Q&As

So, I’m not sure where to even start with this, but here goes. My (47M)  22-year-old daughter got arrested recently for breaking into some rich people’s houses and stealing. It wasn’t just a one-time thing—she and her friends have been doing this for a while. They’d gotten lucky up until now, but their luck ran out when they broke into a mansion, triggered an alarm, and the police caught them. It didn’t help that they weren’t wearing masks, so the cameras caught everything. Outside, inside—every angle.

Here’s the thing: she could have been shot. There was security at that mansion, and I honestly don’t know how she made it out of there without that happening. The cops showed up before anything like that could go down, but she was arrested, along with the others.

I’ve already helped her pay for a lawyer, but the evidence against her is pretty airtight. They have her on camera breaking in. She had a part-time job, and she’s been living at home, so there’s no reason for her to be doing this. I have no idea what made her think this was a good idea in the first place. Now, she’s looking at potentially going to prison and could be kicked out of college because of this. She’s going to plead guilty because, well… she did it, and there’s no way around that.

What’s really been eating at me is that she blames me for not doing more to get her off the hook. She’s mad at me like I’m supposed to magically make all of this go away. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do—she made the choice to do this, not me.

Like I said, there’s no logical reason for her to break into wealthy people’s mansions and steal their stuff. She had a good job, was in school, and was heading down a good career path. In fact, the money she used was just for things she wanted. My wife and I paid for her school, food, clothes, and all her needs; we don’t even make her pay rent. There’s no reason for her to turn to crime

I guess I’m just looking for advice. How do I deal with this? I want to support her as best as I can, but she’s an adult. I can’t fix this for her, and honestly, I don’t even know if I should. Has anyone been through something similar with their kid? What did you do? How did you handle it? I’m just at a loss right now.

Edit 2: Just wanted to clear some things up. I got such a good deal because a friend of my aunt had to go into assisted living. She wanted to sell it ASAP, I was able to pay in cash, and she gave me a good deal because she knew I was looking and that I'd take great care of it. I'm also in a "shady" (according to tech bros who never leave the north side) area. Also, somebody mentioned that I shouldn't look down on my hometown. I will and I'm not sorry for it. I faced a lot of discrimination, and I had to leave because a group of people made it their mission to harass me because they didn't like the way I was born.

Edit: Thank you everybody for your replies. Maybe half an hour after posting this, I tripped on some uneven sidewalk and broke my phone. I had to get it replaced (thank goodness for iCloud) and the cashier just gave me really bad anxiety. Just know that I appreciate all the comments even if I can’t respond right now.

My sister (24F) and I (26M) grew up in a small town that I pretty much got chased out of. I ended up a couple hours away in Chicago. I absolutely love it here. There's things open after 7 PM, I can walk and take transit everywhere, and there's actual jobs for disabled people like me.

A few months ago, I bought a house in the middle of my lease. It's an 800 sqft bungalow in a lovely neighborhood that didn't need any work at all. It cost $220,000. For comparison, my sister bought a 20-year-old 2,400 sqft house for $170,000 last year. In our hometown, my house would go for maybe $80,000. She's not in a bad area or anything - it just has nothing to offer young people who haven't lived there for several generations.

My sister came over yesterday to see the house for the first time, which was an event in itself because she's scared of Chicago. She liked the photos and called it a "good starter home" (I plan to live here forever), but was pretty disappointed when she actually got to look around. She claimed it was barely bigger than a studio apartment. She asked how much I paid, I told her, and she said, "Um, I literally paid $50,000 less for something much newer, prettier, and 3 times the size." I went, "Okay? Congrats, but I don't care. I'd rather buy somewhere I actually want to live even if it costs more." She accused me of being condescending, and said that I shouldn't act like I'm too good for our hometown. I told her I wanted to move past this, and offered to walk with her to the KFC a couple blocks away. She said she'd rather go home, and that I should reimburse her for gas since she drove "all the way out" (2 hours) to see me, only for her to "have to leave" after half an hour because of my "attitude". I told her I wouldn't be doing that and that she chose to leave, and she went, "You've turned into a complete jerk ever since you moved here." I told her to leave, and she left.

I'm not sure who's TA here because we aren't the type to involve family in our arguments. But she's telling her friends who are apparently saying I'm a jerk who just wanted to humiliate a woman.

I live in an apartment block - to access the property after 8pm you must carry your front door key with you, we were all told this prior to moving in. A tenant has moved in downstairs and she leaves the back door unlocked to allow herself to come and go without taking her key. She isn't supposed to do this, and she has been told multiple times to take her front door key in case the door locks which she has ignored.

