offending a girl who is the same age frame as our daughter. FUMES flowed my husband and my body. We reached out his other family members and they were all shocked because they didn’t know.

Yes, my sister-in-law knew about this the whole time and failed to tell us. We reached out to her and asked her if it was true, and she responded with a LOL it was consensual and laughed it off. WHAT?! She then argued that the 11-year-old girl came onto Kyle while Kyle was drunk so he wasn’t at fault at all. Um … this happened multiple times so you can’t use that excuse and that is a terrible excuse anyways. We told the family we are not comfortable with our kid’s being near Kyle and honestly Sarah as well since she put our kids in dangers way. They don’t understand why we can’t all just be together in one big room. AITAH for not wanting anything to do with Sarah or Kyle? AITAH for being pissed at my in-laws for them not seeing this is a big deal?

UPDATE: I know I’m not the AH. But, my family members think I am to an extent because I feel so strong in my feelings and was so harsh with my feelings to my SIL when we found out. I would do ANYTHING to keep my kids safe! We are somewhat lucky that my SIL & Kyle live a couple hours of way. I can’t find if he’s still in probation or not. I’ve tried looking online. With the holidays quickly approaching we’ve been asked about holiday gatherings. We told them we absolutely will not be around Kyle and my SIL. We were told how we will be breaking my MIL & his grandma’s heart by not being there … oh well

My wife [35F] and I [39M] have been together for 8 years, married 4 years.

She's always been a lover of a take-out coffee. She likes to have 3-4 a day, some decaf some regular. Until a few months ago, she'd either go in the morning and buy a coffee to drink at home or she'd have coffee at home in the morning and get a coffee later when she was out running errands or meeting a friend, whatever. Point being, one take-out coffee was the max and I was okay with that.

For context, we have similar salaries and shared finances. We both make about $150k a year, so it's not like we can't "afford" the coffees - but we also just spent a lot of money building a garage and are trying to have our house paid off in the next 2 years so that we can work toward knocking down and rebuilding. This is something we're both in agreement on - not just something I want.

In the past two months, my wife's take-out coffee consumption has increase substantially. Suddenly, instead of $7.50 + tip a day for coffee, it's now 3-4 a day, and we're looking at over $30 a day for just coffee. (Do that math on that - she's spent almost $2000 on coffee in the last 60 days).

I think that this is an insane amount of money to put toward coffee, and that she needs to go back to one a day and the rest at home because at this rate we're looking at almost $11,000 on coffee this year. I've stopped getting my once-a-week takeout coffee just to try to make up a little bit of ground but it's nothing compared to the frequency that she's buying coffee and it's not making much of a difference.

She argues that she makes more than enough money by far to sustain this, even after her share of the bills, and that how she spends her money is nobody's business as long as her expenses are covered.

This is becoming a major point of conflict in our marriage, I'm beginning to think I'm insane - am I making too big of a deal over this? Or is this really as bad as I think it is?

Tl;dr: My wife is spending $30 a day on coffee and says she can spend her money however she wants. Am I crazy for thinking this is crazy?

Just a few comments because I've seen a few repeated comments for far

1. My wife was adamant before we got married that we have completely combined finances. She would not have married me if I'd insisted on separate finances, so we combined them. I'm not trying to control her spending, but she was insistent that our money is OUR money, so I do think I have some right to question $11k a year - that's a lot of money. I wrote a comment somewhere listing the other things she treats herself to that I have never brought up to her or complained about.

2. We have a really nice home set up where, until 2 months ago, she was very excited to drink coffee from almost every day.

3. My wife is not over-consuming sugary. She'll have maybe one that has a sugar free vanilla syrup in it, and after that she's buying lattes that are just espresso and oat milk. She's not over-weight. She also doesn't have an eating disorder. She works out maybe 5x a week and eats plenty outside of her coffee consumption.

I am not one to complain and have listened to every pod, but this is my breaking point. Them shitting on baseball and debating whether it's hard is hilarious, but Slime trying to explain Willians Astudillo pitching sent me. First, he called him JR Riddle (not his name, NOT AN MLB PLAYER'S NAME), and then they described his unique pitching style. Willians is not a pitcher, he is primarily a catcher and he was pitching in that game because they were losing so badly, they didn't want to waste pitches. He's not even a major league pitcher, and I hope Nick knows if he stood in the box against Shohei Ohtani he would have a little poopy in his pants afterward. Thanks for listening.

RESPECT LA TORTUGA

EDIT:

I turned it back on and got more mad. Slime said there is a mercy rule in baseball, but there isn't. He said Kike Hernandez when he meant to say Fernando Tatis... boys this isn't a sports pod lets go back to talking about piss and shit

EDIT 2:

I have reached a settlement with a certain Slime Anders and will no longer be speaking on this matter

His greasy hair and beard combo is repulsive and keeps me from entertaining anything he has to say. Tried watching some clips after Bill mentioned him on the pod today and just couldn’t do it.