Hi Steffan, maybe you will finally listen.

And if you're wondering if you can just speed home and stop me from doing this and leaving, it’s too late. I’m sending you this after I’ve already loaded everything in the car and left. Don’t worry, I spoke with our landlords and took my name off the lease. I’ve set up a direct deposit for the next month’s rent. After that, you’re on your own, “buddy.”

I guess you’re wondering why. I’m guessing you’ll act like you’re completely blindsided, right? Because you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, and you’re a great husband and father to be, aren’t you?

Well, “buddy,” let me break it down for you in a language you understand:

I (29F) have been married to my husband (35M) for five years, and we’ve been together for nearly ten. On paper, everything seemed fine, but in reality, our marriage has been anything but. I’ve reached my breaking point, and I need to know if I’m the one in the wrong here.

From the beginning, my MIL has been a nightmare. She made everything about her from day one. At our wedding, she wore white, claiming it was a "family tradition" (it wasn't). She constantly criticizes me, from my cooking to my appearance. I’ll never forget the time she called me fat at a family gathering, right in front of everyone. And what did my husband do? Nothing. Not a single word to defend me.

It didn’t stop there. She has "accidentally" destroyed my belongings, including my grandmother's necklace, which she threw out because it "looked like cheap costume jewelry." She’s gone out of her way to make me feel small and unwelcome in my own home. But every time I tried to talk to my husband about it, he’d brush it off, saying I was overreacting or being too emotional.

And then there’s my husband. He’s always on Reddit, constantly giving strangers relationship advice, which is laughable considering how he treats me. He spends more time rating women’s boobs on Reddit than talking to me. Literally. And just so you know, the last pair he rated weren’t a 4 out of 10—they were a 10 out of 10. Yeah, he’s got plenty of time to do that but can’t be bothered to remember anything about my life. He’ll forget my birthday, our anniversary, even simple things like what I’m working on or what’s important to me, but he has a perfect memory for his work schedule and things that matter to him.

When we fight, he becomes incredibly hostile and always throws in a sarcastic “buddy” at the end of his sentences, like I’m some acquaintance he can barely tolerate. And he never cleans. The house, the dishes, laundry—you name it, it’s all on me. It’s like he thinks being an adult is optional, as long as he’s got his job and his Reddit account.

The final straw came a few weeks ago. I’m 5 months pregnant with our first child, a daughter. My MIL started making comments about how she’ll have to “whip the girl into shape” and how she’ll raise her to be “tough” because I’m “too soft.” When I told my husband that I didn’t want his mother to have too much influence on our daughter, especially with the way she treats me, he just laughed it off, saying his mother “means well” and that I was “overthinking it.”

But the moment that truly broke me was when we were talking about future childcare, and my husband suggested that his mother should watch our daughter while we work. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that, especially considering how his mother treats me, and he snapped. He called me “paranoid” and said I should “get over it” because his mother was going to be a big part of our daughter’s life whether I liked it or not.

This is the same woman who believes corporal punishment is okay. I’ve seen her hit my husband’s nephew for the smallest things, and no one does anything about it. It’s like they’re all living in some kind of cult, and I’m finally waking up to the reality of what’s going on. If he wouldn’t stand up for me, how could I expect him to stand up for our child? I started to fear for what kind of environment our daughter would grow up in—a place where she might be belittled or bullied by her own grandmother, with a father who wouldn’t do anything to stop it.

Oh, and did I mention that he missed our first ultrasound? His mother "needed" him to help her with something urgent. It turned out to be fixing her Wi-Fi. Wi-Fi! He chose that over seeing our daughter for the first time. That told me everything I needed to know about where I stand in his life.

So, I packed up and left. I’m done living like this. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I’ve already contacted a lawyer. You can’t scare me into complying anymore because I have all those texts. You know exactly which ones I’m talking about.

So, Steffan, I wish you all the best in your future marriage—with your mother and the women of Reddit whose boobs you don’t even deserve.

Am I the asshole for leaving my husband after he neglected me for years, let his mother mistreat me, and made me fear for our future daughter’s safety?

I am not The OOP, OOP is

Mother-in-law [56F] deliberately infected my [27F] daughter [1F] with chickenpox. I'm livid. She doesn't think it's a big deal.

TRIGGER WARNING: emotional manipulation, spousal neglect, child abuse, abusive behavior, child endangerment

Dec 29, 2015

I can hardly type this out because thinking about it makes me so angry.

Earlier this year my husband [31M] and I decided to spend Christmas with his family for the first time since my daughter was born last September. Since they live 12 hours away, we decided to stay for a few weeks before Christmas so they could spend loads of time with Annie [13 months].

We arrived early like we planned and everything was great. I've had a few disagreements with my mother-in-law Trish [56F] in the past over my parenting style (she criticised me for using disposable diapers, buying baby food from the supermarket and not raising Annie as an "organic" baby) but everything seemed great.