She has started treating me like a literal doorman - knocking loudly on my windows and repeatedly buzzing my apartment to try to get me to open the door for her. It is daily and it riles up my dog every time - and it always occurs after 9pm. I have let her in twice in good faith, then told her the third time to take her key and that I will no longer be answering.

She decided to go out with her dog this evening and again didn't bother to take her key, when she started buzzing and knocking on my windows loudly. I shut off my buzzer, gave my dog a treat and closed the doors, deciding to ignore her and continue watching my movie instead.

This is where I could be TA, it's dark out at the moment, late and she's outside by herself with her dog, shes been out there for about 45 minutes, we also live in a shady area - not dangerous but definitely not pleasant at night. She has been sat outside on the doorstep on her phone angrily ranting about me to her friends - like I'm her DAD. I don't know this woman aside from her treating me like a concierge. AITA?

Edit for update: I opened the door. I said I wouldn't, but quite frankly, I literally couldn't go to sleep knowing she and her dog were out there. I went downstairs and opened the door and told her that this was the last time and I will be reporting to management and calling the police if she knocks on my windows anymore. I'm gonna just hope that a few hours outside has got the message across - sorry for everyone who told me not to give in, but it's nearing midnight here and as much as she pisses me off I'm not about to leave her out there.

So here's the situation: My sister, who I'll call "Lydia," has one of those kids who seems to have been straight-up plucked from a horror movie. I swear, this kid (let's call him "Cody") has the energy of a thousand tornadoes and an uncanny ability to break things, say the most inappropriate stuff, and somehow cause chaos wherever he goes. At family gatherings, I can’t even blink without something going wrong. Last Thanksgiving, he set my handbag on fire because he was "trying to roast marshmallows" inside it.

Fast forward to the upcoming family reunion. My parents have been planning it for months, and I have made it very clear that I want it to be a relaxing, drama-free event. But of course, Lydia insists on bringing Cody. I finally snapped and said, "You’re not invited to the reunion if you bring that cursed demon spawn!"

Now, everyone in my family is claiming I’m a horrible person for saying that. But seriously, am I supposed to pay for mental health therapy after enduring another holiday with the little monster? Didn’t think so! So AITA for drawing the line at family reunions in the name of sanity and self-preservation?

EDIT: I'm the one hosting these reunions every year.

I (F, 39) met my boyfriend, Dave(M, 42) about 2.5 years ago. He had been separated from his ex-wife for about a year when we met. They have three kids. I have met his ex, who now has a new baby with another guy, many times. I asked him why he doesn’t finalize his divorce, and he said that divorces are costly and neither of them plans to get married again, so why bother. He mentioned (jokingly) that he will finalize his divorce when he proposes to me.

Things have been great between us, and his kids love me. I understand they are co-parenting, but I can’t help feeling like a third wheel. His ex is at our place all the time, and she and her baby are part of every vacation we’ve ever taken with the kids. I told him this is so uncomfortable because it feels like they have an open marriage and I’m part of whatever that is. He said it’s not an open marriage; they’re truly done. I told him then to cut the cord. He refused, so I ended it. Now he keeps texting me, saying I’m being ridiculous. Am I? Am I too old-fashioned? Is this really part of co-parenting? He says divorce and separation are not different.

Very early 40s, was recently diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of colorectal cancer. I came home from the appointment with my doctor, and before I can say a word, wife starts being beatdown. Kids disrespectful brats. It was in that moment I decided not to tell them and to not pursue any form of treatment. AMA

Update: moving some answers to questions I have gotten up here for visability

To go into my family situation a bit more

I don't have any other family I can talk to about this. My mother is alone and she does the best she can. My stepdad was horribly abusive to both her and me, and he died a few years ago. I have half siblings, but they alienated themselves from us after my mom and stepdad got divorced after 30 years, a couple of years before he died.

Honestly, I feel more free than I have in long time. To be able to say "I just dont care" is so refreshing.

I married my wife, and she had 3 kids from a previous relationship. Biological father was not in the picture at all. Kids were very young when we got together, and all are now adults, but still live with us. I made sure they had the best of everything. All 3 are now in college, 2 undergrad, 1 grad school. I have paid for everything. The twins are good to me. The oldest, who I am ironically closest too, treats me like shit.

I did not want to have biological children as I was the stepkid and as soon as my brother came along, I was treated very poorly. I never wanted my kids to feel like they were being treated poorly because they "weren't mine", so I decided they should be the only. A decision I regret terribly, as I feel I have no legacy to speak of.

