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I 25F don’t want to get married anymore to 25M. We have twins and he proposed 2 years ago. Been together 5 years. I don’t wear my ring too much these days. And I don’t want to get married anymore.

Lately, him and his mother have been pressuring me to get married to him. He’s somewhat religious and his mom is religious and they both believe to get in the rights with god, we should get married for our children’s sake.

I disagree however. We have too many problems in our relationship currently for me to say he is really husband material. I love him dearly and care about him, but is he ready for marriage? Absolutely not.

He doesn’t support me in the way I need to be supported. We don’t really spend quality time together and when we do, we argue. On his off days, he’s lazy. He doesn’t change diapers, he doesn’t do baths, he doesn’t do dishes, he doesn’t clean the house, he doesn’t cook the food. He sits down and relaxes because he believes being a sahm is my job 24/7. He believes that it’s not his job to tend to the house and the kids. He hasn’t given them a bath or brushed their teeth in months. It’s solely on me. Along with nap times and night time wake up. Doctors visits. And everything else that comes with having toddlers. Oh and making lists for practically everything. He helps slim to none.

He provides and he said that’s enough. Is it really enough? Enough to want marriage? He is such a negative Nancy sometimes really. He doesn’t want to go certain places that I want to go, but doesn’t want me to go solo leaving him with the kids because “something might happen”. So what’s the alternative? Don’t go. His way or the highway and truly I’m a bit tired. Marriage is the last thing on my mind.

I feel like I would be a damn fool if I did get married.

Advice?

Edit: I understand the mixed responses. To answer a few questions.

Was he like this before you got pregnant?: no. He wasn’t. When I got pregnant we moved in together because my family was not supportive of me being pregnant. After that, I started to notice he was very lazy when it came to tending to house hold chores. He wouldn’t cook for me or do anything nice like clean the house, despite us both working. After having our twins, I realized more that I may have made a grave mistake. After we brought the twins home, he immediately fell asleep. Leaving me to unpack the hospital bags, get the twins settled, and adjust myself after having a c section. After all this, he finally woke up, but was little to no help. I did all night time wake ups and feeds as they were newborns, and now that they are well into toddlerhood, I’m starting to realize more and more that I made a mistake. This isn’t what I thought it would be. And this isn’t how I thought he would be.

Why don’t you just leave?: I’m a stay at home parent at the moment, with limited support.

Why don’t you just marry him for the children?: because I truly believe I will be doing myself and my children and huge disservice by doing so.

Hello everyone. I could use your advice on how to navigate my situation.

My (28F) wife and I (28M) got married less than a year ago. It hasn't been perfect, but we've made it work, especially with our little one (3) in the picture..

A month ago, my wife confessed to me that she kissed a girl friend of hers, M, during girls weekend. We've always sort of leaned into the fantasy of involving other people, but to this point, neither of us really acted on it. Frankly, I thought my wife was straight and I didn't think much of it...

Later that evening, M was found making out with some other man. She's going through a divorce of her own very recently. This detail will matter soon.

Fast forward to this morning- I had a dream that I caught her and her "friend", M, doing a lot more than just kissing. But it wasn't exciting, it was just... weird and sad.

I woke up and I couldn't shake the feeling of betrayal. So I did what I probably shouldn't have done, grabbed her phone while she still slept, and found the incriminating messages right there under M's name...

W: "Hey! So ive texted this 1000 times or more, but i wanted to talk about the other weekend. Am I hurt by [city event]? Umm hell yes. Yes, would I love to end up with you? Yes, but you have a lot of shit to get through and so do I. But I guess I'm saying the ball is in your court. I would love to see where this would go, I love us, I love who you are, what you stand for, and I want you to know you're amazing"

M: "I've been thinking about this a lot as well. I'm sorry that I hurt you. Are you still okay with doing girls' weekend?"

W: "ugh I hate that I made you feel like that but you're so special to me and ugh idk how you feel and that night I felt like I am not real to you and that made me so sad.. but I'd legit leave it all for you"

Holy crap that was the worst part to read. That she'd up and toss a 8 year relationship down the drain, especially with our toddler involved.

There was plenty more that was said but of course, you get the gist... she went so far to say the same line she said to me when we met, "someone special once told me that I should never settle". I'm pretty sure that he didn't mean you should never settle DOWN!

I'm just heartbroken.. I'm 75% sure we are headed to divorce through this one simple message thread.. but I want to also protect myself so I can be in my child's life as much as possible. I'm in Minnesota, US, if that matters.

Thank you all.. Reddit community is the best.