After a day or two settling in my husband and I decided to pick up a few gifts from a mall around an hour away before the last-minute rush kicked in. My father-in-law [60M] tagged along. Trish said she was happy to take care of Annie.

We got back a few hours later and Annie was down for a nap on a blanket I didn't recognise. Trish said one of her friends dropped by and gave it as an early Christmas gift. It looked pretty old/worn, but I figured one of her hippy friends was just recycling it.

The next two weeks were fine, aside from Trish making a point to prepare meals for Annie from scratch. I mentioned this to my husband and he said to just let her be. Annie mostly mushed the food Trish gave her with her hands/threw the bowls on the floor, as she's been doing at the moment. Trish said it would "take her a while to get used to nutritious meals".

I was getting sick of her meddling but it was only for a few weeks, so for the sake of the holidays I let it slide.

The day after Christmas Annie was really unsettled and wouldn't stop fidgeting and crying. I took her temperature and she had a fever, so I kept an eye on her for the next few days and it thankfully started to go down. This morning, she started to get a rash and blisters on her arms and legs and I freaked out.

I was packing a bag to drive to see a doctor when Trish asked where I was going. I told her Annie had a rash and I was taking her to see a doctor.

She got a weird smug smile on her face and told me there was nothing to worry about. When I asked her what she was talking about she said without even looking at Annie that what she had was just Chickenpox.

I asked her how she could possibly know that and she casually admitted one of her friend's grandkids had chickenpox a few weeks ago so she asked them to wipe a blanket over the child's arms, legs and face and bring it to her house.

At this point I couldn't believe what I was hearing so I asked if that blanket was the "gift" Annie was sleeping on. She said it was.

I lost my shit.

To be honest I don't really remember what I said because I was up most of the night for two days checking on Annie. I just unleashed on Trish asking what the fuck was wrong with her.

My husband and father-in-law came to try to calm things down and Trish dug in her heels and said chickenpox was "the best and most natural thing" for Annie to build up her immunity. I already have a vaccination schedule in place with my paediatrician and she was booked in to get immunised for chickenpox at 18 months.

We drove to see the doctor and he confirmed she had it. He said I'll have to cut Annie's nails short and might have to tape socks on her hands while she sleeps because kids so young can scratch until they bleed and that will leave scars.

On the drive back my husband started making excuses for Trish, that she was only doing what she thought was best. I couldn't believe he was defending her and we fought most of the way home until I told him to stop talking to me.

Annie's been scratching like crazy and I just had to tape socks over her hands. Trish tried to talk to me when we got back and I told her to get out of my sight.

We were meant to stay until Wednesday but I just finished packing up our stuff so we can leave first thing in the morning.

I'm so angry I can't even think. Whenever I hear Trish moving around in the kitchen my heart starts beating faster and I feel like going out there and grabbing her by the hair. I don't ever want to see her again or let my daughter see her again.

What can I say to make her and my husband realise the enormity of what she's done? (I don't think I can speak coherently to their faces until Annie gets better.)

tl;dr: Mother-in-law deliberately infected my daughter with chickenpox. I'm so angry I feel like physically harming her. I need advice on what to say to make her realise what she's done.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

When asked why her daughter wasn't vaccinated for chicken pox

She's up-to-date on her vaccination schedule. She was vaccinated for measles a month ago and booked in to get the Chickenpox vaccine at 18 months old, as normal.

TOP COMMENTS

fruitpunching

If someone did this to my child -- deliberately infecting them with a disease without discussing it with me, with the malicious intent of undermining my parenting to teach me a lesson -- they'd never see my child for extended periods or unsupervised again.

~

[deleted]

Your husband better step up and act like a father and stop acting like a son.

Feb 2, 2016

Thank you to everyone for your comments, inbox messages and advice after my . I read all the comments and messages, and they genuinely helped - especially the home remedies on how to stop itching.

Since my first post was locked and deleted, I hope it's okay to briefly summarise here.

Over the holidays my mother-in-law Trish [56F] deliberately infected my daughter Annie [1F] with chickenpox by wrapping her in an infected blanket while she was left alone with her for several hours. Trish didn't tell anyone what she had done until Annie came down with a horrible fever and rash. Annie was booked in for her chickenpox vaccination at 18 months but Trish thought what she did is 100 per cent normal, despite the fact it's caused Annie significant pain and distress (and now scarring to her face and arms).

When I found out what she did I was livid and had a shouting match with her and packed up our things to leave the very next morning. It soon came out my husband Jack didn't think Trish had done anything wrong.

On to the update. I didn't think it would be possible – but things got worse.

I got up first thing the next morning and started packing our stuff into the car. Once I opened it up I kept the keys in my pocket since I was going in and out - usually we use Jack's set and leave mine in my bag. While I was packing he sat in the kitchen with Trish and my father-in-law [60M] and chatted and had coffee like nothing was wrong.