I have spoken to my Doc. I am a vet, and he is at the VA. He understands my position, and has asked me to have my screening and bloodwork on a schedule so we can determine when I have reached the point of no return. I have agreed out of respect for him. He has been a very good doctor to me over the years.

UPDATE 2:

I appreciate all of the kind words and advice. I may delete this soon, as I realized I posted from an account one of the kids is aware of and this has garnered quite a bit of conversation. If it disappears, that is why. Thank you all.

My siblings (11f, 10m and 8f) and I (15m) are in foster care. Our parent used me as a babysitter from a really young age (6) with my siblings and it got worse when our father went to prison. Our mother was almost always in her bed and refusing to leave it or she'd leave the hours and come back whenever she felt like it. That was three years ago and I told a teacher about it and she reported it to CPS and they tried to get our mother to step up but she didn't want to. When we were taken my siblings got super clingy and they refused to let me breathe. I asked if we could be separated and I was told we needed each other. I ended up running away from the foster home we were placed in together and I ran away again when I was brought back. The social worker, who's still the social worker we have now, was pissed off that I wouldn't give it time and stay with that family. They were the only people who'd take all four of us together. But then the social workers boss got involved after I left for the third time and she insisted I should be separated from them if I wasn't going to stay. But my social worker insisted on mandatory bi weekly visits.

I moved to a few different foster families until I met the people I now think of as my parents. I was 13 when I met them. But they're the best parental figures I've ever had and by far the best foster parents I've had in 3 years. We got really close. I started calling them mom/dad type nicknames and I talked to them about the stress I feel when I see my siblings. They advocated for me to no longer have those bi weekly visits but the social worker overruled them. She insists that one day I'll regret being separated from them and having some contact is important.

A second social worker is now involved in our case, or with me at least, and I'm now eligible for adoption. My foster parents and I talked and I told them I'd love for them to be my parents for real. My original social worker isn't too happy but she can't stop it now. She tried talking me out of it and was reprimanded when I told the other social worker. My original social worker is refusing to tell my siblings I'm being adopted and she said I need to tell them and that she will insist upon it. I told her she can't make me tell them and I'm not dealing with the anger they'll have. My siblings are already angry I ran away until we were separated. But they're also still really clingy and intrusive in my personal space. So I know telling them I'm being adopted will make it worse and I don't want to sit through 4 hours of that. My social worker told me to stop being so stubborn and cruel and think about my siblings above myself. My foster parents reported her to the other social worker.

AITA?

Five years ago, my (15M) parents adopted two of my siblings. I'll call them Cassandra (17F) and Layla (15F). Two years ago, Luku (2M) (their biological younger brother, absolute light of my life, best boy) was born and surrendered, so he was placed with us too.

Since they were adopted as preteens, a major priority for my parents was bonding with them two-on-three. And they go to a lot of bonding things. They’re constantly bouncing between adoption therapy, family therapy (which feels weird because I’m also part of the family? I’m only included once in a while, usually to be told I need to be less of a show off), and every single bonding thing they can find. They also take them out after individual therapy, which I 100% support and would never admit to being jealous of IRL but… *god* I’m jealous of it.

I know it’s not the same, but I had six bouts over the summer and it was a miracle that they attended two. Which did not include the last fight or the Family Day. At least come for the catharsis of seeing me get whacked with a sword!

Sometimes circumstances demand that I’m there - and I moved my schedule to make this happen more often. At first they let me hang to the side, but then they asked that I step back so I’m not engaging with whatever it is they’re doing with my sisters because the bonding activities are supposed to be for them.

Last night, I told my parents that I wanted them to do things with me, alone. That they were wildly favoring my siblings over me, and I wanted to have dinner on my birthday with only them. They didn’t take it well, and threatened to send me to therapy. We ate in silence for a few minutes.

I tried to tell them I won the season-long bracket, and they emphasized how much it was not a time to be bragging or doing anything except apologizing. They said my siblings are traumatized and in need of more support. They also accused me of believing my siblings aren’t ‘real’ just because I wanted to have some time with my parents where it wasn’t about my siblings.

After dinner, Layla said she thought it was a good idea, and suggested we go out as a family but paying attention to me in particular for the whole week. That sounds incredibly embarrassing but amazing - I’d adore that, especially since I want to hang out with my sisters more anyway.

Cassandra, though, pulled me aside and said that I had always been a spoiled asshole, but that this was like a healthy man demanding stitches from a poorly stocked first aid kit because everyone else had them and he wanted to "feel special". She said I should take a step back and realize that that was a awful thing to ask.

I’m split between wanting to run away so my family doesn’t have to deal with me and sinking into the comfort of self-pity. I just want my own parents - or my own siblings or somebody - to genuinely care about how I feel or be glad when I do something well.

