Disclaimer: This is not my account. My friend lent me her tablet to ask this question because I don't want to make my own reddit account lol.

Here’s the situation. I (28F) met this guy, Jake (30M), on a dating app. He seemed like a good match—funny, smart, and we had some common interests. After a couple of weeks of texting, we decided to meet up for dinner.

For context, I’m a sous chef, and I come from a culture where food is a huge part of life. Sharing meals and trying new dishes are essential to me, not just because of my job, but because it's part of how I connect with others.

Our first date was at a nice Italian restaurant, and that’s when I first noticed something was off. Jake spent a ridiculous amount of time asking the waiter about every single dish. When it was finally time to order, he settled on plain pasta with butter. No sauce, no toppings—just noodles and butter. It struck me as odd, but I shrugged it off, thinking maybe he just wasn’t feeling adventurous that night.

Then we went out again, and I suggested sushi. Jake made a face and said he doesn’t eat seafood or anything that’s “uncooked,” so we ended up at a diner instead. Once again, he interrogated the waiter about every item on the menu before finally ordering a plain cheeseburger with nothing on it. Just meat, cheese, and bread. This was starting to become a pattern.

Over the next few dates, it became clear that Jake was extremely picky, not because of allergies or a medical condition like ARFID, but simply because he refused to try anything unfamiliar. He avoided sauces, spices, vegetables—basically anything that wasn’t super basic. Every meal turned into a challenge, and he even made faces or comments about dishes I enjoyed, which started to feel disrespectful, considering my background.

The breaking point came when I invited Jake to a potluck dinner hosted by one of my colleagues. It was a big event with lots of homemade dishes from various cultures—exactly the kind of thing I love. When we arrived, Jake immediately looked uncomfortable. As we moved through the buffet line, he barely put anything on his plate. He kept making comments like, "This looks weird," or "I don’t trust food that has too many ingredients."

I was embarrassed, especially since these were my colleagues and friends who had spent a lot of time preparing these dishes. Jake picked at his food and eventually whispered to me that he was going to leave and grab some fries from a fast-food place nearby because he "couldn't eat this stuff." He left the potluck early, leaving me to make excuses for his absence.

That was when I realized this wasn’t going to work. Food is such a significant part of my life and my culture, and I need someone who can share that with me. So, I decided to end things with Jake. To avoid hurting his feelings, I told him it was because I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship right now.

But Jake wouldn’t let it go. He kept texting and calling, insisting that he deserved to know the real reason. After a week of him pestering me, I finally told him the truth—that his extremely picky eating habits were a major issue for me, and I couldn’t see a future where food wasn’t a constant point of tension.

Jake was livid. He accused me of being shallow and said it was ridiculous to end things over something as “trivial” as food. He told me I was making a big mistake and that I was missing out on a great relationship over something that shouldn’t even matter.

Now, I’m left wondering: was I the asshole for telling him the real reason I didn’t want to date him?

Edit: STOP DIAGNOSING SOMEONE YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN.

I get that you have good intentions, but please just don't. I interacted with him and inquired. Stop armchair diagnosing.