Annie was mercifully still asleep so I'd just gently belted her in and closed her door when Jack came out and asked if I had everything. I said we were good to go as soon as he was.

He said 'okay' and calmly took out his key set and centrally locked the car, locking Annie in. I asked him what the hell he was doing and he said we wouldn't be leaving until I apologised to Trish.

I think I was stunned into silence because he then took the chance to rehash what he said the previous day: that Trish thought she was doing what was best, that "chickenpox doesn't kill you" and that I was "making a bigger deal out of this" than I needed to and making Trish feel bad. Yes, making her feel bad.

All the comments from my last post were swirling around in my head, and I told him he needs to stop being a son and start being a father. He screwed up his face and said he would always be Trish's son, and that was the point – that nobody should speak to his mother the way I had the day before, and I needed to apologise to "clear the air".

I felt like I had entered some kind of weird Twilight Zone where I had accidentally married a 9-year-old instead of an adult man, so I just asked him to open the car so we could leave. He repeatedly refused, then walked back inside and said he would see me in there when I was "acting more reasonable".

You can probably guess what happened next. I'd left my bag on the passenger seat, so he probably assumed my keys were in there. Nope. I waited 30 seconds, then just hopped into the car and drove away.

My phone blew up with a million calls from him, Trish, and my father-in-law. Eventually my mom and dad and my sister Jess, who I'm super close with, called as well. I'd briefly texted Jess about what was happening the day before but she was stunned to get the full blow-by-blow. By the time I was on the open road I asked her to phone Jack and tell him he could walk home for all I care. Once she heard my side of the story, and not Jack's (which was apparently that I had gone crazy, frightened Trish, 'snatched' Annie and 'sped away'), she calmed way down.

Mom, dad and Jess offered to start driving and meet me half way so I could switch with one of them and wouldn't have to drive the full twelve hours by myself in one day. I was so grateful to see them I pretty much broke down in a truck stop parking lot while I blubbered that I loved them.

They all took turns driving while I had a rest. It was super reassuring to talk it over and hear that Trish and Jack are the unreasonable ones. Once we got back I stayed at my parents' overnight and they said I could stay as long as I needed.

The next few days were fairly tense. I was up most of the night making sure Annie didn't scratch (which she did anyway, somehow) and it seemed like she just cried and cried and cried until she was exhausted. She has five scars on her face and a few others on her arms from scratching. I know appearances shouldn't matter, but I'm so angry her skin is marked for life now over some stupid bullshit. This whole thing is just something I never expected to happen.

I answered one of Jack's calls only to have him start a rant that he "didn't recognise this person I had become", so I hung up on him. He was due to come back for the start of the work year, which I wasn't looking forward to, but I figured we could make it work as long as Trish was 12 hours away.

Then at like 11pm one night I got a very short and formal text from father-in-law via Jack's phone, saying Trish had come down with shingles and was in the emergency room, that Jack was staying there to care for her, and that he would work from their house remotely once the year started back up.

Jack's been there for the past few weeks tending to momma's every whim – I'm sure she's put on an Oscar-worthy performance of having one foot in the grave – and according to Google it should be any day now that her painful, crusty pustules go gently into that sweet night.

A few weeks ago I was honestly so tired and overwhelmed and in disbelief that I didn't know what to do. Now I'm back at home with people who actually care about me I think I'm starting to realise how lucky I am to see the weird relationship with his mommy this early on. The fact that he cares more about Trish than his own daughter speaks volumes. When he eventually comes back I think we'll have to have a serious talk about our future together.

tl;dr: Mother-in-law infects my 1-year-old with chicken pox on purpose. Husband supports his mommy. He tries to force me to apologise to her by locking our daughter in the car but I peace out with a spare set of keys. Husband has barely spoken to me in the weeks since. Mother-in-law came down with shingles so he's staying with her to nurse her back to health. I don't think any amount of TLC can do the same for our relationship now I've seen the real him. Whew.

TOP COMMENTS

TinaPesto

He locked your daughter in the car, holy shit. And assumed you wouldn't be able to get her out -- I mean, that was why he locked her in, to threaten you. Holy shit.

Good on you for dipping out of there after that. Whatever happens with your marriage moving forward, you seem to have your parenting priorities straight. Good luck, and I hope Annie feels better soon.

bugsdoingthings

Yeah, this. HE LOCKED A SICK BABY IN THE CAR. Kudos to OP for handling that with a cool head because I would have lost my shit

Deminix

That is fucking terrifying behavior out of him. That poor baby is going to grow up with that as a father.

~

SkullBearer

You only get shingles if you've had chickenpox, the new vaccine prevents it. Rather ironic.

I'd get divorce papers served before mummy dearest decides your daughter should become a breatharian or join Scientology.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Wemby to the Spurs was rigged? MJ's first retirement a shadow ban? Any thoughts and deep cuts especially would be interesting to hear.