I (33M) have always had a complicated relationship with my parents. Growing up, my younger sister, Lily (30F), was clearly the favorite. They were more lenient with her, gave her more opportunities, and supported her financially in ways they never did for me. I accepted it over the years, figuring it was just the way things were.

A few months ago, my parents decided to downsize and move into a smaller home. Instead of selling their current house, which is the one we grew up in, they decided to give it to Lily. They said she "needed it more" because she’s starting a family and could use the space. They didn’t offer me anything—not even a conversation about it.

This hit me hard, especially since my wife and I are also planning to buy a home soon, and we could've really used some help. When I brought this up to my parents, they brushed it off and said Lily has always been the one who "needed" more support. I told them I felt hurt and left out, but they just acted like I was being selfish.

Fast forward to last week: my parents reached out asking if I could help them with some renovations on their new place. They want me to spend several weekends doing repairs and helping them move, all without any compensation or even acknowledgment of how unfair this situation feels to me.

I told them no, that I’m not willing to help after the way they handled giving away the house. They were shocked and accused me of being petty and ungrateful. Lily also chimed in, saying I’m causing unnecessary drama and making everything about me.

Now, my parents are barely speaking to me, and some extended family members have reached out, telling me I’m overreacting and that I should just help them out because "family comes first."

AITA for refusing to help my parents after they gave my sister their house?

I (21M) have been hooking up with a woman (32F) for about six months. It started as something casual; we met through a mutual friend at a party, hit it off, and things escalated from there. I knew she was married, but she told me that she was in an unhappy marriage and was planning to leave her husband. She made it sound like the divorce was already a done deal, so I didn’t feel too guilty about it.

We continued seeing each other, mostly late at night or during the times she said her husband was out of town. I’ll admit, it was exciting at first. I was young, she was older, and it felt like something out of a movie. But things started getting serious when she began texting me constantly and wanting to spend more time together. She would vent about how terrible her husband was and how she couldn’t wait to be free from him.

A few weeks ago, her husband found out about us. He was devastated and immediately filed for divorce. She called me in tears, blaming me for everything. She said that if it weren’t for me, her husband wouldn’t have left her, and that now she has nowhere to go and nothing to her name. She even suggested that I should take responsibility and help her out since I "ruined" her life.

she has two kids, a 10-year-old son and a 7-year-old daughter. She claims that her husband is going to fight for full custody and that it’s all my fault that her kids might end up living with him instead of her. She says that because of me, her life is falling apart and her children might grow up without their mother around.

I feel bad about the situation, but I also think it’s unfair for her to put all the blame on me. I never forced her to cheat, and I wasn’t the one who filed for divorce. I’m also not in a position to support her financially or emotionally—I’m still trying to figure out my own life.

So, AITA for hooking up with a married woman and causing her divorce, knowing she has kids?

We have three bathrooms in our house. One is right outside the main living space, the other is in our bedroom and then we have a half bath in the utility hall. My husband almost always poops after dinner when the house is active and without fail, he does it in the "main" bathroom. Not only can I sometimes hear him pooping, but it's the only bathroom with an actual bathtub and we give the kids baths after dinner. I don't want to listen to my husband poop and then do baths in a stinky poop smelling bathroom when there are literally two other bathrooms he can use.

When we moved in together into the house we put the poop stool from his house in the utility bathroom and dubbed it the poop bathroom. Now he just uses the kids foot stool. I have asked him COUNTLESS times to quit pooping in the main bathroom.

He thinks I am being ridiculous and that he should be able to use whatever bathroom he wants and said it's not that big of a deal. I think pooping in the bathroom in the main living area is rude, especially right before bath/bed time. (Like who wants to brush their teeth in a poopy smelly bathroom?)

AITA for continuing to bring this up and asking him to use one of the other two bathrooms?

Edit to add a public service for those asking about poop stools lmao. Here's a link explaining poop stools, pics included 😂😂

Edit #2: Holy smokes! There's a lot of comments. I'll try to clarify some things because I'm seeing a lot of the same questions pop up:

1. There's no window to help air it out. We have an exhaust fan on a 60 minute timer but it doesn't work well and YES the smell really does linger for quite a long time. My toddler goes straight in the tub after dinner.

2. I can't use scented options like candles or spray because my oldest son is extremely sensitive to them.

3. No, my poop does not smell like roses. Yes, I go in the utility bathroom! (Unless I'm home alone with my toddler. He's not allowed in the utility area.)

I have never heard of poopourrie! (I probably did not spell that right). I'll definitely check it out though. Thanks to everyone for that suggestion!