Basically, the title says it all we were set to marry at the end of this month and suddenly he wanted to cancel it. And it is cancelled now.

Things were going really good between us for the most part. I was planning this wedding all summer. It was all new to me and I was very excited . He seemed really excited about the wedding, even made comments about being excited to have a wife and being super affectionate, super accommodating to my wishes… and then suddenly he changed..

I don’t exactly know why I think we were both stressed and bickering a little more than usual and it seemed like he just kind of snapped.

Normally when we have disagreements, we bounce back pretty quickly so it was just out-of-pocket for me and shocking . I guess I should’ve left him alone because every day I was asking him what happened and trying to figure out what we were gonna do , and he’d just yell at me that he wanted to be alone and live alone , and it seemed like that made it so much worse, was when I’d try to communicate.

I was such a mess and so confused and cried constantly, and it seemed like he didn’t care at all that he was hurting me so badly. I literally couldn’t hardly function at all .. I had to call into work and I just couldn’t eat or sleep.

And I was begging him to please think things through because there are kids involved and how much we’ve been through in the last handful of years together.

I was even praying and hoping for a change of heart, but every time I approached the subject it seemed like he was just adamant on wanting to be alone. There’s a couple times where he said he wanted to think things through, but then he would still come to the same conclusion.

He started apologizing the other day and telling me I didn’t need to rush into a place to live ( I had to move out ) ,and then not long after he told me he doesn’t want me to move out at all now.

I still feel resentful and stressed and scared and confused because the wedding as of now still isn’t happening. I was of course happy to hear that he was starting to come around , but I wondered if it was out of guilt because I was doing all these nice things for him .

and I asked him last night what we’re gonna do about things , if we were still going to be married , and he said for now he doesn’t wanna do it so I feel like we just took a bunch of steps backwards again. I don’t know if this is normal for someone to get cold feet and just end things just like that or what. It’s just been so hard to deal with and I love him a lot and the thought of not being together has been devastating but I still feel like he’s not into me anymore. the whole thing is taken a toll on my self-esteem. It still doesn’t feel good between us and I keep hoping time will heal all of this.

I had given up , before he apologized , and was looking at places to live and everything . I’m still not sure if I should stay or go. I know everyone told me he would regret this decision and that I should just pursue leaving so that he could see what he screwed up , but that’s just very hard for me to leave with the intent of making him regret it. I feel like if I actually do leave it needs to be with the intent of it’s actually just done and it won’t matter how he ends up feeling …

and I know that if I move out, that will absolutely be the end of everything.

but at the same time part of me does want to stay stay and see things through it just has really hurt how he’s approached this .. I’m not sure what to do.

it won’t let me link the original post for some reason but it’s on my profile!

Hi all! This is not a very interesting update, but several people asked for one, so I thought I would just explain how things went yesterday.

So first of all, I’m very glad I didn’t go. My fiancé was quite unhappy when he came home from the wedding and told me I was on to something. Turns out I was not the only partner that was missing, but my fiancé is still a bit confused by the whole thing because it struck him as really weird who didn’t have their partners there.

Plenty of people did ask about me and where I was, my fiancé just kind of generically told them I couldn’t make it. BUT the bride and groom did not ask about me, though the groom came up to my fiancé and said something about, “can’t wait for your wedding,” which is what made him realize I was right about the whole thing. None of the bridal party (many of whom we know well) asked about me which also stood out to him considering how many of the guests did.

One thing that strikes me as odd is that my fiancé confirmed there was no designated seat for me, but there were a lot of empty seats. Which leads me to wonder if they knew how entirely confusing and weird this was and they were preparing for people’s spouses that weren’t invited to show up and play it off by having a seat available. I don’t know.

That’s pretty much it. The whole thing honestly feels even more confusing after the wedding but I do at least think it’s pretty clear that I was right and made the right decision in not going. No real drama happened, and I’m not gonna really bother to try and find out more from them or from anyone else, but it is disappointing to say the least. My fiancé is pretty disappointed too to find how little these “friends” respect not just me as a person, but me as his partner. But that’s just how it goes sometimes I guess. I really just wish they had been direct, even if the reason the gave was a lie, that I wasn’t invited. I would have understood if they said it was a matter of numbers, but the way they went about this just seems so pathetic and cowardly to me. But it appears as if we weren’t the only long term couple they did this to, so I think it says a lot more about them than it does about me.

Thanks to everyone who gave advice and offered different perspectives. I’m super thankful I posted here because you guys really helped me feel confident in my read on the situation and you all helped me make the right decision to avoid the most drama or embarrassment.

Who agrees?