First

Things did not go well when I tried to tell her.

I asked her if she remembered what she told me about past sexual experiences, and she got mad at me.

She said, "I already told you, the past doesn't matter."

I tried to tell her that this was really important, and she said told me that she promised herself she wasn't gonna be with someone who's insecure about who's she's slept with, or her body count.

She told me that I needed to grow up.

I just blurted out, "I slept with your sister."

After some silence, I explained everything and how this was before we met. She took it... It's not that good.

We had a long talk about how comfortable she would feel, what would happen when I met her family, what if her parents found out, what if the rest of her family did. Could she really handle being at the altar with me in front of her and her sister next to her, knowing me and her slept together.

She told me she just felt gross now.

She told me that she didn't know if she could shake this feeling off, so we decided to break up.

Idk, this was just a mess.

I (20f) am the youngest of 6, this is about my oldest sister, Natalie's (33f) kid. Natalie has three kids (12m, 10m, 5f). This concerns the 12-year old, I'll call him Tom (not real name). When I was in 7th grade, one of my best friends gifted me a doll that she'd gotten in South Korea. It was a beautiful doll with long hair, pretty eyes, a green dress and green bonnet. Sadly, during my senior year of high school, my friend died of a fentanyl overdose. I spent so long crying, and I did skip a week of school after that, but that's another story. I've always considered the doll very precious, as it's one of the only things I have left from my friend.

Onto the present, I live with 2 roommates, but both of them were out with other friends when my sister, nephews and niece came over. Natalie just brought the kids over to catch up and talk. Natalie and I talked, and I gave the kids a few games so they wouldn't be bored. She was getting the kids ready to leave, and I went to the bathroom. I was on my period, so I changed out my pad, and when I opened the trash can to throw the used pad away, I was horrified. The doll was in the trash can, her bonnet had been ripped off, along with about half of the hair. One of the arms had been torn off, and there were rips on the left side of the dress. Someone had also drawn over one of the eyes with a black marker.

I screamed, and Natalie came over to see what was wrong since they hadn't left yet. I grabbed the doll, and looked at the kids, I yelled "who did this?". There was a moment of silence, before Tom admitted it was him. He said it was just supposed to be a prank. I got so angry, more angry than I have in a really long time. I yelled, asking Tom if he knew how much the doll meant to me and that pranks are supposed to be funny. He teared up, and Natalie yelled louder over me, saying Tom is just a kid, he doesn't know better. I stopped yelling just to breathe, and Natalie said "it's just a doll, get over it." I yelled at her to get the fuck out. She was offended, and said I was majorly overreacting over a doll, and being hyper oversensitive. She took her kids and left.

Did I overreact over a doll? Please, I really need an opinion.

This is a situation I never thought I would find myself in, but here we go. For some context, I (F28) have worked at this company for about 2 years. Everything was pretty chill until a new manager, say, Mark, started a few months ago. He seemed nice enough at first, and then he started making. comments.

It started off kinda small, like he'd comment on what I was wearing or compliment my appearance in a way that felt a little too personal. Then it escalated. He would say things like, "You know, you'd get a lot further if you used your looks more," or "I bet you'd look great in something a little tighter." And it wasn't just me. He was also making similar comments to some of my other female coworkers.

We all felt uncomfortable, but nobody wanted to rock the boat. We all need our jobs, and to be honest, we were scared that if we said anything, nothing would change or, worse, that we'd get retaliated against. The comments just kept getting more inappropriate, and finally, I couldn't take any more.

He particularly made a gross remark last week, telling me I should "wear something sexier" to a work function that is upcoming. Of course, that was really the final straw. I marched straight into HR and told them everything, including hearsay from other coworkers. I even gave them a list of people who could corroborate.

Fast forward a few days, HR calls me in to tell me that they have looked into it and Mark is fired. I was relieved initially, but now it gnaws at my conscience. My colleagues are kinda mad at me; they all say I overreacted and it wasn't "that big of a deal." They think I should have gone straight to the point with Mark, instead of going directly to HR. Now I'm beginning to second-guess myself.

AITAH for turning in my boss and getting him fired?

Drank some blue Gatorade a while ago, went to pee and thought wait why isn’t my pee blue? How is the body so good at filtering all that stuff out?

When you eat spinach your 💩 turns green, when you eat beets your pee becomes red and don’t get me started on what asparagus does to pee.

Sorry if this is a stupid question, random 1 am thought

Thank you!

Edit:

Thank you all for the quick, educational and kind responses!

Some of the things I never thought about that actually make sense when someone explains it to you. Also amazing to learn some new things 😄